juliette
present; narrative + instagram
Stage three of a breakup is called 'making sense of it all' basically until you have a solid grasp on why things ended, you'll be all in your head about it. That's what I've been trying to do. I've been trying to think of why we broke up and what was going through Paige's head but everytime I think of the breakup I'm reminded by how quick and sudden it was. I was confused whether it was a break or a breakup till I saw the look in her eyes. It's like she wanted the relationship to end as soon as possible and she couldn't give me a proper breakup with an explanation why. Kinda like Joe Jonas with his twenty seven second phone call breaking up with Taylor Swift. It's kind of hard to move on when I still have so many unanswered questions.
I started going back to practices and games regularly now. I tried to keep my eyes and camera off Paige as much as I could, except for the necessary few pictures at each game and practice I needed of each girl. After practices or a game ended I sped off the court and left as soon as I could, not even giving her the opportunity to do her slow steps over to me like that time on media day.
"Rose, I'm back." I screamed walking into the apartment. Rose was standing in the kitchen watering her plants and before she even replied she pointed to the couch where Jay was very comfortably laying. "And Jay." I laughed at his new found comfort at our place. Don't get me wrong, Rose didn't mind his company but it was still shocking how quickly he warmed up to us.
"Thank god, Rose has been talking about how I should never get a cactus." He groaned, walking over to me and wrapping his hand around my shoulder. Rose looked at him with her jaw dropped.
"YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD WATER IT EVERY DAY!" She screamed at him, making him duck his face to hide his laugh. Rose took her plants seriously, that's why I never bothered to touch them since I would probably kill them. "How was practice love?" Her tone was back to normal, as she looked at me.
"As good as it can be. The girls are going out tonight." I took a seat on the barstools in front of Rose, Jay followed.
"Are you going?" Rose asked, looking at me softly. I really didn't want to go. Paige would be there but those girls were my friends too and rejecting their invitations all the time was even worse than seeing Paige.
"Probably, the girls invited me." Well more like they cornered me and told me I'm coming. They were all much taller than me so it wasn't hard to do but it was a little scary. Only a few of them could drink so we were going to some restaurant that had alcohol and music, I mean at least there was going to be drinks.
"Just think of it as a good time with your friends. Have some drinks, dance. Paige doesn't exist." Jay reassured and Rose nodded in agreement.
"Will you guys at least help me pick a hot outfit?" I gave in, deciding that if I ignored Paige enough I could just pretend she wasn't there.
"Only if you start getting ready right now." I jumped out of my seat, running to the shower.
I showered, straightened my hair and did my makeup before sitting in bed wrapped in my fluffy pink robe as Rose and Jay looked through my closet. They did scream at each other a few times before throwing some clothes at my head and walking out. Once I put it on I was no longer upset about the mess they made in my closet because I looked cute, I walked out of my room, doing a little spin for them.
"We did so good." She stuck her fist out and Jay fist bumped her. I grabbed my phone, checking the time and noticing Azzi would be here any second. Since Azzi was younger she was the designated driver so her car was full of girls right now, including Paige. Just pretend she's not there.
Nika texted me that they were outside, I kissed Rose's cheek and ruffled Jay's hair before rushing out. When I saw the car parked outside I walked over. The window rolled down and Nika whistled at me. I got in the back with her and Ice. Azzi was driving and Paige was in the passenger seat. I kept my eyes on Nika who was already talking about bussing it down on the dance floor. There was R&B playing loudly through the speakers and I assumed it was Paige's playlist playing.
We pulled up to the restaurant and I jumped out with Nika and Ice, not even waiting for Azzi and Paige as we linked arms and found the rest of the girls. They were at a table in the back, some playing pool, some dancing and some just having drinks. Dorka engulfed me in a hug and I could smell the drinks on her. Azzi and Paige walked in not long after us, Paige still walking slower because of the injury.
I walked away with Dorka going to get my own drinks before returning and sitting next to Dorka and Lou. Ice was also sitting with her phone propped in front of her, assuming being live on insta. I got a few drinks, stumbling over my words as I talked to Dorka and Lou about Geno. We all laughed thinking about how he dissed Nika at practice the other day, or how he shoved the confetti in her face after the win against Villanova.
