Chapter Fifteen
"I was adored once too,"
-Twelfth Night Act 2 Scene 3
I WALK INTO THE COUNCIL chamber, with a confident gait and a charming smile. No one would have guessed the panic happening within me, the sweaty discomfort. The Ethbanian messenger bows as I passed by him, his floppy red and black hat bends in mock respect.
The council door creaks open once more and this time, Giovanni strides in, composed and in control as always. He strides by me without sparing me a glance.
"Perdono mia zia. I was engaged." He bows before his aunt and respectfully kisses her ring. "I apologize that I did not answer you sooner. I - I was distracted."
The jab did not go unnoticed by me. That is what I am to him. A distraction.
My breathing stills, as does the erratic pounding in my chest, for he had simply dismissed what had occurred between us as nothing. It is enough to have me choke on my wine. I cough out uncontrollably as though I had been drowning, tears sting my eyes. Through it all Giovanni stands unconcerned, satisfied with my reaction.
Pompous Florentian donkey.
Queen Meridian, although insane, is not stupid. She spares her nephew a curious glance. Once I have composed myself she smiles, a wide knowing smile that leaves me glaring at my dress. Before the Mad Queen blurts something that would make both Giovanni and I run away with embarrassment I ask:
"What is this news, my queen? I am dying with anticipation."
It doesn't take much to distract the Queen for she has the attention span of a chicken and at my question her outrageous gaze lands upon the Ethbanian messenger.
She claps her hands with the enthusiasm of a child in a sweets shop. "Yes! Yes! Tell us messenger! Do hurry up now. I am not known for my patience."
The Ethbanian bows lavishly, his hat flops back as he rights himself. He twirls around to face the rest of courtiers in the room and announces:
"It is my greatest honor and pleasure to invite all within the Florentian court to the kingdom of Ethban. The house of De Vega has invited all to a lavish ball."
I am surprised, for that is not what I was expecting.
"A ball?" De Luca vocalizes my suspicions. "Why?"
The messenger smiles. "In honor of the fortune teller, senor! Senorita Valentina has heard all about her and would like to meet the illustrious Petra de Shazastar!'
I am shocked into silence. But it is Giovanni's reaction that puzzles me more. He stands more tensely and I watch him grasp his saber.
"You can return to your mistress and tell her if she wants to meet the illustrious fortune teller then she can come and visit her here." Giovanni's tone is stern and rings out like a swift blade. I, along with everyone in the hall, stand in full attention. Why is he acting thus? True, the man does not care for any sort of enjoyment of happiness, but his reaction is farfetched and almost seems personal?
Queen Meridian looks over at me, confused and hurt, for I know how much she would enjoy a ball. But Giovanni does not seem to want to even discuss the option.
Ah, an opportunity for me to win more of the queen's confidence. I smile one of my dazzling smiles at the shocked messenger. My grams taught me the power of making others comfortable. The power of winning people to your side. The messenger relaxes a little and grins in return. I walk to him and hold his hands.
"Ethbanians are known for their generosity and splendor and I am truly honored that your sovereign would even think of me!"
"You have been to Ethban?" the man whispers hopefully.
"Why, yes! It is truly one of my favorite places. The music is absolutely magical and oh, the flamenco!"
The messenger's eyes light up. "Our national dance! Senorita, you know it?"
"Si! But I will admit. I learned it in the taverns and it is the not the refined sort of dance you might see in uh proper company."
He laughs and reassures me that I learned it the correct way - for it is the dance of the people. In truth - I am not fond of Ethban. Not in the least. However, a little truth in a lie makes for a splendid tale - and a new member of the rapidly growing Petra is Great party.
"Senor, the queen will consider your wondrous invitation," I state as if I am a true diplomat. I can feel Giovanni's glare burning into my head, blades stabbing into my neck. "I for one cannot think of anything better than a ball. Please, give us some time to consider? You will get her answer at dinner. Por favor, as the Ethbanians say, 'mi casa es su casa, si?' Well, make this palazzo your casa, mi amigo. I especially recommend the gondola rides ... just make sure you don't fall in the water."
The messenger nods his head enthusiastically, bows to the queen and Giovanni and makes his way out.
The hall remains in silence. Everyone staring at me in astonishment - almost as intrigued as any magic trick.
Queen Meridian dismisses the courtiers in hast. They leave, but I know I left an impression.
Gram would be proud.
In a matter of minutes, it is only Meridian, Giovanni and I standing tensely in the courtier's hall.
"The answer is no." Giovanni leans against the wall with his arms crossed like a defiant child.
"But nephew..." Queen Meridian approaches him carefully, all sympathy and care, almost like a mother. "Gio..." she whispers.
He keeps his stony glare on the gleaming floors.
Queen Meridian holds his head in her hands. "My dear nephew. The past is the past."
He looks up at her, but it is still the stony glare from before. I look away afraid that I am somehow intruding on something personal.
"If what you told me is true, nephew ... that the North is planning on invading us, then do you not think it is wise to seek alliances wherever possible?"
He turns away from her, abruptly and spits. "Not with them. Not with her."
Her?
He stiffly moves out of his Aunt's grasp and walks out of the courtiers' hall. He slams the door shut behind him, the echo resonating around me like thunder.
Queen Meridian continues to stare after her nephew, her eyes shining with raw hurt and then shakes her head. She walks to her seat and slumps down, exhaustion etched all over her beautiful royal face. Queen Meridian holds her head in hands and her shoulders shake in uncontrollable sobs.
I stand shocked in my place then slowly make my way to the queen. I kneel beside her and pat her head - not sure what to do.
"There, there."
