ryan is staring at himself in the mirror just like earlier today. his heart is beating fast, the party is starting in thirty minutes and ryan is barely ready.
after an hour and a half of procrastinating he decides hes gonna get ready now. hes going to put a little more effort in than usual, for whatever reason, and goes with a flowercrown of red and black roses instead of his usual. he wears his floral red vest and he slides on some skinny jeans and black. High tops looking totally rad XD
he spaces out thinking about nothing when the doorbell rings. he sighs, knowing who is behind it, and goes to open the door. "heyyy buddy!!!" to his surprise, its not brendon. its pete? "oh, hey pete. wasn't expecting you." ryan motions for pete to step inside, "you going to mikey and gerards party?" ryan asks.
pete tenses up for a bit, "um... no. i mean i was invited, i don't know though." somethings off but ryan doesn't care enough to ask, "come on, dude, it'll be super fun. you know their parties, tons of people...." ryan clears his throat before continuing, "girls." he gives pete a smirk, maybe that'll help? but that only makes pete look more awkward. ryan shrugs it off, pulling a beer out the fridge. "want one?" he calls out to pete, "sure." pete calls back.
the brown haired boy pulls out two beers from the fridge, taking the caps off and handing one to the other boy. "yeah uh, i guess ill go." pete gives in. ryan knew he couldn't resist a good party.
the two lean back into the couch, "fifteen minutes till. brandon'll be here any sec." ryan knows he always likes to be fashionably late, again drawing more attention to them than needed, and to calm down from the stress ryan takes a long sip from his bottle.
after a good while of waiting brendon shows up. he just comes in, no knocking necessary. thats okay to ryan, theyre bestfriends after all!!! XD
"heyyyy girlies!" brendon struts inside, looking even more amazing than earlier. "hey bren!" pete brings his hand up for a small wave.
ryan stares at his hands in his lap, avoiding looking at brendon. thats what hes good at these days.
the other two are catching up and ryan cant help himself, he looks at brendin... hes wearing a tight fitting shirt that accentuates his muscles, the shirt a little too short on him. and those jeans... ryan stops himself from thinking more on that subject. "we should get going." pete says and brendon and ryan agree.
it doesn't take long to get to mikey and gerards house, only living a fifteen minute ride on the bus. william isn't working still, presumably took off early to get to the party too.
when the three arrive, pete immediately looks super tense, like mega tense. he excuses himself with something stupid, ryan knows hes going to hide somewhere but doesn't stop him. "im gonna go get us some drinks, girl!" brenda says, patting ryan on the shoulder and skipping off to the bar.
loud music blasts through the large house, unintelligble throufh the loud talking and whatever else going on. the lights are blue, mess on the floor from beer and who knows what.
ryan sits at a chair awkwardly by himself waiting for brendin to come back with their drinks. hes staring at his lap, playing with his fingers and bored out of his mind. some vodka would really help this situation. did he even really wanna be here or was it just because brenda asked?
"HEYYY, RYAN!" gerard comes running up. "welcome!! long time no see." gerard sits next to him.
"pretty sick party, dude." ryan compliments gerard, hes fond of the guy but then again, who isn't? i mean its gerard way. "oh, thanks! mikey did most of the planning." ryan nods, that makes sense somehow.
brendon is skipping back over, holding a bottle of something for him and ryan to share. ryan immediately brightens up, thank god for alcohol. maybe this place will be a bit more bareable.
brendon gasps, "OMG! Heyyy Gerardd!" he sits in a chair in the middle and talk about whatever. ryan doesn't care. all he cares about is the way that brendon looks in this lighting, features illuminated by the blue lights...
