I made my way to the office, the adrenaline fully leaving my body. Now I was a shell of a human, my emotions running on empty.
The fact that I was taking this on completely alone was breaking me from the inside out. I was trying to hard to keep myself together but I craved the feeling of comfort.
I wanted nothing more than a hug and a kiss from Colby.
I limped down the hallway and towards the infirmary so I could clean myself up.
It's been forever since I've done stitches and I've never done them on myself but I was all on my own.
When I got to the infirmary I grabbed all the stuff I would need, then sat on the bed.
"Fuck." I whispered, looking at the wound. I couldn't believe that I had been shot again and that I was having to deal with this all on my own.
I was feeling myself slowly starting to crumble under the pressure but was trying so desperately to keep it in.
"Okay, Jules." I whispered to myself then grabbed the tweezers to get the bullet out of my leg.
As I did this I groaned in pain, crying from how badly it hurt. My hands were shaking I was afraid I would go into shock from how much blood I've lost.
Once the bullet was out, I went to start doing the stitches.
My hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't thread the needle, which happened to be the breaking point for me.
I started to sob, letting my hands fall to the sides. I must have been really loud because after a couple minutes Nate was opening the door.
"Jules?" He asked as I sobbed. "I can't do this." I cried out. "What happened?" He asked as I bawled, not being able to answer.
"Hey...it's alright." He said and pulled me in for a hug. "I can't do this." I said and leaned into him, craving the comfort.
I liked to think I have been so strong throughout all of this. I was taking on this challenge without any guidance and without the love of my life by my side.
I was bound to have a break down eventually.
"I'm sorry you're going through this, Jules. You don't deserve this." Nate said, trying to comfort me as best as he could.
I ended up crying for a little while before Nate pulled away. "Are you gonna tell me what happened here? I guess you don't have to but it would be probably a good idea." He said and grabbed the suture kit.
"I got shot." I sniffled as he started to clean the wound. "I can see that. By who though?" He asked as I shook my head.
"I can't say." I said as he began to stitch the wound. "I can help you though, you can't do this alone." He said as I wiped my cheek.
"I made a deal with someone about getting Sam and Colby back but you can't tell anyone about it. We signed a contract." I said as he looked up at me. "A contract?" He asked as I nodded.
"Yeah, I know it sounds silly but I needed to be sure I wasn't going to get fucked." I said as he sighed.
"Makes sense. You're not supposed to tell me any of this are you?" He asked as I shook my head.
"No. So it stays here." I said as he nodded. "Promise me you're being safe." He said and finished stitching the wound.
"I promise." I said with a sigh. "Great. I think you've done enough for the day, so we should go back to the house." He said as I nodded.
"If I get summoned I have to go though." I said as he chuckled.
"I can't tell if Colby will be proud or angry with you doing this." He said as we stood up and went to leave the room.
"Probably both." I said with a shrug. I honestly expected him to be angry especially when he found out I was pregnant.
I would hope that he understood where I was coming from though.
"I think Tara and Stas want to hang out with you when we get home. They miss you." He said as I nodded.
"I miss them, too. Hanging out would be good." I said then sighed. "I'm gonna check to make sure I don't have a mission to do then I'll meet you at the car." I said then went into Sam's office.
I checked the email, seeing there was nothing, then logged into the email on my phone so I could check it while not here.
Before I could stop myself I was calling Corey so I could check on the kids.
"Hey, Jules." Corey answered as I sighed. "Hey, how's it going?" I asked quietly. "It's going. The kids are great, I understand why you and Colby left for them." He said as I frowned.
"Well if didn't work out for long now did it?" I asked and leaned back in my chair.
"It's hard to leave, especially with names like yours." He said as I nodded. "Yeah. I guess." I said then stood up so I could make my way to the car.
"Oh-Sam wants to talk to you." He said as I nodded. "Put him on." I said and walked down the hallway.
"Jules?" Sam asked as my heart warmed. I missed those kids so fucking much.
"Hey, kid. What's going on?" I asked with a sigh. "I miss you. Are you gonna be home next week for Thanksgiving?" He asked as I frowned.
"It's kinda out of my control but I'm gonna try my very very best. Are you having fun?" I asked and got in the elevator.
"Yeah. It just feels weird not having you here." He said as I nodded. "I understand. I promise I'll be home as soon as humanly possible." I said with a frown.
"Take your time. I know you work hard and need some time away from us." Sam said which broke my heart.
"That's not what this is about, Sam. I promise I miss you so much and Colby does, too. We're just caught up in some stuff with Colby's business." I said as he sighed.
"Are we gonna be poor again?" He asked causing me to breathe a laugh. "You don't worry about that sort of thing. We'll hopefully be home before Thanksgiving and we'll plan an amazing holiday. Sound good?" I asked and walked towards the car that Nate was waiting in.
"Yeah. Sounds good, Jule." Sam said quietly. "I have to go now but I love you, kid." I said and got in the car.
"I love you too, Jule." Sam said then hung up. I frowned, knowing that he wasn't doing well. All I wanted was for the kids to understand what was going on.
Jenna and Carter probably understood a lot more since they knew about our involvement with the gang.
Sam and Juniper couldn't possibly understand.
"Everything okay?" Nate asked as I nodded. "The kids are taking this pretty hard." I said with a sigh. "Yeah, they're pretty young. It's gotta be hard." Nate said and started driving us to the house.
"If only they knew what crazy shit I was getting into." I said and picked my nails. "I don't even think that I know what crazy shit you're getting into." He said as I chuckled.
"Good. Keep it that way." I said then looked out the window.
I had to admit I was feeling a lot better after my little meltdown.
A lot has been built up since Colby has been taken, but at this point I was energized to get these missions done to get Colby back.
I just had to hope that this would happen before Thanksgiving.
When we got to the house, I was met by two very excited friends.
"Julia! We made dinner, come hang out." Tara said with excitement. "You guys made dinner?" I asked and scrunched my brow.
"We ordered dinner. Fuck cooking." Stas said then took my hand and led me towards the kitchen.
"Have you eaten today? Drank enough?" Stas asked as I shook my head. "Probably not." I said as she rolled her eyes.
"Here. Pasta. Eat." She said and slid a to go box of Alfredo towards me.
I knew she was being extra pushy about me eating because she knew I was pregnant but it was a sweet gesture.
"Thanks." I said then took a bite. "So I was thinking we could eat then hang out in the backyard." Tara said as they started eating, too.
"Sounds good." I said then tried to decompress. It felt so good to be around the people who I considered as family.
Since I was going to be away from the kids, it was nice to be with people who wanted to be around me.
It was going to make leaving them again that much harder.