***
Tears dripped off my cheeks as I fought to contain my panic.
It was four in the morning, and I'd been woken up from my second nightmare of the night. I had been overcome with guilt of what I said to Jungkook. I felt so damn guilty that I basically told him my drunken night with him meant nothing to me.
I could see that I had hurt his feelings, deeply, but in that moment, my only thought was to protect myself. I didn't want to get hurt by him again.
I knew that I wouldn't survive it a second time.
I barely made it through last time.
And I wasn't going to put myself up to get hurt again.
My cell phone rang constantly beside me.
It was Jungkook.
Again.
He had been calling over and over after I had left the Jeon household – and I also knew he was drunk off his ass. Otherwise, why would he be calling me at four am in the morning?
I dried the tears off my cheeks and groaned softly...trying to get the bloody images out of mind.
As I continued to hold myself, I desperately searched for a memory that would take my mind off the dream.
CHARLI
AGE SIXTEEN
"Go on," the young women wearing Koo's shirt mocked with a flick of her red manicured talons before she flung back her blond hair, a shade nearly a replica of mine, to showcase the dark red and purple hickeys marking her neck.
It was no secret what happened within the last hour.
"Don't come back, sweetie." She sent me a sickly-sweet smile, enjoying the way my eyes teared up before slamming the door in my face.
Where was Koo?
Tears continued to fall down my face as I turned and fled back down the street.
I made it home in less than fifteen minutes and ran to my bedroom, grateful my parents and brother weren't home to witness my breakdown.
I sniffled and gently swept the salty tears off my cheeks as I stared out my window, into the pouring rain. I was depressed, sad, lonely, and I felt unworthy. Soo-Min and her parents left earlier today to Korea, and I was just told off by one of Koo's 'flavors of the week' for simply entering the Jeon house to get my phone after I had realized that I forgot it.
I know I shouldn't be a baby and cry about it, but I just couldn't keep the tears at bay when she called me one of Jungkook's insignificant fangirls.
She was a beautiful woman, but why was her personality so ugly?
I mean – I was a huge fan of his music...but I certainly wasn't insignificant.
I was certainly more significant than her.
{Koo loved me – not in the way I wished he did, but he only saw me as little Charli – a little sister in all but blood. AND I was his best friend...he said so himself.}
Never mind, that was mean.
No matter how people hurt me with their words, I shouldn't think awful things like that – I wanted to be the bigger person.
I sniffled once more and laid down on my bed and snuggled into my blankets sadly.
I wish Soo-Min was here.
She would have made me laugh – even when I was sad.
With my phone all the way over at her house, I couldn't even text her.
I wasn't planning to step a foot inside that house until Soo-Min was back.
I wasn't going to chance running into that mean women again.
Frantic knocks on the front door roused me from my self-pity and I peered at the clock on my side table through puffy, swollen eyes.
It was just twelve am.
Panic gripped me as I wondered who it could be.
My family had gone on another project for the academy – they couldn't be hurt, could they? I hastily wiped the tear tracks off my face again and stumbled out of bed, my pastel purple sweatpants and sweatshirt set nearly swallowing me whole as I left my bedroom.
I quietly tiptoed to the living room as the knocks continued; I was waiting for whoever was behind the door to announce themselves, until then, I would wait.
Whoever on the other side seemed somewhat panicked, and that caused worry to clog my throat.
If it was something to do with mom and the others, they would have already said something about it.
I was about to open the door and that's when I heard Koo's voice.
My puffy eyes widened as my heart rejoiced as I heard his beautiful voice.
"Little One!?" I heard him call out again, his fist knocking on the door again. "Open the door!" he sighed as I stood in silence.
I didn't want him to see me like this.
It seemed childish to cry over what had happened earlier.
A lump appeared in my throat as I cocked my head, debating to let him think I was asleep or gone.
His knocks got more frantic.
"I know you're in there, little one. Open the door." He warned, a threat hardly hidden in his tone. I could imagine Koo pressing his tongue against his cheek on the other side of the door.
"Open the fucking door or I'll open the door. Soo-Min gave me the keys while she was gone."
The blood drained from my face as I heard the distinct rattling of keys on the other side of the door.
Fuck.
When he cursed around me, he was either mad or worried. Or both.
I didn't think, I just reacted.
I choked down a cry and turned on my heel and fled soundlessly back to my room, closed the door quietly and jumped back onto my bed, huddling under my blankets, like normal, and closed my eyes.
I tried to normalize and calm my breathing as I heard the front door swing open in the distance, and the distinct sound of Koo's heavy combat boots hit the floorboards as he entered the apartment.
I pulled the covers up and over my neck as I heard him rush down the hallway to my room.
Another tear dripped down my cheek as I turned around, so my back was facing the door and closed my eyes again.
Maybe if he saw I was asleep, he would leave so I could calm down and gather myself enough to talk to him tomorrow.
How did he find out so quickly?
Was he mad at me for showing up?
My bedroom door opened slowly, and I felt his massive, strong body enter my room. Goosebumps raced down my spine once I felt his heavy gaze on the back of my head, the only part of my body that wasn't covered.
I begged him over and over in my mind to leave before I started crying again.
Unfortunately for me, that didn't happen.
I heard him shuffling around, and I knew he was running his hands through his newly dyed blond hair. Slowly I heard his footsteps approach my bed, and I held my breath and flinched as I felt the bed sink in behind me as Koo sat down on my bed behind me.
I was able to keep my composure and breath in and out calmly, but it wasn't enough to fool Koo.
"I know you're awake, little one." He rumbled in the quiet room.
Koo huffed slightly when i didn't reply and propped himself up against my headboard.
I stiffened.
"Hi, Koo." My voice was small and innocent in his presence.
"Come here, little one." I heard him say, pulling the blankets off my small body. I huffed and wiggled my toes as I sat up on my knees and peered up at him underneath my lashes.
Koo said nothing but held out his arms, beckoning me with a little wave of his tattooed hand, and instantly I flew into his arms as they settled around my body.
I tucked my face into his neck and sniffled.
I inhaled his expensive cologne and the scent of his shampoo, and I felt instantly at home and safe.
"Shh," he cooed pulling me onto his lap to cradle me like a small child. Koo's tattooed hand cradled my jaw gently and pulled my face away from his neck. I avoided Koo's doe eyes as he smoothed my hair away from my face.
I noticed the clenching of Koo's jaw as he stared at the tear tracks on my cheeks, and I could feel how angry he was.
He pinched my chin between his fingers, feeling the coldness of the rings on his fingers, my eyes swung up to his.
Koo's eyes were nearly murderous with anger – but I knew it wasn't towards me. But rather at the women he had fucked earlier.
I shrank back slightly, and nuzzled into his warm palm, that nearly covered half of my face.
His eyes softened and he calmed himself enough to hug my body against his.
"If anything happens like that ever happens again, little one, you tell me, yeah?" he rumbled.
I couldn't speak, I willed the flush out of my ears as I felt his abdomen tighten as he leaned forward and hugged me tightly. He was pressed up against me, enough to where I could feel and see the indentations of his abs through his shirt.
"Okay."
That memory only made me cry harder. I curled up in a fetal position and wished, prayed that things could go back to the way they used to be.
But It would never be the same, at least...that's what I keep feeling.
A/N
This is getting fuckin' depressing, isn't it?