TW's: strict diet(?. Mentions of suicide (calm tf down they're both alive), sh, smoking
Y'all know me so well like I'm sure that if I didn't wrote the calm tf down y'all would think Toya is dead LMAOOO
From now on every one shot based on their future Akito will be taller than Toya... I'm sorry but I can't handle it
⚠️None of the characters used here have the same personality as in the game!⚠️
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—I guess we're done for today, Mr. Shinomone. Thank you very much and sorry for the inconveniences with the cameras.
—No problem. Good night.
He smiled and left the room, letting a tired sigh escape from his lips as he tried to reach his phone from his bag. As he went down the stairs, he looked at his watch and an annoyed face appeared on his face.
—20:57...? That a little to long for being the first production...
Akito Shinomone, a 21 year old man who just got into a model agency named 'Rantam'. The third member of Vivid Bad Squad, a street music group of three people that its name origin was a mystery to everyone. He had moved to Osaka for a little over two months now, and things were apparently working out. He was going up the stairs with tired feet, everything was silent and dark for his eyes. He opened the building's door, revealing the big city he fell in love with in no time. All the bright colors caught his attention, vivid colors, just as...
He tried to walk quickly, avoiding people walking next to him. The city was really a mess at this hour... he tried to use his phone, but the multitude didn't allowed him to; so instead, he was staring at the billboards around the city. Fashion stores, perfumes, food, advertisings that weren't really catchy for him. He just wanted to arrive home, he was exhausted.
'Huh? Is that Toya?' He heard a blonde girl ask to a guy who was standing next to her. Akito tried to look at the advertising, however, he was puzzled at the scene. His face looked fragile, his eyes did too, his hair was messy and he was holding a red guitar. But somehow... as fragile as his eyes looked, they also looked dead. Where had he seen this guy before? He was extremely familiar to him... On the bottom of the advertising, he noticed the name of the agency that that guy was working in, 'Rantam'... oh, that was a surprise. Had he seen him wandering around the office?
The picture somehow allowed him to see his insides, "Toya" wasn't broken, he was... mad, that's all. And that's when realization hit him like a truck. Aoyagi Toya. Did he worked in Rantam too? Even if his memories of Toya were blurred, he could certainly conclude on something: he was not the same as before, that was not the Toya he know, that was not the Toya he met, it was the Toya HE broke. The bright green light which allowed him to continue his path went on, and just as all the other people, he walked to the other side of the road. When he had the opportunity, he ran as fast as his body could handle.
He arrived home with wet clothes, messy hair, and apparently choking, just as if he had a rope around his neck that was getting tighter and tighter through minutes passed.
—Akito? Is everything okay? —a blue haired asked as she placed her phone on the table.
—He... he works on Rantam.
—Who's 'he'?
—He was... no. He... is... he didn't... he didn't looked like himself. He loo...looks better than before, but... but... he... he looks... angry, his eyes told me it.
—Akito, you're freaking me out. Who are you talking about?
—Shinomone-Kun... —a blonde girl joined the conversation.
—Toya.
The room's tension decayed after he split out the familiar name. Silence was now laying all over the four walls of the room, eating the three of them.
—Are you sure?
—Of course I am, dammit!
—How do you know?
—Rantam collaborated with a guitar company some days ago, he was there. I can't... I can't... I can't... what if he... what if I hurt him more?
—You won't. He did deserve what you did.
Now, the silent one was Kohane. She... she did missed Toya. Toya did nothing wrong, either did Akito. The difference was that Toya's depression was eating him alive, and Akito, on the other side, overthought the situation.
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—Toya-San! Do you want to see the pictures we took today of the new model?
Toya nodded, allowing Shizuku to sit next to him. She opened the computer, placing it on the table in front of them. Shizuku's sparkling happiness made Toya smile softly. But when she opened the file, his smile disappeared completely.
—You are joking, right?
—W...what do you mean!? Is there something wrong with the pictures? I can fix tha...
—P..please tell me that that mother fucker isn't working here.
—T...Toya? Is everything okay? Do you know him?
—Unfortunately.
They both remained silent. Shizuku didn't know much about her best friend's past, however, she did know one thing: the sarcastic and careless Toya she know was not the one he was before.
—Do you want to talk about it? —Shizuku interlaced her own fingers together, staring at Toya's eyes.
Toya shook his head frantically, his hands shaking while watching the computer's screen. Shizuku looked away while she felt her heart broke and the feeling of guilt in her mouth.
—What's up with you two? —another person entered the room.
—Rui! —she smiled uncomfortably, trying to give Rui a sign to help her.
Rui also stared at the computer before running towards it to turn it off. He turned back to Shizuku with widened eyes and whispered.
—That is Akito, Shizuku. —he cleared his throat. —nuh huh Toya. We're going to the karaoke, want it or not. He's not gonna ruin your "amazing" daily mood. —Rui said sarcastically.
Toya couldn't help but smile. What would he do without these two? They were his everything, his best friends. The chaotic trio that made the people on Rantam smile only with their presence and their childish fights. The three models who were always together, as if they would be lost if the others weren't there. Unlike Shizuku, Rui know Toya since high school, he knew the kind and quiet Toya. He laughed every time he remembered how he "created a demon". How he got mad fast, all his sarcastic comments were what everyone adored about him; but even if he looked careless, Toya was the one who actually cared, the one who was always there for them.
—I'm genuinely concerned about what happened the last time we went to the karaoke.
—It won't happen again. —Rui rolled his eyes with a dumb smirk on his face.
