A/N: This chapter is kinda long...I think...
There's like...a single curse word so.....😐
Ni-ki walks into the living room and sees Sunoo asleep on the couch. He walked over to him and looked down at him.
He looked...so peaceful.
Innocent.
Carefree.
Ni-ki leaned down and shifted until he was laying beside Sunoo in the small space. Sunoo's eyes fluttered open at the shift of weight and he studied the young boy's face through squinted eyes.
"It's been a while." Sunoo whispers. Ni-ki was silent, looking back at Sunoo. He leaned forward and hid his face in Sunoo's chest. Sunoo wrapped his arm around him and ran his fingers through Ni-ki's hair.
"Is something wrong?" Sunoo asks gently. Ni-ki focused on the sound of Sunoo's heart.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
"Yes." Ni-ki sighs, his voice barely audible against Sunoo's shirt. Sunoo frowns and carefully undoes a knot in Ni-ki's hair.
"Okay. Do you want me to be quiet or do you want to talk about it?"
Ni-ki wrapped his arm around Sunoo's torso and held him close, closing his eyes.
"I just want to stay here for a few minutes, then I'll feel better." Ni-ki mumbles. Sunoo closed his own eyes again and leaned his head on Ni-ki's. He rubbed his back gently, the same way his sister used to do for him.
Sunoo felt Ni-ki's breaths slow after a minute or so, his body became less tense as he relaxed against him. It reminded him of their debut days, Ni-ki often slept with him then. Sometimes Sunoo wondered why he chose him out of all the members, but then he realized he was the same way.
He understood.
What it was like to love someone. To want to hold them close and protect them from harm. He felt the same way, towards Ni-ki. He didn't like being very clingy, but it wasn't the same with Ni-ki.
Ni-ki really was like a little brother...or a best friend. Someone he wanted to hold tightly and guard. Someone he wanted to watch grow and mature. Sunoo was beyond proud of him, and he knew he was lucky to have him. All of them.
His thoughts roamed to Sunghoon.
He didn't want things to stay like the way they were. He missed their friendship. He missed Sunghoon's smile and his awkward laughs.
He just...didn't know how to get that back. If he even could get that back.
Not with the strange feeling between them. A strange tension that both of them were afraid to address.
Thoughts of that night started coming back and Sunoo opened his eyes so the images would disappear. He fiddled with Ni-ki's hair some more, distracting himself so the thoughts would go away.
"You know we love you, Ni-ki. I love you." Sunoo whispers. Ni-ki's breaths paused for several seconds, and when they resumed, they were very sharp.
He's obviously trying not to cry. Sunoo thought. Ni-ki pulled away and sat up, sitting on the edge of the couch with his back to Sunoo. He gripped the couch roughly, like he was trying to fight some kind of urge. Sunoo sat up on his elbows and watched him intently, half afraid that Ni-ki was about to explode the way he was taking deep, quiet breaths.
Ni-ki finally turned his head enough to look at Sunoo from the corner of his eye.
"Thank you, for that. I'm going to go now, it's time for the others to wake up." He says, his voice was deep and quiet. Strong...but Sunoo sensed the weakness underneath. He wanted to reach for him, to stop him...but Ni-ki was already out of reach and around the corner. Sunoo suddenly felt cold now that he was gone.
Why does it feel like I'm losing him, too?
—-----------------------------
"Are you guys even dressed yet?" Dohyun asked. Heeseung had his phone on speaker as it laid in the center of the table.
"Um...yes?" Jay lies.
"Please, get dressed." Dohyun sighs, "You need to be getting out the door in forty-five minutes and I know none of you have even eaten yet."
Jay looked around with guilt plastered on his face. The members were still in their sleep wear...well almost all of them. Heeseung didn't have a shirt on at all and Jungwon was somehow already dressed for the day. He was the only one with something on his stomach as he finished off the apple slices that Jay had prepared for him.
"Yes, sir." The other six say in unison.
"Thank you. Miyoung and Hyerim will be there in about twenty minutes, so be gentlemen and have your clothes changed by then." Dohyun says, and then the phone beeps, signaling that he had hung up. Jay scratched behind his ear and then sighed.
