CHAPTER FOUR; trapped bird
She felt as if this was all some sort of punishment from the Gods. For what, the answer never came — what had her family done so badly that they had been abandoned in this way? Perhaps to make up for their lack of protection and guidance, they had sent Sihtric back to her.
He didn't utter a word to anyone about the water or food he snuck in. He never commented on her extra bruises, though she would feel his angry stare upon them. It had only been a few days, he told her, as she was unable to see outside, but those days felt like eternity.
She had never been treated as less than a loved daughter before, despite being trained to fight— she had never been told what to expect when treated like a prisoner. So the beatings and the taunting were answered in rash hot anger, and she always had a reaction.
Sihtric struggled with the sight of another bruise harming her skin the way it was doing so, caused by his Father, he struggled watching her sit against the metal bars of the pet-like kept cage and eat with her mud and bloody stained fingers. He started coming with wet cloths, so she could wipe her skin clean the best she could manage.
He watched her as he usually did whenever he managed to sneak into the hut, his arms between the bars and clutching the one that met in the middle. Her throat ran down the water she was gulping until she had enough, pulling the cup from her lips and sparing a look toward him, her eyes widening slightly at the fact he was already watching her.
Blush dusting across his cheeks, Sihtric was quick to run his eyes away. He used to do that when they were younger, always embarrassed whenever he was caught, which to his failing luck, was every single time — sometimes she would giggle, but she never teased him beyond that. Her Father always used to tell her ways to scare boys away, but her Mother would tell her the opposite.
None of that mattered now.
She was sure she would never fully trust anybody again.
But she really, really wanted to fully trust Sihtric — that's what she was doing now, though, was it not? She remembered the bruises that would fall upon his skin, she remembered the way she used to kiss underneath his eye where he would be hit, and the way he said he liked that.
"Am I going to die here?" Tova speaks for the first time since showing her gratitude at the water and bread, eyes finding his again — she was the sea, and he was the clash. Hers blue, and his two different colours, but she had always liked that about him. "Don't lie to me, Sihtric. I won't be a fool of Loki's trickery anymore than I already am."
His heart hurt the same way his heart hurt when he found his family was banished all those years ago and he couldn't say goodbye to her. He and his Mother had been treated the worse during the move, his Mother's hate grew and after attempting to poison Kjartan, she had been killed for it.
She was Sihtric's only purpose now — Tova.
No, she wasn't going to die.
"That may be what they want," Sihtric doesn't lie to her, he can't — he always hated to do so. Always so cold to others but bare-skinned and warm to her. She, his childhood best friend and the woman he loved all the same, "But it will not be what I allow to happen. Tova, Tova. . ." He clutches the bar, "I have a plan."
The mention of his thoughts running, she dared herself to look him in the eye. He was staring intensely, nodding his head along with his words so she understood that he meant them — that he couldn't let this go on any longer. Only a few days and he was breaking at the sight of her breaking, what would another week do to him? To her? A month? If she was even alive — the thought knocked him sick.
She repeats, "A plan?"
Sihtric didn't have a great plan yet. "For your escape," He confirms so she can hope, looking over his shoulder quickly before back at her. "I will plan it tonight, I know the routine by heart but I will scale everything and plan it perfectly so you may take your leave, Tova." Her hand came over his, her eyes searching his mismatched ones.
"Our escape," She corrects him.
He wanted to be able to leave with her, to run and live a life together somewhere else, like they spoke about in the forest as she'd make him flower crowns. He wished for that now, but that would have to wait.
He shook his head and her face fell, "I cannot go with you, I must mislead them the best way I can," Sihtric explains his reasoning, and she hates that, he's staying behind to help her. "I must not make them suspicious or slow you down with the chance of being so close to capture again. But," She wasn't looking at him now. "Tova,"
"You can still come with me. You are a prisoner of Kjartan more than I—"
"No, it will only be you this time," Sihtric interrupts her, not wishing to juggle the possibility of her convincing him to change his mind. "I will find you."
Her face was doubtful, her eyes darted away, lips pulling downwards.
He ripped his hands away, only to replace them on top of hers, trying to make her listen. "I will find you." Blue eyes met his, tears filling hers, and he hates that he is the reason for such. He hates that he has caused her any pain. "Wherever you are, I will find you. You will leave signs, you will leave tracks — that only I would know."
That only he would know? They had spent years apart, they hadn't known each other since then, since now.
But then a smile pulled on her lips, replacing the frown, though it's devastating all the same. "You always complained about my flower chains."
He did, Sihtric remembered. You make them too long to pocket, he would often say if he was handed a chain instead of a crown. He hated how he took that for granted, their moments of peace until it was taken from him. Until he was taken from her, more like it.
"Then that is my sign," Sihtric whispers, curling his fingers against the back of hers. "Do you agree?"
