Life has many regrets and watching others or yourself walk out from a chance to chase a dream can poison the heart. The uniforms were back on, rendering youth. But June glanced at himself in the mirror, asking the question the Kpop industry pushes. "Am I too old to debut? Am I trying too hard at this age? Should I accept that I have no more chance?"
But he knew many, a few years older than him, that deserved the stage. And that made him silence such questions. "Ji Woong Hyung, I bet you'll be in the Top 10." The BL actor had just gone out of the bathroom, wearing the uniform with such charisma. His serious face emphasized the school senior aura that suited his image in the show. He was a strong pillar to his team despite the short days they got to familiarize themselves.
"You're creasing the sleeves by moving too much." Although he didn't respond to the compliment, June felt the man's warmth as his hand straightened out his blazer. The steady hand that guided them through the first mission, one he prayed to whatever higher deity he'd get to hold for a longer time. "Come on, let's head to the venue."
»--•--«
It was a small task but he felt quite out of place without Ji Woong. He, Brian, and Ji Yun Seo were planning for their entrance. The plan they had so far involved the two boys, charging forward with great strength. But where was he in the picture? The idea of butting heads for an action they clearly wanted to do hindered his introverted self from speaking up. So he didn't and listened to them brainstorm what he was supposed to do. "Can you do like trumpet noises but in the tune of Back Door, hyung?" Fortunately, their idea was entertaining and not impossible.
Most of the Back Door team had gone on before they entered. And when he faced his fellow trainees, they didn't expect him to do a makeshift trumpet with his hands, mimicking an instrument to a lyricless tune of "Naе mogsoriga teojidorog oechyeo mеomchishal sigan ttawin eobseo" but thankfully many smiled in amusement at such an entrance. A success in his mind, as he placed himself near the trainees he found the most comfort in.
"Did you come up with the concept?" Even if Jong Woo phrased it as a question, the lingering expression on the boy's face made June roll his eyes. But instead of his voice answering such query, Ji Woong broke the banter between the two by adding his two cents that would render most in a few seconds of stand-still. "No. June would've made the entrance more courting-like with his sweet words. But I guess whatever he does will end up with a few marry me comments." Most of those distant in relationship to the trio are in disbelief at how well they've gotten to know each other amidst the short months and busy schedules.
The star master entered in a dashing green suit that stood out against the pale gray clearly. His smile was directed to the trainees and cameras had them standing and greeting the senior actor. The man seemed to be a reliable emcee with the times he appeared in survival shows. Yeo Jin Goo is the first K-celebrity to break the news of a chance to them in the show.
In twenty days, fifty-two million votes decided their fate. Strangers who had a vy for celebrities judged them through their screens and graded them a pass or a fail — a grade that would determine their standing in Boys Planet. And with the certain limitations the show set, only 53 trainees would get to continue. "I wonder who will be sitting at the Top 10 seats?"
Many sought after the first seat, one that guaranteed individual popularity. It would be great for marketing after the group of course. A solo track was the star of a Christmas tree. But June didn't group asking for more when he barely had something. So he begged for the bare minimum while working an effort worth the best position for himself. Currently, in this round he just wanted to survive and get a rank that won't have him working miracles for a boost. If he does survive, he'll then dream of being on a seat.
He wonders now if being satisfied with the bare minimum will cost him in the competition. As the host announces the suspense of the Top 10 candidates and 53rd survivor on hold, a voice in his head whispered that maybe being in 14th or 15th is better than waiting in anxiety. But all this is rebuked when Ji Woong squeezes his hand for a second before the camera came back to surveying trainees.
Why should he settle for less when he had so many fellow trainees that worked with him and always aimed for number one? And given the new commercial coming out in a week or two, he shouldn't want to be ranked averagely or else it might pose questions towards Ji Woong who was a strong contender for the final lineup. So June stopped his thoughts and focused on the present — he'd miss most of the trainees later too if he wasted these times in his head.
"It will begin."
"The first team to be announced is Danger!" The relief in his bones broke into warmth at a stalling moment. He felt guilty to pose the stress others, especially knowing that Seunghwan and Lee Dauel were among the trainees. "Are you worried for them?" Jong Woo asked the question openly to those beside him. After hearing worrying things on the teamwork or rehearsal of both K and G groups, most of them nodded. It was quite a topic of discussion during meal times because rarely did the members of Danger appear together in the cafeteria. It was almost like they avoided straining their current position prior to performance. "But at the end, they delivered a performance. That's something in itself."
