"Please forgive me for asking you this, but what exactly happened to you in your past?"
I stared at him, not having a clue what to do. I was taken by suprise. I never once thought he would ask me this.
"S-sorry? C-could you repeat that..?" I stuttered, the anxiety rising in my chest. "What happened to you in your past?" He asked again.
"Y-you want to know?" I asked, stumbling over my words. "If its okay with you, then yes, I would.." He said, looking me in the eyes. "If your uncomfortable with it then you don't have to answer ofcourse!" He quickly added.
I shook my head. "N-no, its not that. I just.."
I didn't finish the sentance, I didn't know how to. I was scared. For a while I've been wanting to tell him what happened to me in my past, but I don't know how. How do I tell him what happened? And if I do tell him, should I also tell him im human? Because I know he will have even more questions after I've told him.
I want to tell him what happened, I really do.. its just.. I feel like I can't. I haven't told my grandpa this, or Opera. I've only vaguely told them, and they vaguely know the things what happened, but no more than that. They don't know either. I want to tell them, but im just so afraid. I don't know why. Maybe my mind thinks that if I tell them, they will act differently, or think differently of me, and I don't want that. I don't want to lose my family and friends because I told them my past, and I don't want them to change.
I stared at the wall, and curled up my legs, hugging them. I suffenly felt stressed out. Asmodeus must have noticed, because he also curled up next to me. The next thing he told me suprised me even more.
"I also have something I want to tell you that I just can't seem to say. I can see it in your eyes how much you want to tell me. Ive seen those eyes a lot." He paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. "If you'd like then maybe I could tell you mine first? Then that way it won't be so scary anymore."
I didn't look at him, I didn't have the courage to. I knew he was looking at me. This could be my chance to spill everything, to just get it out.
"Are you sure you want to..?" I asked. "Yes, I do. Its something thats been on my mind for a while now, but yesterday's events have made it spin in my head nonstop."
I nodded. "Okay then.." I said. I would tell him about my past, about my parents and more. But not about me being human, not yet. I'm not ready for that yet.
Eventually, Asmodeus began to talk. "Alright.. I'll begin." He then took a deep breath. I could feel his gaze leave my body, and looked at him. He looked depressed. "Today you asked me if I had a dad. I told you I didn't. Thats because he's resting, buried under the ground now.
You know how I told you I didn't really care if he was around or not?" He paused, I nodded.
"Well, that wasn't true. He wasn't a bad dad, he really wasn't. He was a goofball, and always embarrassed me in front of my family. He would always tease me about not having a girlfriend and being such a 'stuck up' as he called it. He was always there for me, in thick and thin.. and sometimes, I miss him, a lot." He looked at the ground. I noticed tears making their ways to his eyes as he spoke, his voice trembling. "Sometimes I see a dad with their kid, laughing, having a fun time together. And it reminds me so much of him. And all I want is just for him to come back, but I know hes never coming back. He will forever lay in that grave, and I will never see him again."
Tears slowly dripped from his face as he looked at the ground. He was shaking, and hugged his legs even tighter. I slowly moved next to him, wrapping my arms around him, and giving him a hug.
My eyes were also watery, I knew how it felt to lose someone. Even though I don't love my parents like that, I know how much it hurts. Whenever its a pet, a family member, a friend, or a lover, the pain is still the same. And it hurt my heart seeing him like that.
"I-it just hurts." He said, whispering, trembling. I moved some more, getting closer to him and held him even tighter. "I know.." I whispered. "I know, I really do.. Im sorry.."
He shook his head. "N-no, its fine."
"But it hurts, doesn't it?" I asked. He nodded. "Thats what I hate about it most.."
"D-do you want to know how he passed?" Asmodeus then asked me.
I stayed quiet for a while. I wanted to know how his dad passed, but wasn't sure if I should ask him. I felt bad for him, and didn't want to hurt him even more, because that would break my heart.
I slowly nodded, however. I felt it was important to him to get it out. I know how it feels to have something on your chest that you want to tell someone, but not being able to. Its feels as if something is suffocating you inside.
Asmodeus layed down on the bed, staring at the ceiling when he talked. He looked a little more calm. "Me and my father and my mother were going to the beach together, to have a fun day out. We were going swimming together. My mom decided against it, because it was windy outside, but we still went. Eventually I was swimming around in the sea, enjoying the water when the tide turned. The wind blew everywhere, and we decided to go back to shore. Once I arrived I looked back, thinking my dad would be there too, standing on the sand, but he never came back. Two days later his mangled body washed up to the shore."
