"I'm sorry it took me that long—I got caught up," I told Khalil, embracing him after I'd locked our front door.
"It's okay, you told me you'd be home late." He spoke, leaning into my chest as we hugged
Based on his tone, and just the way he sounded— I could tell he was tired, Which was honestly expected seeing as though it was 2 a.m.
"'Lil, I told you though baby, I wish you wouldn't wait up like that for me—you need to be gettin' sleep," I stated
"—now more than ever," I added, reaching down to place my hand over his stomach gently.
"I know" he replied, unraveling himself from me as he stepped back.
"—it's just hard." He mumbled.
I creased my eyebrows and began to remove my shoes, immediately feeling a wave of anxiety as I registered his words.
"Hard how—you're in pain?" I asked seriously, scanning his face, then his belly.
"No—it has nothing to do with my stomach—er—the baby, it's more of me just sleeping better when I know you're here." He explained.
"We both know how this city gets and yeah—I understand that you're who you are, but still, you're mine, I get anxious..." He continued, fiddling with the sleeve of his robe, a nervous habit he had, that I don't even think he realized.
I removed my coat as I spoke, "You 'ont gotta worry about me though—you know that—imma big boy." I reassured, with a smirk, amusement in my words
"Yes Saint, I know " He stated, chuckling lightly, "Like I said, I'm still gonna worry...I'm in love with you."
A smirk found my lips as I walked back over to him in order to place a quick kiss on his lips.
" I ain't goin' nowhere." I reminded him.
"—cain't leave my lil' family I got growin' here," I mumbled lowly, holding him closer to my chest as his warmth began to radiate off of him.
"—did you eat?" I then asked.
"Yeah—I had leftovers, I wasn't that hungry but I still forced it." He told me.
I nodded at that as my eyes drifted down to his growing belly.
Honestly, sometimes I still couldn't believe it, the fact he was possibly—even more than likely pregnant.
The fact I was about to be a dad.
Honestly I probably still haven't even processed it completely—it was all happening so fast.
After we initially found out, I went more into survival mode, where I started thinking about what we needed to do financially, or how I needed to be there for Khalil more. My emotions still haven't had time to process it, which I guess can be attributed to the fact I was still kinda underdeveloped in that aspect.
I know I loved the kid, or that I would when Khalil gave birth, I just don't think It'll really hit me until I see the baby.
this wasn't supposed to happen, not saying I didn't want kids with Khalil, it's just the fact that we're both men.
This legit, wasn't supposed to be possible.
Me never wanting kids was just something personal that I had, but if I was gonna have one, then yeah, it would be with Khalil, it happening 'naturally' was just something I never imagined, obviously.
"So basically you were just waitin' on me to get home so you could go to sleep?" I joked, chuckling.
"mhm, basically." He agreed, smiling.
I shook my head and lifted him up bridal style, a swift motion that surprised him.
I was gentle though, of course, I was—it was Khalil. If anything I was even more gentle, just because it was Khalil plus one.
"you need to start getting your rest," I told him as I walked to our bedroom.
"Saint I'm literally gonna be stuck in this house for months—rest is probably the only thing I'll be getting." He spoke.
"you know what I mean," I replied as I laid him down gently on our bed.
He looked up at me with a flat expression before speaking, "Just hurry and shower—I'm ready to cuddle." He frowned.
"Damn, somebodies strict..." I stated.
"I might actually be the cool parent..." I added lowly, teasing.
immediately his expression soured, "Yeah, as if..." He scoffed.
"what's that supposed to mean, huh?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"that I will be the cool parent, it's obvious." He replied confidently.
"you think?" I smirked, " Ion know, you seem like you're gonna be having some stern damn rules."
"what... not at all... I want my kid to be able to come to me for anything." He frowned.
"—being hard on them sure isn't gonna help with that." He added
I could tell he was beginning to take things to heart, so I dropped it, or at least played it off.
"I know baby Im fuckin' witchu'," I stated, leaning down to place another kiss on his lips.
I honestly do see Khalil being the more strict one between the two of us when it comes to parenting.
Not saying I'd let our kid get away with shit, but like I said, Khalil liked things his way, especially when he genuinely loved you, and wanted the best for you.
For the most part, I actually feel like that is gonna be a good thing, I have no idea how to be a parent, so again, I'm letting him do shit how he wants.
Whenever he needs me to step in, that's when I'll do it, as far as discipline goes at least.
For the other parenting shit, I guess I'll just learn that on my own. I have no example I wanna really mimic my parenting after. Sure my Dad and I had a good relationship, but still, I was a lot closer to my brother than I was to him.
