Chapter Fifteen
The inked clouds gently mixed with the lighter colors of dawn, as the brilliant hues spread across the sky. Somewhere; a bird ruffled its wings and flew out of its nest. In the evening, it would return to its nest and be home again -
Home; a place Aleena and Walid no longer had.
Aleena watched Walid close the gate. Through a window of her brain that she was unable to shut; she saw her father close the same gate - a ten year old Walid pushed her wheelchair. "Baba come!" she shouted over her shoulder. Colors splashed around them; the laughter of kids and the excitement of a family outing awaiting them. Her father laughed, pocketing the keys. "Coming, coming-"
"Let's go," Walid said.
She was back again. She was outside the same gates, but the colors were gone and heavy silence hung about them.
Walid grabbed the suitcase, but when he turned around; Aleena did not see any creases on his forehead. She did not see any chaos within his eyes - no sign that his heart mirrored hers in his feelings.
"How are you so calm?"
It came out as a whisper; voice low - as if it would break if she were to raise it.
"How can I not be? When I have left the matter to Allah."
His answer was brief; and yet, Aleena recognised the ease in his eyes. The same ease and the same faith had kindled in another pair of eyes just the night before - an ease that had transformed in front of her.
The eyes that were now closed shut in slumber. Next to her on the bed, was her open diary -
I was finally getting over it - I was finally getting over my fear, and perhaps that is why it hurts so much. Somewhere, I had even begun looking forward to having a home of my own. I had put the bricks of my dreams one over the other - looking forward to hearing Walid's salam when he returned home. I had thought of the paintings on the walls; and the books on the shelves. I had carefully sketched the home; deciding on love to be the foundation, and gentleness to be the ceiling -
And I had thought; perhaps that would be a home I would not wish to escape as much as I do mine.
Aleena says I should have stopped Walid - she says I should have stopped him if I truly cared. But how could I? How could I when I have seen the fire in his eyes - when I have seen the weight of the dreams he carries; when I have seen a glimpse of the grief within him that deems him incapable of idleness? How can I even dare to stop him when I know what he is doing is not for his sake but for Allah's?
But maybe I am a terrible wife. Maybe I am - maybe I am, but still, I will not stop him. I will be terrible then, but I will not stop him.
And I will never trust Aleena again with my heart. I will never trust her again. Never.
The breakfast table was buzzing. The dishes had seen an increase in numbers and quality since the day Walid and Aleena had joined; and they were passed around with much fervor and zeal - Ammi filling Walid's plate for the third time, and Dadi urging everyone to try the halwa she had made. If we cannot fix things we can at least try to make them better by being hospitable; a silent agreement was passed and accepted by everyone. Conversation flowed at the table; and the house was more alive than it had been for weeks.
But the smiles and the laughter did not reach the two girls who sat apart; refusing to look at each other.
"- I hope you slept comfortably, Walid," Ammi was saying, "I doubt Aleena and Mahrosh slept at all though - they're awake till fajr everytime during their sleepovers."
Her words fell heavy upon their hearts. Ammi was expecting some reaction but she got none; Mahrosh' gaze fixed on her plate and Aleena's on the pattern of the tablemat. Somewhere, in the heart that Mahrosh wore on her sleeve, and a mask she was unable to carry to hide the tsunami of emotions within her - the coldness between her and Aleena had not gone unnoticed. Ammi frowned, "The two of you are still not talking to each other?"
Dadi looked between them, "What did you even fight over?"
When neither of them answered, Ammi sighed, picking up the plates, "I wouldn't be surprised if Mahrosh is at fault. Apologize already and get it over with, Mahrosh. Aleena is our guest."
Mahrosh' fists clenched, her nails digging into her skin. Of course. To Ammi, she was always at fault; but even Dadi did not come to her defense. The conversation changed routes till Aleena was pulled into it and a discussion over lace patterns led the women to the living room.
Mahrosh seldom did dishes unless she was asked to. But the animated voices from the room next door made her prefer the kitchen to the living room a hundred times over. She knew that even if she were to walk out; Ammi would not let her retreat to her room.
The dishes clanged when she dropped them in the sink; loud - but not louder than the storm within her. Her face was flushed; emotions toppling over the walls she had made, till a few angry tears escaped her eyes - tears that only added to her anger and she harshly rubbed at her face. No, she squeezed her eyes shut, her fists balling, trying to stop the memories from surfacing. I am not going to cry -
For a brief moment, she was in her six year old body again; thrashing and wishing to escape.
"Why him? Why couldn't she have been taken instead -" her father's eyes were red. He was dressed in white. So was her mother; her face tear-stained and her eyes lifeless. White; Dadi wore white too - like the color of the cloth wrapped around a small body that lay on the charpai outside -
The sound of the open water tap stopped suddenly; and Mahrosh' eyes snapped open.
