SINKING DEEP
(Limerence)
"Daddddd pleaseeee!" Umagang-umaga pa lang umaalingawngaw na ang boses ko sa loob ng bahay namin.
"Frey, magsta-start na ang midterms niyo tapos gusto mo lumipat ng school?" wika ni Daddy sakin.
Umaga pa lang kasi nang nagsimula akong magmakaawang lumipat ng school. I want to transfer to Silvestre kasi nandoon ang dream girl ko.
"Daddd, let mee, pleaseee?" pagmamakaawa ko ulit sa kanya. Grabe halos isang oras na ako nagmamakaawa rito pero wala, antigas ng puso.
"Honey payagan mo na ang anak natin, maybe she wants to study in a new university." Sabi ni Mom kay Dad.
That's why I love her. She's on my side pag may misunderstanding kami ni Dad sometimes.
"Papayagan kita pero anak alam mo namang lumaki ka na sa school na ʼyon. Sayang ʼyong pag maintain mo sa school ng ilang years," pagpapaliwanag niya sakin. "And also sayang din na hindi kita mabilhan ng kotse," dagdag niya.
"Kahit huwag niyo na po ako bilhan ng kotse, kahit maglakad nalang ako from here to that university basta payagan niyo lang ako mag transfer, pleasee dad..." agad na pagmamakaawa ko.
Bahala na kung wala akong bagong kotse, who cares? Mapipigilan ba n'yan ang nararamdaman ko sa babaeng bumihag sakin?
Of course, no.
"Is that what you want?" tanong niya.
"Yes Dad gusto ko mag-aral doon kasi maganda ʼyong facilities at ʼyong campus and I've heard that they have the best art room and may small museum pa sa university where you can display your art if they'll give you a chance."
Meron naman talagang small museum ang university na ʼyon at nalaman ko nung nag research ako about sa mga school na sikat yong pag gagawa ng art.
Hindi ko talaga nakita ang facilities at lalo na ang campus ʼyong museum lang, nagsisinungaling lang ako para makalusot.
"Let her be, honey. Malaki na ang anak natin, look at her wala namang mali kung lilipat siya ng school," ika ni Mom.
"I love you so much, Mommy." I said while hugging her.
Tumikhim si Dad, "I know malaki na ang anak natin pero baka sa huli pagsisisihan niya ʼto, mga kabataan ngayon padalos-dalos kung mag desisyon." Pagwiwika nito.
"Dad, malaki na ako, I'm no longer a child anymore. I possess the ability to discern between right and wrong decisions. Sayo ako nagmana, diba?" sabay hawak ko sa braso ni dad para madala siya. "And now I stand as an independent woman. Please trust in my capabilities."
"Anong magagawa ko?" sabi niya "You're just like your Mom hindi ako makatanggi.
Mom and me both chuckled as we both hugs him.
"You're the best Dad. You two are the best!!" I shouted.
Anthony Je Mercedez, my father's name, holds a degree from the esteemed Zuella University, a renowned institution situated in the United States. He pursued a career as a Civil Engineer. A successful one. He has a lot of project up until now, pinag-aagawan siya ng mga kompanya.
Patricia Geovannie, my mother, is of mixed heritage, with British and Filipino roots. She has excelled in her profession as a chef. Fate brought my parents together at Zuella University, where they not only found love but also supported each other in pursuing their dreams.
When I was a kid plano na ni Mom na doon ako mag-aral sa US where they graduated as a successful degree holder pero na stuck kami sa Pilipinas dahil maraming project si Dad dito kaya dito na ako nag-aral.
We have a normal life, talking about socio-economic status nasa upper class kami. Both my parents raised me as a humble one. Hindi ko nakukuha ang gusto ko. Kung meron man akong gusto dapat pagsikapan ko. Lahat ng family gatherings and events ay kompleto ako dahil kina-cancel nila ang mga schedule nila for me. I'm very thankful because I have parents like them.