—I had to be absent to take care of you. If it happens again you are dead, Kamishiro.
—Yeah, yeah. Sure thing. —he teased Toya.
Shizuku laughed as she saw her friends arguing over little things again.
—Come on you two! We won't catch a room if we stay here!
The boys gave each other a glare.
—D..don't you dare Rui.
The purple haired got closer to him and picked him up without any difficulty. Did Toya loose a worrying amount of weight again or was it just his imagination?
—Put me the fuck down Kamishiro. —Toya said with a cold voice.
—Nah.
—I hate you.
—You obviously don't.
—I can't. —Toya muttered to himself.
—I heard that. —Rui giggled.
—Shut up.
—I won't.
Shizuku rolled her eyes and grabbed Rui hands, making him walk faster.
—Hurry up. —she smiled.
The three of them entered to the karaoke room, Toya sat on one of the couch, a tired sigh coming out of his mouth.
—What are you tired of? I literally carried you all the way here.
—Life.
—I couldn't expect another answer coming from you, Toya.
—Are you okay?
After being friends for years, sometimes, Shizuku didn't quite understood Toya's sense of humor. Toya shrugged and looked back to the TV in front of them, grabbing a microphone and throwing it to Rui.
—Is it that hard to pick a song?
—Everything is on Korean. Did someone changed the settings...?
—Come on, idiot. Korean isn't that difficult to understand.
—You say that because your mom is Korean... —Shizuku mumbled.
—Yeah, that's right! Who's the dumbass now? —Rui laughed at Toya.
—The one who looks like a unicorn.
—Says the one who looks like an ice cream.
—That's a really stupid way of saying you ran out of arguments.
—What part of me looks like an unicorn?
Shizuku spit out the water that was in her mouth, falling to the ground and starting to laugh.
—Wh...what part of you doesn't look like a unicorn? —she said while coughing
Rui was quiet until another microphone hit his head again. Without saying a word, Toya only stared at him angrily.
—Okay, okay. You win.
—We weren't competing.
—It's a saying.
—You don't know when to say that.
—I do.
—It doesn't seem like it.
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"I can't sleep. I don't want to hurt that person again. I can't hide that information to our fans."
Akito messaged Ena. His phone was exploding of notifications, but he only stared at the ceiling quietly. He grabbed his phone again and threw it to the darkness of his room. When could the three of them stop hiding it? They didn't changed their group's name, and most people were curious. Why couldn't them know the truth? They weren't huge artists after all. But how could they mention it if they ever did? Would they say that they were four when they started, but their fourth member tried to kill himself, which led all of them to fight? How would they ever tell them that their fourth member was Aoyagi Toya, that famous musician and model? How would they tell them that his eyes where dead because of them?
But deep in their heart, even after blaming themselves, they all knew that it was no one's fault. They were all mad, that's all. However, none of them knew how Ken was in constant contact with Toya, how he listened to him when he was exhausted from work, or exhausted of himself. Toya still had relation with some people who participated on Rad Weekend, and it felt as if a sword was going through their heart.
—We are going to be okay. —An, who was laying next to Akito, hugged him tightly.
—He didn't deserve it, An. —Kohane said quietly.
—Mh? Hane? Did you say something?
—Nothing.
An stared at Kohane's eyes for a couple of seconds, she frowned and turned back to Akito. Before the blue haired female could even notice, Kohane wasn't there anymore. Not even her smell remained on the small bed, her smell followed her all the way into her room. An could hear the blonde girl slamming her door, Kohane never did that, was something wrong?
—She has been acting weird for the past hour...
An muttered without taking her eyes off the ginger next to her. She was humming a song, just like a mother would to her crying child.
Kohane slammed her door as angry tears ran across her checks. She ran to her bed and grabbed a pillow, screaming into it. Why couldn't An understand that Toya wasn't a bad guy? She tried to make her notice Toya's feelings and reasons for years, but she never listened. Kohane felt guilty, deadly guilty; Toya was her best friend, and she abandoned him on the worst moment she could ever had. She remembers the hospital bed where the blue-haired was laying almost lifeless, however, she remembered how much An cried and screamed after thinking that Toya wasn't going to survive. She remembers how Ken also broke on a hopeless moment of despair and darkness filling their eyes as they saw him with his eyes peacefully shut.
—Heaven knows how many times he tried to commit even after he left.
After muttering the sentence that had haunted her for the past couple of years, she opened her computer and look up Toya's name everywhere. She listened to every cover he did, every song he composed and sang, letting his composition lead his hopeless voice as he sang all the words that avoided every corner of his mind. Her eyes watered more and more when she listened to every single of them, Toya's lyrics felt as a if he was desperately yelling for help. Toya wasn't okay yet, he just learned how to handle it. "Why can't you understand?" Kohane thought as more tears were running down her cheeks, she was afraid to stand out for Toya, but her heart told her to do it.
There wasn't a single night where she didn't have nightmares about the events that led them to fight, the fact that she couldn't defend either herself or Toya was terrifying and "stupid".
—That's it. I'm going to waiting for him after work.
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[ The sound of a knocking door echoed on the silent house.
—Toya?
No response.
—Baby, I'm really sorry for saying what I said. Your father is a great man and I couldn't handle it. Do you want me to call Tsukasa? Or I can tell your brothers to call you... something that can cheer you up?
...
—Oh god, this kid. —Harumichi said annoyed. —I'm coming in.
And just as he said he entered to Toya's dark room, with no source of light coming from inside.
