*This is a definite tissue warning. This chapter caused me physical pain.*
Italicize - someone's thoughts or a story from the past
Bold - sign language
Payakan slowly started to transport the Sully family back to where Neteyam and Tsireya were. The ride was silent the entire time, except for the soft sobs coming from Neytiri and Ja'lia. Neteyam's death didn't even seem real, and Ja'lia suspected it wouldn't until she saw him in person.
As they made it closer to some rocks that were out of the water, Tsireya's hunched-over figure could be seen from the distance. Ja'lia felt herself panic as she wasn't sure if she could look at Neteyam's lifeless figure, but Lo'ak grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She knew that she needed to do this for him. The girl knew that Lo'ak was probably in a whole world of pain because Neteyam was the glue that held the family together.
He was the third parent. The shoulder to cry on. The one who would make them laugh when they were sad. Their big brother. And now, he was gone, and he wouldn't come back.
Once Payakan got close enough for the group to go onto the rocks, everyone slowly dispersed as Neytiri, Tuk, and Kiri were the first ones to leave, followed by Jake. Ja'lia went to leave, but Lo'ak's grip on her hand held her back, and she turned around to see the guilt in his eyes. "It's okay, Lo'ak," Ja'lia whispered, and he looked at her as the tears formed in his eyes.
It wasn't okay. None of this was okay. It was all his fault. If he hadn't insisted on saving Spider, Neteyam would still be here. Neteyam would still be alive and breathing. But he wasn't, and Lo'ak felt that it was his fault. The boy felt that he was responsible for Neteyam getting shot. As the seconds passed, Lo'ak's guilt grew, but when Ja'lia placed a hand to cup his cheek, a tear slid down his face, and he allowed himself to go see Neteyam again.
Or, he could at least go with his best friend to see Neteyam. He knew she would be in a lot of pain too, because this would be the third death she'd experienced in a little under two years. It brought the question to Lo'ak's mind. What did they do to deserve something so devastating?
Why did it have to be Neteyam? Why couldn't it be him? Why couldn't the Great Mother have taken him instead of Neteyam? He knew everyone wouldn't have been as sad if it was him. Of course, Ja'lia would have been heartbroken, but she would have been able to move on. Neteyam was like her older brother. Lo'ak didn't feel like he was as worthy of his life as Neteyam was.
Lo'ak pulled himself away from his thoughts as his feet touched the ragged rocks under his feet. The boy watched as his mother placed Neteyam's head in her lap, and Tuk grabbed one of Neteyam's cold hands and brought it to her face. Jake sat off to the side while Kiri tried to get as close to her brother as possible.
When Tsireya saw that everyone was returning, she got up and walked away so that she could give the family privacy and so that she could be alone. It had been torture for the young Metkayina girl to sit with Neteyam's lifeless body while Lo'ak left to save his family. Before Neteyam's death and her mother's Spirit sister's death, the only people who had died were the sick and elderly, and none of them were that close to Tsireya.
Tsireya and Neteyam had gotten incredibly close since his family came to the Metkayina clan, and it was as if she was in denial because even though she knew he was dead, it didn't seem real. She felt as though she was in some sort of twisted dream that she couldn't wake up from. Tears escaped her eyes as she felt her heart ache for the Sully family, Ja'lia, and herself. But when she looked over to see Lo'ak and Ja'lia's faces, something broke inside her.
Ja'lia choked on a sob at the sight of Neteyam as she turned around and buried her face in Lo'ak's chest. There was blood everywhere, and as she thought of how much pain he must have been in in his last moments it felt like the wind had been knocked out of her lungs. He had been shot off the left side of his chest, through his heart. Neteyam never even had a chance of someone being able to heal him.
A shot to the heart was fatal under any circumstance.
Everyone sat in silence as they gathered around either their son, brother, friend, or protector. Ja'lia heard slow footsteps. She glanced through her blurred eyes to see Jake moving towards Lo'ak. The girl pulled away while wiping her eyes so that the father and son could hold each other, and when Ja'lia looked to her right, she saw that Spider had come back from wherever he disappeared too.
The human boy walked over to Jake, and the man pulled him into a hug before releasing him, allowing Spider to comfort his friend.
"Monkey boy," Kiri said, reaching out for her friend, who gladly opened his arms to pull her into a hug. Kiri stood up and moved to the side so she could give someone else room to sit beside Neteyam before they took him back to the village, and Ja'lia took it as her chance.
She slowly walked toward Neteyam as she did her best to mentally prepare herself. Once Ja'lia was beside Neteyam, she sat down and did her best to keep her distance. But when Neytiri noticed the girl there, she gave Ja'lia Neteyam's other hand to allow her to hold it while she stroked Neteyam's hair. Ja'lia reluctantly grabbed Neteyam's hand before firmly holding it between her own.
"I'm so sorry," Ja'lia whispered, allowing the tears to fall as she closed her eyes to control her labored breathing. She brought his hand up to her face and kissed it, feeling his cool skin against her warm skin. "I'm so sorry, Neteyam."