"uh, ill be back." ryan gets up and walks off quickly. wheres he going? he doesn't know where.
ryan walks past two guys making out like FULL ON O_O and they stop, "OMG! Ryan!! Heyy!"
he doesn't even have to look at the other guys face, already knowing, "Hey bill, hey gabe." gabe doesn't pull of william and ryan makes a disgusted face. effing GROSS! ryan thinks men shouldn't be kissing... should be a woman and a man only!
ryan finds himself in the bathroom. he just kinda sits on the counter and searches his pockets for a cigarette. he groans angrily, the box is empty. mikey storms in, "UGH!" he kicks the wall. ryans eyes widen, not super sure wat to do or if he should even ask whats up.
mikey turns around to ryan and grimaces. "jeeeez... sorry, that's embarrassing..." mikey hides his face. "no, its all good..." the silence between them stretches for a long time, mikey is pacing back and forth.
the silence seems like forever, ryans deciding if he wants to ask whats up or whatever. he decides to, eff it, "whats up, mikey?" hes apprehensive about asking. does he realllyyy want to know? "ugh. pete." mikey rolls his eyes, slumping down to the floor against the wall. "what about him?"
"gerard invited him without letting me know... me and pete, uh, don't get along." mikey sighs, seemingly calmed down a little bit. "we..." mikey clears his throat and looks down in his lap, "we had a pretty nasty breakup and gerard just doesn't get it! i mean- hes got this perfect relationship with bert... we just weren't like that!" mikey starts ranting about stuff ryan just really, really doesn't care about. ryans regretting it a bit now.
mikey lets out another sigh, "petes avoiding me. so i guess its not all too bad." oh. maybe thats why pete was so weird about being here? "sorry. i shouldn't have told you all that." mikey stands up, "i should go." ryan just shrugs as mikey goes away. ryan cant help but have a disgusted impression. who couldve known mikey, gerard, bert and pete were homos too? at least him and brandon were good...
he takes that as a sign to get up too and leave. he probably needs to be returning to brendon, he did come here with him after all.
as ryan exits the bathroom he sees spencer across the room. spencer notices and waves him over, jon is next to him too.
ryan goes up to the group. hes not brendons "date", so it doesnt matter right?
"heyyy guys!" ryan waves back. "here, here ryan! come on." spencer pats a seat next to his and the boy sits quickly, relaxing into the material. "do you guys have anything to drink over here? brindin has all of my stuff with him." jon hands him a bottle of something quick, "of course. always for our friend." ryan accepts it happily, taking a good swig before relaxing back into the material again. "we were looking for you, actually!" jon says.
ryan turns to jon, raising an eyebrow that means to just continue. "well... you came here with pete right?" jons tone is worried, "uh. yeah." ryan really does not have the patience to deal with homos, whats wrong now? pete probably gayed out to mikey and they had a massive fight after they left the bathroom. jon grimaces and looks to spencer nervously, "we have something we think you should know about him..." ryan is super confused. spencer looks at jon again and all jon does is nod.
spencer leans in close to ryans ear to whisper, "hes one of... them." and ryan groans, "im aware. i had to listen to mikey rant about... whatever homo stuff that happened with pete." the other two let out a sigh of relief before raising their eyebrows, "mikey?" jon seems super surprised. "yep. who woulda known?" ryan frowns. "disgusting, really." spencer adds to the conversation. ryan feels gross, like he really needs a drink now from all this talk of disgusting stuff.
ryan decides to finally find brendin again until he spots him talking to a guy he doesn't recognize. that is... he thinks they're talking.
ryan approaches closer when it becomes more apparent... theyre kissing. "WHAT THE FUCK BRENDON?" ryan yells. brendon backs off the guy quick, his eyes really wide.
