Early Sept, 1999
Halfway through my first day of high school I realize the universe has something against me. I've had no classes with Olly and only one with Hunter. Luckily Hunter is in my science class and I smile as I walk in and see him.
I'm just about to head over when I see the teacher already has nameplates where we'll be sitting. It looks like everyone is going to have a lab partner. The name next to Hunter's is Mary Beth Baker, the prettiest girl in our class.
Of course, he'd get paired up with her. Great.
A pit of something I can't explain fills my gut, but I push it down and wave at Hunter as I walk by him. He waves back cheerfully, oblivious to my dismay over his pretty partner.
When I reach my table, I can't hold back my cringe; the nameplate beside mine is Brandi Benson.
Double great.
I slump down and watch Mary Beth walk in; her blonde curls are gleaming and bouncy. A bright smile lights her face when she sees her name tag. She's wearing makeup actual makeup, shiny pink gloss, eyeliner, and blue shadow; her eyebrows are even sculpted into a perfect arch. If that's not bad enough, she's wearing a pair of jeans that sit low on her hips, and her tight shirt, which clings to her perky chest, doesn't quite cover her belly, flashing a tiny bit of her tanned stomach.
Hunter pulls her chair out for her and she's flashing that big perfect smile at him which he's returning. I suddenly feel the urge to scream.
"Oh, good. I got a smart partner. I hate science, be ready to work for two, Ragdoll" Brandi breaks up my inner freak-out, and I turn to scowl at her.
"Don't call me that." My irritated reaction to Hunter's lab partner comes out in my voice, and it sounds menacing and harsh. Brandi's eyes widen at my tone, and I think mine do too, but damn, that felt good.
"Bout time you stick up for yourself," she says after a moment with a small shrug.
Be brave.
I ride the sudden confidence and follow it up with. "I'm not doing all the work either. I don't like science any more than you do."
"But aren't you a genius like Oliver?"
I laugh, "No one is a genius like Olly."
"Well yeah, but aren't you like super smart?" Her eyebrows furrow with her question, and I notice then that she also has her eyebrows shaped into a perfect arch, highlighting her big brown eyes, which like Mary Beth's, are lined with thick eyeliner.
"Why are you staring at me? Are you mad or something?" Brandi snaps, and I blink stupidly.
"No, I uh, I'm normal smart, not Olly smart, and .... how did you get your eyebrows like that?" I have to ask; I just have to. Unintentionally, my gaze flits over to Mary Beth as I do, who is cheerfully chatting with Hunter.
Brandi sees where my eyes go and snickers. "I'll do you one better. I'll help you get your eyebrows like this. On one condition."
"What?" I'm scared to ask, but I do anyway.
She leans in so close I can smell her strawberry body spray as she whispers. "You have to tell me which one you like, Olly or Hunter."
"I like them both." I nearly laugh at her dumb question. "They're my best friends."
"I meant, which one do you like, like?" She prods.
"I have no idea what you mean." I play dumb hoping she'll drop it, I don't trust her for a second.
"Oh, you do so. Which one you are trying to get pretty for?" she asks with a roll of her eyes. "Hunter, right? It's obvious the way you keep glaring a hole at Mary Beth's head. Plus, I doubt Olly cares about eyebrows."
All I hear is, it's obvious and my heart starts racing, obvious to who? Everyone? I didn't even realize Hunter had such an effect until recently. I mean, he always makes me smile and blush and stuff, but--
"They all are so rude and annoying anyway. So, I'm good with getting home later," Brandi is saying.
"Huh?" I realize I missed most of whatever she just said.
"I said I can come over today after school. Get your head out of the clouds, Bucky."
"Don't call me that either!" I surprise myself yet again. "The braces are going to fix my overbite."
"It's a habit, go ahead and call me a bitch or something to get back at me."
"I'm not going to call you any names." Somehow the offer seems weirdly nice though. "You can come over, but Olly is going to be coming over to help me with geometry too."
"That's fine. He can do your homework while I do your makeover."
"I said help me with my homework, not do it for me." I should've been more specific when I wished I had a girlfriend on my way to school this morning.
"What's the point of having a genius for a best friend if he doesn't do your homework for you?"
