She was seated on the vanity stool staring at her reflection in the mirror. She was no more the Aisha she used to be. And now that she thought about it, Nasir made her walked through the most painful phase of her life. It was late at night, but she couldn't sleep. She had been staring at her reflection, calculating the days left for her life to end. The day she would be married off to Abba Muhammad Tijjani. The most dreaded day ever.
She palmed her face and fought her tears back. She was tired of crying that she felt her eyes paining whenever a tear slipped out of them. Count, Aisha. 1, 2, 5, 10, 13, 18, 20, 21! Tada! She had only twenty-one days left of her freedom. And to talk about it, the last time she saw her would-be husband was the day he proposed that he wanted to marry her.
As she walked down her painful path, Aisha felt a soft knock on her window. She thought she was hallucinating, but she prayed it wasn't just her ears teasing her. She rushed to the window, not minding how half of her hair wasn't covered. She wanted what she heard to be true, it should be. Please.
She tore apart her curtains, and her hands shook as she opened the glass. He stood there with a small smile playing on his cheeks. "Wait, I'll be out in a bit." She didn't want to chat with him from her window today. She wanted to watch the stars with him today as they converse.
He looked at her with a small smile and had never appreciated someone as he appreciated Aisha for reading out what wasn't voiced in his mind. She put on her slippers and walked out of the room, she didn't mind even if Mama saw her today, this would be the last time she was going to see Nasir with her freedom all over them.
As soon as she appeared before him, Nasir let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. She looked at him with a smile and motioned for him that they walked away. "Let's go to the pool," she suggested and they walked into the garden together. Walking side by side together with her and trying all he can not brush even a hand with her was taking a toll in him.
They sat down and dipped their legs into the water. Aisha looked at him with a beautiful smile on her lips. "Happy Birthday, Dr Welcome to the 25th year of your life, I pray it provides you love and happiness." Her words were genuine, and she looked as though she wasn't going to cry.
Nasir looked at her, with the moon glowing on her skin. Her hair that was slightly revealed, her ever radiant face, and how she looked happy playing with her legs inside the water. He didn't know if it was possible to love someone as much as he loved Aisha.
"Thank you for your gifts, Aisha. They mean the world to me. And your poems, you should put them out, they're the most real words I've ever seen." She smiled and before he knew it, Aisha had her hands full of water as she splashed it on his face.
"What's with the formality? I'm not yet married, please. And you didn't tell me you love me today, what's with that?" She laughed, and Nasir splashed water on her face too.
"I love you, and you know it. Saying it out loud will only cause more harm than good. So, Aisha, how have you been?" He asked, intensely staring at her that she had to look away. She knew they had confessed their love to each other but still she was feeling shy.
"Stop looking at me that way," She whined, palming her face with her hands.
"What? You feel those butterflies in your stomach again?" He teased and laughed at how she palmed her face, giggling.
"Even more than those butterflies, Dr Please stop making my heart flutter with your looks, I love youuuuu!" She giggled at him and Nasir felt as if a weight was lifted off his heart. This was the best moment they will ever have with Aisha, he knew.
"Can we talk about the letters then? No rules applied right?" He asked when she opened her face and smiled at him, playing with the water using her legs.
He got distracted by the way her legs looked in the water and how she was happily playing with them in the water. "You look like a kid when you do that. You're an adult now, behave like one. You'll be 19 in not more than six months to come."
"I want to be a little girl when I'm together with you, no restrictions. I want to be myself. Yes, letters and no rules." She looked at him and smiled before she looked away.
"You're free to act all you want around me, Aisha. And in your poems, something about the eggs in your ovaries will be..."
She cut him off before he was able to complete his sentence with a shrill, "You shouldn't talk about that, Dr The rule still applies to certain things and you know. That was just a poem."
He threw his head back in laughter, "You look cute if you're shy. I just want to know if your promise of my 12 kids is still valid."
"Yes, it's valid. Next please." She couldn't look at him now. She wished she can beat the hell out of herself for writing something like that.
He heaved a sigh and looked at the stars, Aisha did the same too. They were silent for some time, just admiring the beauty of the stars, while the water soothed their hearts. Nasir turned completely that he was staring fully at her, "Aisha, let's say you're going to get married at me, not Abba. How would you act and feel?"
Her eyes were still staring the stars and he turned and fixed his eyes on the stars as well. What he had never expected in his life, and even though he wanted it to happen, he had never wanted to it to at the same time. Aisha silently leaned on and placed her head on his shoulder, her eyes still fixed on the stars.
"Can I borrow your shoulder for the time we have left?" She asked, still not looking at his face.
Nasir cleared his throat and silently nodded his head. This was the first body contact they had with Aisha, and it was worth the wait. Even though it was only ahead on the shoulder, it was the best he could ever imagine. She heaved a sigh and Nasir stole a look at her face.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked because the silence, her head on his shoulder and how her warmth was seeping through his body were killing him. But what had been making his heart flutter was how her hair was brushing his beard and it was ticklish.
"I wish I'm getting married to you, I think we would have made a lovely couple. We have to run to Katsina whenever we feel bored of Bauchi and this will be our favourite place every night. I'll have you around me whenever I'm cooking, but I won't be a good wife to let you have a taste. You know, just my stupid fantasies."
She closed her eyes and leaned more onto his shoulder, she wanted to wrap her hands around him but she knew that would be a little more intimate. She was aware of the prohibition of what she did, it was a sin, but she had no other choice. Ever since she knew she loved Nasir, she had never craved for something like she did for his warmth. She knew if she got married to Abba, there would be a day she would need a warm body by her side, and she would have only but a reminiscent of Nasir's warmth.
"You would have made a good wife, Aisha. But do you know what I'll love to see?"