But I am confused. For who is this woman that has such an effect on them?
Who is she to make the queen cry like so? And make the Captain of the Guard lose his control?
Whoever the woman was, Giovanni loved her. Whoever she was. Giovanni loved her with every fiber of his being and she had hurt him. I hold the queen against me as her sobs soak through my dress. It is hard to imagine anything getting the better of de Luca, but he must have given her his everything and she destroyed it ... destroyed him.
I am pained for him. I am pained for I know that hurt. I know it more than most. I lift the queen's head and wipe her tears.
"Will you speak to him, Petra?" Her voice is pleading, it is hurt and I cannot refuse although I know that I should.
"I will do what I can, my queen."
She smiles and it is then that I know I have doomed them all, for I care for them. And it is my love that will bring destruction upon the Kingdom of Florentia.
***
I FIND him in the stables. They are empty of workers and only the sounds and the sweaty smell of horses accompany me. He sits beside his steed, a monstrous black beast that snorts as I approach. I pause. Like master like horse.
"He won't harm you." Giovanni looks up at me, his gaze distant.
"Good. Because he looks like something the devil would ride."
I grab one of the many apples that surround the stall and approach the beast. I can feel Giovanni's gaze upon me, tired but with just enough interest. I extend my hand out to the beast, trying not to show fear.
"Did my aunt send you?"
I nod and sit beside de Luca. I pull my knees to my chin in contemplation. "She did. But I am not here to convince you to let us go to the ball. Honestly, I am not much of a fan of Ethban myself. Pretentious lot. More so than Florentians if I dare say."
"You dare say much," he whispers, but there is a hint of a smile there. "His name is Night-Shadow. Notte-Ombre. My horse."
I stare at the hay before me and pick at a strand. "Fitting name." Then after some more silence, I say, "My first pet was a monkey."
I do not know why I tell de Luca this. I do not want to go into my past, it is too dangerous but it seems appropriate. I can sense him shift and although I do not look up at him, I can feel his confused gaze upon me.
"My Papa got him for me when I was only four. I did not have many friends in our village, you see, so me and Zen Zen were inseparable."
I chance a glance and just as I thought, De Luca watches me with the curiosity and intensity of a falcon.
"We were a good team, Zen Zen and I."
"Team?"
"He helped me steal. Quite the little thief."
A hint of a smile upon those lips and I can feel my heart flutter once more.
"Ah, yes. Of course." Giovanni murmurs.
I look away and stare at hay once more. I cannot trust my heart any more than I can trust Fat Pete. What I would do to trade my heart for a potato, just so I don't feel anything. After some silence, de Luca asks:
"What happened to your Zen Zen, then?"
I do not know why I told him about that stupid monkey, for that was the start of the end. The start of darkness and evil. Why did I bring that up? Why put myself through that again? And what am I to tell him now? For certainly I cannot tell him the truth!
"He got sick." my eyes sting and I feel the tears roll down my face. I can feel Giovanni's gaze and I am glad he does not try to comfort me.
I know it is not only Zen Zen that I am crying over, but also everything that I had lost: my family, my life, my everything. I wipe away the tears and force a smile upon my face. "He got very sick and he died, signore."
I stand up abruptly and step away from Giovanni, but he stands as well.
"I cannot imagine losing Shadow." He sticks his hands into his pockets. "Although I do not think you only speak of Zen Zen anymore. I do not wish to go into details - especially with you, but my aunt asks for too much. I will gladly do whatever she asks. I just cannot allow this."
"I know more than you think, signore. Not about your particular situation. But I know about losing all that you love. And I have. I have lost so much."
He faces me. His eyes shine with a deep hurt that I am all too familiar with.
"You want to compare the death of your pet monkey to this?" He arches his brow in sarcastic inquisition. "Perhaps you can use your mystical abilities and make it all better?"
I compose myself and step up to him. So close I can feel him through my dress. I can feel his heat, his anger, hate and pain. "I have lost more than my pet Zen Zen, you idiot. But you know what haunts me most, signore?"
My tone is vicious but I do not care. He is a fool for he is given a chance not many get in their lives. "I have lost the man I loved. Lost him in the most horrific way. I have lost my family. My home and they haunt me. Every night. They haunt me. So please, Signor Giovanni de Luca tell me again of how only you have suffered?"
My heart pounds incessantly, painfully as the truth that I have kept bottled inside me rears its ugly head, wanting to escape, wanting to be let out before Giovanni and his justice. The truth that tells of how I have killed them all. All the ones I loved.
I close my eyes from Giovanni only another's ... his face, his innocent beautiful face, Sven the goat herder, immediately bombards me. My love. My heart.
The man I murdered.
I can feel Giovanni's harsh glare upon me and I wonder if I said that last part aloud. But what does it matter? For the same fate is upon the Florentians. They fear war? They fear La Fontaine? I almost laugh at the irony of it all. For their greatest mistake was not hanging me beside Vanecio that fare day. Their mistake was letting me in. For I am nothing more than a disease, a plague, a pestilence. I may not be a spy, but I am a thief and a murderer. I am a curse.
I open my eyes and look away lest my eyes tell him the truth of what I am.
"You have an opportunity to amend your past, signore. While I do not. I am stuck with a past that haunts me at every turn. And a future that I do not dare think of."
I turn and walk briskly away. Out of the stables and back up the palazzo, mentally cursing myself for giving away so much. For being so vulnerable. I try not to think of Giovanni 's fate. I try not to think of how he will suffer most of all.
A/N: dun. dun. dun.!! THANKS for sticking with me guys and this very late update. Would love to know you thoughts!