"You don't have a best friend, so they do stuff for you," I scold. "You like each other, and can tell each other stuff, and laugh and be lame and never have to be embarrassed, because they like you anyway."
She's quiet for a moment as her eyes drop. "I never had a friend like that. My friends are all so... I don't know."
"Sorry," I offer, and I feel bad for her. I can't imagine not having a best friend when I got lucky enough to end up with two.
"You never answered my question about which one. It's Hunter; I'm right, aren't I?" she whispers again, and I glare at her.
"Just tell me, I won't tell anyone, I swear!"
"There's nothing to tell."
"Liar," she accuses. "Fine, I'll get it out of you later."
No, she won't...I tell myself firmly. I don't trust her one bit, she'll blab to the whole school.
"So, what about Olly then?"
"What about him?" I ask tiredly. "I told you there's nothing to tell."
"I'm just curious, do you think he likes-likes girls yet? Has he ever flirted with you?"
"I don't know, and no," I mutter.
"But Hunter has, right? I've seen him flirting with you," she continues nagging.
Is this what girlfriends are like? Forget sleepovers, I'm good with my books.
"Good afternoon, everyone!" To my relief, the teacher walks in, commanding everyone's attention and shutting down the pestering questions from Brandi.
But her questions leave behind a weird, knotted up feeling in my stomach that I don't like at all.
****
When school finally lets out, I swear every teenager is practically running out, and I nearly get trampled. I find Olly's locker just as he slams it shut.
"Hey, Olly. My dad will probably be late, but we have to find—"
"Oh Kinz, sorry forgot to tell you, I'm not riding home with you," he cuts me off apologetically.
"What?" I frown. "I need help with my math. I still can't believe we got homework on the first day."
"I'll help you, don't worry," he assures me with an easy smile. "I'll bike over after I take the bus home."
"Why do you have to take the bus home?"
"I have to talk to Hunter about something," he says as his eyes dart past me to the clock on the wall. "I won't be long. I'll ride over right after."
"About what?'
"Nothing," he shrugs it off.
"Obviously not nothing. What is it, Olly?" I press.
"It's just some video game stuff," his voice drops, and so does his gaze. "Don't worry about it. I need to go so I don't miss the bus."
"But..."
"I'll be over before you know it!" He calls as he dashes off. I stare after him with a dumbfounded frown.
He lied... I know cause I've seen him try and lie to his mom. He's terrible at it. He can't ever look at her and his voice gets quiet, like it did now. Olly lied to me. He's never done that.
Why would he do that? With a sinking feeling, I lean against my locker with the door ajar and sigh.
***
The Homecoming Dance
"Kinsey, you look amazing!" Brandi beams as I dab on a little lip gloss.
"Really?"
"Really!" She comes over and stands next to me. "Look at yourself, girl."
"Thank you, Brandi," I say softly. "You look amazing too."
I must admit I do look pretty and can't help the soft smile that spreads over my face. Mama did my hair earlier, curling it into ringlets, then later she loosened them up into soft curls, left hanging down over my shoulders. She even let me wear makeup for the dance, which Brandi helped me with. The way she lined my eyes makes them look bigger and brings out the amber color, and the blush she picked makes me look older.
My braces were expensive, so a new dress was out of the question, but we had a bunch of fabric tucked away from the days when Mama used to make the costumes for school plays.
Mama replicated one I found in a fashion magazine and did an amazing job. It is a silky-feeling dress in a light shade of pink. It's sleeveless with a sweetheart neckline that's fitted well, showing off my tiny bit of cleavage. It fits tight through the waist, and the skirt, which falls a few inches from my knees, is a little looser to allow dancing. I don't dare wear heels and trip everywhere, so I have a pair of Mama's flats on with it.
Brandi has a shiny bright blue dress on that's got tiny little sequins embroidered into it, it's a one-shoulder style, and her hair is swept up in an undo to show off her bare shoulder. The dress is very form fitted to her body, and the skirt is super short, making her tanned legs the star of the show. She is wearing heels a least three inches too! She swears walking in them is easier than it looks, but I'm still scared to try.
"Thanks for letting me tag along with you guys," she says as we finally leave the mirror.