Tova was exhausted, her body ached and she wished to cry. Her only source of comfort came in the form of Sihtric, who wouldn't be leaving with her if she managed to escape at all. "As long as you promise you will do as you say."
He doesn't waste a second in nodding, he was telling the truth. He'd storm every castle and village after he took his own leave to be with her again. "I will find you, I swear to you," He holds his necklace in one hand now.
She wraps her hands around her own. "Then I agree."
After Sihtric had left, she remained sat by the cage for a while longer before removing herself and taking a stand, closing her eyes as she rubs the dirt from them with the cloth he had given to her. Blinking with mud or blood on your eyelids felt uncomfortable.
She was never used to it before. Whenever Uhtred bested her and she fell, she would always wash her face before entering their family hall, but not anymore— nothing remained of that hall but graves. Did they bury her Mother? Her Father? What of Thyra's fiancé? Her Grandfather?
Tova doubted it, their bodies were most likely left the way they were killed. Unless her brothers or Brida had buried them — she hoped they had if they could, because her family didn't deserve to remain abandoned above the earth whilst they did not breathe. Separated bodies from each other, the thought was so cruel to her.
She knew her Father wasn't beside her Mother when she had been dragged away. She just hoped her Mother was at least with her Grandfather.
Sensibly eating the rest of the bread that Sihtric had managed to grab, she doesn't eat too quickly that she might throw it back up. There was some water left that she'd have further on, Sihtric warned her he might not be able to return until early morning. The cup was hid in the corner behind the bucket in case anybody paid her visit and spotted what was being sneaked in.
It was why she was ridding of the bread now instead of saving that for later. She'd rather go without food than water for a while, knowing that you could as well motivated that decision.
And as morning came, she assumed by the re-showing of Sihtric, her eyes fluttering open at his rather loud whispering. She was against the back end of the cage, immediately spotting Sihtric on the other side, Tova's head tilting lazily.
"Sihtric," She whispers, closing her eyes again for a moment as she cracked a smile. "Has morning come so soon?"
Concern passed his face before he straightened, pulling a string from his pocket that revealed a key — she didn't realise with her eyes closed — before beginning to unlock the cage door, the sound snapping her eyelids back open, only to widen in surprise.
Pushing herself up, body aching with the lack of sleep, Tova stared at her friend who simply stood by the open door. Sihtric's hand held a small plate with cut pieces of chicken and a small roll of bread, which he quickly put on the ground inside before straightening again, checking her over.
"Did you sleep well?"
Her eyebrows furrowed at that, "Did I. . . sleep well?" She repeats to herself, standing up now as she shook her head. "How did you manage to get a key without drawing attention?"
He was always good at sneaking around, whilst Tova wasn't. Every time she crept out of her room, one of her brothers or Father always seemed to know and caught her in the act of attempting to slide out of her door.
I just wish to sit by the fire a little longer, she always pleaded with them. They always caved. Spoilt her Mother would tell her with a loving laugh as she would spot her happy skipping daughter round the corner, more than often it being Young Ragnar holding her hand. Spoilt she was, a happy childhood with a good family and a good home to build on.
Sihtric holds a small proud smile, shrugging a shoulder. "I have my ways."
She wasn't too bothered about the key though, she wasn't bothered about the food or the open door. Tova's body rushed forward, his eyes widening at the possibility of her having never trusted him — until her arms wrap around his shoulders, her body colliding with his in a way that made her painfully hiss.
His own arms jerk upward to hug her back, hesitating afterward before finally giving in and pulling her closer, one around her middle and the other hand to the back of her head, feeling bits of mud and stick in her hair. Not that Sihtric cared at all.
Her grip tightens, burying her head deeper against his shoulder, a sob ripping through her again, just as she thought no more tears could come. But they weren't for her family, they were for Sihtric.
"You know how it felt?" She pulled away, her dirty hands creeping up to his face, underneath his jaw as he hated how quickly that embrace seemed to last. Her mind working too much at the change of locks. "When I heard what had happened and you had left me?"
Did she not think he hadn't thought about that day everyday since too? She had been his home and then he had been dragged anyway from the only comfort he felt he truly had, even with his Mother — there were dangers alongside his only good parent, there hadn't been any dangers with Tova. Just a girl who smiled at him and promised she'd love him forever.
"I did not wish to part with you," He forces out his reply, shaking his head. His own hands on hers, one of his eyes a gentle blue and the other a warm shade of hazel, meeting her striking blue. "I will get you away, I will find you, and we will— we will—"
"Do you remember our promise?"
Immediately, he smiled, something alike to relief showing as he continued, "And we will marry," His hands tightened over hers, searching her eyes. That had been their promise; he had been so gladdened when he had ran home that day so long ago when she had agreed to marry him when they were old enough. "If that is what you still wish."
