If I thought men weren't shit in real life, they were even worse online.
"Are you sure you're trying?" Hyacinthe asked as we walked through a flower garden to get ideas for her wedding.
If I didn't think she was being completely genuine with the question, I would've thought she was throwing shade.
"Girl." I replied, holding up my phone to let her hear one of the corny ass prompt responses a guy had posted with his profile.
I'd already thought about deleting my profile altogether, but then I really wouldn't be trying.
"Poor thing, he was cute." She shook her head with a laugh and turned back to the flowers to catch a whiff.
"Exactly what I'm saying. All I want is a date to the wedding that has a personality and a big d—" My words trailed off as a familiar man popped up. "Holy shit."
My best friend turned with a raised eyebrow before coming closer to look at my phone. The phone that currently had Eli's profile on it.
Shock had us both quiet as I looked through the pictures and responses on his profile.
He was... different, but in a good way. In a refreshing way.
The years had definitely been good to him because he'd lost all the last of the boyish features and softness he still had in college. Now, there was an even sharper jawline and strong afrocentric features.
This Eli wasn't the same as the one I'd wanted to know back in college.
This Eli was built with wide shoulders and a well muscled body that showed he was no stranger to the gym. His beard was kept and close to his face, and his dark skin was smooth and unblemished.
Even his hair had changed since most pictures featured him with a temp fade rather than his usual waves.
But those full lips and deep brown eyes were the same.
And when I came across a picture of him smiling at the camera, I just knew he made women's hearts skip a beat.
Exactly what I didn't need right now.
"I'm just gonna—" I started, moving my finger to tap the "X" icon before my phone was completely snatched from my hand. "Hey!"
But Hyacinthe was already on the move as she ran away from me. We were closing in on our thirties, but I swore she had the energy of a teenager.
If I find out that love has steroids in it, I might be willing to fall a few times just to make partner.
Still, I rushed after her like bickering children in the park.
"Hyacinthe!" I whisper shouted, noticing the stares but also too worried to stop.
As she ran, I noticed her about to tap a button that would surely make my life way more complicated than necessary. So out of sheer necessity, I tackled her.
"Ow!" We both groaned as I fell on top of her, but that didn't stop me from snatching my phone back.
Except as soon as I opened my phone, I realized the damage had already been done. A defeated sigh escaped my lips as I thought about all the ways this could make things awkward.
If he didn't like me back, he'd probably think I'm secretly harboring feelings for him. Which I wasn't.
Well, maybe just a couple regrets.
Either way, we'd be tiptoeing around each other for the inevitable future. And tiptoeing had never been my style.
I preferred to stomp my way around.
Then there was the other option. The bigger option that he might like me back and want to explore what we left behind in college.
Even back then, I knew that if I let him in I'd be no more than a puddle at that man's feet.
The light fun of dating is something I could do. But Eli offered the potential for something real and tangible. Something that people would be able to see as soon as we walked in a room together.
I had too many people to take care of to get distracted. Not to mention that I had things I wanted to achieve.
Don't get me wrong, I was a strong believer in being able to have your cake and eat it too. Women could have great careers and a great love.
It's just I'd never really tried to manage it all, and I tended to avoid it. Mostly because I was too afraid of the possibility that I'd been believing in fairytales.
"What am I gonna do?" I asked, looking to my friend for guidance of any kind.
So willing to give love, Hyacinthe wrapped me up into an embrace that had comfort written all over it. She always did have a sixth sense for when Olivia and I needed a little TLC.
"You don't have to do anything. Everything just has a way of falling into place, even if it's not with Eli. I promise." She said once we pulled apart, and she held me at arms length.
Tension was starting to flow out of my body and having a cry sesh with my best friend was starting to sound all too appealing. But instead, I smiled and winked at her in attempt to lighten the suddenly vulnerable air.
"If you were a man, I would've married you a long time ago." I teased before throwing my arm over her shoulder.
"Oh you didn't know? You been had wifey status." Hyacinthe said, playing into my teasing before the air got somber again.
It turned out that the future wasn't as far away as I had thought, and Hyacinthe's wedding was the proof. I hadn't realized how many years had passed with my passion and family at the forefront of my mind.
Sure, I had my pick of men. I was a grown ass woman that wasn't shy about getting my orgasms in with men all too eager to try to get me there.
That didn't even include the only other potential option besides Eli, which was Dezmon. We'd been on and off due to our work schedules, and it was a miracle we even met since neither of us was a step too far from a courtroom.
Right now, we were definitely off, and none of my friends had ever cared too much for him. If he wasn't so fine and that dick didn't hit, I probably wouldn't like him much myself.
Dezmon was always more of a business partner than a lover. We worked well together, and he'd say the same if the roles were reversed.
Still, I knew I didn't want to be alone forever. But starting now was a bigger commitment than I thought.
Though, that didn't stop stupid butterflies from spawning in my belly at the thought of Eli and all the things he could do to my body. I'd always been curious about what he would be into.
Would he tie me up and spank me? Slide a thumb into the tight button of my ass while he ate me out?
As if my best friend could sense where my thoughts had gone, she smirked at me before bumping my hip toward the exit.
"Come on, let's go." Hyacinthe leaned her head against mine with her arm across my shoulder as we walked toward the exit.
We made it all the way to our cars, making light conversation about the flowers we'd seen and smelled. She'd even mentioned a few Justice would like, even though we both knew he'd fill the entire venue with hyacinths if he could.
But right before she got in her car to leave, Hyacinthe leaned out the window to say something,
"Oh and you can thank me at the wedding." A wide secret smile adorning her face as she waved goodbye and pulled off.
My first thought as I watched her car disappear was that she was talking about hers... but I had a sneaking suspicion she was betting it would be mine.
🐞
For the first time in a long time, I was cooking in my kitchen with a glass of wine. I'd even turned the TV on in the living room, so that I could hear the food channel while I seasoned and swayed around.
Cooking wasn't always my favorite thing to do since I had to make meals for my siblings while my parents were working. But now that I had the house to myself, it reminded me how loud my life used to be.
I used to hate sharing a room with my sisters and almost falling into the toilet because my brothers forgot to put the seat down. Except, it almost made me sad to be without it.
People take up space. They fill the air with their own personal type of energy, and they disrupt the quiet.
Some days it can be too much, but other days, it's the perfect dose of company.
I was missing it. That perfect slice of companionship.
My thoughts continued as I stared at the TV from my open concept kitchen. Mindlessly, my fingers trailed along the rim of my wine glass.
It wasn't until I started to smell something burning that I came back to the present.
"Shit!" I shouted, rushing to stir my spaghetti sauce.
It was a staple meal in my house to the point that I dreaded spaghetti leftovers when I was a kid. Now, I got a strange craving for it whenever I needed a taste of home.
As I moved around to try and salvage it, my phone vibrated with a message from the counter. So, I quickly fixed the sauce and moved it off the burner before checking my phone.
It wouldn't be the first time I got a late night call, especially since I was one of the few unmarried people at the firm. Most times I didn't mind the extra work, but tonight I wanted to try and enjoy a night off.
Except, it wasn't a work call. It was a Hinge notification from none other than Eli.
"I'm fucked." I mumbled, my finger already moving to unlock my phone to read the message.
What do you say to a man that you've been running from for years?