Ryujin's fingers trembled as the key finally found its way into the lock, she turned the key and the door creaked open. With a flick of the light switch, the old apartment enveloped her in its memories, the walls holding haunting stories of her past. Every piece of furniture, every corner, held a fragment of her childhood that was left to collect dust.
She gripped the strap of her backpack with her other hand holding her helmet as she strolled into her old bedroom. After she threw her bag and helmet at the end of her bed, she sat on her bed, the weight of guilt pressing down her shoulders.
The image of Yeji's face filled with anger and hurt suffocated her. She clutched her hands tightly, her nails digging into her palms as if she were trying to anchor herself to reality. Taking a deep breath, the confrontation took hold of her thoughts with no way to escape. Ryujin slowly opened her eyes and looked down at her palms, seeing the crescent-shaped marks pooling in her hands.
Exhaustion consumed her as she fell back on her old bed. She was drowning in her emotions, unable to find a lifeline to pull her back to the surface. The love she had for Yeji left her stranded, adrift, and unable to find its way back to shore.
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As the front door shut softly, Yeji sat on the floor, still trying to process the overwhelming revelation. Hurt, anger, confusion and sadness entangled in her heart, making it difficult to comprehend the truth. Her mind replayed the images from the video, the cold, hard evidence of Ryujin's involvement with her father's death.
Lia sat down beside her, caressing Yeji's arm with her thumb as she also tried to comprehend the sudden reveal. She turned to Chaeryeong, who was standing beside the door restlessly and taking a peek at Yuna in the living room.
"Did you know?"
Chaeryeong turned back to see her girlfriend looking back at her as she comforted her best friend.
"It's complicated." She answered quietly, holding back revealing the whole truth.
The blonde knew that there was more, "Chaeryeong, tell us the truth. Did you know that Ryujin killed Yeji's father?"
Without a word, she nodded. A wave of shock and disappointment washed over Lia. The idea that Ryujin and her girlfriend had been keeping a secret from them felt heavier than ever, and she couldn't help but to question what else she was hiding from her.
Chaeryeong, seeing the confusion and sorrow in her eyes, took a deep breath.
She turned to face Yeji, trying to calm herself down, "When Ryujin killed... your father. It was purely what she was tasked to do. Only after she had met you, that's when she began to feel regret and remorse for you and your father."
"So, you're saying that she didn't when she killed him?" Yeji said slowly as she met Chaeryeong's gaze.
"I..." She looked down, "I can't say."
"Chaeryeong, I love you very much, but you kept a secret from us." Lia said softly, carefully picking her best friend off the floor. "I think we are just going to go back home for a bit."
"Lia..."
The blonde gently guided her best friend out the bedroom door and to the dining table, taking their bags and belongings before heading to the front door.
"We'll talk soon, I think Yeji needs time." As Lia went to open the door, Yeji turned around and picked up her helmet off the table before following her best friend out the door.
Chaeryeong stood beside the dining table, defeated by the whole ordeal. She looked over at Yuna, who was still on the couch, struggling to regulate her breathing.
She sat beside her and offered an arm out. Yuna, without hesitation, buried herself into her neck and soaked Chaeryeong's shirt with her tears and snot.
"She lied to me, Chaer." Yuna whimpered, clenching onto her hoodie tightly.
The blue-haired woman hummed and rubbed her back in comforting circles. "She did it to protect you."
"She should've just told me."
Chaeryeong lifted her face and wiped her tears with her thumb, "How could she? You're her younger sister. She did it to save you from your father."
She tucked Yuna's stray hair behind her ear as she smiled through her tears, "She really loves you, Yuna."
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Countless nights passed since she last saw Ryujin, yet her heart continued to yearn for her after everything she had done. The pain caused by Ryujin's actions was undeniable, but so was the love they shared. In the short, blissful time they had together, Yeji found it difficult to let go of the deep connection they had formed.
Yeji couldn't help but curse Ryujin for everything- brutally slaughtering her father, but also almost taking her life with the gun pressed against her head. But then her thoughts would replay all the beautiful moments they had spent together, the laughter, her touches, and the way Ryujin made her feel alive. The memories played like a bittersweet movie in her mind, leaving her heart torn between wanting to forget and wanting to hold onto what they once had.
There were nights when she found herself staring at the phone, rereading through all the documents, replaying the footage over and over again as if she wanted to ingrain the footage in her brain. Then, there were moments that she would want to reach out to her, to insult her, damn her for what she had done. But then she also just wanted to see her again.
The uncertainty and the need for answers pressed heavily on her heart, she needed to know more about Ryujin but she couldn't do it alone; she needed the support of Lia. She picked up her phone off the coffee table and called her best friend.
"Hello?"
"Hey, you busy at the moment?" Yeji asked, rubbing the back of her neck.
"I'm just studying right now, but I can talk. Are you okay?" Lia asked through the phone as she placed her pen on the table.
"Are you with Chaeryeong?"
