"Should we stop the search, sir?" The investigator asked carefully while peering up at Mr. Kim who was sitting behind his office desk.
Jungkook, who was sitting on the couch situated in one of the corners of Mr. Kim's office, widened his eyes after hearing the request coming from the investigator. "What do you mean you want to stop the search?!" The blonde snapped, hazardous eyes glaring at the man.
The mentioned male sighed deeply before he slightly twirls his chair to beam at Jungkook. "It's been almost a month, Mr. Jeon and we still haven't found Mr. Kim." The man enunciated, turning his gaze back to Mr. Kim for a slight second to analyze his reaction before continuing again. "The forensic team has said there's a chance Kim Taehyung wasn't wearing the seat belt and the door of the car was also opened. So there's a possibility that his body must have swatted away from the car. Plus, the force of the water that day was pretty rough because of weather conditions." The investigator explained, turning his gaze back and forth from Mr. Kim to Jungkook.
The blonde head clenched his jaw, and his fingers started to play with the rings around his bony fingers while he shakes his knees up and down hastily. "What's your point here?" Jungkook demanded while raising both of his eyebrows with a tilt of his head.
"My point is we've been searching for Kim Taehyung's body for almost a month and still haven't found a single trace. So it's possible that his body froze because of the extremely low temperature and is lost somewhere deep into the water we can't reach. Likewise, to remind you, Han River is huge yet we continued our search for a month. But every time, we are back with empty hands." The investigator stated with a deep frown and looks at Mr. Kim after averting his gaze from Jungkook. The said old man tilted his head to the side and examine Jungkook, waiting for him to say something.
Jungkook shook his head in disbelief and scoffed before looking back at the investigator. "I am sick of you chanting that River's name again and again. Did you search for him in the hospitals?!" The blonde snarled, jerking his head to the side aggressively as he speaks, showing his annoyance towards the man.
"We did. Of course, we did. But as you can see, there's no sign. Even when we found entries with the name Kim Taehyung in some of the hospitals, we immediately went there to investigate but turned out it was some other person with the same name." The investigator replied causing Jungkook to grit his teeth and look away. The investigator sighed, his gaze turning soft, "We have done everything, Mr. Jeon. We are not randomly announcing his death. We don't have any vendetta against CEO Kim that you think we're so desperate for his death announce. But every time we follow a lead, it leads us back to the river because that's where he fell and was last seen." The man embodied, a small hint of dismay lingering in his tone while he stares at Jungkook in pity.
Jungkook didn't respond this time. He silently stares outside the window while placing one of his arms over the top rail of the couch as he sits there cross-legged.
"Look, Mr. Jeon. I understand you have lost someone close to you. I know it's difficult to accept the truth but we also can't continue the search for the rest of our life." The investigator then added to Jungkook's silence when the said guy didn't say anything further.
"You don't decide what's true and what's false for me." Jungkook harshly asserted, slowly turning his gaze to beam down at the investigator.
"But, Sir—"
"You can stop the research." Jungkook suddenly declares and looks away instantly, an action that says he's done with the conversation and is no longer interested in the person before him anymore.
The investigator didn't bother to continue his sentence again and leaned back on his chair with a poker face. He turns his gaze back to the old man again, "Mr. Kim?" He called as if asking for his opinion as well on closing the case too since the father's view matters more than anyone else.
The old man averts his gaze from Jungkook and glances at the investigator before exhaling a long trail of breath. He raises his gaze and slightly nods his head in a 'yes'. The investigator also nods back and stood up. He turns his gaze to the blonde head again to glance at him for a few seconds who wasn't looking in their direction before he makes his way outside the chamber.
Jungkook uncrossed his legs and stood up as soon as the man left the chamber. He slowly made his way toward Mr. Kim's desk while buttoning up the middle button of his blazer. He halt on his spot when he was standing right behind the chair the Investigator was sitting on a few seconds ago.
"Thank you for doing justice to my son." Mr. Kim thanked the blonde, he is referring to the case Jungkook won. The driver is behind the bars at the moment in life imprisonment for taking the life of a prestigious CEO even though his death is yet to confirm. The court has announced that if- somewhat by some miracle -Taehyung turns out to be alive, the driver can get a few years less in prison but for now, he is inside for the rest of his life.
