"Mera, could you please take this to Billy?" Ada asked softly. I turned my head slowly to her "Um, sure." I said hesitant. I pulled myself up from the couch and walked over to the dining table and scooped the Tupperware in my hand.
I glanced at Ada and saw her playing with his son, trying to get Riley to stop crying. Babies are always so difficult all the time.
"Mateo, come on." Mateo didn't shoot his head toward me like he always does when I told him to come with me "Mateo, come on." I repeated, just in case he didn't hear me.
"Uh-uh, I'm staying here and watching this movie and I'm helping Ada with Riri." Mateo sing sang. I narrowed my eyes before rolling my eyes
"Whatever." I said under my breath and headed for the door.
My life is at peace right now, The girls and their husbands aren't here. They went home. Lizzie to New York and The Twins to California. I tried to persuade Aunt Coraline to go home already but she declined a million times. I don't know what she really wanted.
I hit the road and for the first time, I felt the presence of silence. I smiled as my hair moved with the air
I knocked two times, unsure if anyone is home but I'm quite sure Billy would be here. Before my knuckles could hit the door again, somebody flung the door open as they laughed. I was stunned to see her. I should have known basically that she lives here "Oh, Mera." Rachel said.
"Ada wanted me to give you this." I handed her Tupperware immediately "Thank you, Mera." Billy must have heard my name. I saw him behind Rachel, he still have his long hair "Mera, come in." Billy invited me kindly but I needed to refuse his generosity cause I might lose my head "No need, Billy. I'll get going." I smiled as I shook my head "Please, I insist."
"Alright," I replied. Rachel looked at me one more time before moving out of the way so I could come in. I could tell she doesn't like me, I see it from the way she looks at me.
I remember the last time I was here, there was Bella and they were them. They were arguing and the secret came out.
"Hey, boys!" Rachel greeted the newly arrived people. The four of them came from the backdoor. "Didn't know you have a visitor," Jared muttered, nudging Quil "Oh, Mera kindly delivered us the lasagna that the O'Dell's made, isn't that right Miss O'Dell?" Billy slowly turned his head towards me.
"I'm Miss Blanchette." I corrected.
"My apologies." Billy said before turning to Rachel again "Rachel, is the table set outside?" Billy asked her daughter.
"Can I use the bathroom for a sec?" I asked Billy just to get away from this hell of a mess "Sure." Billy nodded.
I sprinted towards the bathroom and I'm glad I didn't leave my phone in the car and pulled it out immediately.
I looked for Mateo in my contacts and immediately found him.
Meercat
save me
Mattie
what? Are you getting eaten by wolves?
Meercat
not at the fucking moment
Mattie
sorry, can't do it. I'm babysitting little Riri 💋
Meercat
Fuck you.
Mattie
love you too.
I groaned in frustration as I massage my temple. I just wanted to get out of here but I couldn't. Hopefully, Aunt Coraline would call me and I can make it as an excuse but as of now, I have to keep my shit together.
When I got out of the bathroom, they are already in the backyard. I saw there's a lot of food here and I wasn't surprised. "It's been years since I last saw you, you've grown beautifully." Billy complimented. My heart was flattered, Billy has always been kind and I can't say the same for his daughter "Thank you, Billy." I smiled warmly at him, fidgeting my finger inside the pocket of my coat. It's not that cold, I just like to wear it.
"Why don't you talk to them, They are your friends after all." Billy mumbled to me "Were." I muttered under my breath "Pardon?" Billy furrowed his eyebrows at me "Nothing." I shook my head as I let out an awkward laugh.
Rachel giggled, planting a soft kiss on Paul's lips as Paul tried to pull away his face from her, looking in Billy and I's direction.
Billy noticed I spare them a glance, making him look behind him "Rachel, we have a guest." Billy reminded her.
"Oh, sorry." Rachel said but she doesn't seem to care that I am here at all "Sorry about that." Billy gave me an apologizing look "Totally okay." I chuckled.
"Paul and Rachel, please help me to the kitchen." Billy called them before making his way inside. Rachel groaned and rolled her eyes at her father before following him, hands on Paul's like he was about to run away from them.
