"Can we talk for a bit?"
We're currently at the site. I glanced at Alex who's walking her way beside me. I divert my eyes to the building while waiting for her to speak.
"How are you?" she asked. I bit my lower lip before staring at her.
Is it just me or marami talagang nagbago sakanya. Her professor aura before are already gone. This woman infront of me is totally different from the Alex i knew before. She feel so light and carefree. Is it because of her wife?
"I'm good." tipid na sambit ko habang inaayos ang tempo ng boses ko.
"6 years." she said without looking at me. Her hands are on her pocket. She heaved a sigh before looking at me.
"6 years of waiting, Cassidy." she whispered while staring directly in my eyes. It's full of longing, i don't understand her.
"W-What are yo--"
"I need to go." she suddenly said after cutting me off. Kung meron mang hindi nagbago sa ugali niya, yun paring nahihirapan siyang bigkasin ang mga nararamdaman niya.
Why? Bakit kailangan niya pang pagusapan ang matagal nang binaon.
"Hey, you're spacing out again. May nangyare ba??" nabaling ang tingin ko kay Caellum. Tipid na nginitian ko ito. Eversince nagpakita nanaman si Alex ay hindi ko na alam ang nangyayare sa'kin. I can't focus. Maraming katanungan ang isip ko na siya lang ang makakasagot.
I looked at Caellum. I want to say sorry for thinking to somebody else. Nakokonsensya ako ng walang dahilan. This is not good.
"May iniisip lang ako sa trabaho." sabi ko rito at pinagpatuloy ang pagkain. We're having a dinner in this resto bar.
Napalingon ako sa mini stage nang may marinig akong pamilyar na pangalan. I was shocked when i saw her holding a mic. What the hell is she doing here?
The moment she started the song of Ben and Ben, her eyes locked in me. I displayed an emotionless expression when my inner self was already been trying to breakthrough me. This is felt so illegal damn.
Ang ganda ng boses niya. I didn't know marunong pala siyang kumanta. I felt an emotion in every words she uttered in the stage. Nagiwas ako ng tingin sakanya nang matapos ang musikang kinanta niya. Baka pag pinagpatuloy ko pang tingnan siya ay manumbalik sakin ang lahat. Hindi rin pwedeng magkamali ang mata ko sa nakita.
I definitely saw a tear in her eyes.
Nagulat na napatingin ako nang biglang hawakan ni Caellum ang kamay ko. He suddenly kneeled infront of me that made me gasp. What the hell is he doing?
"Cass, we'd been together for years. I can't wait to spend my life with you." He said while staring at me lovingly.
"Cassidy Janea Castro, Will you marry me?"
Parang napako ata ako sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa tanong niya. I don't know what to say. I bit my lips while staring at Caellum's happy face. Si Caellum ang nandun sa mga panahong nawawala ako sa sarili ko. Kailan man ay hindi niya'ko iniwan. I can't afford to hurt the man who's trying his best to give the love that i deserve.
"Yes." I answered. He immediately hugged me. I heard the cheers inside while staring at us. I roamed my eyes to see her pero di'ko na ito makita. I just hope i made the right decision.
"I can't believe ikakasal na talaga kayo ni Caellum anak." I looked at my mom. She's smiling while staring at me. It's my wedding day.
Ilang araw lang ata ang preperasyon sa kasal dahil minadali ito ni Caellum. Nasa tamang edad narin ako para magpatali. At sa mga nakalipas na araw ay hindi ko nakita ang pigura niya. Nawala nanaman siya na parang bula. Yung assistant lang nito na engineer ang nakasama ko sa site. I never heard from her.
I tilted my head. Why do i even bother to think of her? May asawa narin naman siya at ako, ikakasal narin sa araw na 'to.
"Are you really sure about this anak?"
Nagugulat na napatingin ako kay Dad. He look so bothered. Parang may gusto itong sabihin sa'kin pero di niya magawa.
"Of course Dad."i said while smiling. Napatango naman ito bago ako nginitian ng tipid. Nagtatakang tiningnan ko ang papalayo nitong pigura.
