Rio picked his head up off of Carl's leg and snuck out of his and Lori's embrace. He headed forward, past Glenn who tried to hold him, past Shane and past Rick and past Daryl who now held a sobbing Carol.
"Don't look. Don't look!" He called out to Rio. He didn't answer, he just ignored him.
He stopped at the front of the group, aware of all eyes on him and walked towards his brother. What was left of him. Rio identified him instantly from the clothes he was wearing. He tripped over an arm on his way towards him but continued going. He needed to see. He needed to make sure.
Rio dropped to the floor once again. His fingers tracing the bullet wound in his brothers head. His breath hitched as he held the other boys face. He held it in his hands and gagged as blood pooled out of the wound and trickled into his palm. Rio jumped back, wiping his bloody hand in his shirt, shouting when it just smeared, it wouldn't go away, it wouldn't go away.
A pair of arms engulfed him, Rio didn't know who. He didn't care who. All he knew was one thing: he couldn't stay here.
Everything was hazy, he collapsed into the person, clinging to their arm as he sobbed. He stayed there for a moment, hoping it would all just disappear or maybe that he would disappear. He couldn't hear anyone else's sobs but his own. The person went to pull him up. Rio got scared and slipped beneath their arm. He turned around. Rick, it was Rick.
His face was splattered in blood and now his arm was also smeared with what was on Rio's palm. He stared back at the man, eyes wide and watery. He couldn't stand it.
Rio ran, he took off in the direction of the farm house but turned at the last second, heading for the field behind it. His legs didn't carry him as fast as they usually would but this time no one was chasing him. He didn't have to outrun anyone. He tripped over rocks and stumbled along the path before slowing down.
His leg was hurting and he sat on the ground. Dust kicked up around him as he rested against a fence and curled his legs into himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to slow his frantic breathing.
Dead. He was dead. He was bit. Rick had shot him. Each new thought sent him spiralling again, he couldn't believe it was real. He didn't want to.
He tried to count to one-hundred. Tried to focus on anything else. He tapped his foot against the floor and hit his fingers against his arm.
It took a few minutes of counting but soon someone was in-front of him. They just stood there, watching him rock back and forth for a while, trying to calm down. Rio opened his eyes and looked up.
"Are you... okay?" Daryl asked.
"No?" Rio choked out, it was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. The absurdity of everything had him feeling insane. Jesse was gone, he was gone! He'd felt the hole through his head, his blood stained Rio's hands. And shirt. And jeans.
Daryl awkwardly came and sat down to his left. He leant his head onto the man's shoulder. Rio sniffled, but let out a small smile. Deep down he'd known. He'd known Jesse was gone. When his brother didn't come home after the first day he'd suspected it, but by the second day he knew. Jesse wouldn't have left him, he just didn't want to admit that his brother was really gone. Not lost, gone.
"I think you should maybe talk with Carol. When you're, you know, okay." Daryl said quietly. He bit down on his lip nervously, he hadn't really spoken to Carol much, aside from their conversation about feeling useless. Rio had never wanted to say any more to her. He'd always feared saying the wrong thing.
He nodded along as they sat in silence for a while, not knowing what to say to each other. Rio started crying again. At first it was just tears, Daryl hadn't even noticed, but soon sobs over took him.
"He was there all along." He cried. "I almost got you killed, just to look for him, and he was... he was here."
"You didn't get me killed kid," Daryl shushed him, "I would've gone out anyway."
"If you didn't take me, you wouldn't have had to sneak out. You would've know about the stupid horse and... and..." Rio trailed off, he couldn't finish, he didn't even know what he wanted to say.
Daryl reached out and pulled the boy into a side hug. Rio burrowed his head into the man's chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "I hate kids." He muttered.
Rio let out another sob, which then turned into a small laugh.
He pointed at himself, asking a silent question. He thought about what he'd said earlier about how he felt he had to leave. Sometimes he confused himself, he didn't know what he needed.
No, Daryl confused him. And Glenn and Carl and Maggie and Lori. They all made him want to stay without even trying.
"Yeah whatever, you're special." Daryl replied. Rio laughed again, before the man pulled him in for another hug.
They sat there together for a while. He didn't cry anymore, he just sat feeling sort of numb. "I think we should go see Carol." Rio said, letting out barely a whisper as he repeated what Daryl had suggested earlier. "She's probably sad."
"Yeah. Sure kid." He sighed. "Let's go."
Rio got up first, pretending to pull Daryl up, acting as if he weighed a ton. He just grunted in return. He slung his arm around Rio's shoulder, pulling him close.
"How many times are you gonna bust those stitches?" Daryl asked, Rio looked down to find blood trickling from his cut, again. He didn't even notice he'd done it. "Man, you gotta stop running all the time. You ain't any use to anyone if your leg never gets better."
"You better be on bedrest for the next week. You need it." He joked. Rio glared up at Daryl. He knew he was right. He wouldn't admit it though.
Rio had limped back to the farm, leaning against Daryl to help him walk quicker.
Daryl avoided the barn, taking a longer way to get back to camp. Outside the RV they ran into Lori. She hurried over and wrapped Rio in her arms. He let her.