"There's some more fruit on the counter for you guys to eat quickly. Sunghoon and I can assist in outfits if you can't think of one." Jay offers. Heeseung grumbles something and raises his hand.
"Please assist me first, I'm too lazy to find an outfit for myself." He says. Sunoo follows the two of them after Jay offers to help them at the same time. Sunghoon looked at Ni-ki and Jake but they shook their heads.
"I'm good." Jake says. Sunghoon changed into the outfit he had picked out the night before and then went back to the kitchen and sat down beside Jungwon, who was scrolling on his phone.
"Good luck today" Jungwon says without looking up at him.
"I'm saying it to everyone so don't snap at me about treating you differently." Jungwon says, glancing at him. Sunghoon scoffed and pushed Jungwon gently.
"I wasn't going to say anything like that. I was just tired yesterday, that's the only reason I acted out." Sunghoon explains. Jungwon raised his eyebrows.
"It better not happen again, especially towards Heeseung." Jungwon states. Sunghoon swallows. He couldn't even say anything back...Jungwon had used his leader card. Sunghoon just nodded and ran his hands through his hair.
"You need to wear a jacket." Heeseung says, following Sunoo and Jay back into the main area.
"It says it's supposed to be fairly warm today" Sunoo shakes his head. And anyway, a jacket would defeat the purpose of his outfit.
"50 degrees..."(10 celsius?)"...that's not very warm." Heeseung complains.
"I'll be fine."
"Okay, whatever. Get sick, I don't care."
"You're so pouty."
"I'm not." Heeseung grumbles. Jungwon smirks and takes a sip of water.
"You kinda are..." Jake smiles. Heeseung shrugs and takes a seat at the table beside him.
Miyoung and Hyerim arrive a few minutes later along with some other staff members.
"We are being very minimal today...for obvious reasons." Miyoung says, setting her supplies down on the table. The two girls get started with Jungwon and Jay, who were leaving first. The staff members spoke with the trio about their plans for the day. Sunghoon and Sunoo sat awkwardly on opposite ends of the table. Sunoo glanced over at Sunghoon but Sunghoon was focused on Miyoung's work.
The next ten minutes were hectic as people came in and out of the cabin, fixing hair and covering small flaws. Jungwon and Jay were rushed out first, the trio weren't very far behind. The room slowly got quieter as Sunghoon, Sunoo, and the two stylists were the only ones left.
"How are you feeling?" Miyoung asks quietly, bending down to be level with Sunoo. Sunoo tapped on his chair and shrugged.
"I...feel a little strange. But...I think today will be okay." and then he flashes her a smile. She nods and returns the smile.
"Sometimes I see you guys as my own sons...and I know that might sound strange, but I genuinely care about your well being. I can't solve your problems for you, but i'll be here to support you through it." She says, "You're strong, Sunoo. And you're so...so smart. I trust that you'll figure yourself out and make the decision you feel is best."
Sunoo's eyes began to water at her words but Miyoung quickly wiped them before they could fall.
"You can't cry, I already started on your face." She whispers warmly.
"Hey...how can you see us as your sons?" He asks, eyeing her suspiciously.
"How old do you think I am?" She asks.
"Um....thirty."
Miyoung laughs. Her laugh is loud but pleasant. Sunghoon and Hyerim had no context but they smiled at the sound anyway.
"I'll take that as a compliment, but I'm actually forty three." She tells him. Sunoo's mouth opened in shock. Hyerim overheard that part.
"What about me? How old do you think I am?" She asks.
"Twenty..." Sunghoon guesses.
"Close enough. I'm twenty two."
Sunoo gasps.
"Really? You're so close in age to us..." He says. She shrugs.
"I guess so."
"Alright, van is ready, let's go!" A staff member enters the cabin as the girls finish up.
Sunghoon is the first to make his way towards the door, and Sunoo stares at his back as he follows.
I want to see your eyes again.
—------------------------------
"You can film a little bit yourself while you're here. You're going to be alone for about three hours, until we get a chance to prepare the ice rink. You two are at the least risk since this property is privately owned, but the others will be out in public, so to be honest...we're more worried about them." A staff member explains, handing Sunoo a key.
"We'll be back as soon as possible, so stay out of trouble." Another staff member says. The boys nod and climb out of the van, taking in the view of the property. Right in front of them was another cabin, but this one was smaller than the one they were staying in.