"That's the least I could do," Jungkook responded blandly as he shoved both of his hands inside the pockets of his jet-black slacks. His gaze wandered around the office as the guilt again started to bubble inside him. The guilt of that night he pushed Taehyung away.
Mr. Kim examined the blonde head for a few minutes or two before he decided to finally shoot the question he's been wondering for the past couple of days. "Why do you believe Taehyung is still alive?" Mr. Kim asked, his head tilting upward to beam at the younger lad.
Jungkook at first side glanced at the man in a judging manner before turning his whole attention toward him, "Maybe because I haven't seen him dead or buried six feet under? But for a father, you accepted his death pretty quickly." Jungkook shoot the last sentence with sarcasm lacing his tone but at the same time, he was curious to hear the answer. To hear the man explain himself.
Mr. Kim scoffed out a chuckle while shaking his head, "Just because I don't show it from the outside that doesn't mean I don't grieve for my son." Mr. Kim responded, his veiny thick hands slightly shifting the position of the paperweight before he looks up to peer at Jungkook who was already staring back at him. "I do mourn for my son. But I also understand no one is immortal and that death does not come to you at a certain age. It can arrive anytime, anywhere." The man then added, eyebrows raised upward in a serious manner.
"But if you think that my son is alive somewhere right now, then I'll be the happiest. I don't oppose your beliefs that's why I didn't stop the search even when it's been a month already. If I believed immediately that my son is not alive, I wouldn't continue the search. I, too, want to believe that he is alive." He continued further while opening a drawer and taking out an empty file. Jungkook listens to the elder silently while examining his activities.
"I tried, didn't I? I continued the search, I searched for him in the river, in the hospitals, and the fishers, and even published missing notices around Seoul but as the investigator said, we came out empty hands. What else do you want me to do? Huh?" The man looked up at Jungkook after throwing the last question, "I am not a god. All I can do is wait now. I can wait for the rest of my life with the belief that Taehyung will be back one day. But if he's dead, what can we do about it too? What can you do about it? Nothing." He stated logically. As much as Jungkook hates to admit that his words were actually making sense, he also can't avoid the pang in his heart so he decided to avoid the elder's gaze.
Mr. Kim shook his head subtly before looking down, he collected the papers he just wrote some letters over them with an ink pen before putting them all one by one inside the file. "You are not the only one mourning over my son, Jungkook. We all are very much in-depth. Let's not say it's kind of your fault too behind the accident." Mr. Kim stated while eyeing Jungkook intensely from under his lashes, the younger snapped his head towards the elder with wide eyes at the last statement but didn't utter anything.
He confessed his and Taehyung's argument that happened on the night of the said guy's accident to Mr. Kim a few days ago because keeping it all to himself felt wrong to Jungkook. Because he somehow felt like a fugitive behind Taehyung's possible death.
"And now, you told the investigator to stop the investigation, I didn't. What's on your mind?" The elder asked while gazing up at Jungkook suspiciously, his eyebrows crooked together into a frown.
"The investigators are stupid. I don't trust them, they are not doing their job properly. From now on, I am going to start the search, solo." Jungkook stated confidently while he gazes down at the older since he is towering over his desk.
"Think you can do that?" Mr. Kim questioned while raising a brow.
"I am a lawyer, I have my ways. I've solved cases too."
Mr. Kim exhaled deeply and closed the file after attaching all the papers together inside the flaps. "Do whatever you want, I am not going to stop you." The old man stated as he formed a knot over the file to secure the papers inside from falling apart. "If you find my son, then it will be a miracle. But if not," The male trailed off and opened the previous drawer to place the file in its prior place.
He looks up at Jungkook and smiled slightly, "Then except for acceptance, we have nothing left." Jungkook gulped, his heart beating crazily inside his chest as reality finally slowly started to crash down on him.
What if Taehyung really is. . .?