—Fuck. Are you even here? If you le... —He cut himself after noticing a rope hanging from the ceiling and Toya's siluetee on the floor. —Turn on the lights.
As she was demanded to, she turned on the lights before covering all her face up with her hands, letting a yell scape from her mouth.
—M...my... my baby!
Toya's mother ran towards her son, trying to convince herself that the younger was alive. She pressed her ears against Toya's chest and desperately placed her fingers on his neck. As soon as she felt Toya's pulse, she let a sigh scape from her mouth as quiet sobs echoed all over the room.
—An ambulance is on their way.
One of Toya's brothers spoke with a calm and reassuring voice. He left the room without saying another word, walking far away from his brother's room with his phone on hand, trying to talk with a soft voice. As the phone started to ring, his fake smiled vanished to a blank expression. Someone else spoke on the other side on the phone, which caused him to talk with what wanted to sound like a calm voice, but it sounded otherwise.
—Good night. Is this Ken Shiraishi?
—Yes, that would be me. —Ken spoke with a low voice, which allowed the other to hear teenagers on the back complaining.
—I'm Aoyagi Toya's older brother.
...
Something was wrong.
—My apologies for calling all of sudden. —he continued. —Toya tried to kill himself.
—Toya... Toya what?
As the other three teenagers heard their friend's name going out of Ken with such a concerned voice, they all stopped talking to focus on the other. Their eyes impregnated on him, he hated it. Ken was for sure a strong person, but the only thing that he do was drying the tears that begged to go outside. Garage weekend became so silent all of sudden that the other three people could hear the words of the unknown person on the other side of the phone.
—How did he?
—Hanging. —he made a pause. —he is alive, but I don't know for how long. He wrote your number on his suicide note. —finally, his voice cracked. —please, go to the hospital with him. Don't worry about my parents. I will take care of that... the four of you meant everything for him, please be with him.
That being said, Ken could hear a quiet sob coming from Toya's brother before he hang the phone. Ken looked down, then up, then to his phone again. He could know that those three were crazy because of Toya's sudden disappearance, he knew how they called him non-stop for an hour or so.
—It's Toya. —he said with a deep and quiet voice. —just get to the car, call your parents if you have to.
—Dad? Where are we going?
—Hospital. ]
Kohane was crying while she hugged An, who was staring at the scene with tears on her eyes. Another slapping noise was heard on Vivid Street, one that broke more their heart into little and disappearing pieces. Akito had been yelling at Toya for more than twenty minutes, as the blue haired looked down.
—WE MADE A FUCKING PROMISE! YOU PROMISED, TOYA. YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULDN'T TRY IT AGAIN. BUT HERE WE ARE, STUPID. Here we are. We are here after not sleeping for a week thinking that you would die.
—That's why I wanted to leave.
—What?
—THAT'S WHY I FUCKING WANTED TO LEAVE! If I harm y'all so much I should leave. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NOTHING OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH! —Toya dried his tears with an annoyed expression on his face—. Fuck off, Akito —he answered to himself with a fake and weak smile.
Toya turned around and left, his heart shattering before Akito could slap him again. Akito falled down, crying his eyes out as he remembered everything he said and feeling guilt appearing all over his heart and body. Kohane tried to run to stop Toya, but An stopped her before she could even start running. How could they continue without him? An thought as she cried out loud, her eyes starting to hurt after some time, her hair getting messier and messier for pulling it so hard. None of them could get themselves together, but they didn't wanted to see each other; it was everyone's fault after all. What they all thought that was the end of vivid bad squad became worse, after realizing that Toya wasn't on the city anymore.
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The warm air of October was hitting Kohane's neck as she stood next to Rantam's door waiting for a certain someone. She was starting to get nervous, she didn't saw Toya for years, he was basically a stranger now. She waited, a lot of time had flew but she would stand there until her eyes could finally reach the figure and blue hair she was waiting for her eyes to reach. She had lied to them, she told them that she would go to photograph a product she was asked to, what if Akito saw her? Before she could notice, millions of thoughts where invading each corner of her head. However, she wouldn't feel guilt if Akito saw her, it was what her heart told her that was the right thing to do. As years went through, An started to hate Toya, and Akito didn't wanted to know a single thing about him. She didn't knew how to feel about Toya. Self harming, taking all kind of pills, Kohane knew what Toya was going through at the moment.
All her thoughts were shut down when she saw two familiar faces. A guy with purple hair walking with a blue-haired girl. Rui. He was Rui, the so called weirdo. He looked different, very different. She was sure that she knew those people herself. The blue haired girl moved, revealing Toya on Rui's back. Her eyes widened. He wasn't even close to the Toya she remembered. His hair was messier and a little longer, his eyes looked dead, the eyes she searched comfort in on the past were now dead, without any bright or hope in them. He still looked sad, but he also looked free. She sighed and walked closer to them.
—Aoyagi... —she muttered.
—K...Kohane? —Toya answered.
—I'm so sorry... —her voice cracked. —can we talk?
Toya looked at Rui, and the other nodded.
—Sure. —he jumped off Rui's back.
—Call us when you are done, okay? —Shizuku said with a smile.
