Kayson's pov
September 28, 12:00 p.m.
I think everything is just now starting to hit Davina. She just got him on hospice care, now all she does every hour of every day is worry about if he'll still be alive when she walks into the room. I worry too, but my weak moments last a couple hours at a time, then I'm back. Willow's not doing the hottest either, but she smiles for Xander. She falls to pieces like a child in Davina's arms every night. She lays in our bed every goddamn night and sleeps with us. I'm on one side, Davina gets the middle, and Willow curls up in Davina's arms on the other side. If it were under better circumstances I'd say it's kinda cute, the two of them. My only complaint is that maybe I want to curl into her arms sometimes damnit.. I won't complain though. They seem happy to see each other every morning. Up until they go give Xander his one piece of toast that he asks for and only takes two bites of. Then the day goes to shit.. and that's why we're here. At the beach. In the same spot I proposed to Davina. Well, she drove on her own. I'm only here because she left a few hours ago and hasn't answered her phone since.
"Davina?" I call out to her, hoping she'll hear me, but it's no use with the music she's got blasting from the car. "Darling, we've got to get to the office." I walk closer, while it rains, expecting her to notice my presence, and still being utterly disappointed. I walk up to her parked car, pull my hood over my head and sit on the hood of the car while I watch her dance. My favorite thing to do these days. She isn't dancing how she normally does though, it isn't as if she's angry. This is way different. She's dancing now, but now she looks like she's having fun. A smile plastered on her face, dimples creating beautiful lines on her cheeks, and an expression so relaxed that it almost is unrecognizable. Her eyes are closed and her face is pointed toward the clouded sky, and it's got to be the most enchanting thing to ever see from her.
As if it couldn't get any better, she starts to spin on one foot in the sand. I think it's called pirouette? I've heard her talk about it a few times, though I've never seen her her do it. Her hair whips around, flinging little water droplets from it. "You're so beautiful, darling." I whisper it under my breath, not wanting her to stop just to listen to me. The song she's dancing to sounds like something that'd be in an intense part of a fantasy movie, it just ties everything together. Only if there were a couple in said movie though. She goes from her spin and into a leap, landing on the sand in an almost angelic way. Then, in multiple quick movements, she stomps her foot in the sand, bends her body down, and whips her head back. Her hair flings back in a swift little swoosh, her arms spread wide and her body facing toward the sky. Angelic.
The song still plays though, I expect her to go on and finish through it like she always has, but she just stands there letting the posturing rain pound onto her already wet skin. I step off the hood of the car and walk up behind her, very slowly. "That was absolutely the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, darling." I wrap my arms around her and place my hands flat on her belly. "But why did you stop so early?" She leans her head onto my chest in a relaxed way, her eyes now looking up at me. She smiles sweetly, interlacing her fingers with my own. "Dance with me, Kayson." She says it like it's all she wants in this big world. I look down and place a kiss on her forehead. "I can assure you, darling. You do not want to dance with my two left feet." She sighs heavily, still seeming to be out of breath. Her hands move mine from around her, and then she turns around to face me.
"You're right. I want to dance with you." With our lips just an inch apart, she smiles at me. She grabs my hands and places them where she wants them, one on her waist, the other in my left hand. "Do you know how to two step? It's simple." She stares into my eyes like a child, with the caring glint in them. I look up at the sky to try and hide my smile from her, but she notices and starts to giggle. "Simplicity means nothing when you don't know the basics, darling." She looks down at my feet and then back up at me. "Follow my steps." She places her hands the same way mine are placed. "Left. Left. Right. Repeat." She looks up at me as we start slow on the movements, watching my facial expression as I try and focus. We do this for a little bit until I've got it down. Then, she looks back down at my feet and starts to instruct me again. "Don't ever pick up your right foot, let it slide. Make a big circle with our bodies every time you slide."