"Sweetie..." she sighed, "I'm so sorry."
Rio was unsure of what to say. He didn't know what he could say. He still couldn't properly process how he felt. He couldn't process anything other than guilt. It was his fault, it must've been. He tried to think back to a time when they ran into walkers and Jesse didn't risk his life trying to save him. He was useless. He grabbed the back of her shirt tighter.
She let out a shaky breath before pulling back and kneeling on the floor beside Rio, getting to his level. "We're going to bury everyone, would you like that for your brother?"
Rio nodded, his voice felt stuck in his throat, he couldn't croak anything out. Lori pulled him in for another hug before taking a deep breath. "Rick found this in his bag."
She pulled out a small book, "Jesse" scrawled across the front. His diary, he'd kept his diary. Rio held back a laugh, he'd caught his brother writing in it numerous times before the outbreak, he didn't know Jesse had kept it. Maybe it was a different one.
"Thank you." He replied and Daryl squeezed his shoulder. With that, all three of them entered the camper.
Carol turned to them as they walked into the room. He noticed the flower Daryl had found her was wilted on the table. Rio smiled at her and she smiled back. It was a sad smile. They both wore a sad smile, they were going through the same thing.
"They're ready." Lori announced quietly, she hung her head low and didn't even fully enter the camper.
Carol shook her head, refusing to look at the other woman.
"Come on." Lori pushed, stepping forward.
"Why?" Carol muttered, bitterly.
"Cause that's your little girl." Daryl responded.
"That's not my little girl. That's some other... thing." She spat, her arm swung forward accusingly and Rio took a step back. He hadn't meant to.
She looked at him, eyes wide and turned away to face the window, face solemn as she continued. "My Sophia was alone in the woods. All this time I thought..." she trailed off. "She didn't cry herself to sleep. She didn't go hungry. She didn't try to find her way back. Sophia died a long time ago."
Nobody dared to speak. Lori left the van and Daryl let out a long exhale before he jumped off the counter, him and Rio leaving too. He shot one last look at the woman who still faced away from them all. He felt bad as Daryl dragged him outside.
***
This was Rio's second time at a funeral. He didn't like it anymore than the first, if anything it was worse. So much worse. It wasn't even really a funeral. No one made a speech like they had for Otis's. No one even spoke. Everyone just gathered around the four graves in silence.
Hershel had gotten changed. He was wearing a suit and tie and he stood tall before the graves. No one else had gotten changed. Rio didn't think anyone could have gotten changed. Besides, nothing they had with them would be any nicer than what they had on.
They stood for a few seconds and then left. One by one everyone disappeared. Rio didn't know who to go with, he didn't know who to follow. Daryl headed into the woods and the boy didn't follow him. Glenn left and he didn't follow him either. He just sat on the floor besides his brother, staring at the upturned dirt. Lori asked him to come back with her, Rick and Carl.
They sat on the porch of the farmhouse together. After a while Rick and Lori left them alone, presumably to clear the rest of the bodies. That's where they had headed anyway, to the stack of bodies before the barn.
Carl didn't speak and neither did Rio. They didn't ask each other questions. No, 'how are you' or 'are you okay'. They just sat together silently, only lifting their heads occasionally to try and catch the others eye.
Both boys turned as they heard the roar of the truck engine. The back was filled with walkers, Andrea sitting at the end. He thought about Jesse, how he would've been in that pile if not for Rio. He wouldn't have been recognised, he would've been a nobody.
There was a crash that came from the farm house, followed by the sound of loud clambering footsteps. Rio jerked up, about to head inside but he couldn't. He couldn't stand to see anything else bad happen today, besides what could he do? A few minutes later Glenn ran out, then he ran back in, followed then by Lori, then Rick, then Shane. In that order.
Glenn told them to just wait there and that "nothing really bad has happened." He explained.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Carl spoke up, questioning the older boy. "What's classed as 'really bad' to you?"
"Uh, Beth just had an accident."
"An accident?" He asked again. Rio gathered that the bang they'd heard earlier was her. Was she hurt?
"She fainted, at least I think she has." Glenn replied.
"Oh."
Soon after Rick came out, loading his pistol and getting into his car. His face was expressionless and he didn't acknowledge Carl and Rio who he'd just walked past.
"Where are you going?" Carl asked, getting up from where he was sat. "Are you leaving?"
"No, no—" Rick said. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Rio knew he was stressed, he'd seen his parents do the same thing when they were overwhelmed. "Hershel's not here, we're going to find him."
Then Glenn came out too, picking up the gun Shane had given him earlier that day. He threw Maggie a nod to which she returned before turning to Rio. Rio kept his head down hiding under his cap and hoping Glenn would understand he didn't want to talk. He did, he just nudged his shoulder as he walked past.
He walked down a step before turning back around and kissing Maggie again. Rio looked away awkwardly.
"You ready?" Rick asked him.
"Yeah."
And then they were off.
Carl and Rio headed towards the camper, stopping before the barn watching the rest of the bodies being hauled onto the trucks. It was half an hour later they were burnt.
They didn't stay to watch.
***
sorry this is so short hershel spends half the episode in the bar