Toya nodded. He stared Kohane for a couple of seconds, before she ran and hugged him, crying. He remained silent and hugged her back. He didn't knew how to comfort her, it was his fault, no, it was Akito's. Or maybe he should try again. His eyes watered after realizing how much he hurt his best friend, how he left without saying a word to her, even if she tried to defend Toya on their little stupid fight. She was the only one who cared. He didn't liked to think that Akito also did cared, because after so many years, he wanted to hate him. His feelings were like a maze without an exit, every corner of it told him to hate Akito, but even if he acted like he did, he couldn't. He just couldn't. He couldn't cry in front of Kohane. Why were those suicidal thoughts invading him again? He thought that therapy helped him to get rid of them.
—Let's walk, okay? —he said with a comforting smile.
After a couple of minutes, Kohane could finally stop crying.
—How have you been, Toya?
—Better.
—Are you going to therapy now?
—Yup. Twice a week.
—I'm glad you are better... —she paused. —look, I'm.. I'm so sorry for not helping, I just... I couldn't. And I feel so guilty and I know that I should have shut Akit...
—Stop there. Kohane, it's not your fault. I know that you tried to stand out for me.
—Yes, but still...
—No. —he continued—. Don't blame yourself.
—Don't you hate me?
—Absolutely not.
The blonde girl smiled warmly and sighed. At least he didn't hate her as she thought she would.
—How did you find me? —Toya asked.
—There's a billboard on the Main Street, he saw you yesterday. I instantly knew that you worked at the same company as him, so I came.
Toya nodded silently, but he didn't seemed bothered by the fact of being with her. That was relieving. He did seemed bothered when Akito's name came up. He didn't wanted to remember how much he hurt him, but he didn't wanted to admit how he still loved him after leaving them without another message other than his painful words, screaming for help, help disguised as anger and resentment towards them by saying that no one understood what he was going through.
—You have been composing a lot lately, right?
—Yes... lately I haven't had much time because of work, it's exhausting...
—Cool. —Kohane smiled—.
—How's Vivid BAD Squad? Or trio, or I don't know if you have a new member. I haven't heard about you guys for a while, to be honest.
—We are good, I think. —she paused—. We don't have a new member, but those two are getting into my nerves lately.
—Why? Is everything okay?
—An thinks that it's your fault.
—Nothing new.
—What do you mean?
—You know that I considered Ken as a paternal figure, so I have been in contact with him since I left. He told me that An was frustrated and... what you said.
They both remained quiet, Kohane could notice the scars in Toya's arms, but they didn't looked old, they looked pretty recent on her point of view. However, she knew that Toya wouldn't open up so easily to her, not after not speaking to her for a long time. Kohane stared at Toya, and she broke the silence between them.
—Why do you look shorter than usual?
—I think that's the most random question you could drop.
—I know, but I need an answer.
—Because I joined Rantam when I came here and started to eat less. Let's say that I have a strict diet that I don't regret having.
—Don't you regret it for making you stop growing...?
—Nah
—I think that you're even shorter than Akito...
—Yes, I am probably shorter than Shinomone.
—But like... when was the last time you broke your diet?
—Last year I think.
—How do you live...?
—I don't, I might end up killing myself. —Toya said sarcastically.
—NO!
—That was a joke.
—Sorry, I was used to the nice and soft Toya...
—Hey, I am nice!
—I didn't meant it that way!
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Shizuku sat on her bed silently. She always wanted to know about Toya's life and past, but the only person who could get that information out of his mouth was his therapist, and sometimes Rui. However, every time that he was talking about it with Rui, he looked annoyed. She was curious and seriously wanted to help, she knew that if five years had passed and Toya was still going to therapy meant that what had happened was something serious. She felt bad, only the thought of Toya suffering made her sad. She knew that maybe Toya wanted to keep it to himself, and she felt guilty for wanting to know. Maybe it had to do something with the guy he was so triggered to see. Shizuku always noticed small details, and when the picture incident happened, she could notice Toya scratching his hands, and today, she could see how the scars on his arms were open again. How many times had they talked about it? What if she had to search for another therapist? If Toya did that again maybe therapy wasn't working. Was it her fault for showing him the picture? Her eyes watered as she felt more and more guilt running through her body. Toya had been clean for half a year... did she ruined it? Before she could even start to cry, someone knocked on her door.
—Shizu? —Rui asked. —I'm coming in.
Rui looked at her for a couple of seconds, before he talked again with a concerned voice.
—Why are your eyes like that? Do you want to cry?
Silence.
—Rui... T...Toya...
—Toya?
—He hurt himself again.
...
—Was it my fault? —She asked as she hugged a bunny plush tightly.
—No! Why would you say that?
—Because of that Akito guy...
—It wasn't your fault. —he tried to smile, before he frowned at yelled his name with an angry tone.
After a couple of seconds, Toya opened his door.
—What. —Toya answered leaning on the door of his own room.
—Come here.
Toya rolled his eyes with annoyance and walked towards Rui.
—Arms, now.
—What? No.
—What are you scared of?
—I'm not scared.
—Lift your sleeves.
—Rui. What makes you think that I d...
Before he could finish, Rui grabbed his wrist tightly. Toya shut his eyes closed, which made the other understand that he was on pain.
—Why does it hurt?
—Because you are too damm strong.
—Don't lie to me.
Rui lifted Toya's sleeves by himself, but what he saw made him froze. He did expected it, but... they were deep, horribly deep. Yellow tried to meet gray, but Toya was looking down, which meant that none of them could see his face. Rui's expression finally softened, he didn't looked angry anymore, he was disappointed.
—Toya...
—I... I'm sorry, okay? Just leave me alone.
