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⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ forever and always.
001. daydreams
｡☆✼★ STELLA CONKLIN'S POV. ★✼☆｡
I was laying out in the sun on the pool chairs with my eyes closed, savouring the last moments of summer i had left before it was gone.
Conrad had disappeared, having been laying down right next to me moments ago. He mentioned going for a surf, and asked me to join. I nicely declined and had almost fallen asleep until i feel wet droplets on my face.
I open my eyes to see Conrad shaking his ocean soaked hair. I reach my arm up to play with the strands falling loose around his face, those few curls that were so defined. He smiles before leaning down and touching the infinity necklace around my neck. One he had given me for my birthday this year.
To signify that we were infinite, that we love and care for each other forever and always.
"You're back," i smile.
"I'm back," he smiles back before leaning down, with his hands resting on my hips, connecting our lips in a love-filled kiss.
"I get it, you guys are into each other," Jeremiah laughs from beside us. Startling me a little, not expecting him to be standing right there.
"Oh, don't be jealous Jere."
I look over to see Susannah standing there smiling at us holding a jug, "Don't listen to him, you guys are perfect together." Conrad laughs in agreement with his mother before kissing me softly one more time before sitting down on the pool chair with me.
This almost feels too good to be true. Even though it was.
𓆩*𓆪
I get snapped out of my daydream by Steven slamming his locker shut in the hallway of our high school. It was end of last period, the day before summer, my last day of senior year. This year was different than the last. We weren't going to cousins, my relationship was falling apart, and Susannah was gone. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
Conrad and i had been distant recently, and i can't grasp why. I understand everyone's grieving, especially Conrad. Losing your mother is enough to change your whole world and perspective on life. I just hope he isn't shutting me out. My heart shatters a little each time i see the read after the texts i send with no reply, i almost call him every time, but then i second guess it. He's probably busy with college, with no time left to spare for his girlfriend, who's still in high school.
I got a full-ride scholarship to attend Stanford in the fall, after filling out my application with Susannah on one of my many visits to Boston since last summer, which was usually on my own. My mother would travel on her own, and Belly had a short-lived relationship with Jeremiah that fell through. But she came to see Susannah from time to time, mainly opting for a private face-time call.
I was leaning up against the locker next to Steven's, the one that separated mine from his. I was going to miss that in College, we weren't going to the same school like we planned. I didn't get into Princeton, Steven did. I had applied, we both did at the same time. It had been our dream our whole lives to attend college together, but it just wasn't meant to be. I was happy to be honouring Susannah's wish by going to Stanford,
"You okay Stells?" Steven shakes my shoulder to catch my attention.
I snap my gaze to his concerned one, "Oh uh yeah, just, uh, zoned out," i smile. School hadn't been my strong point since we lost Susannah, it was hard for me to stay focused for long periods of time. I had finished third in my year, Steven claiming the valedictorian place that he deserved more than anyone. Third was still good, and mum was sort of happy with it, but she was even more proud of Steven. Making Belly and I get swept under the rug a little.
"Let's go find Belly and we can go get some ice cream or something, okay?" Steven says trying to cheer me up, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we walk towards where Belly's locker was. I nod at him and let him guide us to where we needed to go.
❝ STELLA + CONRAD ⎯ PRIVATE MESSAGES ❞
11:00 am
ELL🩷
hope u love the flowers i sent u <3
i love you, call me when you see them!
read four days ago
8:45 pm
ELL🩷
i just wanted to say goodnight con
hope you had a good day x
i love you always
read 3 days ago
7:34 am
ELL🩷
official last week of high school😄
i miss you and hope your classes are going well x
call me when you can
read two days ago
6:33 pm
ELL🩷
mum wants to invite you and jere to our place for
mine and steven's graduation in a couple days.
i know it's short notice, but i'd really love it
if you could be there, steven would too.
i love you conrad
CONNIE❤️🩹
me and jere are so sorry ell, but we can't make it.
i can't get away from my classes and jere already
had plans this week. i love you and i'm sorry.
please tell steven that we would've been there if
we could
ELL🩷
oh
that's perfectly fine con,
there's always another time.
CONNIE❤️🩹
i love you ell
i'm sorry
read a day ago
3:00 pm, Today
CONNIE❤️🩹
hey ell, there's a present at your front door
when you get home from school x
i hope you love it ❤️
congrats high school grad, i love you always
ELL🩷
can't wait to see what it is🙈
i love you more x
CONNIE❤️🩹
❤️
read 3:12 pm
𓆩*𓆪
Conrad and i walked hand-in-hand on our way back from the time we spent at the beach watching the sunrise. Taking some time to debrief after yesterday. Between the deb ball and Susannah, it was a lot to handle.