I'd figure it out, hopefully fast enough that I don't fuck up my kid mentally any more than my mom did me.
Actually, I'll make it a point to be better than that bitch ever was, not that it'll be hard to do so...
"rude." He sang as I exited our bedroom, causing me to smile in amusement.
After making it to the bathroom, I took a thorough shower, trying to clear my head as I cleaned.
I had a lot on my mind—obviously.
The bottom line though, is Saduj had to go...he had to, point blank period.
My thing about it was—this deal with the Colombians, the way Lucien made it sound, Sidon was on its last legs.
That wasn't my problem, I planned on moving away anyway—I just don't know how I'd go about taking him up on his offer. I mean yeah, I already told him I'd do it, but how, and how was all this shit gonna go down after it was done?
If I had to guess, I'd say that working with the Colombians meant that they'd probably want me to end up running my own organization in whichever city Khalil and I chose to move to, using them as a connection.
I'm sure I know how he'd feel about that—he's expressed how he doesn't want me to take my past with us when we leave.
But I feel like I can still do both, I can be Saint for my family—and I can be Red when needed.
Thinking logically, starting up my own organization, and having the Columbians as a connect meant I could start making some big money.
Sure I was saving up now—but eventually, I'd run out of this, especially with a 'baby' on the way.
My record was gonna make it hard to get a regular job, and I refused to let Khalil be the one earning all the money, nah that's way too much for one person.
For years I hated the idea of being in charge of something, it's why I never envied Saduj's position. His crown was plastic to me, but at the end of the day, people still respected it.
Maybe this was the best option for me—to be King—to wear my own crown.
As long as I could keep it separate from my family...then there wouldn't be a problem.
But that money was way too good to give up,
We'd be set...our kid would be set...
and if nothing else, I just wanna make sure that our baby lives the best life imaginable.
I can see how in doing this, I may be putting everyone in danger, but honestly, that comes down to how good I am at keeping business and family apart, and I trust myself.
With the release of a frustrated breath, I turned off the shower and dried off.
After wrapping the cloth around my waist, I left the bathroom and made my way across the hallway—back to the bedroom.
As expected Khalil was still awake, scrolling away on his phone with a bored expression.
"go to sleep." I teased as I entered the bedroom.
He playfully rolled his eyes at me, before clicking his phone off and placing it on its charger.
After dropping my towel, I went ahead and threw on my boxer briefs, then the sweatpants I'd use to sleep in.
"ZooWeeMama," Khalil stated, smirking as he looked at my nude body while I applied lotion.
This time I was the one to roll my eyes.
"cut it out," I told him as I finally made my way onto the bed.
"Sorry...it's been a minute." He pouted.
After I lay under the covers and wrapped my arms around him, he turned around and shifted so that we were face to face.
"do you think I'm weird?" He asked, which caught me off guard.
This was something that came up a lot, but again, I understand. He's pregnant, and he's a man, there's no telling how else he's supposed to handle this. Insecurities were the last thing I'd get irritated with him about...
"what—no—I told you how I feel about this whole thing," I replied.
"so—so then why won't you touch me." He mumbled, which caused me to look down into his eyes.
For a couple of moments, I was silent, just because I wanted to reply correctly.
"I told you that too Khalil—your health—we don't know if that's safe," I replied.
"Yeah, and you also said you'd ask, and you still haven't Saint." He replied, "It's not so much of me just being sexually frustrated—it just feels like you don't wanna do it anymore because I'm some sort of freak."
"It's not that." I said immediately, "And I want 'chu to stop thinkin' like that—it has nothing to do with that at all."
"I don't think you're a freak or none of that shit, I love you—and I'm attracted to you, now more than ever." I continued.
"I've just had a lot of shit I'm tryna handle at once—I haven't gotten a real chance to talk to Evelyn, but I will. Trust me there's nothing I wanna do more than love on you baby." I stated finally.
This time he was the one to be silent for a couple of moments before responding.
"Okay.." he mumbled, "you're right...I'm just being stupid, I've been getting in my head a lot."
"—there's really not much to do when I'm here but think." He added.
"I'm sorry." I apologized, "That's on me though—I wasn't showing you the attention I should've."
"It's not, you've been doing everything you can." He stated, snuggling into me.
"—I just need some sleep, that's all." He added, leaning up to place a kiss on the corner of my mouth.
I followed it up with a kiss on his forehead before speaking, "I love you."
" I love you too." He replied.
After that things fell silent, and it wasn't long before I realized Khalil had fallen asleep.