He harshly removed his arm from the other's hand, rolled down his sleeve again and left the hall, shutting his door and locking it. Shizuku stared at Rui and he let a loud sigh scape from his mouth. He didn't wanted him to lock himself on the room, he was awfully scared of what he could do inside. However, he knew that he couldn't do anything about it. The purple-haired got closer to the blue-haired and sat on the chair next to her bed.
—It's not your fault, you should know that.
—I want to know about his past, Rui.
—Do you remember the girl from earlier? —he continued when Shizuku nodded. —I have her number, meet up with her. But don't let Toya find out about it, we would be dead. Her name is Kohane, call her and tell her that you want to know more about Toya. I could tell you, but it's better if someone who was close to him when "it happened" talks to you about it.
—Okay. —she smiled softly, drying her tears with her thumb.
—Just don't do anything stupid.
Rui left the room and slowly closed her door, sending her a look before closing it completely. He sighed once again when he saw Toya's door knowing that he wouldn't open up. He grabbed his phone and shared Kohane's contact with Shizuku, and then opened Toya's chat to type the words "I love you" , words that were quickly read by Toya. Rui's eyes felt heavy, but he wouldn't sleep until he knew that Toya wouldn't do anything stupid during the cold and lonely night.
Shizuku opened Kohane's contact and her eyes were called by her profile picture, Kohane, another blue haired, and the guy Toya was so terrified to see. She frowned before calling the other person, curiosity was eating her alive. Who has him, exactly?
—Hello? —Someone talked on the other side of the phone.
—Hello! Is this Kohane?
—Mh? Yes, this is her. —Kohane answered with a polite tone.
—I... I'm deeply sorry for bothering you! My name is Shizuku Hinomori, I was the one who was with Toya before you talked to him.
—Oh, the cute blue haired? —she giggled.
—Yes! —she answered with a soft smile.
—How may I help you, Shizuku?
—This will sound really weird, I'm sorry. Can we meet up to talk? I want to know more about Toya's past...
—Sure! —Kohane said happily. —when and where can you meet up?
—Tomorrow at the park?
—Sure thing.
An ear-to-ear smile was drawn on Shizuku's pale face after hanging the phone, however, she still allowed herself to breathe all the guilt on the air. "It's for Toya's sake" she muttered for herself before she closed her eyes to try to get her black and silent sleep. Tomorrow would be another day, another day to start over, another day to be a better friend and person. She was sickly worried about Toya. She knew that he would only open up to Rui, anyways. But tomorrow would be another day. She would be able to know more about him, even if it wasn't going out of his own mouth.
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"8:13 a.m" Shizuku read on the bright screen of her phone. She sighed and got off her bed, she had plenty of time for herself until she would meet up with Kohane. The blue-haired got out, hoping that her eyes could see Toya. She did, indeed. His eyes drowning in unstoppable tears, his eyes without a hope staring at Rui's sorrowful eyes as the other hugged him tightly. 'I still love him, Rui' that was the only part of the conversation that Shizuku's ears could hear, her eyes widening as the scene. Rui was holding Toya's arms, his uncovered scars haunted his beautiful and dead eyes, since he did his best not to look at them. Shizuku got closer to them and rubbed circles on Toya's back, staring at Rui, Rui staring at her. He shook his head, trying that his movements told Shizuku how Toya wasn't okay. She silently left the house, she knew that Toya couldn't stand people staring at him with sorrowful eyes.
————-
—Are you leaving again? —An asked.
—Yes, there are some pretty trees I want to photograph. —Kohane answered with a fake smile.
Both Akito and An nodded, seeing how Kohane put her shoes on and closed the door careful and silently. They both glared at each other, An placed her elbows on the table and faked cried.
—I don't know what's happening with her lately.
—She has been acting weird... I wonder what's she's up to.
—Do you think we should worry?
—Nah. —Akito laughed. —if something bad was happening she would definitely tell us.
—But... have you noticed her smiles? They look colder and faker than usual... she isn't like this.
—Stop overthinking, An.
—Right.
—————-
Kohane sat on one of the benches on the park, her heart beating faster when she saw the figure of the person she was looking for. The other gave her a weak smile, smile that was corresponded by Kohane, since she smiled towards her too. They introduced each other properly, and Shizuku gave Kohane a bouquet of flowers in a sign of thank you. Kohane sighed, and after talking for a little bit, she finally started to talk about what mattered.
—Toya... he was having a really hard time. I met up with him, and for you, it would, maybe, be hard to imagine a delicate and soft Toya. He was really sensitive, he was... innocent. Did he ever told you about classical music and his family?
—No... I don't know much about his past.
—He was neglected as a kid by his parents, he never went out, since he was a classical music prodigy and he couldn't waste his talent. Everyone on his family dedicated their lives to music, but Toya started to sing street music in a rebellious attempt to let his father down. That's when we met him, and we formed Vivid bad squad.
Kohane stopped for a couple of seconds, since she knew that she had already talked to much and she should let Shizuku have a break. After some seconds, she continued.
—His parents never liked it, they always told him how he let them down and that he was 'ruining' his life. His father never expressed proudness towards him, he didn't even looked at him. His mother often manipulated him, and his brothers called him naive. Akito, one of Vivid bad squad members, helped him through and I can say that I'm pretty sure that they were in a relationship when the incident happened.
—What incident?
—Well, you see... Toya never talked much about what happened at home everyday, we only knew that something was off when he was *really* acting off. He was taking a lot of meds, and he had been having a lot of panic attacks. On one of those panic attacks he tried to kill himself. He almost died, Shizuku. He was on a coma for a week, the chances of surviving were horribly low.
