Monday
"Where's that handsome friend of yours? I haven't seen him all day today?" One of Kisaki's employee friends (who went by the name sam) asks.
"Who?" Kisaki replied confused as she looks up at him.
"*sigh He's talking about Haechi Kiki. Even I know." Emi answers. The little girl currently putting together her game of puzzles.
"Even the five year old knows. So where is he? I got so used to seeing his pretty face every Monday when he comes and looks after Emi whilst you work." Sam asks again. His words managing to bring a frown to Kisaki's face.
"First of all Sam, he's not interested in guys." Kisaki started off.
"Geez you didn't need to tell me that straight off the bat Saki." He clicks his tongue in annoyance as she just rolls her eyes at him.
"Since we're on spring break for a week, he left to go and spend the week with his dad and sister. I mean who am I to him to tell him to not go." She finally explains.
"Broken family?" Sam assumes as Kisaki shrugs and shook her head a no.
"His parents separated a long time ago in good terms. He just misses his dad and sister a lot since they barely visit him because of how busy they are. But he did tell me that he was going to tell them about how he felt and resolve some problems with his sister." She says.
Sam stood there with his arms crossed as he listens attentively.
"Isn't it time for you to resolve some of your problems as well?" He questions.
"My problem as in???" She says even more confused. Not really understanding what Sam was trying to imply.
"Your problem with your dead mother. You're really not planning to ever visit her grave?" He says in a matter of fact.
The look of dread washed over her face.
"I don't think I'm ready for that yet."
Sam slaps his face with the palm of his hands as he shakes his head.
"Ok but at least visit her old house. Your old house, hating her for the rest of your life would only make you feel uneasy. You really don't want to acknowledge at least any of the good memories that you had with her?" He reasons. She only groans at him.
"I hate you Sam. But I guess I'll try visiting our old house." She says in final as a huge smile appeared on Sam's face. The smile of victory.
"Tadah! I finished the puzzle!!" Emi exclaims, startling the two adults as they looked down at her. Seeing her happily pointing at her finished and arranged puzzle.
"Good job Emi-chan!" Sam giving her two thumbs up as she smiles sheepishly.
☪︎⋆ ˚✩ ⋆｡˚
*crieek!
She opens the door to her old house as she takes in just how dark and tranquil the house was.
"Ok. Kisaki face your fears." She tells herself before heading inside the house. No one has been in this house for over a year, she also found it weird why her dad didn't want to sell it as well when they moved out.
Kisaki took a deep breathe before going upstairs, her goal was to immediately head to her parents old room. She never step foot in that room ever since her mother committed suicide there five years ago. Was it so she didn't have to face the truth that she was actually gone or something way worser? Was she afraid to actually find something there that would change the way that she viewed her mother.
"Maybe I should just bail out..." kisaki mumbles to herself when she had reached her parents old room. Her hand already on the doorknob as the only thing left that she had to do was twist it. She just stood there silently, indecisive whether she should enter or not.
"Face your fears. Face your fears kisaki." She finally opens the door. The first thing that she was met with was a wind of dust, making her cough hysterically as she enters the room.
Maybe she should've worn a mask. The house has been unkept for over a year.
She looks around the room to see if she could find anything interesting. The room, not the bathroom inside it. Because she was scared. She didnt want to go inside there.
Kisaki searched the room for at least fifteen minutes but couldn't find anything interesting. Well besides her mothers old clothing. She was always interested in fashion, she remembers the time when she was younger and how her mother would like to dress Kisaki up in different clothing. That probably had something to do with why she loves cosplaying now as an adult.
"The only thing left is..." kisaki gulps.
Hesitant to enter the bathroom as it was the last place that she hasn't searched. But if she was going to get it over with, she might as well just enter the bathroom right then and there. And that's exactly what she did.
Her eyes quivers. It was as if she was hallucinating and could see her mother pacing around the bathroom. She hesitantly went over to the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. Her reflection changing. Her short black hair was now longer, the length up until her elbows. The same as her mothers. Her forehead had wrinkles, her under eye circles were darker now, the frown on her face the same as her mother's. Everything was the same as her mother. She was staring at her mother's reflection right now.
"NO!" Kisaki screamed out as she crouches down to the ground. Her whole body shaking in fear.
"Quick. I need to find something quick." She spoke, opening the drawers with shaky hands. There wasn't much inside the drawers besides a box tucked away at the very back. She quickly took it out. Seeing the box written with her name on it. The same box that Haechan found when they were searching for props a few weeks back.
She looks at the box peculiarly before opening it. Seeing a notebook inside with her mother's name on it. Himawari's journal.
Kisaki almost felt horrible for having to flick through it. She skimmed read the pages, seeing it filled with her mothers journal entries from the last few years. She was also able to see her name mentioned in the majority of the pages. Almost every one of her journal entries ended with; 'I'm sorry Kisaki.'
Her vision started to go blurry as she reached the last page where her mother had written on it. The last note that she'd written was on the day that she had decided to take her own life away.
I have decided to end my life today. No, it's not because of the fact that he brought up the topic of divorce. I couldn't care less about a divorce with him. I'm just mad. Mad at him, mad at myself, and at the universe for failing me. Why couldn't he just come clear to me that he's been cheating on me with a new women for the last few month. I would've been fine with it, but no he chose to keep quiet about it. For years he's been getting close to this women and made me look like a crazy person for overreacting.
