🎶 Flowers in hand, waiting for me 🎶
🎶 Every word in poetry 🎶
Jake almost screams when he walks into his house and sees someone standing not so far away from him.
"It's me, it's me! Don't be scared!" The voice of Jake's boyfriend Heeseung reaches his ears and calms him.
Jake turns on the lights and Heeseung is standing in front of him, with flowers in his hand.
"You scared me! What are you doing here? I thought you said you were busy." Jake says as he took his jacket and shoes off.
"Ugh, I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you. I came here to surprise you." Heeseung says and smiles.
Jake looks at his big doe eyes and his heart clenches, why is he so good man?
"That's so sweet of you," Jake says and walks to his boyfriend who gives flowers to him.
He takes it and takes a sniff of them, immediately liking their scent.
"Thank you, they are so beautiful," Jake says and smiles.
Heeseung smiles at Jake, feeling proud of himself for making his lover happy.
Jake then places flowers on the side and hugs Heeseung, wrapping his arms around Heeseung's neck while his boyfriend wraps his arms around Jake's waist.
"I missed you." Heeseung whispers and kisses the side of Jake's head.
"I missed you too," Jake replies and hugs Heeseung tighter, trying his best not to cry.
Heeseung senses that something is wrong so he pulls away only a bit, but when he looks at Jake's face, he is smiling.
"Is everything okay? You look distressed." Heeseung says as he caresses Jake's cheek.
"No, everything is fine. I am just a little bit tired, that's all." Jake says and leans up to peck Heeseung's lips.
"Okey, if that's what you say. Well, I should go then, right? You are tired and you should rest." Heeseung says.
"Don't go, please stay with me," Jake says and looks at him with puppy eyes.
Heeseung knows that he can't say no to this and he wants to spend some more time with his boyfriend.
"Okey, I will stay then," Heeseung says.
Jake nods his head and a smile makes its way on his face.
Heeseung leans down and kisses him properly, pulling him closer by his waist.
Jake's heart breaks more with every kiss but he doesn't says anything, he kisses his lover back even tho it hurts.
Heeseung pulls away after some time and looks at Jake.
"Let's go to sleep, you are tired. Fresh up, then I will give you a massage, and then we can cuddle." Heeseung smiles as Jake agreed on it.
___
🎶 Won't call me by name, only "baby" 🎶 🎶 The more that you give, the less that I need 🎶
Jake stirs in his sleep when he hears someone saying something right next to his ear but he is too sleepy to recognize the voice.
"Baby~, wake up. I made breakfast for you."
"Hmm." Jake hums and slowly opens his eyes but only to close them once again.
"Baby! What are you doing?? Come on, wake up. Breakfast will get cold and then it will taste bad." Heeseung says and shakes Jake a little bit.
"I'm tired," Jake murmurs and turns to the other side, his back towards Heeseung.
Heeseung sighs and gets on the bed, right behind Jake, and wraps his arms around his waist from behind.
"Is there something bothering you? Talk to me, maybe I can find a solution to your problems." Heeseung says after placing a kiss on Jake's neck.
Jake doesn't say anything and doesn't know how to reply.
"Okey, if you don't want to talk then okay. I will wait until you want to talk about it." Heeseung says and pecks Jake's neck once again.
Jake tries his best not to cry once again, his heart hurts every time Heeseung is next to him and he doesn't know what to do, it hurts so much.
"I-..." Jake stops.
"You what baby?" Heeseung asks.
"Maybe, maybe I just miss our friends. We used to be together all of the time during our school days and now we are adults, everyone has their own life so we don't have time for each other anymore. Maybe it's just that." Jake says, well lies, not completely tho, he does miss his friends.
"Oh, is that so? Why didn't you tell anything before? We could have called them and asked if they wants to meet up. I am sure they want to see us as well." Heeseung says.
"I don't know, I thought it might be stupid," Jake replies.
"Nothing is stupid if it comes out of your mouth baby," Heeseung says.