Kohane paused and wiped the tears that had already escaped from her eyes.
—He was safe. After a couple of weeks, he could finally go out of the hospital. Akito and him had a huge fight, Akito was yelling at him for an hour or even more, until Toya just lost it and started to yell back. That was the last time we saw him, since he moved and blocked us all.
Shizuku remained silent. She hugged Kohane when she started to cry, but said nothing. She knew that he often hunted himself, but she never thought about suicide. The Toya she knew wasn't the same that they knew, it was hard to imagine him having a whole different personality. She sighed as she rubbed circles on Kohane's back, but soon enough, her eyes widened on a moment where everything started to make sense, the pieces of the puzzle going finally together.
—Before I left home he was crying. He self-harmed again, Rui was holding him and I heard him whisper that he still loved him. I think that he has been trying to hate him for years but he can not do it. He loves him, I can sense that.
—Akito loves him too. He hasn't allowed himself to fall in love with anyone else. Do you think that it is a good idea to... get them together again?
—I hope so, it would help Toya.
—It would help Akito too... he hasn't stopped blaming himself for years.
—Is that a yes?
—Yes. Let's do it.
They both smiled, knowing that it was the best thing to do. They seemed to connect really fast, shared their ideas and experiences with the two boys. But deep inside, they feared of the reactions. Shizuku, mostly, felt that she would ruin her friendship after finding out about something that Toya, most likely, didn't wanted her to know. However, it was for his own sake and he had to accept that. Maybe, just maybe, he would get better. Kohane smiled at the thought of Akito finally stopping decaying in depression after what happened.
"Things will get better" they promised.
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—So... we wanted to make sure that Toya would be okay.
The two girls glared at the purple-haired man sitting in front of them. He seemed to refuse for a moment, but then it seemed as if he was really trying to be on Toya's mind for a couple of seconds.
—He can't on Thursday. Toya and I have a shoot that day. Friday it would be great for him, though.—Rui stated firmly, making sure that the girls understood that he agreed.
Two relieved sighs were heard in the table, followed by two laughs.
—Oh god, I'm so glad he agreed! —Kohane said happily.
—Akito has to be careful with his words. We have to be close to them. Shizuku, you and I will have to keep an eye on Toya after they meet. You know, just to make sure that he isn't doing anything stupid. Tell Shinomone that he isn't as nice as before, he is more... difficult; we don't want him to feel bad either. No more warnings, I guess.
—So... are you and Akito available on Friday?
—Yes. He is free that day. An isn't free, so it's easier...
—Shiraishi doesn't agree with this, doesn't she? —Rui sighed, and Kohane shook her head.
—She is going to kill me...
—Shiraishi...? Shiraishi An? —Shizuku asked.
—Mh? Yes! Do you know her?
—Yes, I did! She was nice, at least to me.
—She is nice! It's just that she worries about Akito a lot.
The girls laughed again, Shizuku remembering her old friend. She never imagined that An was Toya's partner. World is so tiny.
—Where can they meet?
—The... Tombori river is near here, right? —Kohane asked quietly. She moved recently and didn't know much about places, anyway.
—Oh, yes! That would be perfect! —Shizuku grabbed both of Kohane's hands, fascinated by the idea.
—Do you mean the cruise or somewhere near there? —Rui asked.
—I'm not sure. The cruise is always filled with people; and if I'm remembering correctly, Toya hates crowds. —Kohane replied.
—He does, but he can tolerate it. It wouldn't be nice that other people could listen to their conversation, though.
—Friday morning. A lot of people are working or studying, it is a good hour.
After what felt like hours, they discussed multiple places, but also discussed how the environment would affect their feelings. Minutes flew, and they finally concluded on the place, hour, plans, and more things. The red wire connecting Toya's and Akito's feelings, was, indeed, as resilient as them. It didn't mattered how many times their feelings were like sharp scissors that tried to cut the wire desperately, it wouldn't break. There wasn't anyway that their love could end, anyway.
—I should head home before those two start suspecting. —Kohane got up and smiled with embarrassment.
—Speaking about suspecting... do you think that Toya is okay?
—He surely is. I mean, I told Kanade to pass by to check on him a couple of hours ago. If she already left he is probably asleep.
—You know? I admire you.
Shizuku and Rui turned their heads towards Kohane, their eyes expressing the mutual confusion between them.
—You care a lot about Toya. I'm sure that he is safe with you, he loves you both a lot.
—We do... we also love him very much. I suppose that you're like that with An and Akito, right?
—I... I hope so. Akito never talks to me about his problems, and I question myself because of it... —she laughed awkwardly.
—Nah. Toya is the same. —Rui paused. —do you imagine that they kiss?
—Are you high? —Shizuku joked.
—Shut up. —he slapped her on the head.
—Knowing those two... they probably will. —Kohane added.
—See? I told you!
—Oh, shut up Rui!
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[ —Is everything ready?
Shizuku at 6:08
Mhm! Akito is still asleep, but we still have plenty of time
You at 6:08
—Same here. Toya has been tired lately, so it's better to let him sleep.
Rui at 6:11
—I will wake him up in five minutes.
Shizuku at 6:11
—Don't be mean, let him sleep 10 more minutes.