Hindi ko sinasabing mayaman kami pero parang ganun na nga. We have a mansion na bunga ng sikap ng mga parents ko. We have cars, two Mercedes and two BNW hindi pa kasali ang tatlong Motorcycle ni Dad pero lahat ng ʼyon walang sakin. Hindi pa ako pinapadrive kasi worried sila at walang time na magturo dahil dense na talaga ang mga schedule nila now.
Nagco-commute lang ako minsan o sinusundo ng mga parents ko pag hindi sila busy. I don't know why pero ayon nga kung makapasa ako sa midterms may sasakyan ako.
Pero malabong mangyari ʼyan ngayon. Hindi na ata.
Kaiyak.
Pero para sa babaeng bumihag ng puso ko, tatanggapin ko.
Pagkaraang ng isang araw ay inasikaso kagad ni Daddy ang mga requirements para makapag-transfer ako sa Silvestre University.
Malaki ang tuition sa Silvestre but galing din ako sa mga private schools at nag-aral ako sa isang famous college school dito sa Pinas without a failing grade.
Na meet ko naman ang requirements ng school at walang naging problema, tanggap agad ako.
I was so happy when I heard the news from them. Nagtalon-talon ako sa tuwa at kinikiss cheeks nila. Hindi dahil sa natanggap ako kundi makikita ko na ulit ang babaeng nagnakaw ng puso ko. My soon to be wife. Susundan ko siya kahit saan man siya pumunta.
Ang problema lang ay isang oras at bente minuto ang byahe rito patungo sa University. Twice sa layo ng school na pinapasukan ko.
"Freyyjaaa!" tawag ni Dad sakin.
Nagising ako sa sigaw niyang aabot pa sa kabilang bahay. Agad akong bumangon at nag-unat saka inayos ang sarili tapos bumaba na para mag toothbrush.
Pumunta na ako sa sala pagkatapos kong mag-ayos ng mukha sa bathroom.
"Kumain ka na rito," utos nito sabay hatak ng upuan para maupuan ko.
"Dad wala namang pasok ngayon kung makasigaw akala mo may sched ako. Next week pa pasok ko." Sabi ko sa kanya.
"Walang pasok ngayon pero I'll teach you how to drive, you're right 19 ka na at hindi ka pa marunong mag-drive. Nagkamali kami sa part na ʼyon ng Mommy mo dapat tinuruan na kita dati pa but because of busy days nawalan na ako ng time doon." wika nito.
"It's okay, Dad. I understand tsaka I'm a fast learner trust me, " I said then nag wink sa kanya.
"I will teach you to drive para magamit mo ang Mercedes sa pag-aaral mo. After kita turuan kukuha tayo ng driver's license but before that magd-driving lesson ka muna." Sagot nito habang kumakain.
"Tsaka baby hindi naman kami papayag ng Dad mo na mag commute ka lang, hindi ka na rin namin kaya ihatid at sundo kasi may mga work din kami kaya now dad will teach you to drive." Dagdag ni Mom.
"Your school is far from here. Hindi rin ako papayag na baka mag dorm ka kasi wala kang kotse tapos para malapit lang." Wika ulit ni Dad.
"Really? Yes yes yes!! Thank you Dad!!" Sigaw ko na akma na sanang yayakapin si dad pero siniko niya lang ako.
"Nguyain mo muna ʼyang kinakain mo and after we eat mag ready ka na." Utos niya saka kumain na rin.
Hindi mapawi ang ngiti sa labi ko. First, pumayag silang mag transfer ako. Second, tanggap agad ako sa university that means makakapasok na ako by Monday. Third, ipapagamit nila ang Mercedes sakin.
Gusto ko nung una na bago ang kotse ko pero that doesn't matter anymore as long as may magagamit ako for traveling para makita siya araw-araw.
Natutunan ko agad kung paano mag drive, sobrang cool magturo ng dad ko. Nag joyride pa kaming tatlo palibot ng city after ako turuan. Alam ko na agad and they made sure na totally marunong na ako in just one day of learning from dad. I made them impressed for being a fast learner.
