Chapter 5- What Really Changed?
*The songs is As We Lay by Shirley Murdock. Author's Note at the end*
*EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND CONTENT!!!! THERE IS A SEX SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER!!! IT'S MARKED BY THE 🙈🙈🙈 EMOJI!! DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT!! ANYWAY ENJOY***
***THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO @ALWAYSLOVIN2003. THEY HELPED ME GET MY MOJO BACK!!! THANK YOU!!!*
Carmen's P.O.V.
The beach house was fun. I had so much fun. Just being a happy carefree black girl. I know that I probably won't be having fun like that again for a while because I start school soon. It feels so weird. It's been 3 months since I graduated. Like wow!!' In that 3 months Mark has seen barely 3 words to me. It's so rude. I didn't do anything to him, at least that I know of. Damon and I are just friends now. It was mutual, we both knew it was coming. We are going to be in different time zones for god sake. I will always love him though; he saved my life and didn't know it. I was stuck on Mark. He reminded me that I deserve to be loved the way I love. But anyways tomorrow I live for college. Onika and I are getting on that plane and we won't be back until Christmas. It's so scary yet so exciting.
Right now though Mark is downstairs and I'm in my room. My mom and sister had to go on a business trip. They'll be back tomorrow early in the morning bride my flight. I smell the pizza before I hear my phone buzz. It's s yet from Mark.
Mark: Pizza's here!! You can come get some if you want.
I don't respond I just put on pants and bounce downstairs. When I get to the kitchen Mark is already sitting at the table eating. He doesn't acknowledge me at all so I don't acknowledge him. I grab my slices and sit across from him in silence. I look up and see he's looking everywhere but me. I'm so pissed but I still can appreciate the way the shirt he's wearing stretches across his muscles and the way his eyes sparkle. Ugh!! I need to stop. By the time I stop admiring his physically goodness he was out the kitchen and gone. Watching some game. I finish my food and follow him; fed up with his silent treatment and wanting answers. I sit next to him on the couch and I clear my throat forcing him to look me in the eyes. Once I have his attention. I ask
"Did I do something wrong?!"
He looked confused and didn't answer for a while. So long, I was about to ask again when he replied "No, of course not! Why do you ask?!"
My mouth dropped at his response. I almost combusted. I was raging when I yelled
"BECAUSE NIGGA YOU HAVE BARELY SPOKEN 3 WORDS TO ME IN THREE FUCKING MONTHS THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SIT THERE AND ACT AS IF NOTHING IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!"
His face softens at my response and this surprises the hell out of me. He looks at me with those deep brown pools of perfection he calls eyes and softly says "I'm sorry."
So softly actually I barely hear him but I do. I don't even know what to do. What did I say to make him respond like so. But before I could completely analyze the situation. He continues with
"I've been acting weird because I want you. And I'm jealous. The fact that you were with Damon angered me and I didn't know what to do. That scared me, I shouldn't be jealous of your boyfriend when I'm engaged to your sister. I didn't trust myself around you and I didn't want anyone to why hurt so I distanced myself to remove the temptation. I'm truly sorry because in punishing myself I also punished you. I didn't think about how my distance would affect you and I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."
He said all this in one big huff of breath. When he finished I couldn't think straight. All I kept hearing was jealous and wanted me. Mark wanted me. All this time and Mark fucking wanted me. Wow!!!! Like wow!!!! I can't believe it. He was jealous of Damon. He knew what I felt when I saw him with Alley. I can't believe it. While I was processing I didn't notice Mark staring at me.
Mark's P. O. V.
I grasped her head between my hands and grabbed her lips. It felt like coming home. The way her lips moved in time with mine. I never wanted this moment to end. I've never felt so complete in my life. I knew then that my love wasn't just lust. It was the real thing. PURE. UNCONDITIONAL. EXCITING. PASSIONATE. ROMANTIC. ANIMALISTIC. REAL. The stuff Mary J. Blige was searching for. I didn't pull back and neither did she. It felt as if we were suspended in time and I was fine with that. I was happy, content but it did end. I had to end it because if I didn't it would go too far and we would never come back.
I gazed into her eyes and was the first to speak but all I could formulate was "Wow!!!"
She didn't respond she smiled, nodded and moved closer to me. I felt my excitement grow. I watched her touch my lips and I closed my eyes and the I felt he'd soft hands ears, neck, shoulders arms, chest and then finally her lips on my mine. I let her lead and she knew where she was going but I had to be sure because there was no turning back. So I pulled her back and stared into her eyes questioned
"Are you sure?! Because once we go there isn't no going back. I need you to be sure. Are you sure."
She looked at me like she was exhausted huffed out a Breath and nearly shouted "For god's sake. Yes, I'm ready. I've been ready since I was 16. Now please. Show me your love."
🙈🙈🙈I only nodded in rebuttal and pushed my lips on to hers. As I kissed her I scooped her up and carried her upstairs to bedroom. I laid her on her bed and began to undress her. This was better than my dreams. I was so excited but I didn't want to ruin it for her. Once she was naked I looked down and engrained every inch of her body in my mind. I just couldn't believe this was happening part of me wanted it but the other part of me was terrified because I didn't really know what it meant. I was snapped out of my trance when I heard her giggle and say
"I think you're a little over dressed!!"
