Exam season was nearing. Half the school was mad with revision fever, and Hermione had reached new levels of crazy. He was conscripted into studying every spare second, and one time she'd even followed him into the toilet. Harry had taken to hiding from her in the most unusual of places, which is how he'd ended up under Lockhart's desk.
The office had been empty. Unfortunately, Lockhart followed him in moments later.
His shoes were gold velvet, and twinkled as he walked. Harry could only see the bottom half of his robe, and it was cream, embroidered with portraits of Lockhart in golden thread around the edges, and they waved at Harry, beaming wildly. Lockhart was standing at his desk, humming Madonna's 'Like A Virgin' to himself. Harry stuck a fist in his mouth to prevent himself from laughing.
"Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Lockhart suddenly sang.
"Why, you, of course, you handsome scallywag," Lockhart continued in a lower voice. Harry bit down so hard he tasted blood. "If only I wasn't a mirror..."
"Oh please, you flatter me!" Lockhart said in his usual voice.
"Not at all. Your hair is like spun gold, and your teeth are as white as pearls and shine like diamonds!"
Harry choked upon his spit, and Lockhart stopped.
"Who's there?" he called, and almost tripped over his shoes as he spun. Harry glanced at the door, but there was no way he'd make it without being seen.
"Baneofallrodents. Help!" Harry hissed. Baneofallrodents unfurled herself from Harry's shoulders.
"Open," she hissed sleepily, before curling back up.
To Harry's surprise, the stone wall began unfolding, sliding back like the bricks at the entrance to Diagon Alley. Harry glanced up at Lockhart, who was brandishing his wand at the door, oblivious to the drama behind him, and scrambled through it. "Close!" The stones moved again, and as the last one fitted into the wall, Harry was left in darkness.
Harry blinked, but his vision didn't clear. He scrambled for his wand.
"Lumos."
Slime dripped from the ceiling of the tunnel Harry found himself in, joining the muck the covered the floor. Harry sniffed, and regretted it as the stench of waste filled the air.
"This better not be a sewer," Harry growled. Baneofallrodents declined to reply, only furthering Harry's suspicions. He picked a direction, and began walking.
As Harry walked, the tunnel began steeping down, trickles of water preceding him like a small filthy brook. He muttered the parseltongue for 'open' every couple of steps, but no exit appeared. Down and down he walked, and the further he walked, the colder it got. Occasionally things crunched beneath his feet, but the only time he'd glanced down he'd seen the bones of a rodent long gone from this world. Harry didn't look down again.
Occasionally the tunnel changed direction, but never at sharp angle. It meandered like a river, and the stone walls were smooth as if water, or some other substance had eroded them. The tunnel itself was circular, more like an enormous pipe, and Harry hoped he wasn't about to be washed into the Black Lake.
The tunnel got steeper, and Harry seriously considered turning back. Surely Lockhart must have left his office by now? But his curiosity had been piqued, and he never had been one to go back on a challenge. He was bracing his hands against the walls in an attempt to keep his balance, but really, when it happened, he should have realise that it would have been inevitable.
He slipped.
"AAAAHH!" Harry yelled as he slid down the pipe like it was a disgusting water slide. He'd dropped his wand when he'd fallen, and all he could do was brace his head as he shot down the tunnel, picking up speed until the drop was almost vertical. He could see nothing but darkness ahead.
A crunch of bones broke his fall. Thankfully, he didn't think they were his own. Harry moaned, not moving, his glasses gripped so tightly in his hand they'd broken in half.
"Ouch," he hissed as something landed on his face. He blinked, peering at the shining tip... of his wand!
"Reparo," he muttered, and slid his fixed glasses on.
If anything, the room he was in was even creepier than the tunnel. He couldn't see the floor for all the skeletons that lay on it. What had once been green tile on the walls was now covered in black mould. The only source of light was his wand tip, throwing eerie shadows about the room.
"Master...!" Baneofallrodents slid out the tunnel. Harry snatched her out the air with lightning quick reflexes honed by Quidditch. She curled so tightly around his neck he almost couldn't breathe.
"Too fast," she scolded.
"Where the hell am I?" Harry muttered, before catching sight of a pillar, on which a stone serpent was curled. He snapped his eyes shut, heart rate, which had only just recovered, rocketing sky high once again. A half-remembered dream flashed before his eyes... Baneofallrodents talking about a 'King Snake'.
"Baneofallrodents. Where, exactly, did you find the..." He choked over the word. Apparently, Basilisk didn't translate into Parseltongue well. "The...basil... lisp?"
"Master?"
"The bastille licks! The battle lists! Fuck. The basil licks!"
"Are you well, master?" Harry grimaced. He opened one eye, then the other, preparing to snap them shut at the first sign of movement.
"The King Snake?"
"Here, Master!"
Great. Harry was stuck in the Chamber of Secrets, with Salazar Slytherin's hungry basilisk on the loose. And, judging by the tunnel Harry had just tumbled down... it was enormous.
"It's very friendly, master," Baneofallrodents said. Somehow, that didn't reassure Harry one bit.
---------------
Severus was minding his own business, patrolling the first floor, definitely not thinking about the 'horcrux' he'd destroyed a few weeks ago, when he caught sight of an irate Lockhart. He promptly turned on one foot and took off in the other direction. Unfortunately, it seemed lady luck was not on his side.
"Severus! Severus! Just the man I was after." Lockhart's usually pristine hair was mussed, and there was a wild look in his eye. Severus bit back a sigh.
"There was someone hiding in my office!" Lockhart proclaimed. Severus reluctantly followed the man in. Every single portrait was scanning the room, although one slipped him a wink. He raised his wand in warning and it hurriedly turned away from him.
"They escaped out a hole in the wall! Right there." Lockhart pointed halfway up the wall. Severus tapped it with his wand. It was stone, a foot deep, as to be expected for a castle. There was nothing magical about it.
"How big was the... hole in the wall?" Severus asked, narrowing his eyes at Lockhart. Lockhart waved his arms around wildly. Severus raised a brow. Lockhart eventually settled upon a holding his hands about a foot apart.
"There was a person hiding in your office, who escaped through a hole in the wall the size of a shoe box that was at least a meter off the ground, all while you were present..."
"Yes, that's it entirely! Of course, I had my back turned when they escaped, but they must have been hiding under my desk," Lockhart agreed with a beam. "Obviously they were too cowardly to face me."
"Where they, perhaps, invisible, as well?" Severus drawled. Lockhart failed to notice the danger, and continued to blather on.
"Yes, of course, you're completely right! How on earth will we find the culprit?"
"That is beyond me. Of course, you are the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher... are you not? Shouldn't finding people versed in the art of espionage be your speciality?" Severus smirked as Lockhart paled, and swept out the room before he could hear a single word more.
Draco fell into step beside him. Damn his luck.
"It was Potter," Draco hissed, glancing about in suspicion. "I saw him go in there, and he never came out!"
"Silence!" Severus growled, and Draco took a step back. "First dragons, then polyjuice, now this! Making up lies about Potter will get you nowhere! Get out of my sight." Draco scarpered.
"Ten points from Gryffindor," Severus muttered as he walked past the House point hourglasses, and was rewarded by a groan of despair from a student in a red and gold tie as they watched the rubies trickle down. Severus smirked, his mood lifted. Now if only to catch Potter actually breaking the rules... that would be the cherry on top.