Jake turns around and their eyes meet.
"Why are you so perfect? You always call me baby, never by my name. You give me so much love and everything that I will start to need it less every day." Jake says and Heeseung looks kinda confused but still smiles.
"I might be perfect in your eyes but not in others."
"I call you baby because you are my baby. And, I will give you so much love that you might become sick of it." Heeseung says.
Jake just smiles and nods but his heart hurts again when Heeseung leans down and kisses him, softly, gently, with care and love, it hurts, it hurts but it will be over soon.
___
🎶 Everyone says I look happy 🎶
🎶 When it feels right 🎶
The next day, Jake was surprised when Heeseung took him to the restaurant and their friends were already there.
"You guys are finally here!" Jungwon says and smiles widely at his two hyungs.
"Hey Wonnie, how have you been?" Jake asks as he hugs his friend.
"I have been great hyung, Jay hyung and I finally moved in together," Jungwon says and smiles shyly.
"That's great. You better take care of him Jay hyung." Jake says as he greets Jay as well.
"Always Jake, always," Jay says and smiles.
"Jake hyung, I missed you!! It's been a long time!!" Sunoo says as he runs to Jake and hugs him tightly.
"Hey Sunoo, I missed you too," Jake says and smiles, hugging his friend tightly.
"Hey, buddy!" Sunghoon, Sunoo's boyfriend greets, and hugs Jake as well, after Sunoo pulled away from him.
"Hi to you too stranger," Jake says and giggles.
"Hyung!! What about me??" Niki, the youngest among them whines.
"I didn't forget about you, you little baby," Jake says and hugs Niki who hugs him back tightly.
Heeseung smiles at them, loving that Jake is again happy, the smile suits him so much.
After they all greeted each other, they sat down at the table and ordered food and drinks.
"So, hyung, how is your life going? You look happy! Did you and Heeseung hyung finally move in together?" Jungwon asks.
Jake smiles and looks at Heeseung who is already looking at him softly.
"No, not yet Wonnie," Jake replies.
"Life has been fine, work, house, work, house, it's been like that since I finished my studies," Jake says.
"That sounds so boring!!" Sunghoon says.
"Yah, Heeseung-ah, aren't you taking him out on the dates??" Jay asks and playfully winks at the couple.
"Of course I do but a lot of times Jake feels tired after work so we have a date at his house or mine," Heeseung replies.
"Hyung, don't overwork yourself," Sunoo says.
"I will try not to," Jake replies and smiles.
Heeseung wraps his arm around Jake's waist and pulls him closer, kissing his cheek.
Their food and drink arrives soon and they all started to eat.
Talks happen in between, laughs are shared, and everyone feels happy that they met each other.
Jake then looks at Heeseung and his heart breaks once again, that smile will not be there anytime soon and he feels his chest becoming heavy.
___
🎶 I know that you're wrong for me 🎶
🎶 Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave 🎶
Jake feels tears falling down his cheeks while he is looking at Heeseung peacefully sleeping next to him, looking like a baby.
"I thought you were the wrong for me but now it seems like I am the one wrong for you." Jake thinks to himself.
He places his hand on Heeseung's cheek and softly caresses it with his fingers, loving the feeling of the soft skin of his boyfriend.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen to us." Jake thinks and cries.
A few weeks ago
"Mr. Sim, I am sorry to tell you this but the news isn't good." Doctor says.
"Oh, what's wrong with me?" Jake asks, trying his best not to break down.
"We found cancer in your body, sadly we can't cure him and an operation isn't the best solution." Doctor explains.
"How much time do I have?" Jake asks, not believing what he just heard.
"If I am not wrong, maybe about 6 more months." Doctor said.
"We can try to put cancer under control but it might not be positive." Doctor says.
"I understand, thank you," Jake says, and then leaves.
It's been two months since then and no one knows anything about his health, he never showed that he is sick, he always acts strong even if it hurts.
"Baby?" Heeseung's voice brings Jake back to reality, he quickly wipes his eyes and looks at him.