Walid.
His gaze met hers briefly before he gently took the washcloth from her hands, rolling up his sleeves.
"I was doing it-" Mahrosh tried reaching for the washcloth but he moved it away.
"And I can take over now."
"But I can do it."
"So can I."
"Not when I was doing it already-" Mahrosh said, a feverish flush on her face, "Give it back, Walid." She tried reaching for the washcloth again but Walid was adamant, raising it above her height and looking down at her face.
"How about this...you let me do this; and instead you can do me a favor as well."
Despite her puffed breath, curiosity got the better of her and her hands fell by her sides. "What favor?"
"Can you bring that over please?" Walid said, gesturing towards the stool at the other end of the kitchen.
Mahrosh' eyebrows drew together in confusion but she complied, pulling the stool over to the sink. "Here."
"JazakAllah khair," Walid passed her a smile.
Mahrosh looked at the stool and then back at Walid. He's tall enough; why does he need the stool to wash the dishes -
"Now you can take a seat and keep me company."
The flame returned to Mahrosh' eyes. Her emotions were a muddle without being played with - and Walid's sweetness was not taken well.
"Walid! I'm being serious here -"
Despite the amusement that briefly tilted his lips, Walid's gaze remained solemn. "So am I, Mahrosh. Will you continue being this way with me as well?"
The seriousness of his tone diminished her fire. "Like what?" she feigned ignorance.
"You aren't looking at me -" when he turned to face her, Mahrosh realized that it had been a while since she had looked him in the eye. But she could not help it; not when his dark orbs always seemed to look into her soul till she felt the walls around her heart beginning to shake. This time, however, Walid held her gaze, not allowing her to look away.
"You aren't talking to me..." he continued, "You aren't smiling at me."
Mahrosh' gaze lowered. She knew his words were true and no excuse from her side could change reality. But was it her fault? Was it her fault that she could not bury Aleena's voice no matter how hard she tried? That Ammi had taken Aleena's side instantly and that no matter how distant she was, she was more or less invisible to her family-
"Won't you sit here for a while and keep me company?"
But it wasn't his either. The genuineness of Walid's voice pulled at her heart till she was able to look away from her own thoughts for a moment; because just because she was going through something did not mean Walid's struggles had become non-existant.
And just because she had been hurt by someone did not make it right for her to cut someone else off when he needed her most.
Mahrosh felt the back of her eyes beginning to burn again; but she fought the sensation as she took a seat. The sound of the clang of dishes filled between them as Walid washed the dishes.
"How are you?"
It was a simple question, but had Walid been facing her, she would have seen how his eyes crinkled by the sides. "Alhamdulillah. Happier now that you're here with me."
Mahrosh fidgeted with the hem of her sleeves. "I'm sorry... for being distant lately."
Walid's expression softened. "It's alright," he said as he turned off the tap, gaze lowered to the towel. "I understand if you do not want to talk to me, Mahrosh."
Mahrosh raised her head as Walid turned to face her. "But I'm still here. If you want your privacy, I will leave," his voice lowered, "If you want my company, I will sit by you silently, and if you want my advice I will speak, but please... don't run away from me."
The air stilled between them. Mahrosh' heart pounded profusely against her ribs, her eyes glazing. "Did I hurt you very much?"
Walid shook his head, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I just felt that perhaps you did not feel you could find that comfort with me."
A lump came up to Mahrosh' throat. "That's not true. I won't ever again, Walid. I promise."
Walid smiled softly, his hand lingering on her hair. Time stilled between them; their hearts beating in unison.
"Really?" His hand lowered to her cheek and he pinched it lightly. A glint rose to his eyes. "Even if I throw water-"
Mahrosh' eyes widened and she squealed, not even giving him the chance to finish before she was at the other end of the kitchen. "Not then!"
Walid blinked, hand frozen mid-air. "Ah. Of course. I was only joking - come back," he gestured her over but Mahrosh saw the obvious twinkle in his eyes.
"Not unless you promise you won't do anything."
"Then I'll just come over to you -"
Laughter filled the kitchen. Perhaps it was not enough to heal all wounds; but in that moment - it sufficed in helping forget the storms of their hearts and the darkness of the world that surrounded them.
assalamualaikum!
long time no see buttt i hope this chapter made up for the longer delay in the update ^^
you might have heard but wattpad isn't working in pakistan again so it's harder to access this app but ill try to work around it ان شاءاللہ
hope you enjoyed the walid and mahrosh sceneee (we really need to come up with a ship name for them haha)
andd I hinted on mahrosh' backstory. any guesses on what could have happened? 👀
this chapter is dedicated to kaNisar (aka meri jaan ki mama) because I promised to dedicate this one to her and because she deserves it too 🤭