Jungkook jerked his head to get rid of the impulsive thoughts and parted his lips to exhale deeply. The exhale oddly slowly reduced the weight of his heart. He looks at the old man, eyeing him up and down for a second before speaking, "Where's Jimin?" He suddenly asked while looking away, his question grabbed the older man's attention yet again.
"He left the country after signing the divorce paper." The man answered, leaning back over his leather chair.
Jungkook scoffed at the information, gritting his teeth tightly, so hard he could feel the pressure over his jaw bones through his gums. He looks back at the elder, "What do you want me to do with the divorce papers?" He asked. That night, Taehyung placed the divorce paper over the coffee table, the same coffee table he broke, and then the next day, after coming back from the accident scene, Jungkook found the papers laying under the crystal broken pieces of glass.
"Have you done the procedures?" Mr. Kim asked.
"I am not a divorce lawyer but I have done it with the help of one of my colleagues," Jungkook replied, earning a nod from Mr. Kim
"Then keep it with you. I think you need it more than me." The old man stated, earning a confused head tilt from Jungkook.
"Huh?" The attorney made a sound of confusion.
"That's what you wanted, didn't you?" Mr. Kim asserted with an obvious tone. Jungkook's demeanor changed to realization when he understood what the elder meant.
"And where's your middle son?" Jungkook asked again, referring to Namjoon.
Mr. Kim's face dropped visibly at the question. This time, it was he who looks away while intertwining his fingers together over his lap. "Probably drunk in his firm house." The man replied through his gritted teeth, his infuriated gaze peering down at nothing.
Jungkook only nodded before looking out the window again.
There were a few minutes of silence lingering in the air before Jungkook decided to slice through it by raising a question, "What is the passcode for Taehyung's apartment key lock?" The blonde asked, more like demanding an answer.
Mr. Kim raised a brow at the demand, "What are you going to do with that?"
"To mourn over my deceased lover while being around his memories. You've got any problem with that?" Jungkook replied sassily even though his tone was harsh since he is annoyed. His response emits a slight chuckle from Mr. Kim which the blonde reacted with an eye roll and looks away again.
🥀
"I am so sorry, Jungkook. You deserve so much better and I'm just—not the right one for you I guess? I never learned how to respect your love and now I started to believe that I don't deserve you, you are just too good for how pathetic I am, and how annoying I am. I am so sorry for wasting your time. I'm—" Jungkook closed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, knowing that it was the exact moment Taehyung's car got hit.
He rubbed his temple and took a sip from the wine. The blonde was sitting on the floor of his living room, back resting against the long couch, both of his legs sprawled over the floor. Yes, it was torture for Jungkook to listen to that voicemail but it didn't stop him from listening to it almost every day again and again. Just like the way he is listening to it right now.
It's some kind of punishment to himself. Listening to that voicemail, again and again, make him uncomfortable, it pains his heart and angers him at the same time for not listening to it at the right time. For not picking up the call. He could've saved Taehyung if he did. But he was too drunk and knocked out.
And the last words Taehyung said through that voicemail? That he does not deserve Jungkook and that the said guy deserves better? Jungkook wanted to scream to his phone, to Taehyung, he wanted to scream that "You are everything I want!" But even if he screams now, there's no point. Because Taehyung probably won't ever hear it from him.
Gulping the rest of the alcohol liqueur down his throat, Jungkook stood up. He took his jet-black blazer from the same couch and wore it after placing the empty glass of wine over the new coffee table he had to buy.
He took his phone from the said coffee table and paused the voicemail and head towards the exit of his apartment.
🥀
A deep sigh resonated inside the empty hallway. Jungkook stands there in front of Taehyung's apartment front door, again, for the first time after a month. He indeed asked for the passcode of Taehyung's apartment confidently but as soon as he ended up in front of the very apartment, the whole reality crashed down on him.
Jungkook bites down on his lips as he clenches and unclenches his fist, sometimes wiggling his fingers out of nervousness. He doesn't know why he asked for the passcode when he knows damn well as soon as he's going to come across Taehyung's surroundings, he is going to lose all his calm and break down.
The way he's been maintaining himself in front of the public as if he didn't lose his lover is immaculate. It's not Jungkook's fault that he doesn't cry easily.