"Hey, sorry if I woke you up," Jake says.
Heeseung sits up and looks at Jake with bambi eyes.
"What happened? Why are you crying?" Heeseung asks and pulls Jake on his lap.
"I'm gonna wish we never met on the day I leave." Jake wants to say but he can't utter those words, not to Heeseung, not to anyone.
"Uhm, it's nothing, I just felt sad." Jake lies.
"Are you sure? You never cry this much when you are just feeling sad." Heeseung says and wipes Jake's upcoming tears.
"Well, it seems like I do now." Jake jokes and smiles, trying to hide the sudden pain in his chest.
"You should have woke me up earlier baby, not crying alone," Heeseung says and pecks his lips.
Jake starts crying again, he can't take it anymore, he feels broken.
"Hey, hey, baby. What's wrong, love?" Heeseung asks and hugs him closer, trying to comfort the crying boy in his arms.
"I'm sorry, please just hold me and don't let me go," Jake says and that's what Heeseung did, he didn't let him go.
___
🎶 I brought you down to your knees 🎶 🎶 'Cause they say that misery loves company 🎶
"Sunoo, where are we going?" Jake asks for God knows what time yet Sunoo nor Jungwon replies to him.
"Hyung, stop asking. You will see it with your own eyes soon." Jungwon says.
"Guys, I swear to God, if it's something dumb and stupid, I am going to kill all of you," Jake says, of course, doesn't mean it.
"We love you too hyung," Sunoo says and giggles.
Jake has a blindfold over his eyes so he doesn't see where they are going.
"Are we there?" Jake asks after feeling that car stopped.
"Not yet, we stopped because it's the red light on the semaphore," Jungwon says.
"When will we be there?" Jake asks.
"Soon hyung, soon. Believe me, you will not regret this." Sunoo replies.
"Alright, but where are your boyfriends?? Aren't you together all the time?" Jake asks.
"They are working." Sunoo and Jungwon reply.
"Working? At this hour?" Jake asks.
"They had more work today hyung, it's normal," Jungwon says.
Jake hums, not fully believing them but he will let go for now since he can't wait until they come to whatever place they are going to.
"We are here!!" Sunoo says happily.
"It was about the damn time," Jake says and walks out of the car with Jungwon's and Sunoo's help.
"You need to walk here hyung, please be careful not to slip down," Jungwon says.
Jake sighs but lets the two help him, he doesn't want to fall and hurt himself.
"Okey, stand here and take off the blindfold," Sunoo says.
Jake nods his head and does as he is told to.
He opens his eyes and gasps when he sees everyone there, including his boyfriend who is supposed to be on the other side of the country but here he is, walking towards him, looking handsome more than ever.
"Hey, baby." Heeseung greets him and pecks his lips.
"Hee, what is all of this about?" Jake asks and looks around, their friends smiling at them.
"Baby, look at me," Heeseung says and grabs Jake's hands into his.
"Hmm?" Jake hums and looks at Heeseung who is now kneeling in front of him.
"I'm not a romantic person so sorry about this unromantic thing I am about to do. Sim Jaeyun, my precious baby, the love of my life, will you marry me?" Heeseung asks and holds a ring in front of him.
"I-, I'm sorry. I can't marry you, I'm sorry." Jake replies and then runs, running away from his love and his friends.
___
🎶 It's not your fault I ruin everything 🎶 🎶 And it's not your fault I can't be what you need 🎶
Jake cries, he ruined everything, of course.
He knew that he will, one day it had to happen but he didn't know that it will be this soon, there is still time to try to be happy.
"I'm sorry Hee, I am so sorry love." Jake curses on himself in his thoughts, he made a mistake, he shouldn't have run away, he should have stayed and explained everything but he can't do that.
How is he supposed to explain that he is dying and that in a few months, there will not be him anymore, never again.
How is he supposed to break the heart of his lovely boyfriend, to his friends, he can't do that but he still did by running away.