The first rank announced among them was high — the 13th. He leaned back at his seat, wishing that it was Seung Hwan. Hearing the boy pour his heart out amidst the heavy weights of holding the group together and doing his best in his own parts, he surely deserved it. "Lee Da Eul!" June clapped his hands at the result but didn't move his gaze from Seunghwan. Maybe it was higher, hopefully his hard work will be rewarded by votes. "Rank 16 is Takuto!"
He's supposed to be a hyung. His hands should've clapped with more spirit, being in the league of pride for the young boy. Who was he to hold judgment when during the filming he wasn't able to view it due to preparing for their own stage? But as he gazed at a few individuals who held much more preparedness than the younger boy, there was a falter in him to declare such rank to Takuto. "Rank 21 Lee Seung Hwan."
»--•--«
"The longer we wait, the fewer seats are left." The first and the last groups to be ranked would receive the most pressure. And he didn't want to be the one to experience that today. But alas, his wishing won't change the script, would it? "Next is Very Nice!"
The charming Seo Won and strong vocalist Seung Eon were individuals that stood out to him during the performance. They both chose parts that enhanced the performance but also allowed them to shine. And with hopes, the fans of the show saw that. "Would the viewers think something is up if I'm wishing Seo Won gets a good rank?" His question had Jong Woo laughing as Ji Woong smirked to the side. "June, I think your question already secured shipping from a great number of people when this is released."
"Rank 19 is receiving attention with his splendid visual. Also, he has once debuted as an idol." June's heart hammered before he could process the pieces fitting his Very Nice bias. "Seo Won!" His applause didn't go unnoticed by the editors and they were sure to add his happiness at the final cut of the episode. If only they added Ji Woong's fond glance at his energy then it could have created an even more interesting narrative.
»--•--«
"Love Me Right!" The team being announced so soon after being the subject of tension was surprising. But perhaps it kept viewers on their toes, watching the whole episode with the surprising announcements.
A number of them were considered for Top 9, especially having the center amongst them. "A great number would survive in this group." The talent and popularity in this group had the trainees grit their teeth in anticipation. It was less on nerves but more on patience as many sat in the seats everyone begged to have.
»--•--«
"I don't think it's going your way, Jong Woo!" When the next group was announced and their song not being at the end of the phrase, June turned to the man beside him. But his comment left him feeling guilty because the host announced hard news. "There's no survivor from neither groups." The shocking words had them all glance at each other. Ji Woong even had to clarify for them if they understood it right. To have them stand at the stage and receive nothing — that was another form of punishment unwarranted.
"The next team is Hot Sauce." He saw many from the group stand at the stage but he couldn't process their numbers as he processed what happened with the group prior. At least Hanbin ranked high after leading the group so meticulously and with the same leadership had promised the whole group a place to enjoy more moments in Boys Planet.
»--•--«
"Back Door!" As he stood up he had to laugh at Gunwook's reaction. And as he passed, the boy had to whine at him. "Hyung, why do you go first?"
The stage, although not as wide as the performance stage, had its own riddled anxiety. Ultimately, if you exited the stage prior to closing the ranks, it meant you had a sure seat. But sitting back with the other trainees meant you ranked high or would say goodbye. Although, as June glanced at all his teammates who he knew deeper and enforced bonds with, he'd rather be on another waiting game than have many of them wonder if they'd survive.
"Rank 13!" The recognition to the number had them all look at Tae Rae. The confidence in his voice at retaining such seat also had them confident that he can scure it. But when another name was called, he still clapped at the deserving trainee. Tensions ran high at their opposing team, they all saw it in the shared practice room. So the guy who rose amidst crisis when the center spot had to be reevaluated also deserved the same hail.
"Rank 15." His goal number that supposedly had an unexpected contender. But there were so many that deserved a rise in their ranks too! "From K group." But when it solidified that it was from their team, they kept close together. "Kum Jun Hyeon!" The boy fell off before they were able to greet him so they settle with picking him back up to claim his seat. "You jokester, claim the seat or someone else will get it." As the last person to embrace him, June also conveniently pushed the younger boy towards the stage, a smile etched on the member's faces are clear as day.
"Rank 32." Upon announcing that they were from G team, Ji Woong curtsied that had them all almost lose focus. But the name "Na Kamden" broke from the incoming trance of June's. He came to embrace the boy first, the whole K group following because after the plights, he deserved to have a shot with less weight on his shoulders. "He must feel rewarded after all his sufferings."
"Rank 39." He kept an arm around Jong Woo, manifesting the fans to acknowledge his talent and keep him. Because having a reliable center had grounded their performance and June wouldn't let him go without a fight. Ji Woong and he glanced at each other, saying the same wish in each other's gaze as they impatiently waited for the name to be announced. And when the rightful name was crowned, they didn't hesitate to crowd over him. "You did it, Jong Woo!"