He'd shifted so he was laying on his back now—which was probably just the most comfortable position seeing as though his stomach was growing a lil bit.
I looked over at him for a second, taking his in appearance and the peace he seemed to be in.
I'm glad he was finally getting sleep, I didn't want him up all night worrying about me, especially right now.
Gently, softly, and slowly—I reached my hand down and rested it on the warmth of his stomach.
He stayed asleep—which I wanted, but he did shift at the touch a little bit, snuggling closer into my shoulder.
As slowly as I could I rubbed my hand over the skin of his stomach.
To think another human was growing inside of there was crazy. Even crazier to think that I put it there.
A whole kid—I was about to be a dad to an entirely new human.
Yeah nah, I'll do whatever it takes to give them the perfect life.
Whatever it takes for them to live the life opposite of what I had.
I'll make a deal with whoever if it meant I could take care of my family...
"I promise..." I said softly, eying the growing, but still relatively small baby bump.
"whatever it takes..." I continued to mumble, "...whatever..."
Eventually, it was that thought that allowed me to finally fall asleep, hand still glued to the skin of Khalils belly.
Chests rising and falling in synchronized breaths.
It was a sleep that felt so comfortable and deep—but was unfortunately broken when my phone alerted me with a text message.
The first thing I noticed when my eyes opened was the fact that Khalil was not next to me.
That was, of course, my main concern—but it ended not too much longer when he entered the room, looking drained as he did so.
"Good Morning." He stated, climbing onto the bed and dramatically falling on top of me.
"morning, you good?" I asked, Immediately beginning to rub his back comfortably.
"—no, I have stomach cramps and morning sickness that should be illegal." He replied, causing me to chuckle.
"I mean that's a good thing right, it's sounding more and more like a normal pregnancy?" I asked.
He immediately shifted up, propping himself up on my chest so he could stare down at me.
"Uh—that's easy for you to say, you're not the one having it grow inside you." He frowned.
"my bad..." I replied, still amused by his dramatics.
"—your bad is an understatement, actually, I don't think we've focused on the fact that you're the one that did this to me enough." He ranted, pointing into my chest.
"What?" I questioned, chuckling.
"Mhm," he nodded, "you and your super sperm put this thing—"
"—yo," I interjected.
"—This baby, inside of me." He finished, correcting himself halfway through.
"super sperm is crazy," I stated foremost, "and I don't really think that's how it works angel...this one was a team effort."
"team effort in conception, but only one of us seems to be changing here." He replied dramatically, causing me to laugh
He only groaned in response to my laughter, all while smothering himself in my chest.
For a bit, he enjoyed the silence and warmth, then spoke again.
"Do you have to leave me today?" He mumbled as he propped his head up on my chest once more.
Guilt ate at me once I heard that, just as I fought for a response.
"I gotta go for a lil bit—but it won't take long, I'm not gon have you waitin' till 2 am again," I told him seriously.
"Do you promise?" He asked, lips in a pout.
"I promise." I nodded.
"Okay." He stated and then lifted himself into a sitting position over my lap.
My hands moved to his waist, but that didn't last long because he was soon standing up from the bed entirely.
"you're cooking breakfast." He then spoke, smiling down at me.
"what?" I questioned, pinching my eyebrows together.
"I'm serious Saint, you've been slacking when it comes to cooking—and I refuse for you to be the dad that lets his kids eat whatever they want." He stated adamantly.
I smacked my lips and began to shift up from the bed, an action that immediately caused him to look down at my crotch since there was a very noticeable tent due to the morning blood rush.
He snorted a bit—which caused me to shake my head.
"fine...I'll cook," I stated.
Breakfast food was easy anyway, it was the same thing every time.
He smirked and walked closer to me before placing his hand over the warmth of my morning erection.
Immediately pleasure washed through my body, something that made me realize just how sexually built up I was myself.
"you're not even gonna tell me to stop?" He questioned, teasing me with a smirk.
"—you know better, that's why," I replied with a smirk of my own.
He raised an eyebrow at that before dropping his hand, "Just get to cooking sir—you've got one and a half hungry people to feed." He told me.
I chuckled at that and grabbed his hand before leading us into the kitchen.
Khalil took a seat on the kitchen counter while I began to cook. Something that took only around twenty minutes to do.
"You're still the only person I know that puts sugar in their grits," Khalil spoke as he watched me make our plates.
"I got it from my brother—he used to do it a lot whenever we were over our pops crib," I replied honestly.
"aw that's cute—you wanted to be like your big brother." He teased.
"yeah..." I replied, placing the finishing touches on his plate.
"you never really talk about your brother babe..." he continued, looking across at me curiously.