"um, heck, this is uh... this is northh!" brenda looks really upset and shocked. "its not what it looks like."
ryans fists curl up, "i know what it looks like. guys don't- guys don't kiss other guys! YOU'RE A HOMO!" ryan is furious. brondon eyes flicker between being upset and angry and that hurts ryan but it doesn't matter. his best friend is a homo.
ryan looks at the guy, southh or whatever his name is, "what is wrong with you?! you probably- you probably forced yourself on him!" ryan grits his teeth and walks in closer, "disgusting homos!"
brendons eyebrows are furrowed, "don't talk about him like that!!" the random guy seems mega confused, "umm..." he crosses his arms, "wat..."
ryan and brndin arent speaking anymore until the guy shrugs and starts walking away. ryan angrily picks him up by the collar, "southh or- whatever... apologize to him! you disgusting homo! brendon wouldn't do this!" the guy looks super mad, "its NORTHH. not SOUTHH. and i didnt do anything wrong! he kissed me first!"
ryan drops the guy down, "excuse me?" ryan looks even more shocked than before, "he kissed you first? that sounds like a lot of bs."
its not even the fact that brendon might be a homo thats making ryan mad. the thing thats making him mad is seeing his best friend with someone. someone thats not him? no that can't be it... gay people are wrong. "hes not lying, ryan. hes being slayerious." brendons head drops to the ground and without even looking at brendon ryan knows he messed up.
"hes not?" ryans eyes widen. northh runs away as fast as possible. "no ryan, hes not. we-we were talking... and i didn't expect you to come back..."
ryan lets out a sigh. is it angry? disappointed? even he doesn't know.
"i can't believe you'd do this." ryans voice is low, hes in shock.
"i don't have to apologize to you, ryan. i dont- i don't owe telling you! especially with your homophobic bs... and the rest of the band to!"
ryan rolls his eyes, "do you have any IDEA what would happen if this got out to our fans?"
the loud music seems quieter to the two now, "i know." brendons voice is low too, he sounds so disappointed with himself. ryan knows its his fault and he can't help but feel even worse about everything. "we'd be OVER. and the rest of the guys! you know how all of us feel about homos!" hes angry now, voice full of disgust... his best friend is a disgusting boy kissing freak. "are you serious?" brendon scoffs and turns away from ryan.
"i knew you'd never accept me!" brendon digs his hands into his pockets, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it skillfully.
"why would i?"
"you're insufferable." brendon stomps off, angrily throwing his flower crown off to who knows where at the party.
ryan scoffs at that. him? insufferable? no. its the other way around, the homo is the insufferable one! why can't he just be normal? ryan stomps off to a less populated area of the house, going through his pockets before remembering hes out. "fuck!" he kicks a dresser, instantly regretting it.
his thoughts drift back to brendon and northh. god, hes so furious. the way they were touching eachother, faces red... lips swollen. disgusting. he wonders how far it wouldve gone if he hadn't stopped them.
it doesn't matter.
but it does.
ryan cards his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. he should apologize to brendon... for the sake of the band, right? they can keep it secret.
ryan heads outside, the cool air hitting him. theres only one other person standing outside. he knows who it is. "hey." ryan walks to stand beside brendon. "leave me alone, ryan."
"i wont tell anyone." brendon looks shocked to hear this, "really?" ryan kicks a rock off the sidewalk, "yeah."
a long silence stretches between them, "thanks."
the cold air makes ryan shiver, he really didn't dress for the occasion. he catches brendon staring at him and ryan stares back, eyes tracing over brendons features.
ryans lips part, hes not sure why, and his heart beats so fast he thinks hes about to have a heart attack. brendas eyes are flickering between ryans lips and eyes before finally they crash into eachother.
its soft and sweet, ryan cupping brendons soft face in his hands while their lips move together. at the moment it seems so right, like this is where ryan is meant to be. brendon pulls away panting.
they both look away from eachother, the awkward silence returning. ryan cant bare it, his thoughts going rampant. he just kissed another guy. thats awful, isn't it? its disgusting... and while he knows it made him feel so good he cant help himself but to turn back to brenda, "im not- im not gay you know... that was an accident." his voice has a bit of poison to it, hes disgusted with himself.
"okay." thats all brendon responds with and ryan rolls his eyes, how could he? thats all he responds with? shouldnt he care more after what they did? ryan scoffs and stomps off, not turning back.
he still feels the numbness on his lips from their kiss. the way brendons lips were so full and soft, his skin so perfect. but ryan removes those thoughts from his mind, they're wrong. wrong. wrong.