They watched as the van drove away, leaving the two of them completely isolated for the next few hours.
What a terrifying thought.
Sunghoon stole a glance at Sunoo and then cleared his throat.
"Should...we go inside?" He asks. Sunoo nodded without looking at him. The estimated temperature was wrong...it was colder than it said it was going to be. Sunoo turned on his heel and walked up to the door, using the key to enter.
The inside was very plain...something you would see online for sale.
The silence was deafening between them as they both stood awkwardly in the entryway. Sunoo sighs and takes a seat on the only piece of furniture available. It wasn't long before Sunghoon was sitting beside him.
They couldn't stay like this. Sunoo couldn't stand the silence between them. Sunghoon usually did have moments when he was quiet, but this was a different type of quiet. Sunghoon felt far away even when he was sitting right beside him.
And Sunoo knew it was partially his fault that they were like this...what...
What if he hadn't pulled away?
That wouldn't have made it right. Sunghoon was drunk. Sunoo's dumb dream came back to him...what if Sunghoon really did move on?
Would he be upset?
There was no reason to be upset.
But...
Then why did the thought of it make him feel lost? Sunoo watches Sunghoon from the corner of his eye. Sunghoon was staring off into space, completely lost in his own world as usual.
I...still want to be there with you.
I want to see the world the way you see it.
I want to know what's in your head.
I want to know your fears and what you stress about, and I want to make you smile, too.
Sunoo cleared his throat and looked away.
"Should we go for a walk?" he suggests. Sunghoon blinks several times and then meets Sunoo's eye.
"Yeah, sure," he responds. The two of them make their way back outside and Sunghoon locks the door before closing it behind them.
"The property is pretty big." Sunoo says, looking around. The cabin was at the center, dirt roads went in three different directions. One towards the entrance/exit, one towards a cluster of unknown buildings, and one that led to a large warehouse looking building. Sunoo assumed that's where the ice rink was.
The wind blew at his back and he shivered. Sunghoon cursed under his breath.
"What?" Sunoo asks, turning back to face him.
"Do you have the key?" he asks quietly. Sunoo's eyes widened.
"Um...no."
"Fuck, Sunoo...I think we're locked out."
—----------------------------------
Sunoo felt like he was going to freeze in the wind. He should have followed Heeseung's advice and brought a winter coat. Stupid fashion. Fashion is not worth freezing.
Sunoo rubbed his hands together. He realized it wouldn't have mattered much even if he had brought a winter coat. It probably would have been left behind just like he left the key.
"We're really stuck out here." Sunghoon voiced. Sunoo glanced at him, he couldn't help but envy the big coat Sunghoon had on. Him and his fashion.
"Stuck locked outside of our only source of shelter without our phones and no way to contact the staff that no doubt aren't going to be here for another few hours? All while the temperature continues to decrease?" Sunoo asks sarcastically. Sunghoon nodded slowly and looked away.
"Sorry. This is my fault for forgetting the keys." Sunoo admits.
"It's not your fault, neither one of us were really prepared. I shouldn't have locked the door without making sure we had them with us." Sunghoon says. Sunghoon sighs and sits against the door.
"Come here before you catch a cold." He says quietly. Sunoo reluctantly went to sit beside him. Sunghoon's body blocked some of the wind which already made it more manageable. Sunoo dusted the ground around him and laid on his back. It didn't feel very good, in fact it felt more like laying on ice...but anything that made him smaller against the wind was worth it. Sunoo tried tucking his arms inside his shirt, but that didn't help much.
Instead, he opted to close his eyes. Maybe trying to sleep would help him forget how cold he really was. It was a dangerous game to play.
A few silent minutes passed before Sunghoon finally decided to check on the boy laying beside him. Sunoo was laying on his side, his back facing Sunghoon. Sunoo's slow and jagged breaths proved that he somehow managed to drift off.
He's going to freeze to death like that. Sunghoon thought to himself. Sunghoon was afraid Sunoo would get sick...and he knew it would take longer for him to recover if he did. There was only one thing Sunghoon could do. He scooted closer to Sunoo, trying to be quiet as he leaned back against the ground. He unzips his large jacket to make room.