But that doesn't mean there are no tears to shed.
A dent formed over Jungkook's jaw muscles when he clenched them before slowly raising his index finger. He let the tip of his finger touch the key lock screen illuminated by the blue neon light and one by one typed out the six-digit Taehyung's father told him to.
Jungkook took a deep breath and slowly exhaled when the door unlocked and slightly ajar open automatically. He bites on his bottom lip and leans forward, letting four of his dominant fingers push open the door before he steps in.
The blonde closed the door after he was inside. He turns around and stood silently for a minute or two in the empty hallway to the living room before he let his legs stroll forward and exit the hallway. The bunny-looking guy wanders his gaze around the place, taking in the view of the interior and the furniture.
Who would've known that the first time Jungkook is going to explore Taehyung's apartment would be like this? Without the owner of the apartment, his lover, who he lost.
The guy took silent steps towards the long couch situated in the middle of the living room, letting his finger drag along over the soft fabric as he continued walking. Jungkook's gaze then fell over the mini-bar, slightly as similar to his own mini-bar back in his home. He then trails his gaze scarcely to the side and came across the view of the kitchen. Jungkook turns his head to the left, over his shoulder, and saw the stairs.
He immediately pushed himself forward towards the stairs and climbed up and when he made it up to the second story, Jungkook directly came across the closed door of Taehyung's bedroom. His heartbeat suddenly picks up its pace as he stares at the dark wooden door. He was feeling nervous to approach that room because, after all, most of Taehyung's memories hold inside this room.
Somehow, gathering up some courage, Jungkook saunters forward towards the door and grabs the metal knob before twisting it open. As soon as Jungkook opened the door, a chill ran down the back of his spine because of the depressing atmosphere he felt around the air. Even though it was Jungkook's first time visiting Taehyung's bedroom, he still felt the void, the nostalgia, and the emptiness of the room.
Jungkook slowly strode forward until he was standing before the king-sized bed. He gulped and turned around, coming across the view of the wooden Almirah, and before he could think about anything else, his feet already started to drag him towards the closet. The blonde raised both of his hands and hold the knobs of the closet doors and pulls them open.
Jungkook's breath hitched and his eyes immediately teared up when he came across some of the familiar blazers, suits, and button-ups he has seen the older wearing many times before. But his eyes also didn't fail to notice that one side of the closet was empty, indicating it used to be Jimin's side of space for his clothes. But now the spot is empty since the silver head is gone now.
Ignoring the thoughts of Jimin, Jungkook extended a hand to hold one of Taehyungs shirts. He took the thin fabric between his bony fingers and bring them close to his nose, widening his eyes when he picked up the familiar masculine fragrance of Taehyung. Jungkook's grip around the fabric tightened and he buried his whole face into the warmth of the soft fabric, inhaling sharply, taking in as much as perfume he could.
It might seem weird but Taehyung's perfume through those fabrics was actually making the younger feel like the older is around him right now. As if the older is right behind him. As if he is smiling right now, his lips stretch into a soft smile as he slowly approaches Jungkook's dainty figure and back hugs him. The blonde, even with closed eyes could feel Taehyung's warmth surrounding his body. As if Taehyung is gently hugging him from behind and rubbing his cheek against Jungkook's.
"Jungkook?"
The said guy snapped his eyes open and looks to his side but his face immediately fell and his eyes came to their usual size when he realized it was just Jin standing at the doorstep of Taehyung's bedroom.
Jungkook sniffed and looked back at the fabric, frowning when he noticed he unintentionally stained the older's baby blue shirt with his tears and scrunched the fabric with his tight grip. He immediately placed the scrunched part of the fabric over his palm and started to smoothen it with the other palm of his hand.
"What are you doing here?" Seokjin asked while looking at Jungkook in confusion.
"Punishing myself," Jungkook answered shortly. He was indeed punishing himself because coming here and consuming Taehyung's memories while the said guy's absence wasn't less than any punishment.
Seokjin sighed, understanding where the younger is coming from. he took some deliberate steps towards the king-size bed and sat on the edge of it, and looks up at Jungkook's back that is currently facing him.