Fortunately, Ji Yun Seo got a spot. As they want back to their seats with the announcement of no more survivors than the top and last, he kept Min Seoung close to him. How could it be fair to make the boy worry longer? The only reason June did well and received over a 100 points was because of this other trainee. "Hyung, when I don't make it to the next round, promise me you'll try rapping here again and in your debut." The world wasn't fair, it never was, in matters of survival it could be at the peak of its cruelty.
»--•--«
The G group win, Kill This Love, came to the stage last. And the first rank announced was number 46 — a number that fell into the cliff side of the competition. June remembers briefly looking over the reactions of star creators during the break. And he had hopes that his young friend made it as a candidate into the Top 10 together with the sure contenders such as Zhang Hao, Keita, and Matthew.
Lee Hwan Hee surviving amidst the concerning dilemmas on his health had him believe that midst the cruelties of the show, maybe there were silverlinings. "Thank you for fighting a great battle, I came to love you in a short period of time. Thank you!"
»--•--«
"Now the remaining survivors would be 12 candidates for Top 10 and rank 52." He didn't dare look at his teammates, knowing that a great number of them would get the debut seats. They charted well early in the competition and proceeded this with an exceptional performance. He had no need to waiver.
But it didn't erase his doubt for his ranking. He had a fanbase as an established soloist. But would his fans and those who found interest in Boys Planet choose him over many talented and well-trained boys?
"I'll reveal the three candidates for Top 10." He could hear the other boys pitching in their guesses. He didn't mind most holding their own opinion, each had a right to vouch for a performer. But his nose didn't twitch at some comments that didn't have to be said outloud, such as using the words "I hope it's not someone," or a similar notion.
The screen showed the candidates instead of announcing them outright and it was Ji Woong who notified him through his sudden harsh grip. A tenseness he understood after seeing his face, Gun Wook and Tae Rae's on the screen. "Candidates for top 9 are Park Gun Wook, June, and Kim Tae Rae."
He waited for the younger boy to fall into step with him before grabbing the vocalist's hand and approaching the stage of fate. "We're safe," it could be an opportunity to pitch against people you got close with. But June didn't care about that today, what mattered is a great number of those he treasured are secured to proceed in the competition — two of them were with him praying for Top 10 rank.
"I'll announce the survivor rank 12 first." To the viewers, they could only notice his straight stance. But the survivors behind him could see how his hands clasped tightly against each other — waiting for inevitable news. Meanwhile the sight June focused on was the three members of the Back Door team in the seats in front of him. No matter what outcome, it was good news for them.
"Since the beginning of the show, this trainee has been in the top ranks." The description didn't do much clarity because all three of them were in safe brackets so far in the competition. But significantly, the younger boys had a higher rank than him previously. Would it be possible that he wasn't Top 12? "The trainee is K Group Kim Tae Rae."
After a graceful bow, June sneaked in a side hug, keeping his arm around a boy he adored as Gun Wook also went to shook his hand. In the background, he only heard nice and deserving words from the emcee's script. And the brief lyrics he gently belted had June smirking, Tae Rae was appealing the star creators even during the elimination round.
It was between himself and Gun Wook now. The young boy teasing him with his facial expression, faking tense competition that he'd surely berate the boy jokingly later. "Now I'll announce rank 10 who will sit on a Top 10 seat that represents Boys Planet's debut group." At the end of the day, the rank whether it be 10 or 11 is an advantage. An underdog position he'd have to play the right cards to and appeal characteristically well at. And it was a position close to debut, a step closer than he ever expected to reach.
The speculation between them two had many craning their necks.
"Gun Wook is always at the verge."
"Park ranked up recently."
With every comment, they paralleled at the chance making this almost a 50-50. The main advantage June had against Gun Wook was the benefit points. And it determined his fate most likely.
"But June showed different charms making him look more reliable."
"More Koreans are anticipating him and that's additional to his American fanbase."
Perhaps, the confidence he needed from those he didn't know too well would play its hand now so that in the future he can achieve better results with a more affirmed spirit. "It's June!"
All the silence in his heart came crashing like a festival at the hands of applause. He almost froze and asked the host if heard the right thing when Gun Wook went to hug him. "Congratulations, hyung! I'll catch up to you next time." The words embraced his heart. And so were the elated expressions of his Back Door teammates. He could starkly hear their congratulations and relief against the crowd. Especially Ji Woong's, whose eyes he met briefly but gave him all the words he needed as the host spoke. "With his mastery of rap, an unexpected charm many didn't anticipate from him, June caught the attention of both Korean and international star creators. With this, they give him the rank of Top 10 — a seat into the debut group!"