After that day nagdriving lesson agad ako at na-approved agad ang license ko.
Inasikaso agad nila ang Driver's License ko at mga need ko as a student. Lahat lahat ng kailangan ko ay nasakin na.
Si Rhea nalang ang kulang.
***
Araw ng Lunes. My first day sa Silvestre University.
Where I want to follow my dream.
Rhea Blee Isfaela, here I come.
After mag breakfast ay nagpaalam na ako sa mga parents ko, sabay kaming lumabas sa gate namin. Ako sa black mercedes na kotse sila mom and dad naman ay nasa isang Mercedes din na kulay white.
Sinundan muna nila ang kotse ko to make sure na walang maging problema tsaka nag u-turn para pumunta sa workplace nila.
Kinonnect ko ang phone sa bluetooth ng sasakyan saka nagpamusic ng Daylight by Taylor Swift.
Yes, I'm a Swiftie.
My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in
Everyone looked worse in the light
There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven
I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye
Sinabayan ko ang kanta because this somehow relates me in my situation right now.
I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night
And now I see daylight, I only see daylight
When I saw her. I don't have an interest to land my eyes on another woman. Just her. Iniisip ko na nga kung saan kami magpapakasal at bubuo ng pamilya.
I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you
"I can never look away"
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
"Things will never be the same"
I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night
"Now I'm wide awake"
And now I see daylight (Daylight), I only see daylight
"Daylight"
I only see daylight, daylight, daylight, daylight
I only see daylight, daylight, daylight, daylight
Every time I caught a glimpse of her back at the coffee shop, my heart would race because she was there, as welcoming and warm as the morning light.
And I can still see it all
"In my mind"
All of you, all of me
"Intertwined"
I once believed love would be
"Black and white"
But it's golden
"Golden!"
I couldn't help but feel hopeful as the song's lyrics resounded in my ears. Perhaps, just perhaps, there was potential for more between us. I was both excited and nervous at the prospect of investigating this possibility.
And I can still see it all
"In my Head
Back and forth from New York
"Sneaking in your bed"
I once believed love would be
"Burning red"
But it's golden
Like daylight, like daylight
Like daylight, daylight
A happiness bloomed im my heart. My car's wheels kept turning, and so did the wheels of destiny, steering me in the direction of a future in which our paths might cross once more. Makikita ko na rin siya and I will make sure na mapansin niya na ako. I will never give up.
This is the beginning.
While driving, I caught sight of a girl donning a white long-sleeved shirt paired with a necktie and black pants. Sensing something amiss from her expression, I pulled my car to a stop, recognizing that she likely encountered car trouble. Pinarada ko ang sasakyan at lumabas papunta sa kinaroroonan niya.
"It appears you're having a problem," I remarked, approaching her vehicle.
Initially, she seemed annoyed, galit but her demeanor swiftly transformed. Nag-iba agad expression ng mukha niya.
"My car has a flat tire, and I'm running late," she explained.
"I have my car," I offered.
She hesitated, expressing her reluctance to accept help from a stranger like me. Frustrated, she attempted to contact someone on her phone, but received no response.
This girl is totally a brat.
"Fine, if you're not interested," I responded, preparing to leave. Lalakad na sana ako pero bigla siyang nagsalita.
"Wait, I'll go." Sabi niya sa mahinang tono.
I smiled at pumunta na sa kotse na sumunod naman ito. I opened the front seat door at sinara. Binuksan niya naman yong isa pero ang lakas ng pagkakasarado.
"Chill, this is not my car. It's my parents car." I explained. Bakit parang ansarap niyang iwanan nalang sa sira niyang sasakyan.
Siya na nga tong pinasakay napaka ungrateful pa.
"Who the heck someone like you doesn't have a car and just using their parents car." Sabi nitong bruhang pinasakay ko.
Kung alam ko lang na ganito ugali niya hindi ko na ito pinansin sa daan.
"Who the heck owns a car and doesn't have a money to buy new tires." I chuckled.
"So where do you wanna go?" Tanong ko while driving.