Rui at 6:12
]
Kohane smiled at herself when she saw the messages. It was nice having more friends other than An and Akito. She sighed and stared at the clock placed on the kitchen. She got up and grabbed a couple of things, leaving the house to leave them on the car. When she entered, she looked at the clock once again. She took a deep breath, and her feet raced up the stairs. She opened one of the doors silently, got in and met a peaceful Akito. It was weird to see him that way. All his blankets on the floor, which made her know how he wasn't cold. "You are a human heater anyway." She thought and opened the curtains on his room.
Akito groaned and tried to ignore her, but he gave up after Kohane started to talk things that he couldn't understand. He was half asleep yet. He sat on the bed and covered his face, throwing a pillow at Kohane before she continued speaking. When she looked back to him, his hair was messy, his room was a mess, and he couldn't keep his eyes open for much time.
—As much as it relaxes me to see you peacefully, you have to get up and get ready. You have thirty minutes, I will wait for you in the car. —She snapped her fingers as quickly as she could and left the room, but not before pulling Akito by the arm to make sure that he would get up.
—What's going o... —before he could continue, Kohane had already left the room.—I knew that you were planning something, and I certainly don't like this.
He stretched his arms and turned the shower on, and after a couple of minutes, he was finally ready. His expression said a million words, he didn't wanted to get up, he seemed annoyed by the fact of sitting on the car next to Kohane. She was on to something, and neither him or An liked it. He could see Kohane answering texts on the car, he didn't liked where this was going, he was... scared.
It wasn't a long ride, but he knew that Kohane wouldn't organize an event that early in the morning. He asked a million of times, but the only answer that could go out of Kohane's mouth was silence. It was almost as if she was ignoring him completely, his presence being lost and forgotten. Akito frowned, his eyes could reach the famous river almost in front of him. Slowly and carefully, the blonde girl parked the car, still not giving Akito any answer. He was getting impatient.
When Kohane stepped out of the car, a blue-haired girl greeted them both with a huge smile. He had seen that smile before. Kohane was smiling now, too.
—I'm glad that we could actually make a reservation!
—That's all thanks to you, Shizuku! —Kohane laughed. —where is 'him'?
—Rui and him are already in.
They both smiled towards Akito, Kohane giving him her hand, squeezing Akito's. Shizuku, Rui, and herself were extremely nervous; the three of them had things to loose if it didn't turned out as expected.
They got into the cruise, going up a set of stairs, each stair making their heart beat faster. The wood of the last stair creaked, which made the two other boys turn to see the people on the stairs. When Shizuku approached them, Rui gave her a look. The duo took a deep breathe, before revealing Kohane, holding the hand with another person. Toya gave Kohane a confused look, why was she here? It wasn't like if her presence annoyed him, however, confusion was eating him alive. Rui turned his head to Toya when the third person appeared, the half and half haired guy covering his mouth with his right hand.
Akito froze when he saw the other and stopped walking, which made Kohane to let go of his hand. 'Toya' 'Akito' they both muttered the other's name. Toya stood up, Rui walking him to the middle of the platform, then going back to where the girls were. He was... so changed. The love of his life, the person who had left years ago was there, in front of him. He was now a couple of centimeters shorter than him, the same eyes he had on the advertising of that cold night, his messy hair and a cigarette on his hand. He... was really his Toya.
Akito's eyes were now full of tears that wanted to desperately go out. He didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think. We could only stare at the other, who had already let his tears scape. On a blink of an eye, Toya ran towards him, hugging him tightly, Akito corresponding the hug and understanding that crying was okay. Not a single word came out of their mouths, Toya cried uncontrollably, and small sobs were going out of Akito. Toya hugged his neck, a word still not going out of his mouth.
—I'm so fucking sorry, Toya. —Akito muttered.
—It's okay, I promise. —He answered with a weak smile. Words could barely go out of his mouth. —I love you so fucking much.
Ironically, the person who tried to hate Akito the most just told him how much he loved him, hugging him tightly and crying nonstop. Surprising.
After a couple of minutes, they finally pulled off. The air playing with their hair, their heart beating as if it was going to out of their chest. The three opposite people sighed in relieved, hugging each other and clapping. They sat on the back, while the two rencountered souls sat in front. They had a lot to chat about, a lot of things that they had to clear.
Everything was going to be okay.
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—Great, Kohane! You did everything without even trying to speak about it with me! Something that could have end horribly wrong!
—He is much happier since he saw Toya!
—This shouldn't have happened!
—Everything is much better now, An!
—You did all of that without even telling me.
—Because you would had denied it.
—I obviously would! Do you know how you risked our friendship?
—Of course I know.
—You have no idea of how he suffered because of Toya.
—You have no idea about how it helped him! Not only Akito, Toya too!
—I don't care about Toya! Do you know how much this could hurt Akito?
Kohane laughed sarcastically, sending An a murderous look, something that wasn't normal of Kohane.
—Let me see if I understand. Toya was a depressed person, with family issues, who's only hope was dead, and you still blame him for trying to find peace? You are surprising, 'Shiraishi'. I spoke to Shizuku, she told me about how fucked up Toya was when she met him, Toya told me that he was finally going to therapy, and you don't give a fuck about him? That is not what a friend would do.
...
'Friend'. One word, a million of memories, feelings, thoughts. Maybe she was right, after all.
—Friend? We are speaking about Akito.
—Akito suffered, a lot. He thought that it was his fault, you and I also did. Even if you don't want to admit it, Toya was your friend too, and you are only defending one of them. Meeting Toya made him happier, you can not deny it. He is finally in peace, he doesn't feel guilt anymore, he understood that none of them was wrong. Do you know why, An? Because they are humans and they have feelings! Why can't you behave like an adult and use your common sense for a minute?
