Being on a flight to Italy was the last thing I expected. But when I got the call of Lila's episode. I felt almost ill, I hated when she does this. Every time before she gets sick, she doesn't feel well and keeps it to herself.
My mom wanted to come. She didn't want me to fly in alone on the holidays and suffer in the flight. But I think I needed to clear my head, if anything Lila was my scape goat for Christmas. It was awkward without the Loves this year.
It was just me mom and dad. I barely spoke to my father while me and mom focused in on hallmark movies and cocoa. It was peaceful in a way, we strung popcorn on string with cranberry's. I knew our dog would just eat it later.
But when the call came my whole holiday changed. I knew I needed to get to the nearest airport on the next flight. But instead like the sudden gentlemen he is, Ace flew me out.
It was better than paying five thousand for a flight on Christmas. I got to be alone on the plane in peace as well. I still couldn't stand the man secretly. Because their whole situation was fucked and I'd never tell Lila.
It was her own personal business. But a man who stole her, tricked her into falling for her. It sat weird with me, but she was happy and falling in love. That healed my soul slightly, because she deserved love. More than anyone else in this twisted world.
My life had been dull, I'd ignored any guy who asked for any acquaintance. Because I think Alex ruined me and in a year or so I might be okay. But for now I think it's time to focus on me, not any other man.
Why are women just supposed to cling to a guy? I mean evidently in todays time they can cling to a girl as well- but why do we need to? Why can't we just be alone and society be content with that. Because for some reason we become outcasts and it's weird that you'd rather spend your life alone than rather share it.
It's not like I haven't loved. Hell love is what sucks the life out of me, it's almost draining in ways. Because the man I loved was nothing more than a ghost with no name. I couldn't even google Alex, because none of the searches would align.
He couldn't even tell me his name. So how much did he truly love me? Because if he did he would've trusted me with his identity. I try and choose to believe it was for my protection, that his family is fucked in some way. And that me knowing them might as well get me killed.
But that's not the reality and I'm not in some fantasy world that I wish I was. Where he was keeping me safe from his demons, because if it were that bad. He would've ignored me to begin with, but no. Instead he pulled me in under false expectations and nothing but a lie.
He claims I know him, but how could I possibly know him if I don't even know his name.
But it was time for me to move on. Time to focus on myself and my best friend. Her life was excelling on the love end and that made me content. Because she was living the dream she deserved, even if it was fucked in a way that I didn't approve of. It wasn't my place anymore.
"We are landing Miss Casey" A flight attendant smiled at me and then he closed the cabinets taking a seat across from me buckling up.
"Thank you" I stare out the window to Italy. Once a dream to visit, now a nightmare under these circumstances. But she was awake and talking last I heard, so I felt slightly better.
But in the moment when I heard she crashed. It was almost like my heart was on fire and my soul was piercing. Because again, her life was out of my control and for some reason I saw it as my fault, Lila deserved the world.
I'd make sure she'd get that. But I couldn't stop her health no matter how much I wish I could.
She was gifted to me with a delicate sticker on the side. In which one she hated so desperately. But I just cared too much to lose her, she was the only thing that I had left that mattered.
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The hospital hallways were cold and cheesy decorations laced the halls. It was the most depressing thing I'd seen. Christmas in a hospital sounded dreadful but here I was.
This was most of Lila's christmases as a child. They were celebrated in her room, so I knew this wouldn't be any different for her. But it almost broke my heart, even for little her.
Beth stood patiently waiting for me and once I came into view for her she waved. I didn't bring a single thing with me but my purse and a toothbrush.
"Sloan" she smiled at me grateful for my presence, but her smile changed as she saw my face. It was written all over and as the tears fell she collected me into her arms.
"I- I wasn't here."
"Shhhh she's okay" she rubs my back and soothes me as I cry in her arms. I felt terrible, I should be the one comforting her "She's okay" she repeats.
I stare at myself in the reflection of a window "I'll be in a moment I just need to collect myself" she nods and takes my belongings.
"You sure, I can stay out here with you?"
"I'll be alright Beth I just don't want her to see me like this?" I catch my breath as she steps back into the room. I was surprised I wasn't hyperventilating like earlier. I paper bagged it on the airplane.
I stared at the door taking a few deep breaths. Then I stepped forward twisting the knob as the sound of chatter filled my ears. The room was filled with people evidently.
As I open the door, people filled the room and even a Christmas tree was in there. The smell of cinnamon buns fill my nose and I see her, she's laughing with Ace about something.
I sigh in relief at the sight of her. Nobody's recognized my presence and maybe that's for the best. They all seemed busy with themselves.
