"She sounded very mad." Jungwon let himself fall back into his car seat, his eyes tightly closed.
Their car was now on the way to the fansign and Ji hasn't been answering ever since.
"But why? What did you do wrong?" Ni-ki's eyebrows furrowed as if he was thinking very hard.
Jungwon hesitated for a moment, suddenly feeling irritated that Ni-ki immediately assumed that he was the one who was in the wrong.
"Nothing, I swear I didn't make any mistakes this time." The other insisted, looking outside the window.
"She will answer soon, I'm sure." The younger shrugged, "And if not, communication is done better in person anyway."
Ji's p.o.v
I gulped, pulling the hood of my black hoodie further over my face. With both hands in my pockets and only my keys on me, I not-so gracefully walked towards the big crowd of people in front of me.
Sweat dripped down my face, the hoodie was not helping, and I felt suddenly so small among everyone's cheerful smiles and screams with their colorful outfits.
With a miserable attempt to imitate their expressions, I tried to smile.
Maybe it would be better if I didn't show up.
Fans who actually deserved to be in my spot couldn't attend no matter how hard they tried and here I was taking their place all the while not being even half of a fan as they are.
You aren't supposed to be here. I kept telling myself and thought about turning back and run home again when suddenly the screams around me grew louder, startling me to the core.
"1,2,3..." Before I could understand the rest screams occurred loudly around me.
My eyes widened at the familiar voice.
"Hello, We are—"
Again. The screams were louder this time, swallowing the only familiar voice around me.
I could have sworn my heart stopped the moment I looked at the people the screams were meant for.
"Jungwon! Here!" Someone next to me screamed, immediately snapping me out of my thoughts. The boy was holding up a poster with a picture printed on top of it. An edit of Jungwon as a cat.
I had to suppress my genuine smile.
But it would soon vanish when people behind me pushed me forward, their elbows hitting into my sides, my face scrunched.
Everyone around me suddenly started forming a queue as the group sat down at the long table. They continued to push me around and I kept apologizing every time I accidentally hit someone with my elbow, till I stood anywhere remotely close in the queue.
I didn't notice up until now that I kept staring at Jungwon, the person why I was here in the first place.
My, my boyfriend.
I blushed at the thought, the knot in my stomach turning into something, I don't know what it was, but the nausea was gone. It was beautiful.
Damn, why did it have to sound so embarrassing?
But then again it was true, was it not?
Jungwon was my boyfriend. We loved each other. And everyone around us didn't know. They had no idea.
"I love you, Sunghoon!"
My eyes widened at the loud voice as I was trying to see who it was among the big crowd.
"Jungwon! Here! Marry me!" Another voice. Squeals.
I had to swallow the unsettling feeling, as I threw my arms around my body in a miserable attempt to hide myself. I felt uncomfortable. The way everyone was standing so so unbelievably close to me.
There wasn't enough space for me to move and I was scared that I would anger them if I left right now.
But all discomfort disappeared. Seeing Jungwon glance at the crowd, his eyes full of love and the dimpled smile on his lips. Despite the bright camera lights of fansites, he was smiling brightly at each one of us with the same amount of love.
I could finally see how much he must love what he does. How much he loved his fans.
And I saw that how much, no matter how hard I tried, didn't fit into his world.
His gaze suddenly stopped somewhere close to me, the look in his eyes changing. Call me fucking nuts, but I could see his smile faltering as if he was surprised.
Maybe I just imagined things.
What if he recognized me?
It can't be.
The queue was moving. I would only realize when the people behind me urged me to take wobbly steps forward, unsure of what the hell I was doing. And why the hell I was here in the first place.
"I'm s-sorry—" I tried to break out of the queue, but the people around me were too immersed into screaming questions and requests that all I received were more elbows right in my face and sides.
And I'm sure I was giving out elbows left and right as well. Now that it was time for the fansign, everyone's desperation for the celebrity's attention was even greater.
It was no use.
I grinded my teeth till they became pouder while my nervousness grew with each person and each meter I was closer to Jungwon and the others.
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.
I looked down to my empty hands.
I didn't even have an album with me!
Without thinking (something I've been doing rather often lately) I had run out of my house straight to the fanmeeting after a quick research on a social media site about the location.
Don't ask me how I got in here without being stopped by the security either. It was a miracle that I made it.
As if possessed, my gaze travelled over to Jungwon who hasn't noticed me yet.
And I could have sworn my heart stopped.
Not only did he look great. The stylist did a phenomenal job and I could feel my hands and knees trembling all over again.
This face is meant for cameras and the spotlight only.
In front of him was a fan, suddenly tripping slightly. Just to step on Jungwon's shoe. The fan quickly apologized to him, while all he could do was smile the sweetest smile I've ever seen on his face. The prettiest blush was on the fan's face and I could barely read the words they spoke:
"You are so cute, Jungwon!"
He laughed at them in the gentlest way possible, "You are also very pretty."
My expression was blank. I didn't feel jealousy nor did I feel bitterness. You won't believe it, but their interaction was just so utterly beautiful. It was pure.
