"Dios mío..." In camp, it wasn't possible to be picky with food. You ate what Pearson made and that was that, if you wanted something else, you got it yourself. Though that rule is much harder with a fussy toddler who didn't really understand the concept, you get what you're given, that's it.
Unlucky for Javier, Mateo was not in the mood for the soup Pearson cooked. Quite frankly neither was anyone else, but they didn't fuss about it. He was a child, of course he would fuss, but Javier couldn't handle another outburst after they damn well nearly starved to death in the desert.
"¿Qué te pasa hoy..?" Javier was getting annoyed, Mateo just wanted to play, but Pearson had just cooked food and the boy would flat out refuse to eat it later when the soup got cold. It wasn't good food, the first time Javier ate it, he nearly vomited it back up. But such was life, they couldn't have everything. "Please, Mateo?"
"No soup!" He tried kicking the bowl of soup out of Javier's hands. The problem was that John had brought back his own food he cooked earlier that day, he could see the man sitting on his cot eating pieces of rabbit out of a brown paper. "No papá!"
"Mateo Escuella, enough of this!" He sighed, putting the spoon back in the bowl. It was useless trying when Mateo was in a bad mood. He just didn't wanna deal with his cries later that he was hungry, though he had food offered to him. He noticed Mateo staring at John's cot and the paper bag with rabbit on it. "You want?"
"Mhm..."
"Fine. Say please." He sat on the ground, exhausted. Whoever said kids were a blessing was a liar. Parenting was the most exhausting, draining things he had ever done. As much as he loved his little mini-me, he drove him insane.
He'd never seen Mateo run that fast. It was more of a waddle though, or a bounce, either way John looked up from his food and saw the toddler running straight at him, toothy grinned and his big curls bouncing up and down.
It wasn't that John was terrible with kids, he'd just never been around them enough to talk to them or be able to tolerate them for more than a minute. "I want. Please?"
"You want what, kid?" He said, forgetting the poor kid barely spoke a word of English. "You want somethin' to eat? I ain't in the mood for your pa to punch me cause I'm givin' you candy."
"Please?!" Mateo pointed at the pile of rabbit meat on the paper bag.
"Ohh. You want some rabbit? Your pa say it's okay? Are kids your age even meant to eat rabbit?"
Mateo grumbled a little to himself while John started ripping up pieces of his food for him. For all he knew rabbit was a choking hazard, kids aren't smart and he'd be in for it if he let Javier's kid choke. Patient was one thing this kid was not, and he was already getting annoyed at how long John was taking. And when it was all ripped up, Mateo didn't budge, he just stared rather aimlessly at it.
"Wha—? Kid, it's there, you can take it." John laughed awkwardly, gesturing to the food in little tiny pieces. "Oh, you want me to feed you? I ain't so sure I should be doin' that.."
"No, not that," Javier came over with the soup from earlier, licking the remnants off the spoon and passing it to the boy, who started scooping up the little pieces of rabbit. "He knows, I do not like dirt."
"What? You a clean freak?" The other man laughed. Javier shot John a glance, shocked by what John had said. "I didn't mean it like that.."
"No...Because I was gross and filthy, Mateo is not."
"He's a kid, he's gonna get messy."
Javier just grumbled in response, barely acknowledging John. It wasn't much but at least Mateo ate something that night rather than go hungry. He thought he would've learnt he can't be picky about food after the hell and starvation they went through getting to America, but apparently not. He ate every little piece John had broken up for him, offering some to his father who politely declined.
"I don't know how you do it. I could never have a kid." John carried on. After Javier wiped Mateo's mouth clean, they both watched the boy run off back to the horses. He loved helping Arthur brush the horses manes, Javier didn't trust them enough for Mateo to go around the back of them though, so Arthur would carry him and let him pet them, especially Boaz.
"It...isn't too hard."
John stopped and looked over at Javier. "And your wife? Did she want kids?"
Javier swallowed thickly, it wasn't easy coming up with a lie, especially when he didn't know how to say it, "She not like kids. But Mateo, it was different."