The drinks were starting to kick in and I felt Amari and Nika pull me over to the dance floor. I wasn't really sure what was playing but I just jumped around with them. I felt eyes on me but I didn't care to look at the blonde who I knew those eyes belonged to. I was having a good night and she was not about to make me sulk. A more upbeat and sensual song started to play and I laughed with Amari, jokingly grinding against each other. To anyone else it would look like me and Amari were actually into it but our chuckles between each move said differently.
Afterwards I sat back down next to Ice who was still live. My head rested on her shoulder. I had tried to stay off instagram since the breakup. People assumed me and Paige were together and when I suddenly stopped coming to games and only posted pictures of the girls without Paige in them it caused new rumors. The rumors that me and Paige broke up, the rumors that I cheated on her with Jay. It was just too much to deal with but now I watched the comments flow in. Most of them being about how we looked gone, or asking about Paige when she wasn't even in frame.
"Jules looks gone." Ice read out, looking down at me on her shoulder and laughing. Suddenly Paige came into view, wrapping both her arms around Ice's shoulder and reading the comments with us. People noticed how I shot up and sat upright when Paige joined us. I looked away, staring at the other girls, anything but Paige.
"We miss Jules and Paige's interactions." Paige whispered out, looking over to me and I gave in. letting our eyes lock. I put my head back on Ice's shoulder, touching Paige's arm in an attempt to calm the rumors. It's better people assume me and Paige are together then keep asking if we broke up, or if I cheated.
"That's gonna be in a few edits." Ice laughed, referring to me touching Paige's arm. I tried not to think about how touching her made my fingers feel numb. I put my hand back down, reading the comments and sipping the drink in front of me. Once I finished that drink another was placed in front of me, now on my 5th drink of the night. Paige pulled it away before I could even grab it.
"You're drunk Jules." I groaned, begging for the drink back but she didn't give it. "C'mon let's go get some air." she started walking off and I followed, being too drunk to even think of my own actions.
The girls shared looks between each other at me and Paige walking outside together but they didn't say anything, not wanting to get in the way. Paige stopped walking just outside and leaned against a wall, me standing in front of her and looking at my shoes. My feet really hurt right now. The air is making my head pound less.
"The way you broke up with me sucked." I blurted out, still staring at my shoes. Sometimes when I was drunk I couldn't control what came out of my mouth.
"I know." I heard her sigh. Her shoes came into view and I looked up at her getting closer.
"You didn't even clarify you were breaking up with me. It was just boom, we're done." I started speaking with my hands, something that only happened when I was really drunk or really upset and right now I was both.
She didn't say anything, just analyzing my features.
"Say something Paige." I exclaimed, growing frustrated that she was just looking at me. Not taking my feelings seriously.
"You're drunk Jules, we can't talk about this when you're vulnerable." I knew she was right but again my questions were left unanswered. I had to go another night wondering why. I just wanted her to spit it out and tell me the truth.
I put my head on her shoulder, trying not to let the tears that formed in my eyes fall. I couldn't let myself cry in her arms. Also I spent a while trying to get this eyeliner perfect. She brought her hand up hesitantly but then rubbed it across my hair. I leaned into her closer, craving this moment I never got. Maybe this was my closure. This was the goodbye I deserved from Paige.
"Goodbye Paige." I pulled away, grabbing her hands and squeezing them softly.
"Jules, this isn't goodbye." She pleaded, holding my hands so I couldn't let go. I saw her eyes fill with tears now.
"Maybe it's better if it is." I pulled my hands out of her grip, walking back inside with the other girls. I tried to keep my composure, pushing down my tears so they wouldn't fall until I got back home with Rose.
This was goodbye, maybe now I wouldn't be desperate wondering what I did wrong.
.
..
tagged @jay_stetson
tagged @paigebueckers, @nika.muhl, @aaliyahedwards_24, caroline.ducharm3
liked by paigebueckers, rosalineblake, azzi35 and 5,570 others
juliette.bronson last night photo dump
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rosalineblake offended that Jay is in this and not me
➥juliette.bronson i tried to take a picture of u and u hit me
jay_stetson J wtf is that picture of me
➥juliette.bronson it's so cute what are u talking about
nika.muhl do you have advil i can borrow?
➥juliette.bronson on my way hottie!
user18 her and paige on Ice's live
ice.bradyy first thing on my fyp was an edit of u and paige
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azzi35 give me a chance pls
➥juliette.bronson i'd let you break my heart