So, on the morning of 'the day', just as every morning at 5:50 am, my alarm sounded, reminding me that, yes, it's time to get up and get ready for school.
I reached over and shut the alarm off without opening my eyes.
I laid there for a few more moments before I opened my eyes and spotted something on the chair next to my bed.
Not sure if I had seen what I thought I just saw, I closed my eyes, blinking a couple times in an attempt to clear my vision.
When I reopened them I saw there actually was a brand new pair of jeans lying on the seat of the chair next to my bed.
The first thing I noticed about these jeans was that they were skinny-legged, flared at the bottom and had a one inch wide, see-through strip of black lace all the way up the outside of each leg. Absolutely, positively not-at-all a pair of pants a boy would wear.
Well, I was certainly awake now and I immediately sat straight up, trying to figure out what was going on and if this was real life that was happening or just a really vivid dream.
I looked back at the chair and saw something else. On top of this gorgeous pair of jeans lay a floral print cotton, padded-cup, "enhancement" bra, a pair of dark, rose color nylon/spandex material boy short style panties, and across the back of the chair was a mauve colored, fitted t-shirt that said in pale-lavender, curly script, ' I'M SOMEBODY SPECIAL."
At that moment mom yelled at me from her room, "Get up and get dressed. I left you some new clothes on your chair. Oh, and you' re skipping school today. We got other things to do."
My first thought was, what the f-ck?!? but then I thought about it for about two seconds as I completely full woke up. That's when my heart skipped a beat, my breathing increased and I jumped out of bed, excitedly bouncing over to the chair. I was so thrilled I jumped up and down a couple times, clapping in delight.
This day was already starting out to be the most wonderful day of my life so far. With my heart beating twice its normal pace and a huge smile plastered across my face, I began to attempt to put the bra on.
After fumbling with it for a few moments I finally turned it around so I could fasten it from the front then position it, before placing a pair of balled up socks in each cup of the bra, to fill it up.
After pulling the panties on, I slid the tee-shirt over my head and excitedly slid my legs into the pants, an amazing pair of pants that mom will never be able to get me to take off.
I took the time to carefully adjust myself to make sure there would be no tale-tale bulge (oh, how I so want that gone for good), then I buttoned the fly of the pants and posed in front of the mirror, checking the appearance of my new feminine-looking chest and how the jeans made my butt appear 'oh, so cute.'
I was so excited I was shaking and could not quit smiling. Satisfied with how I looked in the clothes, I paused, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. I then walked barefooted, across the hall to mom's room.
I stopped in the doorway of mom's bedroom with my heart pounding so hard I would have sworn mom could hear it across the room.
I had walked across the hall, with my head down, looking at the floor and when I reached mom's doorway I noticed the brand new pair of black, one-inch strappy heels, with shiny silver sequins around the ankle strap. They were sitting in a box on the floor right in the middle of the doorway.
Mom was sitting at her dressing table with her hair up in curlers, applying makeup. When she noticed me standing there staring at the shoes, she told me to go ahead and pick them and come over to her.
Feeling both nervousness and excitement, I carefully picked the shoes up out of the box by the heel straps. I then cautiously walked towards her. When I got to the spot she was sitting, she turned around and embraced me around my waist, holding me in a tight hug that lasted for what seemed like an eternity.
She told me how much she loved me and how she didn't want to lose me. She said that she would prefer a happy second daughter over the possibility of a dead son.
We both cried and hugged. She also told me how she understood, now, a lot better what I had been trying to tell her last Halloween.
When the tears were done she asked me if it would be alright if she put a little makeup on my face.
My eyes lit up as I exclaimed, well it was more of a squeal," You bet it would, mom."
I may have said it a little too excitedly, but whatever . . . Oh my god! Today was turning out to be the highlight of my life!
Once mom was finished with my face, she used a small barrel curling iron on my hair (which I had been growing out, and at this point was just long enough to touch the bottom of my earlobes) to create extremely cute, wavy curls, all over my head.
She then suggested I allow her to paint my nails. Inside I was screaming, yes, of course, you can, but on the outside, I remained calm as I quietly responded with, "Yeah, I guess so."
A few moments later, my fingernails and toenails were being painted a deep, shimmering lavender color.
Mom made me sit there until my nails were dry, and before she allowed me to get up she slipped those gorgeous strappy heels on to my feet and buckled the straps around each ankle.
While she did this she began to explain her plans for the day.
She told me that we were going to go out for breakfast and then headed to Fashion Towne Mall, where we would do some shopping, and get lunch, before going to see a gender specialist with whom mom had an appointment for me in the afternoon.
She said we were going to complete the day by coming home after the appointment, changing into nice dresses, and then going to dinner, along with my sister, at a fancy restaurant.
As she told me about the restaurant, she pointed to a beautiful dress hanging on the back of her closet door.
My eyes grew as big a saucers, for I immediately recognized the dress. It was the sexy, Enchants Encounter Black Lace Dress with the high neckline, high mid-thigh front hem, and low mid-calf back-hem, from lulus.com that I had pinned to my Pintrest page last month. A page that I thought I had kept hidden from mom.
