If there's a place that has a big room in their hearts, it's Tim Tam's. But what they shared in Tim Tam's was tainted by hatred and regret. The last time that they ate here was when Sir Olorvida invited them. The atmosphere was so immense, emanated from two different polarities—vengeance and hopefulness.
Now they're here again to start anew. They were laughing while talking about how cruel and stupid they had been to one another in the past few months. Drei would feel embarrassed about how he indirectly told Ralf to move on and how he would cry after saying hard-to-swallow words to him. How he still cared for him. Ralf, on the other hand, told Drei how many times he had to remind himself to stop giving meaning to his actions. That everything was just for show, and all he ever wanted was to avenge himself.
“Pero dati iyon,” saad ni Drei saka nginitian si Ralf na nakaupo sa harapan niya. “We'll start again.”
Sumalamin sa mapuputing ngipin ni Ralf ang liwanag na galing sa labas nang ngumiti siya. Inayos niya ang kaniyang salamin saka kumuha ng isang hipon at inilagay iyon sa kaniyang plato. Hindi puwedeng mawala ang ang garlic butter shrimp.
“I never thought that I'd enjoy eating this again,” saad ni Ralf saka hiniwa ang hipon.
Kumunot ang noo ni Drei habang umiinom ito ng tubig. “What do you mean?” Ibinaba niya ang baso saka hinawakan ang kutsara at tinidor niya. “Noong binilhan kita nito noong na-ospital ka, hindi mo nagustuhan?”
Napailing si Ralf habang tumatawa.
“Gusto ko. May halong gulat din iyon kasi hindi ko inaasahang bibigyan mo ako. Masarap siya pero,” he gritted his teeth, “pero may kulang. Sa tuwing kumakain ako, naaalala kita. At tuwing naaalala kita, nag-iiba na ang timpla. Hindi na siya tulad ng dati.”
Nauunawaan iyon ni Drei. Lahat ng maaaring makapagpaalala sa kaniya tungkol kay Ralf ay pilit niyang iniwasan noon. Kahit ang pagkain ito ay hindi na rin niya sinubukan pang tikman.
“Pero ngayon, kahit araw-arawin ko pa ang pag-ulam nito.” His shoulders shook as he laughed.
Drei watched as he laughed and how it turned into a smile. The way his cheeks rose, the slow movements of his lips, and even how his eyes twinkled. All he could see was Ralf. There was an energy, a warmth, radiating from Ralf. And when Ralf put his hand on top of his, there was a continuous application of heat, and if he were water, he would surely reach his gaseous state. He smiled, and that was the sweetest and only response that he knew at the very moment.
“But I will never let you do that. There's a high amount of cholesterol in shrimp,” Drei said and smoothed Ralf's thumb with the pad of his. “It's bad for the heart, at ayaw kong may mangyaring masama sa puso mo.”
Unti-unting natabunan ang liwanag na nanggagaling sa labas nang may pumasok sa loob. Kaagad na napawi ang mga ngiti sa labi ni Ralf sabay tanggal sa kamay niya at itinago iyon sa ilalim ng mesa. Their number one rule since then, no one should know about them.
Mula sa mga mata ni Drei, naglandas ang paningin niya sa taong papalapit sa kanila. Sinundan ni Drei ang mga mata niya saka napalingon ito sa likod nito.
Si Shamille.
Ngumiti si Ralf bilang tugon sa pagngiti ni Shamille sa kaniya, samantalang si Drei ay nagtataka pa rin kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay nagtatampo pa rin ito sa kaniya. Lumagpas ito sa kanila pumuwesto sa bandang unahan nila.
“Hindi pa rin kayo nagpapansinan?” tanong ni Ralf nang mapansin niyang hindi man lang sinulyapan ni Shamille si Drei.
Drei heaved a sigh, and glanced at Shamille. “Nag-uusap naman kami. Pero hindi na katulad nang dati.”