Tuk looked up at her friend in sadness as the girl continued to whisper apologies for something that wasn't even her fault. There wasn't anything Ja'lia could have done to prevent Neteyam's death, so why was she sorry? Why did she keep apologizing? As far as Tuk knew, they hadn't gotten into a fight with each other. Her apologies didn't make any sense to the young girl. Tuk got up from her spot and walked over to pull Ja'lia into a hug, as it seemed like it was something she needed.
When Ja'lia felt a pair of small arms wrap themselves around her, she looked up to see Tuk looking down at her. Ja'lia turned away from Neteyam and pulled the youngest Sully child in her lap, rocking her back and forth. She then saw Jake and Lo'ak make their way over to Neteyam, so she decided to move herself so that they would be able to be close to Neteyam.
The group sat with the oldest Sully child up, and the sun was soon at its peak, and that's when Jake decided to speak up. "We should probably head back," He said softly, causing Neytiri to look up at her husband with tear-stained cheeks.
Neytiri knew they needed to go, but she didn't want to. Because as soon as they got back, preparations for Neteyam's funeral would be made. The mother didn't want to say goodbye to her baby. A parent should never have to bury their child.
But as she looked around the group, she saw how drained they were, physically and mentally. They needed to go back home. Preparations for Neteyam needed to be made, and everyone needed to get some rest. So, while Neytiri wholeheartedly wanted to stay longer, she knew it wasn't in everyone else's best interest.
"Okay," Neytiri agreed, gently placing Neteyam's head back onto the ground before pushing on her knees to stand up. The kids who had been sitting around looked up at Neytiri and knew it was time for them to head back. They all slowly stood up and waited for Jake or Neytiri to make the first move.
However, they all knew that while Neytiri agreed that it was time to leave, it would be Jake who would have to finalize that decision by placing Neteyam on Payakan so they could leave. Jake knelt by his son and placed one arm under the back of his neck and the other under the back of his legs before slowly lifting him into the air.
The father walked over to the tulkun, who let out a squeak of pain as everyone followed Jake onto the animal. Jake and Neytiri sat on either side of Neteyam while the teens and Tuk sat behind the parents. More sobs were heard from Neytiri, and Jake reached over Neteyam to interlace his fingers with his mate. The teens behind them did their best to comfort each other as Ja'lia leaned back on Lo'ak, and Tuk leaned back on Ja'lia.
Nothing was said or heard aside from the waves that crashed against Payakan's body as the tulkun carried the family back to the Metkayina clan. The ride had been agonizingly slow, and it made the harsh reality of the events that happened the day before all the more real.
The ride gave everyone time to think, and allow themselves to digest and process how they were feeling.
As Payakan continued to move, the Metkayina clan eventually made its way into everyone's line of sight, and they all saw the entire clan waiting for them on the beach side. Jake asked Payakan to move a little faster so that they could make it back to land, and the animal obliged as he quickened his pace.
Soon, they arrived at the reef and were close enough to hop off of Payakan to reach the beachside. Tsireya was the first one to leave because she knew her parents must have been worried sick. All of the other Metkayina people waited for the Sully family and Ja'lia to move off of the animal, but once they saw that one of the members was lying down, they all started to whisper about what could have possibly happened.
The four teens and Tuk were the next ones to get off Payakan while Neytiri and Jake soon followed with Neteyam in the father's arms.
They slowly trudged through the water before they felt the warm sand hit their feet, and once they were on land, they turned around and waited for Jake and Neytiri to go ahead of them. When the two parents walked past the teens, they followed the two parents back to the Mauri pod. As they were passing by, sympathetic looks were given to the group, and Tonowari and Ronal walked behind the teens.
Funeral preparations needed to be made, and while neither of them wanted to be the one to ask Jake and Neytiri when they wanted to do it, it had to be done. They had to lay Neteyam to rest so that he could be claimed by their ancestors and reunited with Eywa.
Once the Sully family made it into their pod, Jake carefully placed Neteyam down onto his mattress that he had forgotten to put away the day before.
He looked at his wife and signaled that they needed to go outside so they could talk to Tonowari and Ronal about the ceremony, leaving everyone else to sit and wait while decisions were made.
No one said a word the entire time Jake and Neytiri spoke to the Olo'eyktan and Tsahik. No one knew what to say. What could they say? Nothing seemed appropriate to talk about at such a devastating time. They were about to hold a funeral ceremony for either a brother or a friend. There wasn't anything anyone could say that would make it hurt less, that would make the pain go away.
Silence seemed to be the best option.
But even if there was something they could talk about, they were all too exhausted to utter a word. None of them had gotten any sleep since the day before, and they all suspected that they would be getting little to no sleep that night as well. It didn't matter if they were to hold the ceremony that day or the next. All of them knew that sleepless nights would become the new normal until Neteyam's death didn't hurt as much. Until they could go without crying at the thought of him. Until it wouldn't hurt to look back on the fond memories they shared, despite knowing that he would no longer have a future.