"Silvestre University." Simpleng sagot niya.
"Parehas pala tayo ng pupuntahan hindi ka naman nag tell agad." Natatawang wika ko.
"Oh really? that's.. fucking coincidence, " walang gana niyang sagot. She seemed annoyed.
"I'm Freyja, you, what's your name ungrateful bitch?" tanong ko rito. Napanganga naman siya sa tinanong ko at agad sumagot.
"Ungrateful mo mukha mo!" she exclaimed. Natatawa nalang ako kasi may halong accent ang pagtagalog niya like aussy.
"Savannah," she replied, "Just call me Sav."
Sasabihin naman pala ang pangalan niya dami pang arte.
Nafucos ako sa pagd-drive kasi it's my first time driving kaya. Tahimik lang ang babaeng pinasakay ko pero kitang-kita pa rin sa mukha nito ang pagkairita, kahit hindi naman inaano.
"Okay, Sav andito na yata tayo." I uttered.
Pumarada ako sa university at totoo nga napakalaking campus nga and the ground is so wide and clean. As I glance around, my eyes widen to take in the picturesque campus scenery and the refreshing atmosphere of the university. Unlike many other institutions, this school exudes a distinct charm. It is evident that the student body consists of individuals who hail from prominent backgrounds, perhaps as children of politicians and renowned celebrities.
Tiningnan ko ang babaeng pinasakay ko kanina at nakalayo-layo na sakin grabe hindi man lang nag thank you at nagpaalam.
Napa ungrateful ng mga tao ngayon sila na nga yong pinakitaan ng magandang loob tapos kahit pasalamat wala.
Tiningnan ko relo at napa-mura ako sa mga ninuno ko. What the hell! It's 9:00 at magsisimula na ang first subject ko.
"I'm freaking late!" sigaw ko at nagmamadaling pumasok sa building.
Hindi ko alam kung nasaan ang building but nakalagay sa paper na binigay sakin ni Dad ay room 018 Building 4. Halos liparin ko na ang hagdanan paakyat at hindi na gumamit ng elevator. Sa pagtatakbo ko bigla akong nakasagasa ng tao.
"Ah!" Sigaw namin kasabay ng pagtilapon ng mga books niya.
Unang araw, unang kapalpakan.
"Sorryyy!!" Agad na hingi ko ng tawad sa nakabangga ko at dali-daling pinulot ang mga books na nahulog. Marami-rami rin ang mga librong nahulog kaya dalawa kaming namulot may mga notebooks rin.
"I'm sorryy din, sorryy hindi rin ako tumitingin sa daan." Paghihingi niya rin ng pasensya sakin.
Napulot na namin lahat ng books at thank God wala namang nagalos sa kanya.
Antanga mo, Frey!
"I'm sorryy. I just transferred here and this is my first day, I'm looking for room 018 kasi kaya nagmamadali ako at hindi kita nakita." I explained.
"Ahh, Art Department?" tanong niya sakin.
"Yes, BFA." sagot ko sa kanya.
"I can guide you also may hinahanap lang akong building pero since doon na ako nanggaling sasamahan nalang kita." She offered.
She's wearing a modest knitted dress, paired it with a white blazer that accentuated her charming and delicate figure. Completing her ensemble, she opted for white sandals, adding to her simple yet elegant appearance. Yong mga pang wattpad na simple girl tapos gugulatin ka nalang sa prom, something.
While her attire conveyed a sense of unassuming simplicity, it was evident that she possessed a certain intelligence and sophistication, defying the stereotype of a nerdy girl. This type of girl is a smart one. Sama mo na rin ʼyong mga books na dala niya like who the heck ang magdadala ng ganyan karaming books sa college?
Although she had a certain cuteness about her, she did not align with my personal preferences. Not my type of girl.
"Really? Omg thank you so much. Btw, I'm Freyja Elie just call me Frey." Pagpapakilala ko sabay lahad ng kamay for handshake.