"Mera." Embry called "Don't talk to me." I said, not sparing him a look. They're not worth it. "Mera, please talk to us." Quil begged, leaning on the table "There's nothing we should talk about." I said to him bluntly.
I don't care what they felt or even if they get hurt from the words I say. I lost what I have for them six years ago and it wasn't easy to forget that every time I see them.
Rachel and Paul returned but without Billy and I was placed in another awkward situation. "So, Mera, I heard about the fake engagement with your so-called fiance." Rachel spoke the moment she got into her seat "Rachel." Paul said as he hold her wrist, probably telling her to stop whatever she is doing.
"I wonder why you did that." I raised my eyebrow at her. She still hasn't changed, always wanting to interfere with other people's life and business. Still the Rachel I knew.
"It's true but I wondered how you get that information," I said matter-of-factly "I get everything I wanted." Rachel bragged as she put her hand on Paul's chest who looks at her disapprovingly "Stop it." Paul said, massaging his temple as he leaned back in his chair.
"No wonder why." I laughed softly, putting down the fork. I didn't know how I managed to eat while at the same table as her. "I pity you, I really do." I said to her, standing up from my seat before taking a last look at her and walking away. I wrapped my coat around me, feeling the breeze of the air.
"He would never choose you!" Rachel shouted and I heard the chairs move like she just stand up and bumped into them "Rachel!" Paul exclaimed.
I turned around again to give her one last look. Paul is holding both of her arms, restraining her from walking closely at me as he looks at her in anger "You see why I pity you."
"You begged for him, I didn't," I said bluntly.
"He loved you because he needed to but he loved me because he wanted and choose to."
I see how anger formed into her eyes but she must know the truth even if it hurts. I turned my back on her, on them for the second time, "I pity you too as I watched how you cried the moment he didn't choose you because he choose me!" Rachel screamed behind me. I'm sure if Paul isn't holding her, she would have launched at me right now.
Growing up, Rachel and I never get along. We fight because of the smallest thing but the difference between us right now, is I grew up, and she didn't.
I bumped into Billy in the hallway on my way out of the house "Mera, where are you going?" Billy asked as he followed me with his gaze "I'm sorry, I needed to go." I apologize, sprinting towards my car.
I pulled out of the driveway and carelessly drove off as my lips quivered.
My tears started to blur my eyes and I can't see clearly. At the end of the day, Rachel is still right. He would never choose me. If he will, he already did and stayed by my side so I didn't have to leave.
My hand tightened on the steering wheel as I choked in my sob. It's been six years. I should have fucking moved on already. I should have. My eyes blurred from the tears that I couldn't stop. I pulled aside the road, almost crashing into a tree.
I'm a fucking mess, I couldn't go home.
I hop out of the car and slammed the door, too many thoughts clouded my mind. Too many memories, hurtful ones. I'm a mess and couldn't even think straight as tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.
I was running inside the woods, unable to stop. I wanted to get away and this is the only thing I know. I needed to be alone.
"Mera!" I knew that voice. I knew that voice from anywhere. It haunted me day and night, even in my sleep.
Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why does he have to follow me here?
"STOP! JUST STOP!" I screamed, turning around to face him. I reached the cliff where below me, the waves crashes against the rocks.
One more move and I might just throw myself off this fucking cliff.
It started to rain heavily like nature knew how much in pain and anger I am right now.
"Why do you have to fucking follow me? Why can't you all just leave me alone and stopped talking to me?" I said out of spite but it's not for them.
"Stop acting like this, Astraea." Paul said, keeping his distance away from me like he could read my mind "You're hurting the people who love you, you hurting Embry and Quil."
"Why? Did they think that I would get hurt when they keep the secret?" I asked I could taste the bitterness in my saliva as I spoke "It's been six years, Astraea. You need to move on." My eyes narrowed at him. Does he really think it's that easy?
"It's all my fault, I'm sorry." He admitted, looking me directly in the eye "You're sorry?" I scoffed "For what? For the way I hurt?" I asked and Paul nodded as he swallowed hard.
"You fucking dated her after two weeks when we broke up," I said, my voice breaking before it could even leave my throat "You betrayed me and I know that you'll never feel sorry about it." I used to think I was smart but when it comes to him, I'm so fucking stupid.