My heart began to beat just a tad faster after that—just knowing how I felt about the situation.
"There's just not much to say..." I lied, "When Dad died—we didn't talk as much, we still kept in touch, but it wasn't as frequent."
"—then when I went to jail we fell out completely, it's like he disappeared. When I got out I tried my best to find him but, ion know...it's whatever." I waved off.
Thankfully he didn't press it further, I'm guessing he could just tell it wasn't a topic I wanted to keep pressing.
"here you go." I spoke, placing the plate of food next to him.
"Thank you, papa." He cheesed, reaching up to throw his arms over my shoulder as we enjoyed a kiss.
"—that came from both of us." He said with a giggle after we broke the kiss.
For a second I was confused, then I realized what he meant when he glanced down to his belly.
And that—that brought a smile to my face, a full and genuine one.
"eat." I then stated, before turning around to begin making my own plate.
For a good fifteen minutes, we ate, enjoying each other's company and the food.
It wasn't the best breakfast in the world, but it was sufficient enough.
Khalil was right though, I had to start practicing again—just so I could cook meals instead of eating out.
I want our kid to be as healthy as possible, I don't care what the gender was—they'd definitely be in the gym when they're old enough, and that came with eating right.
Once we were done, I went ahead and washed the dishes before making my way to the bathroom to get my hygiene complete for the day.
After handling that, I headed to our bedroom to get dressed, before returning to the living room area where Khalil was.
As usual, he was flipping through Netflix aimlessly, face ridden with boredom as he did so.
I chuckled and pulled out my phone—finally allowing myself to shake off the family man softness that was starting to grow in me, and get my head back in the game.
The first thing I saw was a message from an unknown number, which I then found out belonged to Lucien.
It read...
Rojo, I trust that you've had a good night's rest in order to complete the task I've entrusted you with. Names will not be said over the phone, but when the job is done, give this number a call...further details will be provided then.
I blinked at the message, for longer than I even realized because Khalil's voice broke me from my trance.
"Are you okay?' He asked, causing me to look up from my phone.
"yeah just sum' I gotta do today." I waved off.
Before he could press the issue, I walked over to him and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"call me if you need anything." I reminded him, "I love you."
"I love you too." He replied, watching as I made my way over to the coat rack, throwing on the outerwear.
After one last goodbye, I grabbed my keys and exited the house—locking up behind me.
As usual, I allowed my car to warm up before heading to my destination.
While I was doing that, I received a call from the same number that had texted me.
Of course, I answered it, immediately being met with the voice of Lucien.
"yo," I answered, staring straight ahead into the distance.
"Are you prepared?" He asked simply.
"Yeah," I stated.
"Good, My allies have set up a meeting with Saduj in an undisclosed location west of your city—I've just sent you the address." He spoke.
"He only seems to have brought one form of manpower—so it shouldn't be that difficult to get to him."
"yeah," I repeated.
That last response left the line a little quiet for a moment, and the only thing I could hear was the purr of my engine and the howling of the wind.
"is that some remorse I sense Rojo, don't tell me I was wrong about you?" Lucien asked, and just based on the tone he was using, I felt like he was interrogating me, or poking for weakness...maybe even both.
I blinked for a couple of seconds before parting my lips for a response, "I'll have it done within an hour." I stated.
After that, I ended the call and switched gears, allowing my engine to roar as I began to drive.
Remorse, no, it wasn't remorse, but there was definitely a feeling...and not particularly a good one.
A bad feeling, a feeling where I felt like there was a lot more to this than what was being presented on the surface level.
Lucien made his intentions clear yesterday, he wanted a partnership, even outside of this city.
He wasn't having me kill Saduj because I was the best option, he was having me kill him to test me.
He asked me to kill Saduj but I don't feel like I had much of a choice, If I didn't kill him, they'd probably come after both of us.
...and coming after me meant that Khalil by association would be up in danger, which meant our baby would be in danger.
I can't do that, not to a family I'm just starting to build
I owed Saduj no loyalty, especially when he's been the biggest snake in the city since I got here, If he needed to die, then so be it.
It was fitting if anything, He's stabbed so many people in the back that I doubt he even has knives left. He's had me kill countless 'friends' for him, time and time again, he's betrayed the people who've cared about him.
His head was so far up his own ass, that I don't think he ever considered the same thing happening to him.He didn't deserve remorse because he's never shown any, and everyone knows, the best way to kill any snake was to chop its head off.
and that's what I planned on doing ...
☯︎ 𝖍𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 ☯︎
cute little filler because yall deserve it.
sorry for any errors.