Abba took his time staring at her while she ate and cried at the same time. He smiled to himself and wondered why she was crying. Being such a baby was her problem, he knew. She didn't take more than ten spoons of her food when she stood up and walked towards the basin, he watched as she drank water and silently made her way towards the exit when he called her again.
"Aisha, I'm not done with you, yet." She walked back to the kitchen island and stared at him. "Sit." He ordered and motioned for the chair opposite him, yet again.
Aisha sat down with her heart pounding in its ribcage. She kept fiddling with her fingers and that's when Abba caught a glimpse of her ring. "You have a nice ring." Quickly, she hid her hands away from his sight and looked up; their eyes met and Abba smiled at her.
He looked the way she acted when she was with him, and it had never annoyed him. To him, she looked at own kind of beautiful, and cute as well. "Is there anything you need for the wedding?" He asked, and Aisha shook her head.
"Talk to me, Aisha. You can't be acting all you want around me, you know? Or is it because I said I love you and I'll get married to you in a week that you can act al you want with me?" It irked him now. He had seen how she interacted with Nasir, this wasn't the real her. Or did she preserved only that side of her for Nasir and not him?
"I don't need anything, Ya Abba. Can I leave, please?" She looked up at him and immediately ducked her head down. He had his eyes fixed on her and was staring at her, intently.
She wanted to shout at him, Stop looking at me that way, you don't own me! But she knew better not to. Instead, she looked down and gave him the satisfaction he needed. He wanted to feel superior over her, and she was giving him that. He can have only the title of her husband, but in her heart, she knew she can never love this man.
"Will you please escort me somewhere?" He asked, this time with a polite tone and a soft voice. She looked up to make sure if he was the one that spoke. The way he talked, he sounded just like Nasir.
Nasir. He had been on her mind ever since he left and not for once had he called and asked for her. She often heard them talking with Mama on the phone. Most of the times it was Mama ranting off his ears about how stressful it had been. How she had always been tired and drained about the wedding. Even though it Pianed, Aisha sometimes laughed at Mama, she could imagine how Nasir was feeling. Being updated about the wedding every blessed day. But on rare occasion, Mama was trying to pursue him to come to the wedding, his excuse always worked.
She had missed Nasir so much that it hurt. She sobered up her thoughts and looked at Abba. She might as well see him as Nasir, right? Even though he can never be Nasir, but a little fantasy won't hurt. "Yes, I'll get ready in ten minutes." He nodded his head at her and she walked into her room.
She stood in front of her wardrobe and the mustard coloured abaya Nasir loved the most caught her attention. She slipped it on her body and looked at herself in the room. She heard his voice calling her name from the living room and that too reminded her of Nasir. He had a lot in common with Nasir. But she knew Nasir was different. She slipped her bag on her collar bone and walked out. He didn't spare her a glance when he walked out of the living and she followed behind him in halting steps.
As they sat down, he turned to look at her and Aisha swore she saw something struck through his eyes. Abba silently wondered why everything she had on her made her looked beautiful. He ignited on the car and drove out of the house as he dialled a number on his phone. The phone was on speaker mode and Aisha heard Mama's voice booming through the speaker. She felt relieved. Because it was not until she entered his car and they drove out of the house that she felt frightened. This man looked everything sort of dangerous. She wanted to break out of the window and run back to the house. Lock herself in her room as she reread Nasir's letters.
"Mama, you shouldn't look for Aisha when you're back, she's going to escort me somewhere." He said as soon as Mama picked the call, the place she was in was highly crowded.
"What?! Abba!" She walked away from the crowd and spoke again. "Abba, what did you say? She's escorting you where? Abba, don't get on my bad side today, Better take her back home. When did you even arrive?" She had this feeling in her heart that she wasn't quite sure about. The only guy she can trust with Aisha is Nasir, she had trust in him more than anyone else.
"Mama," He laughed and whined at the same time. "Don't you trust me again? I'm not going to do anything other, I promise. She came out on her own accord, I didn't force her."
Mama was silent for some time before she asked, "Where is Aisha? I need to speak to her."
He looked at her from his peripheral view and smiled, "Mama she can hear. Aisha, speak before Mama thinks I'm kidnapping you." This was the first time Aisha his humour, and she couldn't help but smile.
"Mama, I'm here," She called out, her voice was low and soft. Abba looked at her and smiled softly, no matter how he was going to deny it; everything she did was perfect on her. He couldn't wait to get married to her.
"Aisha are you fine? Has he done something to you?" Mama asked with a voice filled with care. She was afraid and relieved at the same time. Afraid that Abba might do something to Aisha and relieved that they were finally getting along.
"Mama I'm fine, you shouldn't worry please." Aisha chuckled softly, fiddling with her fingers as she looked at the phone laid between them.
"Mama, she said she's fine. Will you trust me now?" The amusement hadn't left his voice up till now, and she looked at him in awe, how he so much resembled Nasir when he wasn't frowning.
"Do you always do that?" Abba asked when he ended the call with Mama and they drove quite a distance.
She looked at him, confused. She didn't know what he was talking about. "What?"
"Fiddling with your hands. Do you do that when you're nervous?" He knew she wasn't comfortable being with him. But he had seen them going out together with Nasir numerously.
Softly, Aisha nodded her head while he stopped the car in front of a boutique. She looked at him as he went out and he stood there for some seconds before he came to her door and his face had a frown on it. "Will you come out or are you waiting for me to open the door for you? Aisha, don't taste my patience." She didn't know when her shaking hands opened the door and she was out in some nanoseconds, following behind him into the boutique.