"I think it's time we crack out the karaoke machine?" Her head looks over to me shocked by the sound of my voice. I don't look at the others staring at me, just her.
"Sloan!" She stares at me with excitement, but I felt anxious and as the water fills my eyes slowly. I try to hold back my fears.
"I better not wake up from a dream and have my reality be a nightmare" she sits up from Aces arms and I rush to her bed side taking her arms into mine gently.
"God you bastard, you tell us if you don't feel well" I hold her close to me, not wanting to let go "My mother had to pick me up off the ground after getting the call Maddie" she stared at me solemnly from my worry. I hated to share my concerns, but I hated even more that she didn't feel like her health mattered enough.
I brushed her jawline as a tear rolls down it. I stare down at her fiddled fingers, I know this feeling all too well. Almost as if your in trouble, but your not. And as I turn I spot the projected shaking my head.
"I see Beth's pulled out the home movies" we look over to the projector featuring a little Lila opening a gift as a child. But as I look over Ace and Beth are mumbling something and then step outside.
"Weird" I whisper to myself and then turn to Lila who shares at concerned look etched across her face.
"Maybe he's mad you practically booted the man from his spot next to me" She jokes trying to make light of whatever was actually going on.
"Oh maybe that too" I sank into the seat beside her smiling just to be in her presence. Grateful for her to be okay to be here in this moment.
We drift into conversation and she seems more like herself with each passing minute. Evidently she's not all better but she was okay and that's all that mattered in this instance. She was our Christmas miracle this holiday, well according to the doctors.
She snuggles into my chest as we lay staring at little her. I know she's worried about the conversations outside this room. But they didn't matter, not in this moment.
"Is it too late for a few others to join you!" A man interrupts and my eyes widen at the sight of him. Evander stood in the doorway, his eyes immediately recognize me.
It's awkward, but manageable. That best friend of his, was Ace Rossi and now it clicked. Another boy followed in behind him, a man I didn't recognize. Then Ace's sisters entered and I'm left surprised, because Della Rossi was just about 10 feet away from me.
"Hallelujah it's a Christmas miracle!" Evander comes closer holding a gift "We come bearing gifts as our entry ticket?" He questions Lila who simply laughed at him.
"Don't overwhelm the girl" the other boy stated "you gave us all a scare" he adds smiling at her and her health. She shrugs lightly in apology.
"Yeah rumor has it Rossi shed some tears, now my conspiracy can be proven true, Ace is human!" His voice lingers in and my stomach drops as he stands walking through the door.
The other boy shoved Alex as he stared at me snuggled up next to Lila. And now it's clicked for him slowly, my best friend is Lila Love.
"How on earth did you get a tree in here?" My attention turns to Cadenza Rossi, Aces older sister.
"Are you an idiot? Mom donates millions to this place, the least they could do is let her bring in a tree besides save her life" she steps over taking Lila into her arms "Boot them if they are overwhelming" she warns causing me to laugh.
"What depression Christmas movie are we watching" his voice distracts me again, he stares at the screen of Lila. Like an idiot he doesn't register it's her.
"Lila's childhood" Aunt Liza states and he looked to her laughing and then bowed, "Aunt Liza."
Ace entered the room again staring at me. This guy would always be a challenge and by the looks of it, I was stuck with him, "I think your boyfriends gonna be pissed if I don't scoot my boot" I let go of Lila and stood ignoring Alex's presence and joining Liza's arms.
The rest of the day was awkward with stolen glances. Not a name of his to be picked up, but Lila was happy. All her people were here and we spent Christmas like some fucked up family.
Her father never showed, I could tell it bothered her. But she focused on everyone around her and I focused on them. Her and Ace, they seemed genuinely happy. She found herself a new home and I wouldn't stand in the way of that. No matter how much it may bother me.
I'd have to trust him, I'd have to trust her.
And when the time came for me to leave. As I exited the hospital, he stood waiting for me, it had to have been hours. But as our eyes met, I move mine away and continue forward.
Because if he really wanted to be with me, he would've come found me as himself. His real identity, but he doesn't.
Instead he watches me enter a cab like some stranger. He became a stranger to me in the worst way, and this officially had become the worst Christmas of my life.
As the taxi shuts and I stare at him. He doesn't come after me, he just stares solemnly. Because he can't welcome me into his life for some reason and that's how I knew, we could never work. Because he didn't value me in his life like I did.
I'd never know who Alex is and that hurt.
Goodbye Alex Abrams.
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If you've read the Ace books 👀
I bet you have a good idea who
Alex Abrams is 😏