All I could do is stare.
Because I knew I would never be able to experience such feeling. Such happiness. Passion. Just imagining being as happy as each one of enhypen's fans in the audience with their lightsticks raised towards the sky and with their keychains and photo cards jingling against their clothes.
I looked down my figure. It was too late for me.
I tried to see myself doing the same. Wearing the same clothes, accessories and the very same smile.
But it didn't fit.
So I stared.
And hoped for the pain deep, deep down in the corners of my heart to pass.
"Come closer." His sweet smile turned cheeky and his hand motioned the fan in front of him to lean forward. Towards him. Closer, closer.
"All the love I've ever received as an idol will never be enough to replace the love I have for you."
"This, this is what I want."
My heart bursted at the memory of his very words the other night. What if he lied?
I looked at them again, unconsciously staring at Jungwon's lips as he sang into the fan's ear.
"Jungwon! I love you!" I could hear the said fan say, smiling widely after Jungwon had finished, handing them their signed album.
And even though he didn't return the words his eyes while smiling were more than words could ever be.
Was this true love?
Did we look like that too?
No, we didn't. The voice in my head answered me, as I forced myself to look away.
We could never look like that. He could never love me so care-freely without a hint of pity hidden inside the depths of his eyes.
He could love me, yes, maybe even entirely.
But not like that.
Because I was unwell.
Or maybe I was just looking for excuses, because I did not deserve to be loved after everything I did.
Because I killed my sister.
And I failed to kill myself.
"I could feel his lips and nose!"
The same fan squealed, while my gaze continued to follow them. Was this how jealousy felt like?
But how can I feel jealous when all Jungwon ever did was reassure his love to me?
It's not fair to him.
Love is complicated.
I shouldn't love.
"Hi!"
Ni-ki, I think, no, I'm sure it was him, suddenly spoke up, snapping me out of my thoughts.
ji's p.o.v end
"Uh, Ni-ki?" The girl blinked as if she was trying to make sure she remembered his name right.
"Yes, that would be me." He grinned, glancing at the confused line behind him.
She didn't continue and his grin faltered slightly, his expression turning confused. The boy looked at her curiously when it suddenly hit him.
"Here." He grabbed behind him, revealing their newest album, still packaged in foil.
Her eyes widened.
"I-I can't—"
"As a token of gratitude. Because you showed up today." Ni-ki's grin returned and he quickly signed it, "Tell me, what's your name?"
"Ji."
His eyes widened.
"It's you!" The boy dropped his pen and the album, quickly grabbing both the girl's trembling hands with his warm ones, "Of course it's you! How could I not recognize you?"
The people behind in line were eyeing the two with suspicion and curiosity.
"Y-Yeah." All she could utter, "Thank you."
All of a sudden the manager behind him urged her to move to the next member, "Continue the queue!"
Before Ni-ki could say anything else, she was pushed to the next member who was in fact—
"Sunghoon?" Again the insecurity in her voice.
"Yes, that's me." Sunghoon laughed slightly, immediately feeling bad when he saw her cautious expression, "Oh, sorry."
"No, no, it's fine. I—" She quickly passed her now new acquired enhypen album, "Could you..sign it?" Her face crunched, she hated how nervous she must have sounded.
"Of course. That's basically what the whole event is about." Sunghoon's smile grow broader and she swiftly signed it, "Here you go!"
"Is this your first fansign?" Jay would ask her, an eyebrow raised when she reached him.
"Yeah..it is."
"Hope to see you more often then, Ji." He spoke while writing her name, unconsciously dragging her name longer when speaking.
He shortly looked at her before returning the album, "Wait a minute..."
Ji raised an eyebrow nervously, "Sorry?"
"I apologize if I am mistaken, but...Are you the girl Jungwon has been hanging out with?"
Silence. Shock. A scream, but it was just Ji herself internally screaming.
The girl quickly shushed the boy in front of him with shocked eyes before glancing around anxiously. What if any of the staff or fans heard him?
"How do you know...?" The girl asked through whispering and she was surprised Jay understood her despite the loud cheers around them.
"I once took Jungwon's phone to order food when I saw a liked picture in his gallery. A picture of you!" Jay couldn't contain his grin, "It looked like you didn't know though. So...I am pretty sure he will kill me if he finds out I told you."
"Don't worry, I will probably have to kill him first for taking fucking paparazzi pictures of me without my permission."
"I won't stop you." Jay was still grinning, holding both his hands upwards, "Jungwon's friends are my friends too."
I'm your friend's girlfriend. She almost said, when her gaze accidentally grazed over to Jungwon who was almost the next person to sign her album. Only Heeseung and Sunoo separated them.
That's when her gaze caught his. Jungwon's.
He was already looking at her.
With wide eyes of surprise. It seemed like he had been staring at her for a while now.
But that wasn't all.
He looked mad. Very mad.
(a/n: fuck been so long since the last update i don't know how to act )
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'·. please vote and comment if you enjoyed reading this chapter<3 ★°*ﾟ