Oh my god, I still couldn't believe what was happening. I asked her where my mom was and who was this person before me.
She explained to me that she had been doing a lot of research and had even been to a teen LGBTQIA+ support group meeting a couple days ago.
She motioned for me to sit back down as she began to tell me about a girl she had met there who was three years older than me and really having a hard time because her parents didn't approve of what she was doing, trying to be who she was.
She told me that the girl had attempted suicide several times in the past year.
She said the girl was now living in a homeless shelter because her parents had refused to accept and support her and had kicked her out of the house.
She said that girl had resorted to working truckstop parking lots at night, offering hand jobs and blow jobs for money and was desperately trying to save up as much of that money as she could so that one day she could afford to start female hormone therapy.
She told me about how the girls' dad had kicked her out of the house after he came home early from work one day and caught her at her computer wearing a skirt, a blouse, a bra, eye-liner and sitting with her black pantyhose clad legs crossed like a girl, video chatting with a boy.
Mom said that when the dad saw this, he blew up and told her that no sissy, swishy pantsed little fag boy was gonna live in his house and that his son was dead to him and he had about ten minutes to pack a bag and get out.
Mom told me that this girl's story had made her cry and had caused her to think long and hard about me.
She also said that thanks to the pages we left on the computer, she had begun to understand what was going on with me, but when she met that girl it really hit home for her how important it was that she support me in every way she could.
After a few more minutes of relating what she had learned from other teens like me that she had found online, she had me stand up and walk around a bit to see how well I was going to be able to handle walking in those shoes.
I was a little shaky at first, but she said I was doing amazingly better than she thought I would. If she only knew how many times in the past I had practiced by wearing a pair of her shoes around my room (actually, the very pair she had sitting out to put on herself).
She also commented on how feminine I carried myself as I walked as if it were natural to me.
This was something I had taught myself from observing other girls, along with a little instruction from my sister (lower your center of gravity, make your movements from below the waist, one foot in front of the other, smaller steps, sway the hips...)
Mom continued to go on for a few moments about how comfortable I looked walking in the heels and how beautiful I was in my new outfit with the makeup and feminine hairstyle.
Once she had heaped more than enough compliments on me, she asked me to sit on the edge of the bed so she could talk to me while she finished getting ready to go.
I sat down on the corner of the bed nearest her, looking down to admire how pretty and feminine my feet looked in those shoes with my beautifully painted toes peeking out.
"Mom", I said, "Thank you for the beautiful shoes. You chose the perfect pair. It's the same pair I would have chosen. Also, thanks for everything you have already done for me today and everything you are planning to do, today and beyond. I know how extremely difficult this must be for you. Well, I mean, I can imagine it has got to be extremely difficult. Not being a parent myself, I can't truly know what this must be like for you, but I can see what you have done to change yourself and come to an acceptance of me and my situation."
Mom reached out and took my hands and one at a time applied a soft, lavender smelling lotion to each of them, as I spoke.
When I had finished talking, she began, "Moisturizing is something you are going to have to do daily, if you want your skin to be soft and smooth."
She paused for a moment and reached for a pair of pantyhose on the dresser as she spoke again,"Sweetheart, you are absolutely right. This is extremely difficult, and I still don't understand it fully, but when I think about you and your future, this is not nearly as difficult for me, as it has been for you and will be, especially if I don't accept it. When I think about how difficult losing you would be, I know this is something I have to do, whether I agree with it or not. You know, at first I was afraid this would be like losing a son, but now I don't see it that way. Instead, I see it as gaining a daughter."
Pausing the conversation, she looked down at the pantyhose in her hand, and as she began to gather one leg up to place over her foot she instructed me to pay attention to how she was putting the hose on, because I would be putting on my very own pair with the dress, later.
"Also, notice how careful I'm being so that I don't snag them with my nails. You want to make sure you don't get a run in then or they will be ruined . . . Honey, this transition is going to be extremely hard on both of us, but if it's truly meant to be, we will both be better for having gone through it, sooner rather than later, especially you."
Mom stood up to finish putting on the hose and by this time I had tears streaming down both my cheeks.
"My promise to you," she said as she lowered the bottom of her dress then reached and wiped a tear from my face, "is to do everything in my power to make this transition as wonderful and exciting and as easy as I possibly can. The one thing I want you to take away from this morning is to realize how much I love you and will do anything for you."
"Now lean forward so I can clip these dangly, faux-diamond, heart earrings on your ears."
I gasped when I saw them.
"They're beautiful dangly hearts. Are they real diamonds?"
"These, no honey, but one day maybe, once your ears are pierced, I'll think about getting you a set of real diamonds.
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Ok, so, I could go into many more details about the rest of the day including: the shoes, tons of shoes I tried on, the salon treatment I got to experience, the visit to the Gender Specialist (we discussed a lot of stuff- including prescription hormones),the amazing mom and daughter dinner, and the TONS of questions mom had for me but I won't, not today. I'll save that story for some other time.
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So what do you think? Was it a special day or what?
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This story is a work of fiction.