We have been hanging out almost every day since the first day of school, she loves hanging out here on the farm, said her house gets boring no one is ever there.
"You kind of invited yourself," I remind her, more then. She invited herself and demanded that Olly and Hunter come along too. I'm finding that's kind of Brandi though, if she wants to make something happen, she does. I admire that about her.
"It's a good thing I did. They needed a nudge," she says flippantly.
"They don't even want to go," I groan.
"Of course, they don't," she agrees. "No boys like going to dances. They go for the girls, and it doesn't matter why. What matters is that Hunter dances with you tonight."
I bite my lip as my heart flutters, having my first slow dance with Hunter is all I've dreamed about since Brandi roped us into this whole thing. I'm sure I'm getting my hopes up, but I can't help it. Even if it's just one friendly dance, I can daydream to it for years.
"Girls, the boys are here!" Mama calls, and my heart nearly jumps out of my chest.
"Go ahead, I'll be right behind you," Brandi says.
I nervously make my way out of my room and down the hallway; as I get near the top of the steps, I see the boys standing at the bottom. My eyes fall to Olly first as he's standing closer, his hair is gelled to the side, and he's wearing a navy-blue suit that's a little baggy on his thin frame. His eyes widen but then soften as he smiles at me.
I'm scared to glance over at Hunter, but as I descend the stairs as I do, I nearly fall over when his shimmering cobalt eyes meet mine. My breath is caught in my throat, his normally unruly hair is combed back nicely, and he's wearing a pair of black dress slacks with a tucked-in crisp white shirt that fits him well. The grey blazer he has on with it is his granddad's old blazer and means a lot to him.
My legs seemingly carry me down the steps of their own accord, I can't pull my eyes from Hunter's, and he hasn't moved an inch.
"Kinz, you look really pretty" Olly's voice breaks the spell, and Hunter quickly darts his gaze away.
Hunter clears his throat. "Yeah, you look..." He pauses and then says, "Uh, great, you look great, Darlin."
"Thanks," I say in a breathy voice, as my heart still hammers away in my chest. "So do you." I turn to Olly who is standing there silently. "Both of you."
"And me?" Brandi asks in a taunting voice as she starts down the stairs; I laugh at her dramatics as she makes a show of it shimming down the stairs.
"You look like a Flintstones wife," Olly motions to her bare shoulder, and her face instantly puckers into an annoyed grimace.
"I do not!"
Hunter chuckles. "It's even got rhinestones all over it."
"Guys!" I scold them. "Be nice."
***
The school cafeteria looks so different, with all the tables moved and the dim lighting and the red and white balloons hanging everywhere. The ceiling is draped with white ribbons that hang down. It feels like we're somewhere else entirely, I can't even see us sitting with our lunch trays.
Highschool dances are way different then middle school dances, in middle school only the bravest souls slow dance, but everywhere I look around and I see couples all over each other. I feel so... overwhelmed by it all.
"Come on, Kinz," Brandi is pulling me with her and before I can protest; we're in the center of the room.
At first, I'm hesitant and slow, but as I glance around, I realize no one is looking at me; everyone is doing their thing. I shake off my nerves and let go a little. Soon Brandi and I are laughing and spinning around the dance floor without a care.
I don't notice at first the two guys dancing near us as I'm caught up in the fun of it until Brandi shimmies over to the taller two, and they start dancing together. I don't know them and assume they are upper classman. I back up right to give Brandi room to dance and bump right into the other guy, a stockier dark-haired kid; as I whirl around to apologize, he offers me a sweet smile.
He moves a little closer as he sways his body. I'm unsure what to do, so I keep moving, swaying from side to side like I'm on autopilot or something.
"I'm Johnny," he yells over the music.
"Kinsey," I realize as I speak that I don't know where Brandi is anymore. It's just me and Johnny on the floor. I'm dancing with a boy by myself, how did that happen?
The music shifts to a slow song, and Johnny's smile widens as my heart stops. I can't...my first slow dance...all I imagined was Hunter.
"Um... I got to go," I say feebly. "I'll see you later!"
I dart off, scanning the area for Hunter or Olly, as they aren't where we left them. I see Olly at the punch bowl, but he's alone. I finally see Hunter walking towards the exit... he's leaving?