Once I've got it somewhat figured out, she wraps her arms around my torso and rests her head onto my chest. She then steps onto my feet and stays on her toes. "If you're tired we can go home." I whisper it in her ear and place a soft kiss to the top of her head. I get no reply, just more dancing. "Baby, let's get you home." I don't tell her that I'm kind of tired of dancing though. I don't because of how happy she looks while I dance with our arms wrapped around each other. She just jumps along to the song that's playing. That song now being 'Crazy in Love by The Eden Project'. I place my hands on either side of her face after she starts singing along to the song, cutting her off with a kiss. A deep, gentle kiss that drags a little groan out of the back of her throat. I pull my lips away from hers for a second, and then kiss her again. It's starting to feel like our first kiss the more I kiss her. The rain grows drastically stronger as we begin to fall into a deeper kiss. The rain drops soaking our clothing and every other part it can reach. "We're supposed to be dancing, Kayson."
I slide our lips together once more, ignoring her words, feeling nothing but this moment. "We're not done dancing, darling. Don't worry." My hands start to roam all over her body, goosebumps following over the spots my fingertips graze. Her hands slide up my hoodie and her fingertips start to do the same to me. "Stop, Davina. You know what that does every time." She pulls her face away from mine and looks at me with endearing eyes, as if I'm the only one that matters. "Everything changes in a few months, Kayson." Her words don't match her eyes, in the least. Her words are laced in finality and her eyes with adoration. I drop my forehead on hers and let our bodies soak up the sad weather. "In what way are you meaning this, Davina? The kids? Xander?"
She smiles and looks away from me, resting her head on my chest as she does. Her fingers find mine and lace through them smoothly. "I mean us, dear. The mafia. The kids. All of it changes everything. The kids will be born, security will be stronger. The mafia will be handed to you if I can't keep it together.. and Xander. The kids will already have a whole in their daily lives that they've got no clue about." She sighs a heavy sigh and brings her back to mine. "We've got to take our time together as if it'll be our last. Every time." She brings her hands back around my waist and speaks again. "Because we don't know what's going to happen. No matter how strong or powerful you think you may be, you can't fight off evil all the time when you've got two babies that are too innocent for lives filled with anger."
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I can't think straight anymore. I can't hear anything anymore. She's got a point and now I don't know how to handle the responsibility of being a father. I don't even know if I'll make it to being one at all. Then, she tears through my thoughts. "Don't doubt your abilities to be a father, Kayson. You've got this no matter how small or big our problems may be. I believe in you." She gives me the strength that I can't find in myself, but what about her? What if she puts so much of her energy and time into me and can no longer take care of herself? I take my hands away from her, step back from her, and look up at the sky. And all I can do is hope my mom has the strength to help us from where she is. If she were here she could help us put the pieces together, the pieces we're missing.
'I can't do this without you, mom. Whether you see what's happening or not, please don't let anything happen to the four of us.' I look down at Davina to finally speak to her, but she's doing the same thing I am.. but she's speaking out loud. For myself and everyone to hear. I expected her to do this every once in a while, she's always believed in the high spirits of lost loved ones. What I did not expect.. was for her to be talking to the same person I am. "I'm only asking this favor for the sake of your son and our children. I'll take care of your boy if you can take care of us from where you lay. If you can hear me, help me. I need you in a way that a little girl needs her mom. And right now, you're all I have in the aspect of a parent that cares. Cared.. In return of your help, I will not let a day go by that your grandkids don't hear your name."
We're in too deep. Way too deep to save ourselves. Honestly, I'm not even sure this is something we can break out of. When I first got the news of her pregnancy, I was horrified, but I felt a since of what felt like happiness. Now? I'm not sure if I can be happy when I'm just realizing all of what we've got to protect them from. Hell, I may end up having to protect them from none other than myself. I can't be fit to be fatherly figure. Hell, the first person I've told that I loved them, since I lost my mom. Was Davina. Multiple years later. I have every reason to believe that Davina can pull this off, she's got everything she wants, and everything I continue to make happen. But me? I've dug my hole far too deep to let myself out of.
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Chapter 49!!
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