And that's probably one of the reasons it hurt them so much. Because they knew what Neteyam wanted in the future, if they were to look past his wish and dream of being the Olo'eyktan, they would discover that Neteyam was a family man. He wanted to meet the love of his life. He wanted to have kids. He wanted his own family, and now he couldn't do that.
When Neteyam's role as the future Olo'eyktan was taken away from him, he only ever talked about one thing for his future. Neteyam wanted four kids like his parents. Two boys and two girls. He wanted to have the boys first so that they could protect their sisters, although he insisted that he would be happy no matter what gender his children were.
He didn't care as long as they were healthy.
But that dream was ripped away from him.
Ja'lia brought her knees up to her chest and buried her head in her arms. She desperately wanted to sleep, but now wasn't the time. They all had to wait for Jake and Neytiri to come back into the pod. However, it seemed they didn't have to wait long because, within a few seconds, the two parents were slowly walking into the pod.
Everyone looked at the two parents and waited for them to tell them what was going on.
"Neytiri and I decided that it would be best to hold the ceremony tonight," Jake revealed, and everyone remained silent. "Ronal and Tonowari are going to set everything up now, but we all need to get ready," He said softly, and no one moved.
Neytiri looked at the children as she tried her best not to break down. The kids didn't look like they wanted to have the ceremony that night, and neither did she, but the sooner it was done, the better. Neteyam deserved to be at peace. If he couldn't live out his life the way he should've been able to, then she was damn sure going to make sure that her baby got a proper burial, even if it wasn't the one he wanted.
"Kiri," Neytiri said, and the girl looked up at her mother. "Will you help me-" Neytiri paused as she felt herself shudder from what she was about to ask of her child. "Will you help me clean him up?" Her voice cracked.
Kiri blankly stared at her mother before slowly nodding, and the girl moved away from Spider to get the supplies to clean the dried blood off Neteyam. Everyone else looked at Jake as they waited for him to ask them to do something. The man rubbed the back of his neck. "Ronal and Tsireya have offered to paint your faces for the ceremony. Spider it's going to be hard to paint your face. So, you can stay here with me," Jake explained.
"When will they get here?" Ja'lia croaked.
"They should be here soon."
~~~~
Ja'lia rode on the back of her ilu as she followed behind the Sully family, who had placed Neteyam in a carrier to bring him out into the water.
The ceremony had officially started when she heard Ronal chant her prayer to Eywa, and candles were lit all around as the clan grieved the loss with the family. Ja'lia tried to keep her emotions calm because she needed the ilu could feel it through the bond, but it was incredibly hard.
She looked down and saw the glow of the anemone, and knew that they were in the right spot. As the Sully family pulled Neteyam out of the carrier, she slid off her ilu and swam closer to them so she could watch as they pushed Neteyam down to be consumed by the anemone. Ja'lia swam closer to Lo'ak, and when she got there, Jake and Neytiri gave each other a look before diving underwater.
Everyone stuck their heads just below the surface as they watched Neteyam float down to the anemone before his body was completely consumed. Ja'lia heard a muffled scream, and she looked over to see Lo'ak releasing every single emotion into the water in hopes that no one would hear him.
Slowly Jake and Neytiri made it back to the surface, and now it was time for them to go to the Spirit tree to visit Neteyam. It was tradition that the parents went first, then siblings, then friends. However, Lo'ak hadn't expressed much interest in going to visit Neteyam at the Spirit Tree because of his guilt.
So, everyone knew that they would have to talk with him to convince him to go.
As they all watched as Ronal led Neytiri and Jake to the Spirit tree, Lo'ak slowly swam back to the shore to sit on the beach to wait for their return. Ja'lia swam back as well, and when Lo'ak saw her, he glanced up at her, confused.
"You should be going to visit Neteyam," He said.
"So should you," Ja'lia retorted.
"I- I can't. Neteyam won't want to see me," Lo'ak refused.
"Of course, he will. You're his baby brother." She said, and Lo'ak remained silent, causing Ja'lia to sigh. "I'm not saying you should visit him right now, but don't make him wait, Lo'ak."
"I won't," Lo'ak said, turning to the side to pull his best friend in for a hug, finally allowing himself to cry now that no one else was around. Ja'lia rubbed up and down his back, as she held him tightly against her body.
Lo'ak cried harder than he ever had in his entire life while Ja'lia held him. He never knew that something could be so painful. It felt like a piece of him was gone now that Neteyam was. His rock was gone, and Lo'ak didn't know what he would do with himself.
But the one thing he knew was that he was glad to have Ja'lia and his family there with him. It felt nice to not have to grieve alone. To have someone who understood his pain.
The two teens held each other as they waited for the rest of the family to return, and they both knew that once they did, nothing would ever be the same.
Unedited. 07/20/23
Word Count: 3,168
Quick note-
I'm in physical pain rn, just so y'all know. I'm pretty sure my eyes will be swollen after this shit. They literally hurt so bad.
I have never cried so much reading or writing a book in my life, and that includes my first book.
Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed and didn't cry too much. If you did, we're twins 😙✌️(joking is how I deal with my pain)
Thank y'all so much for 3.5K reads!! I love y'all so much!