Jake feels his head dizzy, his throat closing up as if someone is choking him and suddenly he can't breathe.
His body feels like it might give up soon and it happens sooner than he thought.
He falls on his knees, trying to catch his breath but it's too hard to even try, it hurts so much and he thinks that this time will be end.
But, before then he could fall completely, a warm body engulfs him and suddenly everything is better, he can breathe and his body feels light, he is in peace.
"Baby, calm down. What's happening with you?" Heeseung's worried voice makes Jake guilty.
"I'm sorry Hee, I ruined everything. I'm sorry, I can't be what you need. I'm sorry, I can't take you with me and I wouldn't want that, I am sorry for everything. It's all my fault." Jake cries.
"Baby, what are you talking about? Where are you going that you can't take me with me? Love, what is happening?" Heeseung asks.
Jake cries even more, he can't even look properly at Heeseung.
Heeseung turns Jake around and looks at him then wipes his tears and kisses his forehead.
"I'm sorry Hee," Jake says and closes his eyes, not wanting to look at Heeseung's broken eyes.
"Baby, look at me," Heeseung says and Jake can't say no, he slowly opens his eyes, ready to look into angry, broken eyes but all he sees are eyes filled with love and worry.
"Everything will be alright," Heeseung says.
"Don't be sorry, I understand that you might get scared. I am sorry for putting pressure on you. We can take our time and talk about marriage later. We have a whole life baby, don't be sorry." Heeseung says.
Jake wants to tell him the truth but he can't, not after seeing a little bit of hope in Heeseung's eyes.
___
🎶 Baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me 🎶
🎶 I'm everything they said I would be 🎶
Jake wakes up when he feels like he might vomit, he looks around and sees Heeseung sleeping next to him, he feels bad when he remembers what happened yesterday.
A sudden urge to vomit hits him and he is fast on his legs and runs to the bathroom where he throws up soon after.
His whole body shakes as he vomits and he feels pain in his throat but he still tries to calm down and to breathe through his nose.
He hears something like rushed steps but he isn't sure.
Not until, hand is placed on his back and it's caressing him softly.
"Baby? Are you okay?" Heeseung's voice reaches Jake's ears and he feels bad once again.
After he is sure that he will not vomit anymore, he tries to stand up but his legs feel like jelly.
"Wait!" Heeseung says and helps him to stand.
Jake holds Heeseung by his shirt while Heeseung has his arms tightly wrapped around Jake's waist, holding him so that he doesn't fall.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Heeseung asks once again.
"It's just because of stress, nothing more," Jake says, yes it's because of stress but also because he is sick.
"Let's brush your teeth, then you will go back to bed," Heeseung says.
"Hee, I'm fine," Jake says.
"You don't look fine to me. Your face looks so pale and you can't even stand properly. Come on, let me help you baby." Heeseung says and even before Jake can say anything, Heeseung is already helping him.
Jake lets himself be helped by Heeseung, he doesn't have the strength to say no, he is tired.
After brushing their teeth, Heeseung picked up Jake and walked back into the bedroom, placing Jake on the bed.
"You will wait here for me. I will make you soup and then you will take some medicine." Heeseung says.
"Hee..."
"Nothing Hee. I said what I said and you will listen to me. You are sick and you need to rest. I will take care of you and that's it." Heeseung says then leans down and pecks Jake's forehead.
"I will be back soon." Heeseung whispers and then leaves and it breaks Jake's heart.
"I am exactly what they said I would be, I am a fucking burden. Hee, he doesn't deserve this. He deserves someone who will make him happy and makes him feel loved and that it's not me." Jake thinks to himself.
He feels as if he is holding Heeseung back but if only he knows how much Heeseung loves him.
___
🎶 I'll put you down slow, love you goodbye 🎶
🎶 Before you let go, just one more time 🎶
A little less than 4 months have passed since the marriage proposal and things between Heeseung and Jake are back to normal.