I was walking my way slowly to the aisle while staring at Caellum. Nagpapahid ito ng luha niya at masayang nakatingin sa pigura ko. How can i destroy someone like him? He's geniune. I looked around, nakita ko ang mga barkada ko at iilang professors ko noon pati narin ang ibang mga kaibigan ko.
I smiled at them. Kasama nila ang mga asawa at jowa nila. I'm really happy for my squad.
I can't help but to think of someone upon staring at my squad. Leon, almost all of us are getting married. Kung nandito ka lang sana edi kumpleto na lahat pero wala eh, bumitaw ka.
"You're not fucking going to marry him!"
Nagulantang ako dahil sa boses na yun. I immediately looked at the woman who's rushing towards my direction. Nagkagulo na ang mga tao. Nagtatakang nakatingin si Caellum sakin at kay Alex.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Caellum shouted. I stared at Alex when she suddenly pulled me beside her.
"Mr. Castro. You knew why i'm here." Nanaliksik ang mga tingin nitong sinusulyapan si Daddy. Naguguluhang tiningnan ko ito.
"I thought matatagalan kapa." my father said na mas lalong ikinataka ko. Nakangising mukha ni Alex ang bumalandara sakin habang hinihigit ako palayo ng simbahan. Nagpahila ako sakanya dahil sa sobrang gulo ng isip ko sa mga nangyare.
"Stop the car! What the fuck are you doing?!" I shouted while she still driving the car.
"Isn't it fun crushing a wedding my love?" she smirk while staring infront. Nababaliw na talaga siya.
"Alex hindi ako nagbibiro ano ba! Ibaba mo'ko!" I shouted that made her stop. She stared at me intently before deciding to stop the car.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" hindi ko na talaga maintindihan. Ano nalang mangyayare kay Caellum? She ruined my wedding.
"I can't let you marry him." she said while gripping the steering wheel. Di ko maiwasang mapatawa ng mapakla na ikinalingon niya.
"Who the hell are you to decide?" I grittedly said. I'm trying to control myself. Ang kapal ng mukha niya.
"Stop acting na parang okay tayo when in the first place ikaw naman ang unang nangiwan!" hinihingal na sumbat ko na ikinatigil niya.
"How dare you?! Hindi paba sapat na sinira mo na'ko noon kaya hanggang ngayon pati ang kasal ko sinira mo nanaman?! Tangina Alex what the fuck is your problem?!"
Unti-unting umaagos ang luhang kanina ko pa pinigilan. Ano nanaman bang kailangan niya. She's really fucking getting into my nerves.
"I never left you." she whispered while trying to hold my hand. Nagtatakang tiningnan ko ito. Nagiwas ito ng tingin sakin habang nakayuko. Nagulat ako nang gumalaw ang mga balikat nito. She's crying.
"I fucking never left you!" she shouted while staring at me. What the hell is she talking about?
"Fucking 6 years Cass! I waited for fucking 6 years!" I stopped moving when i saw her face. It's full of tears.
"I know i hurt you but i left with no choice." she whispered.
"What are you talking about." I said while looking at her.
"I was there Cassidy. I never left you. I left with no choice because i love you. Kahit na tinanggap mo si Caellum sa buhay mo, I was still there, waiting for the right moment."
She cleared her voice while wiping her tears.
"I was being contented to see you just from afar. I never approached you even if i had to suffer from missing you but i prevent myself. I can't let your father down. Maybe if i would fulfill our deal he would already let us be happy."
"Cassidy please i'm sorry...." garal-garal ang boses nitong mahigpit na nakahawak sa mga kamay ko. Patuloy parin umaagos ang mga luha ko.
"Why are you still doing this when you're already married for the second time?" I asked that made her confused.
"Married? What are yo--"
"In the office, you told me you already have a wife." I asked while avoiding her eyes.
Napatingin ako sakanya nang may hinalughol ito sa phone niya. I gasped when i saw my face on instagram. Napatingin ako sakanya nang makita ang username nitong vanilla icecream.
"Yes i do have a wife. She's currently crying beside me." she whispered with a smile on her face while wipping her eyes. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman.
I hate to admit pero mahal ko parin talaga siya.