"No, I haven't seen her since that night." The blonde replied.
"Oh..." Yeji let out, feeling guilty for causing their relationship to falter because of her. "Would you come with me over to her apartment? I want to get some answers from her."
After a brief moment of silence, Lia agreed and drove over to pick Yeji up. The car ride was quiet as they kept to themselves and lost in their thoughts. Once they arrived outside the apartment, they got out of the car and stood at the entrance.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Lia asked, searching for any hesitation on her face.
Yeji nodded, prompting them to head up to Chaeryeong's apartment. As they made their way up the stairs, nervousness started to build up inside her causing her palms to sweat profusely as Lia knocked on the door.
Before she could take a breath, the door opened with Chaeryeong's face washed with confusion and shock.
"Hey Chaer, it's been a while." Lia said to her girlfriend with a slight smile.
"Lia, Yeji... What are you guys doing here?" She asked while stuttering with her eyes darting between them.
"Could you tell us more about Ryujin? Please?" Yeji asked softly, rubbing her hands on her pants.
Chaeryeong nodded and stood aside, allowing them to enter the apartment. They all sat around the dining table as the blue-haired woman called out for Yuna to come and join them in their discussion.
"How are you feeling, Yeji?" Chaeryeong asked as she placed four cups of hot chocolate in front of them.
Yeji silently thanked her and took a sip, "A mess."
The blue-haired woman nodded and looked over at her girlfriend, who was looking down at the table, feeling awkward. "How about you, Lia?"
"Still a bit uneasy." She replied, lifting her head up a little to drink the hot chocolate.
"I just want to apologise for keeping Ryujin's actions silent-"
"It wasn't your place to tell. It's okay, Chaeryeong." Yeji replied with a slight, reassuring smile.
"Thank you, Yeji." Chaeryeong smiled back as she wrapped her fingers around the mug. "Ryujin felt really guilty after she found out she killed your father."
Yeji bit the side of her mouth as she averted her gaze from her, trying to stop herself from crumbling like she had done the past several days.
"She isn't a bad person though." She continued, tapping the edge of her cup with nervousness. "Yuna can vouch for me when I say that Ryujin is genuinely a caring person. You know that Yeji."
The cat-eyed woman stared into her steaming brown cup of chocolate, her mind flashing back to all the fond memories of witnessing Ryujin's love for her.
"Since her childhood, Ryujin had been abused relentlessly. Mostly taking the blame for Yuna to protect her from the punishments."
Yuna lowered her head a little, a part of her felt as if she took her sister for granted throughout her youth. She began to remember the times that Ryujin would lie for her to spare her from facing pain.
"Because of that, she became numb and emotionless towards people other than the ones she loves. Empathy is something that she struggles with a lot too, not because she actively being apathetic, but because she is incapable of doing so."
"She's a sociopath?" Lia asked as she came to the conclusion.
"Yes, she is." Chaeryeong nodded towards her girlfriend. "When she got into contract killing, she only took out people that deserved it; people that are evil or destroyed the lives of others."
"Why did she kill my dad then? Sure, he was a criminal and all, but he wasn't a bad person." Yeji said, tightly gripping her cup.
"I believe you when you say that. I think whoever that ordered a hit on your father must've given her false information because Ryujin would never kill someone unless they were a horrible person." The blue-haired woman replied genuinely. "Yeji, please trust me when I say that Ryujin wouldn't hurt a fly but would hurt anyone that causes harm to others. Your father's death was purely accidental for her, and she regretted it constantly."
"But then why did she attempt to kill Yeji?" Lia asked firmly.
"I don't know the answer to that, honestly." Chaeryeong hung her head low. "But if I know my best friend, it was because her heart told her not to."
Yeji stared into the cup, lost in the stream rising from it. She remembered the barrel pressed against her head, how Ryujin kept telling her to stop when she wanted it all to end. Her father's death was her last straw, she no longer wanted to keep surviving in a world that threw nothing but curve balls and hellfire at her. But the look on Ryujin's face, covered with a black mask and showing nothing but her eyes, she knew that Ryujin felt the same pain she had.
"Are you okay?" Yuna asked softly, placing her hand on Yeji's as Chaeryeong and Lia continued their conversation.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking." Yeji replied in a whisper. "How about you?"
"I'm just trying to take it a day at a time. Ryujin lied to me for years about what happened the night our father died. And now I find out that she's a hitman. It's a lot to take in." The younger Shin replied honestly. "But it's nothing compared to how you're feeling."
"No, it seriously must be hard for you too." The cat-eyed woman replied and placed her other hand on top of Yuna's and gave a soft smile.
"Yeji, do you hate my sister?"
Yeji closed her eyes for a moment, trying to sort out her emotions and thoughts after everything that happened and the reasoning for Ryujin's actions. She was torn. She didn't know how to feel.
Although Ryujin killed her father, she had to open her wounded heart and forgive her.
"No." She said with a breathy sigh as she opened her eyes. "No, I don't."