Hindi alam ni Ralf kung umamin na si Shamille kay Drei, pero mukhang hindi pa. Knowing Drei, kahit na halata na masiyado na may kahulugan ang ginagawa ng isang tao sa kaniya, wala siyang iisiping iba hangga't walang sinasabi ang taong iyon. He already mastered that part of him and he has now became numb.
He would always say, “Sinabi mo sana.”
“And you're okay with it? Siya kaya itong kasa-kasama mo noong hindi pa tayo nagkakaayos,” saad ni Ralf at napalingon sa kinaroroonan ni Shamille. She was typing something on her phone.
“I don't know.” Drei shrugged his shoulders. “I don't think it's my fault.”
“You should talk to her,” suhestiyon ni Ralf at pareho silang napasulyap kay Shamille. The seriousness on his face turned to dust when a sudden laugh escaped from his mouth. He slapped Drei's face through the air to make him look away from Shamille. “Huwag kang titingin sa kaniya. Malalaman niyang pinag-uusapan natin siya.”
Drei moved back slightly, covered his mouth with his fist—controlling himself not to laugh. “Seryoso ka? Ikaw din kaya.”
Napakamot si Ralf sa kaniyang sentido saka inayos ang pagkakasuot ng kaniyang salamin. “Fine. Huwag tayong tumingin sa kaniya.”
Drei nodded and dragged his chair forward. Despite literally having so much on his table, he gently pressed his elbows on it, balled his left hand and covered it with his right, and formed an isosceles triangle. He rested his chin on his thumbs, which jolted out from his clasped fists.
Even though his lips were slightly covered, he smiled playfully, and it caused his eyes to appear small, as if he were of Chinese descent. He focused his eyes on Ralf's, allowing himself to be swallowed by the depth of his eyes.
Ralf felt incredibly hot air hugging his body when his eyes met Drei's. He immediately broke his gaze, and an uncontrollable smile appeared. He then shook his head, hoping that the flush that rushed through his cheeks would cease.
“Huwag mo akong titigan nang ganiyan,” saad ni Ralf na ngayon ay nakatingin sa kaniyang plato habang naghihiwa ng hipon.
Pasimpleng sinipa ni Drei ang paa ni Ralf para mapatingin ito sa kaniya. Umayos siya ng pagkakaupo at hinawakan ang kutsara at tinidor. “Sunduin kita sa Biyernes.”
Nangunot ang noo ni Ralf nang magtagpo ang kaniyang mga kilay. “Ha? Para saan?”
Itinusok ni Drei ang maliit na hiwa ng hipon gamit ang tinidor para kainin. He grinned, and chewed the chunk with his eyes darting to Ralf's. “Punta ka sa bahay.”
*****
Nagliligpit na si Ralf ng gamit niya dahil tapos na ang panghuling klase niya sa araw na ito. Inabutan siya hanggang alas seis at iyon ang pinakamatagal niyang class schedule sa lahat. Mga third year electrical engineering student ang tinturuan niya.
Tahimik at nakasarado na ang ibang room nang baybayin niya ang daan papunta sa engineering office. Wala na ring katao-tao sa hallway. Pinauna na lang niya si Drei kanina, pero nagpumilit ang isa na maghihintay siya para sabay silang umuwi. Iniisip din kasi Drei na baka mahirapan siyang makasakay lalo na at gabi na.
Meanwhile, a few minutes ago, Drei was in the engineering office, standing with his back facing Shamille's area as he cleared his table, when the door suddenly opened. He thought it was Ralf, but to his surprise, it was Shamille. He didn't dare look at her and just put the laptop inside his bag. He smelled the sweet rose scent of Shamille when she got past him.
“I'm sorry, Drei,” mahinang saad nito. Nakahawak pa rin sa isang folder habang nakadiin iyon sa kaniyang dibdib.
There was a long and awkward silence between the two of them. Drei heaved a sigh while thinking of the possible reason why she was sorry. Well, aside from the fact that they're both not talking the same way as before, he couldn't think of any reason.
“Bakit ka nagso-sorry?” unti-unting napalingon si Drei sa kaniyang likuran hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang napaharap kay Shamille.