Two couples whiz past Hunter as he reaches the door, and then Mary Beth walks in right behind them, alone for some reason. Hunter stops dead in his tracks.
Of course, he does; she looks gorgeous—her black and glittery gown hugs her perfect body like a glove. The halter top shows off her generous chest, and there's a long slit up the side. Her long blonde hair is elegantly styled in a half-up and half-down style. She's got the attention of many guys in the room; but the only person she's looking at is Hunter.
No... My heart drops like literally, I feel it in my belly. I guess that means I might die, which would be better than this. Yet I don't move; I stand like a deer in headlights and watch as he approaches her.
Her face lights up as they talk, and then her cheeks turn red, and a wide smile makes her dimples stand out. I would guess he said something sweet to her for that smile.
I stand frozen in place, watching him take her hand and lead her to the dance floor.
Her arms wind around his neck, and he pulls her in effortlessly, hooking his arms around the small of her back. She fits perfectly against his strong and tall body. I watch her face as her smile changes from a nervous one to an adoring one as he looks down at her.
I can't - I have to go. I turn quickly, my eyes beginning to burn with tears as I force my way through the now thick crowd of couples dancing. I didn't realize how big seniors are until now; it's like a colorful shiny jungle in here.
Finally, I find a door and burst through it; it leads to the hallway by the school library and is dark and empty. I let out a breath and all the tears come out as a big ugly sob, they rain down my face, ruining my makeup.
The door opens and I jump back in horror at anyone seeing me like this.
"Kinsey?" Except him.
"Olly," I whimper.
"Come on." He takes my arm and guides me toward the library, and I follow without argument.
I trust him over anyone to make it better, and usually, he can, if it's a nightmare, a fight with my parents, or whatever. But this is different this ache is really deep.
He leads me over to the fantasy section, and we sit down on the floor; it's carpeted but a thin carpet; still, we don't care. We rest our backs against the shelves, and he sits beside me. "It's okay to cry; just let it out," he whispers. Tears stream down my face, and I snort a little as I choke back another sob.
"I don't have anything to cry about; it's stupid—"
"Sure, you do; if you're crying, there's a reason, and whatever it is isn't stupid."
"This is," I sniffle through my sobs which are starting to ease up.
"Is it Hunter?" He guesses, and I look up with wide eyes. "I saw him ask Mary Beth to dance."
"Yeah, so," I mutter.
"So that's why you're crying," Olly says with a tired sigh.
My mouth drops open, Brandi, and now Olly, how obvious am I?
"He has no idea, don't worry," Olly assures me.
"How do you know?" I ask, then wrinkle my nose. "And how do you know?"
"I just do, on both counts," Olly says with a slight smirk.
"It is stupid, Olly, because we're friends. I have no business crying over him dancing with a girl."
My sobs have finally tapered off into slight sniffles, as my tears finally slow, my heart still aches though. I think it might for a while.
"Nothing hurts more than watching someone you like, like someone else," Olly says quietly, and I look at him curiously.
"I can imagine," he clarifies.
"He likes her, you just said it" I point out before he can deny his slip. "I know you two talk about stuff, so I know you'd know."
"Kinz, it doesn't matter," Olly says as he lowers her voice. "Look, you need to take this as a way to see that Hunter isn't someone to crush on. Mary Beth will be one of many girls he'll go out with. He's a charmer and a flirt, and he's probably going to enjoy having so many girls want him, now that he's getting older."
"I don't know about that," I protest. "You're making it sound like you think he's gonna be a player, he's a good guy."
"Not player, I don't mean like that. I'm sure he'll be crazy about any girl he dates, but he's going to be popular, I know you see that."
Now he said the words, crazy about. Hunter did talk to Olly about Mary Beth.
"Anyway, I could be so off, just forget it," he adds quickly.
"I don't know, you're right about how charming he is and he's going to get popular," I admit.
"What I do know is not many fourteen-year-old couples get far, and y'all are best friends. Is it worth risking that now, with four years ahead of us?" Olly says the exact words I need to hear, and a light bulb goes off.
"You're right," I agree as I wipe my tears dry. "This is not worth ruining the friendship over. That's reason enough to brush me off and get past this."