She shook her head, which was still resting on his shoulder. "How our first child would have looked like. I'm sure everyone would swoon over him or her. But I love her, so she'll look exactly like you and give me that Billion Dollar smile on days you choose to sulk at me for no reason."
She chuckled, and Nasir felt the vibration made from her chest. "I love him then, so he'll look like you on days you have those annoying calls at the hospital. Urgh, I hate those calls."
Nasir laughed, and Aisha shuddered at how his body shook as he laughed. This was what she wanted to feel ever since she started loving Nasir. But she felt it the wrong time, that she knew. She knew this moment would haunt her for eternity.
"You can be a doctor too, you know? So we stay at the hospital together. But no, it's going to be a she!"
"I want him, they're more adorable."
"No, it's a she. I'm certain."
"It will be a he, who are you to know?" She had lifted her head from his shoulder now, and Nasir silently wished he hadn't brought up that argument.
"Just forget about it, it's not going to happen. We're not making memories, Aisha. We're creating monsters that will haunt us for eternity. For you, that can change, but for me, it will be for eternity."
She nodded her head in understanding and lifted her legs from the water and hugged her knees. "When are you coming back after you leave? And what time are you leaving tomorrow?" She knew the answer, but she thought there wasn't any harm in trying.
"I'm not coming back, Aisha, you know it. I'm leaving around 6 am, I have to stop at Katsina first. You shouldn't bother seeing me off, it will be hard for both of us."
She stood up with tears pooling the brink of her eyes. It was now that it all dawned on her, this was the last moment she was ever going to spend with Nasir. And nothing could beat the pain of mourning over a living person.
"This should be the last moment, then? The very last goodbye?" He stood up as well, and he hovered over her with his height.
"Yes, Aisha. I wish you a happy married life." He choked on his words and stared at how she was already sobbing hard.
"Oh, Dr. Will you please stop it?" She looked at him with tears rolling down unchecked on her cheeks.
"You'll be fine, Aisha. Can I get a hug, please? I'm sick already." She didn't wait for him to close his lips when she rushed to him and fell on his chest, wrapping her hands around his waist. He did the same, and tears rolled down their cheeks at the same time. This was the most painful feeling they will ever experience in their lives.
As they broke apart, Nasir looked at Aisha and smiled painfully. "I'll always love you, Aisha. Goodbye."
"I'll always love you too, Dr Please you shouldn't forget about me."
"I won't, I promise. Ouch, the moon is crying already." He pointed at the sky and she looked up, confused.
"Why?" She asked, absentmindedly.
"Because you're more beautiful than the moon, and I love you much more the moon would ever be loved."
"Ooohhh!" She giggled, and there came the Billion Dollar smile.
"The Billion Dollar smile, Man! The girl is beautiful, Masha Allah." He dramatically clutched his heart.
"Stop making my heart flutter, Dr," Aisha whined and they looked at each other and smiled. Even though it was painful, this was the kind of goodbye their relationship deserved. Face full of smiles, the moon watching over them as their hearts swayed with love and eyes locked, transferring the deepest corners of their souls. That was the end of it. Just like Madina, it ended with Aisha as well.
❃
All kinds of warm
Whenever I hug him closely
And he wraps his hands around my waist
His scent seeping into my nostrils
I find it there, the warmth that engulfs the world at noon
The kind of warmth that makes the bees sing
The kind of warmth that makes the butterflies flutter their wings
He is, all kinds of warm
Whenever I cuddle next to him
Psychology has it, cuddling helps relaxes the brain
But they forget to mention
Cuddling next to him makes me
Feel envious of the evening clouds
It makes me want to be a star for once
To shine, sparkle and make love to the moon
He fills the whole me with his warmth
He melts all that is solid within me
And I flow, as easily as the blood flowing in his veins
He is, all kinds of warm
Aisha U. Faruk.
She had made it a mantra, for her to always read this poem whenever she glanced at her mirror, and she did that a lot. She wrote it the night before Nasir left, and it had been two weeks already. Only a week left for her to meet the monster she had as a husband. Mama had been preparing for the wedding, and they were always on phone with Firdausi. All Aisha did was to stare and smiled when needed.
Some of Mama's relatives had started arriving, and Aisha wondered what all that was for? Her wedding with Abba? Is it something ceremonious? She doubted.
She wrapped her veil firmly around her head and walked out of the room, she was hungry and tired of all the chaos. Mama had been giving her all kinds of aphrodisiacs and she had never felt like puking until these weeks. All she gave her was either too sweet, sour or bitter. Nothing had matched Aisha's taste.
She met no one in the living room, and she knew they had gone to the market once again. She hummed soft music and walked directly to the kitchen. As she entered, she felt the ambience changed. She turned her eyes, and there he was, seated on the kitchen island while he sipped a mocktail.
She felt her heart pounding loudly in its enclosure. She ducked her head down and greeted him. "Good morning, Ya Abba."
He didn't answer, and Aisha wasn't expecting him to do so. She walked over to where the warmers were kept and served herself. As she turned to leave the kitchen, he called her name. "Aisha, come and sit here." He pointed at the chair opposite him, and Aisha wished the ground would swallow her up.
Slowly, she dragged her legs to the island, placed down her plate and sat down tentatively. It took them minutes and she couldn't get herself to eat her breakfast. She thought she was hungry, but now she wasn't anymore.
"Eat, or do you want me to feed you?" He asked, as he leaned and tried to take a hold of the fork she had on the plate.
Quickly, she shook her head and picked up the fork. "No, I will eat." Her hand was shaking as she ate the first spoon, and the tears she had been holding in spilt out of her eyes.
I want to cry! Can someone lend me a gun to kill Abba with?💔
The complete book is available on both okadabooks and selar. Links on my bio❤️