"This almost doesn't feel real," i say as i watch Conrad run his thumb over the knuckles on my hands.
"What makes you say that?" He says, before swiftly pulling me closer to him. Putting his arm around my waist, making mine go on his chest, leaning down for a kiss.
"I've loved you my whole life Conrad, this is all i've ever wanted," i smile thinking back to the love-sick teenager i was before we confessed our feelings. We may have moved fast and it didn't start off at the best time, but there's no timeline to love. We have known each other our whole lives, how much more time did we need if we knew?
"You and me both ell," he leans his forehead against mine. staying there for a few moments, listening to the tress rustling in the background.
Conrad moves his head back, just enough to see me smiling up at him, "You know you have the prettiest smile i've ever seen. Your whole face just lights up. I hope you know i want to tell you that everyday ell."
We start walking again, my hand finding it's way back to Conrad's. Walking back through the trail towards the summer house, sharing a few glances here and there.
"Everyone in our house know's i've had a crush on you since, like ⎯"
Conrad cuts me off, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. You have a crush on me?" he says. Stopping me on the spot, turning me around to face him with a smile on his face.
I playfully push him away, "Shut up, you're my boyfriend, of course i have a crush on you."
"You're it for me Ell," he steps closer. Minimising the already small gap between us, he leans down and places one more soft kiss on my lips.
Once we make it back to the house, we see Susannah sitting on the couch in the living room. She looks fully focused on whatever was in front of her, but looks up when she hears our footsteps. "Early morning walk on the beach?" she smiles and tilts her head.
Conrad and i look at each other, "Yeah."
"You guys are adorable," Susannah looks at us both, in awe.
𓆩*𓆪
We reach Belly, seeing her put stuff from her locker, and into her bag, while holding more books in her arms. Taylor and her other friends were standing around her, all girls in a conversation Steven is about to abruptly interrupt. I smile sadly at the response i finally got from Conrad, that was the most we'd talked since last week. But it was something right? Something was enough, wasn't it?
"Oh, high school is over bitches!" Steven cheers and wraps his arms over Belly's friends' shoulders. Causing everyone surrounding them in the hallway to look over to where all the noise was coming from.
"Wow!"
"You're such a clown, Steven. Where's Stella?" Taylor asks after jokingly insulting Steven's cheery mood.
"Right here," i wave after moving from behind Steven and standing to his left so Taylor could see me.
Taylor and I had gotten closer since everything that happened last summer. We'd moved on from everything and i was glad to have one of my best friends back, and i'm sure Belly was too. Fallon had tried to reach out whens he heard about Susannah from someone else in my old friend group who was told by Steven. But i wasn't sure how to respond.
"Hey, if i were going to Princeton, I'd be screaming about it, too," Evelyn says, gesturing to the Princeton shirt Steven's wearing.
"Thank you, Evelyn!" Steven fist bumps her.
"Wait," Taylor speaks up, looking at me with a smirk, "Are you going to Princeton? That's so cool, I couldn't tell." Taylor smiles and looks at Steven.
"Oh, you couldn't tell?" Steven attempts to mess up Taylor's hair, failing. He's soon bombarded by his friend, Spike.
"Yo, yo, yo, yo, Steven!" Spike jumps onto Steven.
They do their handshake, i see Belly looking at me. I smile at her, getting one back.
"Spike, what's up man?"
"What time's the grad party tomorrow, man?" Spike asks, pointing at Steven.
Taylor answers, "The band comes on at 10:00. I'm dating the singer." She smiles and blushes and looks towards Steven.
"Uh, yeah, the Machine Gun Kelly wannabe. I tried to veto him from playing, but i guess we couldn't find anybody cheaper." Steven laughs, looking at Spike.
Taylor flips him off and turns to look and talk to Belly. I lean my head on Steven's arm, faintly listening to everyone else's conversations. Today was another one of my off days, which seemed to happen even more frequently this year, and i just couldn't shake them.
"Are you gonna come to our party tonight? You don't have to. I'll party for two," Steven jabs my side to get me to look at him. I smile and sigh, "No i'll go. Maybe for an hour or two."
He nods before turning back to Spike. I look up from my shoes, to see Belly walking towards the guidance counsellor's office.
Steven and I linked arms as we walked out of the building for the last time as high schoolers. It was surreal, a huge chunk of my life was now over, all i've ever known is school. I hope college brings back some familiarity, a sense of belonging. I look back with a sad smile on my face when we reach the car, goodbye high school.
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄˗ ˏ ˋ ˎ ˊ ˗
first chapter of forever and always!
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