Silence. An looked away, thinking about how she blamed someone who wasn't guilty for a long time. She was right. Toya was on a hopeless void, and his only hope to reach light was killing himself. She knew that, but didn't wanted to admit it. Guilt was eating him alive, and now, his light was Toya. He was never a bad guy, he was someone who suffered.
—Do you know what is the best thing, An? —Kohane's voice returned to normal.—Toya knows that you hate him. Do you know how?—silence.—because he has been in constant contact with your dad since he left.
—You are right, Kohane. But I still think that this will hurt Akito.
—It is common sense. Hurt him? Damm it, An. You're really a bad friend.
—I don't want to see him hurt again...
—We aren't teenagers anymore... —She said with a sad expression. —just... handle it.
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—Nee, Toya... —Shizuku nervously called his name. —An is coming today.
—S...Shiraishi? —His eyes widened.
—Yes. —Rui answered.
—Oh.
Silence.
—Is everything okay?
—Yes. It's only that Ken says that she is still mad at me.
—We need you both to reconcile.
—Sure, I guess. —Toya said without paying much attention to the conversation.
Rui and Shizuku gave each other a look, and then looked back at Toya. Months had ran since his soul found peace and comfort on the soul of the other man that he wished to encounter for a long time. He was happier than before, which was a relieve after so many years of unhappiness and medication. Toya was lost in his thoughts, his sweater was strangely bigger, the sleeves covering his fingers. It clearly wasn't his own.
—I never saw you wear that sweater before! —Shizuku smiled.
—Oh! It's Akito's... —he blushed slightly.
—Man... you don't even try to hide it anymore...
—Shhhh...
Toya raised his middle finger up, the door suddenly opening after he did this. Akito looked at him, and he looked at him back. The other also raised his finger up, making Toya laugh. Shizuku and Rui stared at them at the same time, smiling.
—What a sweet way to say hi, dude. —he giggled. —Kohane and An will be here in a couple of minutes.
—How is An feeling? —Shizuku asked with a sad tone.
—She is nervous... I mean, she shouldn't be. Toya is an angel.
—'Angel'? Did you just see how he was raising his middle finger at me...? —Rui faked cried.
—Shut the fuck up.
—See? He insulted me.
—Nah.
The karaoke room suddenly became silent, since two people were outside. Akito rubbed Toya's back, his hands feeling the tension the other had. When the door opened, the first thing that An could do was stop her eyes from drowning. She did her best to hide it, she really did... but it was difficult, very difficult. After a couple of seconds, Toya turned back to see Akito, who only nodded in response. Toya got up and hugged her. Caressing her hair, whispering his thoughts. An raised her head, meeting Toya's face, which only made her realize how true her friend's words were. He was so changed, and deep inside her heart, she felt like it was her fault. Months before, Akito did the same thing she was doing on that single moment, something that she should have done weeks after Akito, not months. Finally, she broke in tears. Her heart broke, but she could cense the comforting aura of the boy standing in front of her.
—I'm... I'm so sorry Toya! —her tears were now unstoppable.
—It's okay, An.
—No, it isn't okay! My dad told you my feelings! I was dumb, I was really dumb!
—You also have emotions, An. You did and felt what your heart wanted you to feel. It's okay, really.
His voice was soft, the words that came out of him told her how everything would be okay, that she was as human and had emotions. 'If I forgave Akito, why shouldn't I forgive you, An?' He whispered. They were both his friends, it wasn't fair to only forgive one of them for the actions that they both made. They were teenagers, stupid and immature teenagers, whose only response to problems were yelling, insulting, and more. None of them should have the weight of blame on their shoulders. They all did dumb things, but none of them was actually wrong for letting their emotions out.
—I love you, Toya. You were one of my best friends, and I couldn't loose you... but my words and actions only did what I feared...
—Shh... it's all on the past now. We are adults, we can handle the situation.
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The city was loud. People were walking everywhere, it was even heard to breathe that way. Toya was laying on one of Rantam's outside walls, staring at the cigarette he had on his hand. He threw it on the floor and stepped on it, his mind slowly pleading for him to stop hurting his health that way. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, feeling a warm embrace behind him. He placed his hand's above the hand of the other person, whose hand was on his waist now.
—Hey. —Akito's voice finally spoke.
—Hey. —Toya turned around, kissing the other's lips. —are you feeling better?
—If I'm with you I'm feeling better. —Akito looked down at Toya, smiling.
Toya laid his head on Akito's chest for a couple of seconds, then, he pulled off the hug and looked at the clock.
—It's time... —he whispered. —I'm already falling asleep and the shoot hasn't even started. —he said with a soft smile.
Akito grabbed Toya's hand, making their way inside of the company. They got into a big room full of cameras and with some people inside. They were greeted by them, and a pink haired girl finally spoke.
—Akito, they will do your hair that way. They will also give you the clothes there. —she pointed right where some people were preparing some products. —Toya, they will apply makeup, do your hair, and give you your clothes that way. —they both nodded at the directions.
—Airi... —Toya rolled his eyes. —I will make sure to get you and Shizuku together just for you to feel the same pain we do right now.
—If we have a couple... we have to make good use of them! —she joked.
After a couple of minutes, they finally stopped chatting and made their way to the way each one of them was supposed to go. It was their work and they loved it, after all. Akito couldn't help but smile at Toya, words couldn't express how much his heart loved him.
—He really is an angel... —he whispered.
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I'm so sorry for the delay :(.
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