Napahawak siya sa magkabilang bahagi ng mesa nang bahagya niyang idinikit ang pang-upo sa mesa.
“You know that there's something wrong between the two of us.” Shamille could hear her own heartbeat. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath. “And I don't want us to stay like this. Kasalanan ko rin naman kasi nagtatampo ako sa ’yo kahit na hindi naman dapat. That's why I'm saying sorry.”
Inilagay ni Shamille ang folder na dala niya sa ibabaw ng kaniyang mesa.
“Drei, matagal ko na itong gustong sabihin sa iyo. Matagal ko na itong kinikimkim dito,” wika nitong muli at napaturo pa sa kaniyang dibdib nang humarap siya kay Drei. “I don't even know why I still have to tell you this because it's so obvious!”
There's now power in her voice. Drei didn't know how to react, so he just fixated his gaze and attention at her.
“Wala ka bang napapansin? The dinner invitations, the smile that appears in my face when I'm with you, and all the half meant jokes?” Hindi pinapakawalan ni Shamille ang mga mata ni Drei. She was looking for answers in his eyes, hoping that he was just acting stupid. But there was nothing in Drei's eyes about her. “What about the way that I treat you? Can't you feel anything special about it?”
Drei crossed his arms, and his shoulders dropped. He let out a deep breath to ease the tension that was building up.
“It's what we call kindness. I see no other meaning behind those aside from the fact that we're friends,” he calmly said. It was the only way he knew how to answer that would not hurt Shamille. But it was the opposite of it. “Magkaibigan tayo at parang nakatatandang kapatid na rin ang turing ko sa ’yo.”
Biglang natawa si Shamille at napapikit ng kaniyang mata habang tinatakpan iyon gamit ang isa niyang palad.
“Drei, para kang bata! Akala ko ba matalino ka? Pero bakit kailangan pang sabihin sa ’yo nang diretsahan para maunawaan mo?”
Nagtagpo ang kilay ni Drei dahil sa pagkakasigaw ni Shamille.
“Drei, gusto kita—matagal na!” Lumapit lalo si Shamille kay Drei. Dalawang dangkal na lang ang pagitan nilang dalawa. “College pa lang tayo ay laman ka na nito.” Tinuro niya ang kaniyang dibdib. “Gustong-gusto kita, Drei! Hindi ko alam kung may magbabago na naman sa pakikitungo mo sa akin, pero gusto ko lang ilabas ito dahil pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ako!”
Hindi nakaimik si Drei. Bago pa magsalitang muli si Shamille, biglang bumukas ang pinto. Sabay silang napalingon sa may pinto kung saan iniluwa si Ralf.
Nagpanggap lang naman si Ralf na parang wala siyang nakita. Nakatingin lang siya sa ibaba at tahimik na naglakad papunta sa kaniyang mesa. Napaayos naman kaagad ng pagkakatayo si Drei saka akmang lalapitan sana si Ralf, pero naalalang nasa loob din pala si Shamille. Napahinto siya sa may upuan niya at salitang napatingin sa dalawa.
Bigla namang tumalikod si Shamille, kinuha ang gamit saka lumabas ng opisina.
Nang silang dalawa na lang ang naiwan, kaagad na lumapit si Drei kay Ralf na ngayon ay nakaupo na. Tumayo siya sa likod ni Ralf at napahawak sa sandalan ng upuan.
His chest rose as he heaved a sigh. “She confessed.”
His thumbs were making circles at the back of the chair. Ralf, on the other hand, didn't say a word or move his body.
“She's in love with me . . . since college.” Napapikit na lang si Ralf, nagpipigil ng tawa.
Drei lowered his body, arching it toward Ralf. He placed his head close to Ralf's ear, chin almost touching the latter's shoulder. His warm breath that seethed through his slightly parted lips touched Ralf's skin.
Ralf immediately felt the insects crawling under his pants, making their way up to his torso.
“Don't worry, the feeling isn't mutual,” Drei said; his voice was low and sonorous, almost whispering. “Ikaw lang ang gusto ko.”
He grinned and kissed Ralf's cheek before going back to his tabe to get his things.