"I'm Catalina, Cat for short. I'm a Business Administration student." Sagot niya at tinanggap naman ang kamay ko.
Sinamahan niya ako sa 3rd floor tsaka iniwan kasi hahanapin niya pa ang room niya sa ibang building.
Bago siya umalis ay pinasalamatan ko muna siya tsaka binigyan ko siya ng chocolate as a sign of friendship. I'm sure magiging friend ko rin siya sooner.
Bago pa lang ako pumasok ay nag sign of the cross muna ako dahil sa kaba. First day of school tapos late ako. What kind of student I am?
Pagkapasok ko ng room laking pasasalamat kong wala pang professor ang nasa harap at tanging mga art student lang ang nandun. Mga bago kong classmates.
Lahat sila nakatingin sakin na para bang manghang-mangha. Nagtayuan rin ang ibang mga student habang nakatingin sakin. Standing in the classroom, I wore a look of apparent bewilderment, contemplating who exactly had captured their attention.
The classroom went completely silent.
Ang iingay nila kanina nung hindi pa ako pumasok pero ngayon parang dinaanan ng pitong anghel sa sobrang tahimik.
"A-ahh.. H-hi.. I'm your new colleague." Pagpapakilala ko. Na-awkward ako at hindi ko nalang sila pinansin. Nakakahiya.
Umupo na ako agad sa bakanting upuan sa may gilid ng window para pang main character ang datingan. Sarap ng hangin tapos tanaw mo pa ang campus.
"Hi, what's your name?" Tanong sakin ng isang babae. She looks great with her polo shirt, suits her a lot.
"Freyja.. Freyja Mercedez," sagot ko.
Ayaw ko muna maging active kasi first day ko pa lang. Gusto ko manahimik muna hangga't hindi ko nakikita ang gusto ko.
"I'm Charlotte, nice to meet you and welcome to hell." Sabi niya sabay tawa.
"Hell?" I asked, inilapit nito ang mukha sakin.
"Oo kaya you must be ready to face satan," she chuckled, making me scoff.
"O-okay..."
"I'll see you later," she winked, bumalik ito sa upuan niya. I averted my gaze and thought about what she had just said pero pinagsawalang bahala ko nalang.
Baliw ang babaeng ʼyon.
Habang nag-aantay ng professor nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid. Grabe sobrang ganda talaga ng campus. Kung alam ko lang na ganito kaganda dito edi dito na ako nag-aral dati pa.
Tiningnan ko ang bag ko to double check ang mga gamit for paints. From Basic art supplies like sketchbooks, pencils, erasers, sharpeners, and rulers.
Also painting materials like paintbrushes, paints, palettes, and canvas or paper for painting ay kompleto sa bag ko. Baka magpagawa ang professor ng kung anong art at least ready na ang gamit ko.
Nagmamasid pa rin ako sa labas nang biglang nag-iba ang simoy ng hangin. Rinig na rinig ang tunog ng boots sa hallway. Hindi ko alam pero bakit biglang tumibok nang mabilis ang puso ko. Parang kinakabahan sa kung ano man ang nangyari.
I closed my eyes as the door opened. Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko na naglalakad na ito papunta sa harap namin. Here comes a woman emerges, her appearance evoking an aura of darkness and intrigue.
As the woman entered the room, a chilling aura seemed to surround her, causing my colleagues to fall silent in her presence. Her gaze, icy and penetrating, bore into us, revealing her ability to manipulate those around her.
That look can kill someone.
With each resounding step of her boots, the other students quickly regained composure, preparing themselves for what was to come. She paused in front of the class, gracefully placing her laptop and books on the table. I couldn't help but bite my lip in awe of her undeniable beauty.
A profound silence engulfed the classroom, broken only by the faint sound of wind rustling through the window, adding an eerie stillness to the atmosphere.
Crossing her arms with an air of stoicism, she fixed her gaze upon us and began to speak.
"Good morning, everyone. My name is Rhea Blee Isfaela, your professor for the second semester. We meet in first semester and seems we meet once again.
"It's me, again."