"You can do it; you're stronger than you think," Olly muses. "More confident, too, lately."
"So are you," I comment.
"Eh, sometimes," he shrugs. "You want to go back out there?"
"No." I shudder at the idea of seeing them again,
"Me neither," Olly agrees; he reaches behind him and grabs a book chuckling as he opens it.
"What is it?" I ask.
"Something about a mushroom village? Oh, Stone people," Olly chuckles and I look over to see he's already thumbing the pages. "Awful."
"Just read a few pages," I shrug.
We pull our knees up, and he rests the book upon him; I lean in to see it, and he loosely puts an arm over my shoulder. Still, it feels comforting. I let my head fall on his shoulder, and we fall silent for a moment; other than the hum of a fan and the faint sound of the music from the gym, it's quiet and peaceful.
Olly starts reading, and I close my eyes. His voice is soothing. I don't hear the words; I just let Olly's voice make it better, like it does when I have a nightmare.
"I can't read another page of this," he laughs after a while and tosses it aside.
"I didn't catch a word anyway," I confess.
He stands up and holds his hand out for me; I take it, and as he pulls me up, I stumble forward clumsily, and our bodies clash. He laughs nervously, and I giggle as we separate.
"You want to dance, Olly?"
His eyes widen as his lips part into a gasp. "What?"
"We should have a first dance," I explain. "Who better with than each other?"
"We're best friends," he points out.
"Exactly, so let's dance as best friends." I take a step closer. "We need it, Olly. Otherwise, we leave this library, go home and later feel sad about not having had one dance."
"What about that one guy?"
"That was a fast dance. It doesn't count, plus I thought it was a group thing." I shudder at that weird, awkward dance earlier.
His gaze softens and his lips twitch nervously. "You want to dance in here, right?"
"Of course," I agree, and he relaxes.
"Then, let's go to the reading area where it's bigger." He takes my hand and pulls me into the lounge area; it's furnished with few tables and a few leather chairs, but we find an open area to dance in. The music from the gym is faint but we can hear it. We're a little hesitant as we step closer to each other, he slips his arms around my waist, it's a little ticklish when he moves his hands until he finds a spot to rest them.
I wrap my arms around his neck, and he looks down at me. I smile softly nodding him on.
"Now what?" Olly asks with a clueless look.
"I have no idea," I admit, and we start laughing. We break the embrace, but our gazes stay locked as our laughs settle.
"You know, Kinsey," he grabs my hand. "You have had your first dance before; we both did."
He spins me under his arms, and I giggle, recalling us doing this as little kids while watching an old romance movie with his mom. We got bored and started acting silly.
"Don't make too dizzy!" I warn him as he spins around again; he holds me there instead of turning me again, our hands clasped.
We start to sway to the music, offbeat, but who cares. He pulls me closer but then let's go of my hands, and I wrap my arms around his neck again as he comes to encircle my waist, resting his hands against my lower back. It doesn't feel as weird and awkward this time; it feels warm and sweet. I rest my head on his shoulder, and he rests his chin on the top of my head. It feels so natural like we've done it so many times before.
"This isn't bad," Olly muses.
"Gee, thanks," I spit back, yet I don't move and continue to sway along with him.
"I meant slow dancing," he explains. "I always thought it would be awful, but it's not at all."
"Not awful is not any better than isn't bad, Olly," I scold him playfully.
"Well, that's what you're getting," he teases.
I make an annoyed huff, but I still smile at the exchange.
He spins me around again, only this time pulling me right back flush up against him. "It's perfect Kinsey, we're dancing in a room full of books."
"Like a fairytale," I agree, and he laughs softly.
"'Cept the prince isn't usually a geek."
"Well neither are you."
I press my head against his chest, and his arms encircle me into a tight hold as we sway along to the music. It doesn't feel weird being so close, instead it feels so peaceful.
As the pace of the beat picks up, we naturally start moving along to it. It's ... fun, really fun. I'm smiling softly as we continue. I find myself getting lost in the magical moment, so much that even the music seems louder as it moves us along.
It might not be the first dance I dreamed of, but Olly is right, it is perfect, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
**For more of the past check out The Roots of Our Past, when finished with this one or read it alongside! That book will have the full back story!