Tova's lips trembled, her eyes closing as the memory comes to the front of her mind. Her brothers and sister were still alive, she had to find them, and she would do it with Sihtric by her side.
Her hands bring Sihtric's face closer, a little down seeing he was taller. Gently resting her forehead against his, Tova basked in the calm warmth that flooded through her at the presence of somebody she never wished to lose again.
Sihtric's own eyes closed, ignoring the sting in the back of them as they threatened to spill tears. "I have to get you to safety first," He whispered his promise again, "I cannot do anything before I do this."
Tova just wanted to rest like this, her forehead against his, her hands on top of hers, a moment of solace that she wished lasted longer. Didn't they deserve that? Why was fate trying so hard to keep them separated? Even now?
As their foreheads separated, she truly scanned his face like she hadn't done before. There was a bruise underneath the corner of his right eye, and another underneath that one resting right on his cheekbone, both looking as mean as the other. Her fingers lightly traced it.
"I shall kill Kjartan for not just killing my Father, but for hurting you,"
Sihtric's gaze was intense, heavy, in all the best ways, as he stared at her, an eyebrow raising as his own hand lifted to her face, hovering over her skin where she assumed she was cut and bruised from the beatings.
She speaks before he can comment on her own wounds. "I will seek to find one of my brothers —"
"You cannot find the brother you call Ragnar," Sihtric informs her, shaking his head as his hands move to her hips now. "He is being told a different story, and though you would be safe upon reaching him, the journey to him would not be. Perhaps your other brother."
Her face dropped at the information that Ragnar wasn't being told the truth of what had happened. "I will find my brother, Uhtred, then, but what story? What is Ragnar being told, Sihtric?"
His fingers squeezed her hips with reassurance, but nothing of his answer was reassuring. "I hear they're placing the blame on your brother, Uhtred, though for this, I cannot be too sure. I overheard a conversation, though I was not very close. I will find out more before you leave."
Tova nods, thankful for that at least. Uhtred had just lost everything too and now the thought of their older brother blaming it on him made her heartbroken — Ragnar surely wouldn't believe it, would he?
Uhtred had been the brother to Ragnar he hadn't gotten, Uhtred had always loved his sisters in Tova and Thyra, always finding time for them despite being a grown man. Despite one sister marrying and the other refusing to be anything but a warrior.
Because no man had been Sihtric to her in her heart, in the end.
"Only at the guarantee of no harm, do not risk your safety for words," Tova demanded this of him, her eyes taking him in. "Thank you." As her hands slip from him.
Sihtric shakes his head, his hair braided back but some hairs flat against his ears. "Do not thank me for this," He tells her, one hand pulling her closer to press a kiss to her forehead, "Do not thank me for escaping. I do not wish to hear gratitude you should not be giving."
He was a good man despite what he may think — Tova remembered his thoughts coming in brief words when they were children. He would often think himself weak, misguided, judged, all because of Kjartan — yet the cruel man had trained his bastard son all the same, wishing for another loyal child under his command. Perhaps it was a shame, a loss, for Kjartan to know Sihtric was not like Sven.
It wasn't a shame for Tova. Nothing was better for.
"Alright," She agreed, sighing quietly, knowing he had to leave sooner or later before somebody came and saw him here. "I shall not, but. . ." She reaches up and kissed his cheek, tears brimming her eyes again. She was tired and worried. "My sister?"
Cheeks red at the kiss placed upon one, Sihtric nodded his head quickly, knowing the other sister wasn't being beaten in the same manner — at least not yet. "Sven wishes for him to marry her. That is all I know so far, she is being treated better than you at this moment,"
That was better, something Tova was glad for. The small smile on her face told him all he needed to know about that.
"I must go again," Sihtric sounded pained at the idea of this, voice rough but she knew he needed to leave. "When I return, be ready to leave."
It's not like she had anything with her, her cage had a bucket, a cup and some bread.
But she nods, knowing he didn't mean it like that, but rather to risk the chance. Her hands find his and she squeezes them, eyes never straying. "I will," She promises, reluctantly letting his hands go before lightly pushing him backward. "Please, before you are whipped for being seen here."
A small grin appears on his lips at that, "You worry for me too much, my Lady," He jests with her, at a time like this?
Her eyes widened slightly at the teasing, as he's closing the door and re-locking it. "I shall tease you back upon your return," She tells him, shaking her head as she picks up the bread and passes him the plate through the bars.
Sihtric grabs the plate, rolling his eyes at her words before smiling once more and disappearing, glancing back at her three times before doing so.
She hoped the Gods were with her.
—
i have a few chapters written now, just because i felt i wasn't updating accordingly to my schedule— which I have now thrown anyway. let me know when you would like the next chapter for!
and your thoughts?