It was a unisex boutique, but he walked directly towards the men side. She followed behind him a silently as she can and as fast as she can to catch his steps. He stood on the canter that had shoes and turned to look at her silently, "Which one do you think I should buy?"He asked, and knowing him so well to start yelling at her if she kept quiet; Aisha pointed at grey shoes. They were the first ones that got her attention, even though she chose them for Abba, in her mind she had no one but Nasir.
He took the shoes without saying a word and they walked to a counter. Abba paid for the shoes and they walked out of the boutique without sharing a word. Aisha had never felt locked up in a cell until now that she was together with him. It was the worst kind of punishment she had ever done for herself. They drove silently back home and parked and Aisha was about to get out of the car when he called her name.
She turned and looked at him with. eyes filled with innocence. "Do you want to do this?" He asked, his eyes unshaken on her face.
She knew what he meant, but the fact that she was getting married to Abba in only a week to come was still unacceptable to her. "What?" She asked instead. And that irked him even more than the fact that the possibility of this girl treating him the way she liked and thinking she was his mate would be high in only seven days to come.
Yes, he loved her or rather, liked her. Or better, had lust wrapped towards her and he wanted no one to quench his desires but Aisha. "What do you think you're doing, Aisha? I'm asking something both you and I know and you're pretending that you don't? Will you get a hold of yourself or not?"
Aisha shuddered under his scorching gaze and the fierceness of his words. They were so sharp, she felt them and they instilled fear in her heart. This wasn't how Nasir treated her. But a voice in her head spoke. This is not Nasir, Aisha. This is Abba, they're two different people.
"I'm sorry, Ya Abba. Can I please go inside? I need to pray." No matter how she tried in suppressing her tears, they rushed down her cheeks like a fountain. She wanted nothing but to cry her pain out and have a chat with Nasir under the illuminating light of the moon. Her window can be a bridge between them, she just wanted him and no one else. She knew she was doing this for Mama and no one else, but it was getting painful as the days passed.
Abba hissed softly and glared at her. "Who do you think you are? Wait, let me make this clear between us. The fact that you're getting married to me in seven days and I'm the one that proposed to you is in no way a gateway for you to act all rebellious and stubborn on me. You know I can't take that. Better get a hold of yourself and know who you're dealing with. I'm not Nasir, be careful."
She felt tears intensifying, almost blurring her vision. "You don't have to make say out yourself, you're not him, I know. Even if I don't, it's clear from the way you speak and act. I'm sorry if what I did makes you feel like I'm being stubborn just because you claimed to love and want to marry me, that's now who I am. And I can never be that type of girl."
She turned the doorknob and was trying to get out when Abba thundered, "Get back in here!"
Aisha didn't know when she broke into more tears and wrapped her hands around her body. She had never feared someone like she did, of Abba. It might be because ever since she was born, she had no one by her side but Mommy, and there was no one she would fear her mother to this extent.
She sat back and Abba ripped her apart with his bloodshot eyes, "You shouldn't dream of speaking back at me. Not in that tone!" He thundered again, and Aisha shook even more with fear. Where is Nasir for goodness sake?
He was angry at himself for asking her to escort him to that boutique despite knowing this is what it would lead to. She wouldn't regard him with respect knowing he loved her and would marry her, or so she thought. "Get out of my car!" He roared, and Aisha nearly slipped on her way out.
The moment she felt herself on her bed, she broke to even more tears. No, this wasn't the kind of life she thought for herself. Before she met Nasir, she had no plans for her married life whatsoever. But after he came into her life and she knew what love felt like, she had her future well detailed and beautifully written. Not an hour ago, she thought of him as Nasir, but now she knew he can never be Nasir. Not even a twin brother or someone closest. The fact that he was Nasir's elder brother was something Aisha wished she can change.
Her thoughts drifted back to Mommy, what was she up to? What had happened after she left. If she had her phone with her, nothing could stop her from calling Mommy today. She needed her warmth and warm motherly hands. She needed her words, small words of advice and how in her arms, Aisha found the greatest form of comfort. She wished Mommy had never turned out to be like this. She wished Mommy will be her the same Mommy and Jaafar ceased to exist.
Once in a while, she had thought about Jaafar and wondered how he was living his life knowing fully that he had damaged someone's life? Maybe he transferred the hatred he had for her to someone else. She knew that someone else would surely be a lady. Because she knew he felt a certain feeling of satisfaction when he hated a woman and she had no choice but to follow him every day begging for his forgiveness. She saw Jaafar in Abba, only that she was hooked with Abba for eternity, and Jaafar had his time with her.
What would have been Mommy's reaction if what was happening in Aisha's life now were happening before her eyes? Would she be happy? Aisha thought and doubted. Because Mommy would never want to part with her. But as she thought about who her real Mommy was beneath the veil, the hijab, the warm motherly smile. The real Asiya Bukar enshrouded within the folds of motherhood; Aisha doubted if she would ever feel bad about sending her off to someone's house.
She wanted to cry, but she was tired of doing so. If she were to count the litres of tears she had shed within these weeks, it would reach up to a thousand. She closed her eyes and birthed a poem in her soul. Whenever she thought about Nasir, she seemed to be high in poetry. He was her muse, her very own Poetry.
Doctor's listen to the pulse
Of one's heart, but to me
It's that vibration coming from your
Chest when you laugh and the
Warmth only your soul provides
That's my pulse, Dr
And my only hope to live
Aisha U. Faruk.