"If I had a kid, I'd need you around to keep me sane." John stopped himself from going any further, the last thing he was trying to do was make Javier feel weirded out. "Why don't you talk about her?" Perhaps the question was a little too invasive, as Javier started shuffling uncomfortably away.
Javier opened his mouth to speak but didn't get a word in. "Papá!" Mateo yelled, the pitter patter of his feet approaching John's tent from where the horses were tied. He ran up and dove into his dad's arms, giving him a tight squeeze that Javier returned. "Te amo.." He was warm and toasty, his hugs were so tight and cuddly. John smiled at them both, remembering the days of Arthur and Eliza, and their boy.
"Te amo, mi guapo chico. ¿Estás bien?" Mateo pulled away from the hug, kissing his father on the cheek. Hell, John hadn't noticed it before, but Javier and Mateo looked so similar.
"Cansado...¿Duermo aquí, con John?" He rubbed his sleepy eyes, curling up against Javier. Night was falling fast, and Mateo hadn't taken a nap all day. He was too busy 'exploring' camp and bugging Arthur about the horses, that when Javier tried to settle him down for a nap, he was just too full of energy.
"I don't think John will want you to sleep in his tent, cariño." His fingers twirled around his bouncy curls. He had no ides where the curly hair came from, his own hair was flat and straight and his partner was the same. Though his sister certainly had some waves in her hair, but not curls. He hoped Mateo wouldn't grow out of his beautiful curls.
"I don't mind, long as he sleeps an' doesn't keep me up all night." Mateo looked back at Javier, eyes all lit up with a big grin.
"Please, papá? I like John." It was a good thing that he was trying new things, speaking to the other gang members. It seemed that this would be their home until Javier could scrape the money together to find a home for himself and his son. Mateo needed to be more social, talk to other people than just Javier.
"Mateo.." He looked between his son's pleading eyes and John, it was a good thing, he reminded himself. He just hated the thought of being away from his boy. "Bien. Puedes dormir aquí. Anything bad, take him to me."
~~~
Getting Mateo to settle was the hardest thing John had ever done in his life, but it was worth it to give Javier a break. The poor dude looked exhausted all of the time carrying Mateo around or having the kid clinging to his leg, refusing to let go.
Javier helped Mateo into his pajamas and sung to him a little while John cradled him as best as he could, but he was a squirmy kid and would not stay still. He seemed to feel okay with John cradling him, and after a few minutes, he finally settled and got comfortable.
John felt his heart swelling while Mateo's eyes finally started to shut, whining sleepily as John lay him down on the bed, that seemed a lot better than the bedroll Mateo was sleeping on. He wanted to protect the boy, love him and raise him. He was a beautiful boy too, the darkest brown eyes that still had that youthful glow, long eyelashes and a sweet little button nose. Yet somehow his young features looked a lot like Javier's.
"Get some rest. He's alright with me." John smiled in Javier's direction, the young man stroking his son's rounded little face.
"I just worry. I never have been away from him."
"I can imagine. It's a good thing! He's growin' up, you wanted him to not be glued to you." Mateo mumbled, stretching his legs as he got comfortable.
"I know, I am happy.." But his face said otherwise, John didn't press him any further. He just needed sleep.
"I'll get you if he wakes up, okay? I bet you're exhausted."
Javier got up and looked around John's tent, hiding anything he didn't want Mateo getting hold of under the bed; beer bottles, knives and guns.
"Thank you John." Javier smiled again, leaning over to kiss his son's forehead. "Mi cielo...buenas noches mi ángel. And, buenas noches John."
"You're testin' me now, buenas noches." He completely butchered it, but it was funny to hear him struggle to pronounce it.
Javier returned to his own tent with Mateo's spot empty, his clothes for the morning folded up neatly. He took a breath, as hard as it was, it was nice to have a bit of freedom. He turned the mirror away as he undressed out of his normal clothes, reaching the final layer—a tight shirt he used to hide his chest. He hated his body but what a relief to be able to breathe in his union suit.
He just wondered how much longer he could keep up this lie about himself. It was something that he couldn't have anyone knowing.