He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "Thats the reason I don't like the sea. When you suddenly dissapeared I thought the same had happened to you. Im so glad you weren't taken away from me too."
The last part was a whisper, something I wasn't supposed to hear. He took a deep breath, and turned his head around to look at me. His eyes were teary and he looked like he was about to cry again.
"Why are you crying?" He then suddenly asked me with a slight smile, his expression softening. I touched my cheek and felt the tear roll down. "Theres no reason for you to cry.." He said as he came closer to my face, giving me a kiss on the forehead.
I didn't notice myself crying at all. "I think I'm sad?" I asked myself, a little confused. Asmodeus nodded and turned back around. "Thank you for listening to me." He then finally said, looking up at the cealing again. I now also looked at it. "No problem.." I took a deep breath, I knew It was my time now. I felt anxious, but a bit better than before.
"When I was little I lived with my parents. My parents didn't love me. They didn't care for me. They didn't want me in their house, they didn't want me eating their food, they didnt want to love me, they just didn't want me. To them I was a bad child, to them I wasn't worth anything. They told me that, every day. I wanted to prove them that I was worth something, I wanted to prove it so badly.
I worked to get money for them, if they didn't want me in their house id sleep outside, if I broke a rule id let them hit me, because I love them. I didn't want them to hurt me, and all I wanted was for them to love me back. I thought that if I became a good child that maybe they would love me. Maybe I could be a part of their family. But im not."
I took a deep breath as I felt tears rushing to my eyes. I felt Asmodeus wrap an arm around my body, pulling my head on his chest. I then took another breath, shaking.
"I-I just wanted them to love me.. What have I done wrong? Why do they hate me so much?"
I felt tears escape from my eyes, and within second I was sobbing, my head laying on his chest as he held me close to him.
"Im sorry.." He said, his hands around my body as I sobbed. I felt like I couldn't breathe, but that soon faded as he held me close to him. "Remember, you're safe now.." He said, cradling my body. "They aren't ever going to hurt you.. Ill make sure of that."
"I-Im so grateful im gone now, to have friends and a family that accept me." I took a deep breath, feeling the air resurface in my lungs. I-Im just so scared they will somehow come back, or that everyone will hate me. I know they won't, but its in my head and that thought just never shuts up." I took another deep breath, and just layed there in his arms. It felt safe there.
"I won't ever hate you, Iruma. No matter what may happen. Whatever happens I'll always love you." Asmodeus then said, giving me another kiss.
"I love you too.." I then said, mumbling. I then yawned. "Why does crying make me feel so tired all the time?" I asked.
"I have no idea. Its getting late though, so maybe its a good idea to go to sleep." He then said, letting go off me and sitting up.
"But I don't wana go to my room yet.." I said, whining.
"Who said anything about you leaving? You're sleeping in my bed tonight." He said, a slight smile plastered on his face. I blushed slightly, happy to not have to leave.
"Alright then..!" I said, now also smiling. He then turned off the light and layed next to me, he wrapped his arms around me and pecked me on the cheek. God I love him. I love him so much.
So, so much.
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Hi there!! Sorry for the rollercoaster of emotions there. I do admit, I made myself cry with this. Leme know if you cried. (Current cry counter is 10+ from people who have reached out to me, so im extremely happy)
ANYWAYS WE HAVE SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE!!! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT WE HIT? WE HIT 16K!!!!! 🥂
And since I didn't give you guys the present last time, I will now.
Here it is:
Devi has given out a present to all of you!: 🎁
Open it?
Yes/No
You selected yes!
Present is opening..
Its called:
'Mairimashita Iruma Kun Oneshots.'
Huh? A new book?
YES!
Ive been wanting to do oneshots for a while now, because I love making them. Its how I got popular before with the Stosuh actually. That books been deleted though. Well, actually its still there, but only for me.
Anyways, it won't have weekly updates, instead it updates when I have time and feel like it, that way this book will always be first and will always have regular updates!!
The book is out now, and if you'd like to read more iruma x azz, the first chapter is online. Also requests are open.
(Its not just iruma x azz btw, anything. From platonic to romantic and more.)
Hope you enjoyed!! Cya next time!! Baiii!
--19 juli