I've gone completely mad at this point that I've inflicted my anger onto Kisaki. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for failing as a mother. I'm sorry for never being there for you. I want to, I really do. I want to so badly tell you that i don't like Kang-dae. I think that he's a horrible boyfriend, and that i don't think that he's a good influence to you, but I don't want to hurt your feelings and ruin your only chance at being happy. Who am I to tell you to stop being around a guy when I'm the same women who won't confront her husband for cheating on her? You weren't a mistake. You being born into this world unplanned wasn't a mistake. You were a miracle for me. A miracle that I never appreciated until now. At this very last moment. I wish you were here. To stop this. To stop me. To find this journal. To find out the truth about everything.
I want to meet Kaito's daughter. I want to meet Emi. I want Emi to know that her grandma loves her. But i can't because I'm unstable. Your father told me to not visit Emi until I'm back to normal and stable again. But when am I going to go back to normal? I cant even be a decent mother, now I can't even be a good grandmother as well?
Kaito knows about this. Kaito knows that he's been cheating on me. He doesn't want to tell kisaki. He doesn't want to hurt her. He doesn't want her to change her views on her dad. He'd rather have kisaki hate me and him together then hate everyone all together. Kisaki, Kaito is not oblivious to the things that I've done to you. Don't think that I'm mean to you only. I treat Kaito the same way just behind closed door. I gave him a long scolding after he got his girlfriend pregnant, I had to slap some sense into him and tell him to keep the baby. I don't want the same thing happening of when i had you, when your dad told me to abort you but i refused.
It's 3pm. I've taken the pills. I don't know why I'm still writing. I won't even be able to write anymore after this. I hope when I'm gone. You'd like your new mother better then me. The women that your dad's been having an affair with. I hope she treats you better than how I've treated you. I love you Kisaki. I know that this is selfish of me for saying this. I love you a lot. I wouldn't have decided to take my own life if I didn't want you to have a better life without me in it. I hope you'd stop associating yourself with that boyfriend of yours. You'll only end up like me. Find a guy who'd treat you like you deserve the entire world. A guy who'd love you endlessly. I'm getting tired.
I'm sorry again, kisaki.
She closes the journal. Her tears not seeming to stop since she read the last passage.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this. Why couldn't you have stayed longer so that I could tell you that I finally broke up with him." She cries. Sobbing as she hugs the journal, utterly lost for words.
-- ☆
8:00pm
She's stayed over at her old house for about five hours before she had the energy to get up and leave. Kisaki was now on her way back home. The neighbourhood dark and quiet. A little too quiet. It was still a long way until she'd arrive at the nearest bus stop.
She was still holding onto her mother's journal. Spending the last hour reading it, starting from the very beginning until the end. Kisaki knew that after she calms down, she was going to have a very long talk with her family members. Especially her father and step mother.
*wooo
She stopped at her traces when she hears the sound of someone whistling. She thought she was alone. This led to her clutching the journal closer to her chest as she tries to get her phone out whilst continuing to walk.
The whistling grew louder as it only terrifies her even more. Kisaki going to her contacts and pressing on the first number that was at the top of her call list.
.....
"Hello, Why'd you call lune?" Haechan answers the call as he waits for her to reply.
"I'm scared." Was all that she could say.
"Where are you right now?" He asks alarmed.
"Near my old neighbourhood. I think someones following me hyuck."
"Share your location right now, I'll come pick you up. Whatever you do don't get off the call ok?"
"Ok.." Kisaki's voice barely a whisper as she continues to walk slowly whilst still talking to Haechan. Haechan trying to keep her calm as he was on his way to pick her up.
"Lune look behind." Haechan spoke as she shook her head. Well knowing that he couldn't see her.
"Nu-uh, I'm too scared to look behind."
*beep!
The sound of a car honking startles her as she looks behind to see Haechan inside the car as he smiles at her. Motioning her to get inside the car.
"Thanks for picking me up. I know that you were spending time with your family. I'm sorry for making you drive all the way here for me because I was scared." She finally spoke as he drives the car.
He glances at her for a few seconds before making a turn.
"Don't apologise. Besides, I was out driving cause I got bored." He answers.
"Where's your motorbike? Surprised that you're still using your car."
"My little brother was riding his bicycle and he crashed into my motorbike, so now it's getting repaired because it has an ugly scratch on it." He explains.
Silence.
"Why were you out alone at this hour? You know it's dangerous right for a women to be walking out alone." It was his time to ask. He got a bit concerned when she wouldn't answer him. Haechan parking his car in front of a convenience store before he took a hold of Kisaki's face. Making the girl face him as he was able to see just how swollen her eyes were.
"Have you been crying lune."
She shuts her eyes before taking a deep breathe.
"I went over to my old house and found my mother's old journal. Let's just say that after this, I need a long talk with my family." She spoke as she forces herself to put up a smile.
"Kisaki.." He opens his arms out wide as Kisaki immediately fell into his embrace and broke down.
"Cry it all out lune. It's fine to release all your emotions. I'll be here all night to listen."