I wake up and immediately go on my phone to spend my day.
I scrool through tiktok, Twitter, messages, snapchat stories. Instagram etc
I spend my entire day rolling over, taking naps, and in my phone in bed
I got up occasionally to eat or pee
The past three days were like this. Saying I had a few free months from modeling I could do whatever I fucking wanted
I got some frequent notification from the triplets and Madi and alahna. Chris mustve told them
I heard a knock on my front door but I didn't do anything
It kept knocking
"JUST FUCKING COME IN" I scream and I hear it creak open
It shuts and footsteps come up the stairs
I continue on my phone and ignore whoever was here
"Hey" Chris's voice said, it sounded deformed and dead
I peek over at him and go back at my phone
He walks in and just stands behind me by by bed
"Why are you here" I ask blankly
"I wanna talk" he sniffles
"How did that end last time" I ask without looking away from my phone
"Please" he says
I roll over to face him and his eyes are red and puffy and he looks a wreck
"Fine" I say sitting up
"Talk" I say
"I'm um..I'm sorry for yelling at you" he says and sits on the corner of my bed
"Mhm" I say looking in my lap
"I love you" his hand meets mine
I feel myself starting to choke up and try swallowing the lump in my throat
I squint my eyes and a tear falls to my lap
"I talked to Matt" he says
"About that" I say not knowing what to say next
"I'm not mad" he cuts me off
"How" I ask
"I technically cheated" I breath trying not to sob
"I understand where it came from" he says
I stay silent because if I speak again I'll start crying
"Can we just be okay again..? I miss you alot" his voice cracks
I nod slowly not knowing what to do
His arms go around me and I hold onto him
Hot tears pour down my cheeks and soak into his shoulder
"Don't cry" he says and pulls away
I look up at his red eyes and then I fall back and lay down
He copies and lays apart from me so we're facing eachother
We sit for a while in silence and I don't look in his eyes but I feel his stare at mine
I look at his hands playing with mine
"I'm sorry for ignoring you guys" I say
"It's okay" he says
We lay for a few more hours and talk very little
Chris ended up falling asleep and I felt a little motivation to get out of bed
I slowly get out of bed and start collecting dirty clothes and bring them to the washer and start it
I grab all the dishes and carry them in a pile down to the sink
Then I come in with a garbage bag and pick up al of my trash that I scattered throughout my room in the past week
I walked into my bathroom and closed the door and started the shower
I took off my somewhat dirty clothes and look at myself in the mirror
I look at my tear-stained cheeks and realized how much I had been crying for a week
I got into the shower and washed my greasy hair
I wash my body and shaved
When I was finally clean I turned off the water and dried off
I looked at myself and felt refreshed
I wrap myself in the towel and go Into my closet to get some clothes
I put on a black fresh love hoodie and some shorts and underwear then put my wet hair in a bun
I grab my dirty clothes I was wearing, white ransom T and a pair of sweats, and put those in my laundry basket to get washed
I walked downstairs and cleaned the sink full of dirty dishes then set them in the rack to dry
I go back up to my bathroom and brush my teeth that I haven't gotten to in three days
I brush my tongue then rinse out my mouth
I clean my ears and get back into bed
He groans and his arms make their way over me and he pulls me into his chest
I tense up and stay still for a few seconds and then felt more comfortable
I missed this, I missed being with my other half, I missed Chris.
I breathed in his smell that I lacked for too long
I breath in his scent over and over
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
I hold onto Chris's arm and fall asleep much faster than I have been
I was stripped of his love
Even though we weren't broken up I still felt so alone