Jungkook didn't pay any further attention to Seokjin's presence as he dedicated his entire attention to smoothening the fabric of Taehyung's shirt and also drying the teardrops from the material. His eyes still hold tears and his nose turned a crimson hue while he sniffs from time to time.
"Are you going to move in here? If you want to, you can." Seokjin offered while staring at the back of Jungkook's head with his own head tilted to the side narrowly.
"I will not," Jungkook respond quietly but the silence was too loud inside the bedroom for Seokjin to not hear what Jungkook is saying. "This apartment holds Taehyung's memories in it. The only remaining spot surrounded by his memories. If I stay here, I am afraid I will ruin his rememberings." The blonde explained, his voice slightly coming out rough and groggy, probably because of the lump.
"If I stay here I will merge myself with his memories and I don't want that. I don't want to replace my presence with his past when he is not here with me." He then added, scrunching his nose to sniffle as he let go of the fabric after successfully smoothing it.
The blonde looks over his shoulder to glance at Seokjin, catching the said male staring back at him with an unreadable expression before the elder male nodded his head.
Jungkook turns his head forward towards the piles of hanging clothes again and bites his bottom lip. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply as he combated in his mind if he should tell the truth or not. He ends up deciding to tell the truth because the guilt was honestly eating him up. He doesn't care what consequences he will face after confessing the truth but he is ready to take everything.
"I want to tell you something," Jungkook spoke, grabbing Seokjin's attention who turns his gaze back to the blonde head and peers up at him in confusion.
"What is it?" He asked.
Jungkook took a deep breath, preparing himself. His hand grabs the knob of the closet door tightly as he hung his head low. "I and Taehyung had a huge argument on the night of his accident," Jungkook confessed, he didn't dare to turn around and face Jin so he decided to confess everything about that night while keeping his back to the elder lad like a coward.
Seokjin tilted his head to the side and crooked his brows in confusion at the new information. "About what?" He asked.
"I saw him kissing Jimin, so I got mad," Jungkook stated straightforwardly, fingers playing with the fabric of Taehyung's shirt.
"He kissed Jimin?" Seokjin let out, shock prominent in his tone and Jungkook also notice it.
"According to him, the kiss meant nothing. It was a goodbye kiss and also he didn't kiss back but I—I still didn't take it lightly." Jungkook slightly turn around to look at the elder lad, noticing how the elder was peering up at him blankly.
"I have serious trust issues, okay? When I saw him kissing Jimin, it reminded me of Namjoon because he also cheated on me with the same guy Taehyung was married to. Not to mention his feelings for his husband were sky high." Jungkook stated in his defense but there wasn't any harshness or arrogance in his tone. It was flat, like his usual normal tone but vulnerable.
"What did you do then?" Seokjin asked further. Jungkook glanced at the man for a second before looking away again.
"I pushed him away. I broke up with him." The blonde answered.
"Broke up? Were you guys into a relationship?" Seokjin asked with a head tilt.
"I confessed my love to him, he confessed his love to me. Isn't it enough? Why do we need to make it official—" Jungkook paused when something hits him. He didn't like it when Taehyung forbade announcing their relationship to the press but now, he's the same person who's saying it doesn't matter if they are official or not.
"What are you thinking about?" Seokjin asked when he interpret something was off.
"I didn't like it when Taehyung refused to announce our relationship to the press when he was being questioned about me," Jungkook uttered subconsciously while peering down at nothing but the floor as if he was in a daze.
Seokjin scoffed with a disappointing head shake as the corner of his mouth tilted upward into a smirk of displeasure. "Don't act like you and Taehyung's relationship started on normal terms, Jungkook. You are stubborn, selfish, and arrogant, I know it. But you have to admit that you and my brother's relationship was an affair. Now imagine yourself in his shoes. Imagine telling the press you are in a relationship with another man when you didn't even announce your divorce to your husband in the first place." Jungkook raised his gaze to look at Seokjin after hearing that, noticing how Seokjin was calm and furious at the same time.