I looked down and remembered I never undressed myself. Slowly I peeled my clothes off watching her watch me. I enjoyed seeing her facial expression changed after each item I removed. The gleam in her eye constantly reassuring me that she wanted me. Once I was finished I climbed on top of her and crashed my lips on top hers. I wanted her to feel my love and desire. I pulled away from the kiss but I wasn't done. Slowly I peppered little kisses on her face neck and then the valley between her breasts. I stopped and laid my head I chest to listen to her heart and it was beating as fast as mine; somehow it seemed as if they were beating to the same rhythm.
After a while I sneaked my tongue out and began licking her breast and then I lifted my head and grabbed her nipple in between my lips. And bit sucked and kissed and then did the same to the other until she was withering and screaming my name. Once I started trailing down her body her breathing picked up. When I got to her vagina her breath hitched as if waiting for me, when I took my first lick she exhaled. And I dove in completely
Carmen's P. O. V.
When Mark started eating me out my body began to soar. I couldn't hold it any more. I started to scream, the pressure was too much. It had been building and now the dams were broken and the floods were coming.
"I'm coming," I screamed "Oh God!!"
And I did. While I did he just kept going. And going until my body stopped convulsing. When it did he laid one more kiss on my kitty Kat and then moved back up. Now he was on top of me, spreading my legs and asking for entrance. In response I pulled his head down into a kiss and when my lips met he slid into my body and I've never felt anything like it. He was gentle yet rough. He was thinking of me and my needs. I never wanted to move from this bed, from this moment. He continued to make love to me and I thought my spirit my leave my soul and when I came so did he and we just lay there together. Him holding me. 🙈🙈🙈
Laying there next to him all I could think of was wow!! Wow!! I can't believe it. That was so amazing. I want to do it again. And then reality set it. We can't. I'm leaving tomorrow and he's engaged to my sister. This can never happen again. I think he sensed my mood change because he grabbed my body and put it on top of his and inquired what was wrong. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him my heart was breaking because I loved him but could never have him but I also didn't want him thinking I thought it was a mistake. So I just smiled and answered
"Nothing, I guess I'm still in shock. It's all like a dream and I'm scared to wake up."
He said nothing just looked at, finally he spoke and when he did he voiced my fears.
"I know what you mean, this is all so crazy but its crazy beautiful. This is the happiest I've been in a while but what now? What do we do? You're leaving tomorrow and I'm engaged to Alley. What does this change, if anything?"
I didn't have an answer for him. At least one that made us happy. And I think it sadden me. He asked those questions already knowing the answers but hoping like I was that saying and hearing it out loud would change something but it didn't. It just made it worse because it made the hopelessness so real and so tangible. We just laid there like that for hours. Me on top of him, him holding me and sometime during the night I began to cry so violent I smoke both of us. He still held me and stroked my hair. Neither of us spoke because we knew. We knew.
In the morning, around 5 he got up and went to his room he shared with my sister and showered. I got up and got my sheets together and put them in the washing machine before showering myself. We had to go get my mom and sister from the airport. Originally, I had said I wasn't going to go but right now I want to be as close to him as possible.
Alley's P. O. V.
There is something wrong with Carmen. A sadness I can't truly explain. I think she's really finally coming to terms with leaving us. If she changes her mind no one will be mad. The opposite in fact because we need her. She's the baby. Ugh!!! But at least she and Mark are speaking again. I think he stopped being stubborn and apologized for acting so distant lately. They two of them are like two peas in a pod. I know her leaving is hitting him hard but I'm happy he's putting on a big smile for her. In 12 hours she is going to be in a plane to another country for 3 months. She says she isn't screed but I know different. Momma is losing her mind but she's staying strong. She doesn't want Carmen to feel guilty about anything. I love my family.
12 Hours Later
Carmen's P. O. V.
This is it. I'm about to get on the plane to start my future. I've imagined this moment so many times but it none of them amounted to the amount of emotion I feel right now as I say good bye to my family. My momma is first because she says she can't see my get on the plane.
"Carmen te amo mucho. Eres linda y bonito. No olvides, por favor. Llamas a veces mucho. Adiós mi hija. Te amo. Te amo." (Carmen I love you. You are beautiful and pretty. Never forget that. You call all the time please. Good bye my daughter. I love you. I love you.
And with that she's gone. Moving quickly through the crowds. My sister is next.
"Carmen I'm so proud of you. I mean it. You are going tone great. I'm going to miss you but take pictures and have fun. Show those people why you're the best. I love you baby girl. Never forget where home is."
She pulls me in for a big hug and we are both standing in the airport crying our eyes out. When she pulls back she kisses my check and walks away in the direction of my mother. And then it just me and Mark. For a while we just stare at each other. And the he speaks
"I'm going to miss your Car. I don't regret last night I just regret the outcome. Which is this, us standing here saying good bye. You walking away from me and me not being able to stop you."
Then he pulls me into. Kiss. A long kiss that has me panting and floating. We finally pull apart when they say last call for flight F678 to London. I look up and say
"That's me. I'm going. And I'll miss you too. Take care of them. They're goon to need you now."
With that I peck him on the lips and I'm gone. I don't look back because if I do I won't go. When I get to the gate Onika is waiting with curious eyes. But I shake my head and keep walking. I'm all talked out for today. I'll tell her but maybe another day. Yeah another day, definitely not today. Today I just want to close my eyes and let the pain creep away.
*** HEY HONEYS I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS CHAPTER!! I ENJOYED WRITING IT A LOT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME!!! THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING SOON!! SO PLEASE VOTE COMMENT AND BE HAPPY***MISS_OJ