(Hey guys! Just a little heads up: this chapter is a liiiittle bit shorter than usual. The good news is that next chapter is waaayy longer than usual. It's because this was the best way to split the two chapters and you'll see why 💜 thanks for reading this story, I love all of you! xoxo -Ace)
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"I texted Karusa."
Link's lips part in silence, his voice nowhere to be found.
I'm still staring straight ahead at an empty wall when he removes his hands from mine.
The words just fell out of my mouth. He's been so honest and when I said those things about forgiveness, I really craved to be forgiven. I want my heart to be free of the chains too, but I have to be honest about my mistakes first... It's time I tell him everything, so that there will be no more walls separating us from having a healthy and good relationship.
I look at Link. Emotions have been wiped from his face as he is processing my confession. Is this worse than what he did to Ruto? I wonder. Does it hurt him as much as it hurt me to find out about his past? Does it scare him as much as it scares me? Is he trying just as hard to hold back any anger and disappointment?
"Karusa? Are you serious?" He asks and I nod.
"I was curious why he texted me back then," I say. "I wanted to find out what he wanted, so I texted him back."
Link's breaths are heavy but calm. He probably doesn't know how to respond properly, and to be honest, neither do I. Maybe he's just quiet because he wants me to continue, just like I wanted him to earlier.
"He said he wanted to meet up with me and discuss something important. I refused. Then I asked him to tell me why it was important for us to meet. He said--"
"Zelda," Link exhales and shakes his head.
"No, let me explain," I beg and continue at a faster pace, scared of being interrupted again. "He said it's something private and something we shouldn't discuss over the phone. I waited to hear back from him but when he didn't respond for weeks, I blocked him."
He barely lets me finish before he throws a harsh "What the fuck?" at me, his anger slipping through. "You texted Karusa?"
"I'm really sorry," I whisper in fear of getting into another fight. I want to make things better, not worse.
"Are you trying to get hurt? Are you purposefully trying to screw yourself?" He asks in a judgmental tone. How can he even ask this? I don't like Karusa any more than he does, but if an enemy reaches out in desperate ways, anybody would be a little curious. "Why the hell would you text him back? I thought we blocked him months ago!"
"I was curious, I can't help it! My mind is wired that way!"
"What does that even mean?"
"That means that I am a researcher seeking answers. I can't just live in the unknown and forever wonder about the what-ifs."
"Bullshit," he shrugs in frustration. "You just don't know how to let things go!"
"Says you!" I roll my eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"After everything you just told me, you don't get to be angry at me," I snap. "I admit it, I don't know how to let things go, but at least I'm trying to use what has happened in the past to learn and do better in the future. And I'm trying to forgive myself for all the mistakes I've made. Can't you?"
"I'm not saying you made a mistake, I don't even think I'm necessarily mad at you." Link is actively trying to avoid eye contact. "But I'm really furious at Karusa! He put his hands on you, Zelda! He touched you, he gave you a hickey! Against your will!" Now his eyes dart back to mine, piercing through me like two fiery arrows. "And I am so disappointed that you would even think about reaching out to him or letting him anywhere near you."
He sounds just like Father. He's always disappointed in me too. Maybe that's why he was so eager to leave me as a child.
"He hurt you... He hurt both of us so much!"
I know he's right, so there's really nothing I can say that hasn't been said. All I can do is apologize and hope he will understand and forgive.
I give him a nod and quietly respond with, "I know."
"No you clearly don't know!"
"I do!" We try to keep our voices down so his family won't hear us fight, but we're still pretty agitated, screaming in hushed tones.
"Listen to me Zelda! He broke my knee and got me expelled! And he's best friends with the guy that broke my spine! And my head! Because of Ganon, I can't remember the day we started dating! What were you thinking when you texted the guy who's the reason everything bad that's happened to us?!"
"Everything you're saying is precisely why I was so curious about–"
"Stop," he shakes his head. "Please stop. I don't want to--I can't listen to you trying to justify this."
"I blocked him," I whimper.
"You broke your promise," he says. The hurt in his voice breaks my heart. "Our relationship is..." He stops himself and sighs. "Shit... What are we gonna do? I wanna make it work but..."
I grab both of his hands before he can utter the rest to his "but" and force his eyes to find mine in the dark.
"It's messy," I say. "But we can make it work. Karusa is in the past. Ruto is in the past. It's you and me." I try not to sound like I'm begging but if begging is what it takes to keep Link in my life then you better believe I will fall to my knees with my fingers intertwined.
"How? Everything seem so fucked right now... But I don't want to just give up. This means so much to me and I thought we could work on things and get to the point where all that stuff doesn't come between us anymore."
"I messed up, more than once, but if you give me another chance, I will prove to you that we can have a strong, healthy, and lasting relationship." I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Provided you still want to be in a relationship with me."
"Like I said," he starts, sounding a bit more hopeful now. "I don't want to just give up. I don't think we're perfect, but I do think we love and care for each other. Right?"
"Exactly, and I believe maybe making mistakes was essential for us to learn," I say. "I definitely know how to value our relationship and I know what I can work on to become a better partner. Just trust me one more time and I will prove it to you. I will show you that our past doesn't have to define our future."
Link lies back down on his back and shuts his eyes to think about my words. I don't mind the silence. I'm actually glad he is letting it sink in rather than making a decision that isn't thought through.
"Do you think you can forget about everything that happened with Karusa?" He asks.
"Do you think you can forget about everything that happened with Ruto?" I counter with a thought-provoking question. "Ruto served as a profound lesson. She showed you that running from our problems will merely postpone their resolution. She also taught you that being forgiven is often easier than forgiving yourself. On the other hand, Karusa taught me the invaluable understanding that I alone hold the power to make decisions concerning my body. He gave me the strength to say no and stand up for myself. It might not have been pretty, but you wouldn't be in America and you wouldn't have met me if it weren't for Ruto. Likewise, I would have probably turned into my father, or cut ties with him if it weren't for Karusa. So... I don't think we should truly forget either of these experiences. After all, they are what has brought us here."
My muscles relax. I think we can make it work. I really do believe that. But we both have to work on communication and trust. And we have to let go of all the things that hurt us.
"Without forgetting about the past," I say calmly, "I believe it is time for us to move forward. If we hold on to the past, our hands can't get a grip on the future. But if we let go–"
"We can move on."
I give him a nod, my lips pressed into a tight line.
"Okay," he sighs. "Let's move on then..."
"Can you forgive me for texting Karusa?"
"I guess, yeah. Can you forgive me for hiding the stuff with Ruto?"
"Yes. And I hope you will be able to forgive yourself for what happened with her too."
He gives me a weak nod and opens his arms. "Come here," he bids and I don't hesitate to lie down with him. I crawl on top of him and find comfort in his arms.
"Are we good?" I ask him with a pounding heart.
"Yes," he says, squeezing me tighter. "Maybe even better than before..."