"My brother knew if he announced his relationship with you, the next day the whole world will call him a whore. A loose character man and then no one will ever say a word to Jimin. Would you tolerate it if the public raise fingers at your character without knowing the side story?" Seokjin questioned the frowning Jungkook who lowered his gaze again. The elder scoffed out a dry chuckle, "How would you? All you know is demand, demand, and demand like the spoiled brat you are." He then added. Jungkook didn't argue back like he always do. He just stood there and listened to the elder throwing tantrums at him.
"You do actions without thinking about the consequences. Even if ethics don't matter to you, it matters to my brother. He is sensitive, very sensitive." Jungkook licked his lips and turned around in annoyance. He was annoyed not to Seokjin but himself. He turned around and made his way towards the balcony door and looks outside while placing both of his hands over his hips.
"Your relationship with Taehyung wasn't something to proudly announce. Things like this need time." He heard Seokjin saying and he can't deny that every single word the therapist said was accurate. Jungkook has always kept his ego and pride over everything that he sometimes forgets how cruel reality is. That the world always does not revolves around him and his choices.
There were a few minutes of thick silence lingering in the air before Seokjin began to speak again, "I agree that Taehyung is wrong for kissing Jimin if he really had feelings for you. But it seems like Taehyung has explained to you or at least tried to explain the reason behind the kiss since you mentioned the kiss didn't mean anything." Seokjin stated, tilting his head to the side to glance at Jungkook but didn't turn entirely to look at him. He saw from his peripheral vision that Jungkook nodded to his words.
"Yet you pushed him away. Why?" He asked.
"I told you, he reminded me of Namjoon," Jungkook replied blandly, teary eyes peering back at the city.
Seokjin chuckled again while shaking his head. "Trust issues. Just because you have trust issues you suddenly forgot what my brother went through." He asserted sarcastically causing Jungkook to squeeze his eyes shut and inhale deeply.
Heavy silence yet again crashed down into the room as the blonde head stared outside the balcony with unshed tears in his eyes while Seokjin stare at the open closet of his brother's. He also notices the empty spot where Jimin's clothes used to hang.
"Do you know what was the last thing I said to Tae?" Jungkook asked even though he didn't expect an answer. When he was met with silence, Jungkook knew Seokjin was waiting for him to continue.
"It's disturbingly ironic how the last words I threw at him turned into a reality. Never imagined that someday my own words can come and bite me back." Seokjin knitted his brows deeply as he listens to the younger's quivering voice confessing to new information. He slightly shifts his position on the bed to entirely look at Jungkook.
"What did you say to my brother, Jungkook?" Seokjin demanded, and yes, his voice was also as demanding as his words.
"He told me he can't live without me. . .and I replied then don't. I told him to die." Jungkook confessed, his voice suddenly taking a dark turn as it became deeper than usual. As if anger bubble inside him, for himself, for saying that. For his stupid choice of words.
Seokjin froze on his spot, his fingers curling over the bed sheet, taking a fistful of the fabric inside his grip to restrain his temper even though he could feel he isn't calming down anytime soon.
Seokjin suddenly stood up, his hands balled into two fists and he clenched his jaw. "You know what?" He started while facing his back to Jungkook who was facing his back to Seokjin too since he was standing at the door frame of the balcony. "I am not even going to say anything to you. Because even if I do say anything or throw a punch at your face right now, my brother is not coming back." He asserted, head craned to the left to glance at Jungkook through his peripheral vision.
"My brother is gone, forever. Fighting with you or you shedding tears in his apartment is not going to bring him back. But I hope all the people who have always brought nothing but pain to him are satisfied now. I hope you are satisfied." Seokjin spatted, anger and rage are prominent in his tone.
"I didn't mean it!" Jungkook suddenly yelled out as he spun around to face Seokjin with tear-filled eyes.
"You didn't mean the words?" Seokjin questioned, sarcasm prominent in his tone while he raised an eyebrow, watching the blonde shaking his head in a 'No' while weeping intensely.
"My brother also didn't mean the kiss. Did you listen?" With that being said, Seokjin didn't wait a further second into the room and stormed out.
Jungkook slumped his back against the transparent slide door of the balcony and glided down on his feet, bending his knees he brought them closer to his chest and cried while curling himself into a ball.