"I'm so sorry love. Hayaan mo'kong makabawi."
Narandaman ko ang mainit na yakap niya habang nakahagulhol parin ako. Everything is too fast. Ihiniwalay niya ko sakanya. She hold my cheeks.
I closed my eyes when i felt her lips touched my forehead. I fucking missed her warmth.I felt her lips on mine. I missed her so much.
"What are we doing here." Mahinang sambit ko rito habang nakatingin sa site kung saan ito pinagawa ni Keziah. Sa ilang minuto pagbyahe galing sa nasirang kasal au dinala niya'ko rito.
"That's our house." nagulat na tiningnan ko itong nakangiti habang tinitingnan ang hindi pa tapos na bahay.
"I told Keziah to hire you as an Architect. I can't just decide on my own when you're also living with me very soon." she said.
Did i just designed my own house? I looked at her. She's smiling. Andami ko pa talagang hindi alam sa'yo Alex.
"Talk to your dad and he will explain everything you wanted to know." she said while glancing in our house. After namin mapunta sa bahay ay inuwi niya'ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uunahin dahil sa mga nangyayare. Gulat parin ang sistema ko hanggang nagayon.
"Anak i'm sorry. I'm the one to blame. I was afraid baka may mangyare nanamang masama sayo kaya ko nagawa 'yun."
Nasasaktan na tiningnan ko ang pigura ng ama ko sa harapan. Hindi ako makapaniwala. It's really true he's the reason why Alex need to leave. Kung sana hindi nalang niya inoffer kay Alex yun edi sana walang taon na nasayang.
"Of all people akala ko nagbago kana Dad. Saksi ka sa nangyare nang mawala si Alex. Of all people bakit niyo hinayaang mangyare sa'kin to?! I suffered a lot dad! You took her away from me!"
"I-I'm sorry. I just can't trust her yet before but she proved me wrong. I saw how she cared for you without even you noticing it. It's just 5 years pero naghintay siya ng anim na taon sa pagaakalang si Caellum na ang mahal mo but then, i told her. Nakokonsensya ako sa nangyare. Hindi ko kayang magdusa kapa anak kaya kinausap ko si Alex na magpakita na sa'yo." he was trying to reach for me pero umiiwas ako.
Gusto ko siyang sumbatan pero nangyare na. Dahil sa lintek na deal na yan hindi lang kami ni Alex ang nasaktan. I also hurt the person who was just trying to love me.
Dumating ang araw na kailangan ko ng kausapin si Caellum. I don't know how to face him after everything that happened.
"How are you?" he asked while smiling a bit. He called me. Siguro ito narin ang oras na kailangan na talaga naming magusap.
"Cae i'm sorry..." mahinang sambit ko sakanya. Nagulat ako ng nginitian niya lang ako. Hindi ba siya galit sakin?
"It would be weird if i say i'm fine when i'm not. You know Cass, i really wanna be angry, not to you, but to myself." he chuckled pero mababakasan ang lungkot sa mata niya.
"Honestly, you don't have to say sorry Cass, kasi una palang alam kong si Alex na talaga ang mahal mo. I tried to revive the years and memories we created in the past but wala eh. I can't sail a boat without a paddle, Cass." tipid itong ngumiti sa'kin.
"At some point in my life, i'm thankful, that for once, i was able to witnessed and love a woman like you. It's just that, despite how patient i am through out the years, i wasn't that capable enough to secure you." his voice cracked before looking away.
I bit my lips while pushing the ring he gave me. "Thank you, but i can no longer waste another years of heartaches. I'm sorry Cae, i don't think i'm still capable of staying." I smiled at him. Napahawak naman ito sa sa singsing na bago ako tiningnan.
"It was a fun journey with you Cass. Please be truly happy. Don't mind me, i'll be okay soon." ngiting sambit nito sa'kin. Di'ko mapigilang mapaiyak na yakapin siya sa huling pagkakataon.
"Babalik na ako sa Japan. Stop hugging me at baka kunin kita kay Alex sige." i chuckled a bit. It feels so light. I just saw his back walking away. I can't help but to heave a sigh.
For the last time, thankyou Cae....