As he grabbed his microphone and came to speak, he could hear a few whispers of him most likely wooing the audience again. And it gave him the smile he needed to say his piece, his piece as Mr. Boyfriend Material. "Star creators, I'll continue my promise of being a boy who'll give the best you deserve from me. I won't take this gift for granted. I'll see it as my my fuel to burn brighter for you all."
"To my fellow trainees, especially K Group's Back Door team, I wouldn't have had the chance to exhibit my commitment to the vow I made earlier without your trust. You believed me first before I believed in myself. With this, thank you."
"June, the first of top 10!"
»--•--«
The proceeding ranks didn't surprise him. Trainees Jay and Keita were popular picks because of their exceptional skills. They had the confidence to deliver stages that had many keep it in their memories and wish to play it back over and over again. But Lee Hoe Taek's drop to rank 7 had him gasp in his seat, hand shielding the shock displayed on his lips to not further antagonize the man whose worked so hard in Kpop.
He admired the seasoned veteran's grace in accepting his rank. Many would cower or throw rage at the unsuspecting at the sad news. But he showed his gratitude and humility amidst it all.
Kim Gyuvin taking a seat had him applauding. "He must've been really good on stage despite his back placement in choreography." The ability to still charm people even if his highlights were spaced out deserved respect.
The news of Zhang Hao climbing up the ranks, slow but steady he believes it will be, had him applauding. The Chinese boy showcased great vocals and a magnificent stage presence. His mastery in music, to even work and have a Teacher's certificate, is one that deserves a place in the debuting group.
He could extend the same respect for the young Han Yu Jin. A boy who in a few years and at a tender young age had innate talent to dance. One he grown exceptionally fond for as they worked together in Back Door. The maknae of the group had cried many tears too — expressed disappointment at his flaws during practice. But at the end, he powered through. He could only hope that he'd get the best hyungs to guide him in entertainment if he debuts.
"The trainee who ranked 3rd ranked 1st in Brazil, Mexico, Chile, Peru, Argentina, and Columbia." There were three ranks left in top 10 and he knew that Ji Woong would sit at one of them. The boy wouldn't fall down despite the homophobic comments powered by those who rejected BL dramas. The man had charms that could woo many and a personality that showed great care and understanding. "Rank 3 is Kim Ji Woong!"
Even if his seat would emphasize his reaction, June didn't falter from standing and cheering out once the older man was announced. Their ever-reliant leader and hyung deserved support that wouldn't shy from cameras. "I won't stop here and continue to move forward. I love you. Thank you." This time the shared smiles between the two men as Ji Woong walked to his seat didn't go unnoticed. And no matter what connotations of love it meant, it was highlighted as a strong friendship amidst the stressing months. Perhaps the star creators can make this friendship bloom before the public's eyes if they both got to debut.
The show even in the darkness of its trials had the best testaments of love. Kim Ji Woong and June, a friendship that began in the show that blossomed to being each other's pillars. Zhang Hao and Park Han Bin's admiration for each other despite being rivals for the Killing Part. And the current top 2, best friends who trained together in the past, Han Bin and Matthew.
"And now the second global voting begins!" Alas, these moments must be cut short to chase after a dream that is hardly ever generous to its aspirants.
»--•--«
Goodbyes hurt, especially when time was so short and fleeting. There were so many to leave them this early on. He wanted to embrace each one and give them luck. But he focused on the trainee he learned most from. "Kim Min Seoung, I'll wait for your debut, okay? I'll be sure to attend your first performance."
"Make sure to debut here then so that we won't have trouble looking for each other, hyung."
A/N: I'm not well-versed writing scenes wherein ranking is the main discussion. Fortunately, as compassionate as June is, he is an introvert and isn't the life of the party so it's reasonable for him to feel sad for most who got eliminated without knowing all of them well. It also emphasizes the "nickname" front to him which is Mr. Boyfriend Material, he isn't Mr. Congeniality or Mr. Popular which must carry the weight of being familiar with many.
At the same time though, his unkinder thoughts (although still polite) made its appearance. Even the gentleman among the trainees holds doubts against others and impartiality to others. The outside persona may be similar to who he truly is but isn't a mirror.
But I do apologize if the episodes seem almost like a summary.
I am curious though on what rank you think I planned for June to have in the final ranking given that I did spoil his membership in ZB1.