"So, quit the fucking act," I grunted. He can't keep acting like this. He shouldn't have.
"What am I supposed to do? You know what happened to Sam and Leah." He reasoned but whatever reason he has won't do anything to fix anything. It can't fix anything that was already broken.
"And you know too that the thing that forbids them to be together will forbid us too." He added and his voice breaks for the first time "So I'm just like a toy to you that when your mother will forbid you to use, you will stop. Just like that?"
"you're not a toy and I did not use you." He said but he's a liar.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." he knows how vulnerable I am when it comes to him. he knows that with one sorry, he's already forgiven. he knows that I can forgive him. Just like what I did before.
"Paul, I asked you many times, I asked after our anniversary if there's something wrong with the way you act." Our anniversary. We're okay until we're not. He imprinted on her the day of our anniversary and we were okay until she came.
"But you keep lying to my face." I cried, "Fuck, Paul." I let out a heavy breath as I buried my face into my hands "You know how much I loved you." I cried even harder.
"I didn't give up on you even though my mother and many things want me to but you," My mother doesn't like him, I knew it even though she doesn't say it out loud. I knew it yet I choose to fight for us cause I love him.
"You fucking gave up on us so fucking easily." My voice trembled. He avoided my eye and look at the other way "You're the only person I told what I felt." I sniffed.
"How much hurt I am, how much loss I am, and how much I am losing myself." I remember the day he held me and I cried into his arms and he comforted me with nice and caring words "But in the end, you're the one who ruins me." I didn't wipe my tears anymore, there's no point anyways.
I saw how tears swell in his eyes as he tried to fight it.
"Is the love that you're talking about just fade away the moment you saw her?" I asked, I prepared myself for the answer so it wouldn't hurt me that much "No, it took longer." Even if it took longer, he still choose her and learned to love her.
"Fucking liar." I spat "I'm not lying." He denied it as he shook his head "You're not lying?" I said in disbelief. How could he? How could he act like this?
"You dated her after two weeks when we broke up, Paul!" I shouted at him "But I was not in love with her at that time." He tried to reach for my arm but I keep pushing him away.
"Then, why both of your hands are around her and you kissed her on the forehead while you laugh with Sam when I saw you on the beach after we broke up." Even though it was from six years ago, it's still clear to my mind. Every single bit of it. Every single memory of him.
Paul didn't speak. I walk closer to him.
I slapped him.
"Fuck you."
"You're a fucking traitor! You all are!" I screamed as I hit Paul in the chest but Paul didn't stop me. He took every punch I gave him.
He pulled me closer to him, his hands tightening around my arms. I buried my face into his chest.
"I was there for you at your worst yet you still fucking chose her." I choked up "You're supposed to choose me." I didn't try to cover my mouth like the way I did every night I cried. I let my sorrow out, I let Astraea out.
"It fucking hurt to see you loved her the way you used to love me."
"I love you, Paul but you're not mine, you never will be." I pulled my hand away from him as I took a step back.
"I'm a fucking asshole for hurting you, Mera." I saw how he tried to stop tears from coming out of his eyes and wiped them even though it keeps falling from his eyes "I'm sorry I hurt you and made you feel what you are feeling right now."
"You ruined me." I said quietly and deeply.
"You broke me in the worst way you could possibly have." I stated.
After him, I refused to let people in my life, fearing it would always be the same.
My time in France hasn't always been easy. Every time new people came in, I choose to push or run away from them cause I remember how the man I loved didn't choose me, didn't try to fight for me.
I didn't get the chance to love again. I didn't let myself, because I was afraid and scared.
No matter how much sorry he said, how much sincere he is, and how many tears he shredded, it still happened. He still hurt me.
I turned my back on him and watched the waves below me, wondering what it felt like to be pulled by the current and the salt water filling your lungs.
"Nothing happened the way I wanted, Traea." Paul mumbled "Just leave, please." I pleaded, my heart is aching like the way it did six years ago.
Paul left me like he did six years ago but this time, I begged him to and not to stay.
NOTE
Sobbing.