Sunghoon hesitantly wrapped his arms around Sunoo, more certain he was doing the right thing when he felt Sunoo shiver against him.
"I'm sorry, i'll only hold you this one time, I promise." Sunghoon whispered against his ear. Sunoo was faintly aware of the others presence, but didn't care about anything from the past because in that moment, he found Sunghoon's heat more comforting than anything else.
After a minute or so, Sunoo realized that this position wasn't helping much. He turned over to face Sunghoon, surprised to see him staring back at him.
"Sorry for this..." Sunoo says, wrapping his arms around Sunghoon's waist. He pulls himself closer to Sunghoon, burying his head in his chest. He could hear Sunghoon's heart pounding but decided to ignore it. Sunghoon's heart was just starting to regulate itself when Sunoo shifted, gripping the back of Sunghoon's shirt roughly.
"Do you still..." Sunoo couldn't finish his sentence. He was almost afraid to ask.
"...Yes." Sunghoon admitted. Sunoo didn't need to ask, Sunghoon already knew what he meant.
"I still...like you. I'm sorry, I can't seem to change my own feelings." Sunghoon sighs, his grip loosening on Sunoo. He wanted to pull away, to run away and never look back.
"I won't act on them, I promise. I'm just doing this so we don't get sick." He whispers. Sunoo was silent for several moments but Sunghoon could feel his restless fingers fiddling with the wrinkles on his shirt.
"I'm...so...sorry." Sunoo managed to say between breaths. Although he was warmer against Sunghoon, something else was making him shiver. Tears brimmed his eyes and he sniffled.
"Why are you crying?" Sunghoon asks, instinctively rubbing Sunoo's head. He hesitated when he realized, but decided it was okay since Sunoo hadn't told him otherwise.
"I'm...confused." Sunoo finally voiced what he had been thinking for the past several days. Sunghoon paused.
"What are you confused about?" Sunghoon asks. Sunoo squeezed his eyes shut, tears still rushing out of them.
"How I feel...about you." He says quietly. Sunghoon was silent. He didn't know how to respond.
"That night, when you were drunk..."
"You don't have to talk about that. I know I made you uncomfortable." Sunghoon interrupts.
"No, I... think I liked it. It's just... it scared me at the same time. That's why i'm confused." Sunoo clarifies. Sunghoon slightly pushed Sunoo away so he could look him in the eye. All he could see was tears. A boy that was afraid, and worried about something he shouldn't have to worry about.
"Don't think about it. We can pretend it never happened, so don't stress yourself." Sunghoon tells him.
"I know I said it was a mistake when it happened, but I don't think it was. I did kiss you back, so even if it was just subconsciously, I did want the same thing you did." Sunoo continued anyway.
"Yah, Sunoo. I told you not to think about it."
"Hoon." Sunghoon paused again. Sunoo hadn't used that nickname since that drunken night.
"I think...no. I know I like you. I'm just...afraid to be with you like that and i'm not entirely sure why."
"What are you saying?" Sunghoon asks. Sunoo sighs and hides his face inside Sunghoon's coat again.
"I just need a little more time to figure myself out. Is it too selfish to ask you to wait for me?" Sunoo's voice was severely muffled but Sunghoon could still make out his words. Sunghoon thought silently for a moment.
"...Yes."
A/N: 🥲👌
Sorry if there were spelling/grammar mistakes...I read it at least 3 times and kept finding mistakes but I don't feel like reading it again~~
Okay so I have 2 things to mention:
1. I might not update for a few days because I will possibly be busy and I....still have three chapters to write 🫡👍
2. THE ✨SURPRISE ✨
I'm actually planning for a second book/part to this 🤭🤭
I already have it partially planned out and the first chapter is already finished.
This book currently has its own ending and could (technically) be a stand - alone book.
Chapter 21 is set to be the very last chapter of this book and will (kind of) leave it with an open ending...meaning it can be left as is...or could be expanded on (which is what the second book is for)....
That being said...
Would you prefer a separate book...or should I just post the second part here (labeled as the second part)??
(I need answers so I know how to proceed 😭)
ANYWAYYYYY~
Don't forget to vote if you're enjoying (or suffering as much as I am)~
Have a FANTASTIC day/night 🫶💛
Don't forget to take care of yourself 🤗