Heeseung feels like Jake is hiding something from him but he never asks.
"Baby, you wanna eat?" Heeseung asks as he walks into the living room where his boyfriend is laying down on the couch.
"I'm not hungry," Jake replies.
Heeseung sighs, Jake isn't eating properly for the last few days and it's making Heeseung worried about his health.
"Baby, you aren't eating properly," Heeseung says.
"I know, it's okay. I am fine." Jake says.
Heeseung sighs and walks to him then kneels, coming face to face with Jake.
Jake opens his eyes and looks at Heeseung.
"What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?" Jake asks.
"Is there something that it's bothering you? I feel like you are hiding something from me." Heeseung says.
"What? Why would you think that? I am not hiding anything from you, I never did." Jake says, lying again.
"It's just, how should I say it? You kind of changed. You are not the person I know." Heeseung says.
"You are saying that you don't love me anymore?" Jake asks and he knows that he is wrong.
Heeseung widens his eyes.
"What? Of course not baby, that's not true. I love you, I love you so much. It's just that you are distancing yourself from me and I want to know why is that." Heeseung explains.
"I am sorry, I didn't notice what I was doing. These few months aren't the best ones for me." Jake says.
"I can see that. I want to help you baby but you need to tell me what is bothering you." Heeseung says.
"Well, there is something that I want to tell you. But, that it's not something that is bothering me tho." Jake says.
"Okey, go on. I am listening." Heeseung says and takes Jake's hand into his.
"I miss mom and dad, I want to go to visit them but alone. Is that okay for you?" Jake asks.
Heeseung smiles brings Jake's hand up to his lips and kisses his knuckles.
"Of course baby, if that is what you want then it will be like that," Heeseung says.
"Are you sure? You are not mad, right?" Jake asks, only to be sure.
"Of course not baby. Yes, I am going to miss you so much but if you want to spend some alone time with your parents then that will happen. You will come back to me anyway." Heeseung says.
Jake's eyes got teary. "If only you knew Hee."
___
A few days later, Heeseung and Jake are at the train station, waiting for a train that will take Jake to his parents.
"Are you sure you will be fine alone? Should I go with you and then go back?" Heeseung asks.
"No Hee, I will be fine, I promise." Well, promises are made to be broken, aren't they?
"Okey, as you say," Heeseung says and pulls Jake in a hug, he is going to miss his boyfriend a lot even after Jake said that it's going to be just a few days, only if he knew.
"I'm going to miss you," Jake says, trying his best not to start crying.
"Me too, I will miss you too much, I might come there after you," Heeseung says and smiles.
"Hee, no! You promised to stay here." Jake says.
"I am just joking baby," Heeseung says and pecks Jake's head.
"Meanie. Can I get a kiss before I leave?" Jake asks, knowing that this might be their last kiss.
Heeseung smiles and nods, leans down, and connects their lips in a soft kiss.
Jake feels tears slide down his cheek and he doesn't wipe it, he can't.
He kisses Heeseung back, with all he can't and it feels like the last one.
And as Jake enters the train and looks at Heeseung through the window who waves at him with a smile on his face, he doesn't know that this is the last time he sees Jake.
___
Dear Hee,
By the time you are reading this, I am probably dead. I am sorry I didn't tell you, I couldn't get the courage to tell you the truth. I was sick, I had cancer, the one I couldn't heal. Please, forgive me.
I love you so much, my heart hurts every time you talked about the future, knowing that I will not be there. Please, for me, don't be sad, don't cry, and try to be happy. I will watch you from the other side and take care of you the way you took care of me. Don't miss me too much, it will break my heart.
Sorry for these tears on the papers, I can't stop crying, knowing that I will leave you one day. You were everything I ever wished for, you were the best boyfriend I could ask for. I am sorry, I couldn't marry you, we would be so a wonderful couple, maybe in our next life, okay? I will wait for you here, live a good life.
I love you so much, always did, and always will, even after I am gone.
With love,
Your boyfriend Jake ❤️