"Damn, that's... weird" Dana said as she looked at Riley, who was laying comfortably in her arms. This was the morning after the party and they were both in Dana's room, trying to shake of the really bad hangover. Riley had just told her about everything that had happened with Lindsey the previous night and Dana was trying to wrap her head around it.
"Yeah, I don't know why she did that... maybe it's just the alcohol?" Riley said. Dana was stroking her hair with her left hand and had her other hand resting on Riley's stomach as Riley leaned onto Dana's shoulder. They both felt comfortable, although the headache was a killer.
"Could be... but maybe... never mind" Dana sighed. Riley raised an eyebrow at her.
"What?"
"Nothing" Dana shook her head, only making Riley even more interested.
"Come on... tell me" Riley pressed and Dana sighed once more in defeat.
"They both seem to have a thing for you, huh?" Dana chuckled, "I guess the whole bad girl thing is actually effective"
"What?" Riley jerked her head back.
"AJ and Lindsey. I mean they both kissed you, didn't they? And you're pretty charming, it's not surprising they like you" Dana said, a bit sadly.
"They don't like me" Riley answered, sounding repulsed by Dana's statement, "they were both drunk off their asses. It doesn't count. We're friends, ugh! I'm just worried about how Lin's gonna act around me now. I mean, last night was... weird"
"She's probably more worried about how she's gonna tell AJ" Dana shrugged.
"Yeah, you're right..."
Dana went quiet, awkwardly staring at the wall.
"What?" Riley asked.
"Nothing"
"Jesus, I can tell there's more" she sighed, "go ahead, ask me"
"Have you ever thought of Lindsey... that way?" She let out finally, making Riley raise her eyebrows in surprise.
"Oh... "
"Be honest. I won't mind" Dana reassured.
It took Riley a minute to answer, she wasn't sure herself.
"Well there was one time. When we first started hanging out. We went out at night for a walk cuz I had a bad day and wanted someone to talk to. I dunno we were just sitting in a park alone and laughing about whatever and... for a second, maybe, I don't know... she looked really pretty... "
"Well I mean she is gorgeous, so how come it took you that long to see it?" Dana laughed.
"No, I knew how pretty she was, but like... ugh, whatever" she groaned, making Dana smile.
"No, go on. Tell me"
Riley looked up at her, then rested her own hand on Dana's and started rubbing circles on her palm.
"I guess... I never looked at her that way, she was always more of a friend, but in that moment, I considered it... I mean she was looking at me with those big blue eyes and grinning with that wide stupid grin she has and I dunno... I realized just how beautiful she actually is. And how her smile can make you feel like everything's gonna be okay" Riley shrugged, Dana wasn't looking at her, she was looking at a wall instead, seemed to be deep in thought.
Riley noticed, and squeezed her hand tightly.
"Hey... sorry, that was... too much" she said, worriedly, Dana raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Oh, no, don't worry, that's not why I spaced out. It's just... it's a nice skill to have. Ya know? Making people feel like things are gonna be okay by just smiling at her. I could never do that. Most people avoid me just because of my facial expression, apparently I look like a bitch" Dana shrugged, laughing a bit, but she looked kind of sad about it as well, "I guess that's not too far off from the truth"
"Bullshit! You're one of the kindest people I know. Fuck everyone who thinks otherwise" Riley said, her tone rising
"No, that's not fair. I don't exactly make effort to be nice to people" she said.
"You're nice to me. And... you're nice to AJ" Riley said, adding the second part a bit more hesitantly.
"Yeah, but I'm in love with you, you're the one for me, ya know?" She said, making Riley smile, "and AJ... well how can you not be nice to AJ, she's so sweet and kind, a bit reserved, but in a good way, and she tries to help everyone and... " Dana stopped halfway as if a realization had hit her and she looked at Riley with shock on her face. Riley on the other hand was smirking at Dana, trying not to laugh.
"Oh god..." Dana whispered.
"You really do like her" Riley laughed.
"No, no... oh god... this is horrible! I'm a horrible person! What was I thinking? I can't like somebody else's girlfriend!" Dana said, straightening up from the bed so fast that she almost made Riley fall of.
But the brunette girl sat up as well, now more firmly and positioned herself in a way that she could look Dana directly into her eyes.
"It's not like you can control it... if that was the case then we wouldn't even be looking at other people, right? We wouldn't even be having this conversation" Riley shrugged.
"Doesn't matter. Just because we have this kind of relationship, doesn't mean that other people will be comfortable with as well. Hell, it's new to me as well!" She said, getting louder, panic cutting into her voice. Riley took a deep breath and scooted over to Dana, taking her hands in her own.
"Hey, don't panic. It's just a crush. But yeah... I guess you do have to get over it. I mean Lin and AJ are kind of perfect for each other. I doubt either of them would even consider anybody else" Riley spoke.
"So how do you explain Lindsey kissing you last night?" Dana asked, not in a questioning way, she seemed genuinely confused by the whole thing.
"A drunken mistake" Riley shrugged. Dana took a deep breath and nodded.
"Okay... I do need to get over it. And I will, soon! AJ is just a friend, a good friend, that's all" she said, sadly, Riley pressed her lips together and rubbed Dana's hands with her thumbs, then she smiled and leaned closer to the other girl, kissing her gently.
"It will be okay"
~•~
AJ walked back to the dorm, feeling exhausted after a draining lesson and dropped her bag on the floor immediately after walking in, not noticing the blonde girl standing in the middle of the room, looking nervous.
Once AJ looked up and saw Lindsey, she jumped from surprise.
"Oh, Jesus! Why didn't you say anything?" AJ said, pressing a hand on her heart.
"Sorry, I'm sorry!" Lindsey answered quickly. Her response made AJ grimace.
"Uh... it's okay? I mean I was scared, but not... that scared" AJ said and stared at her. The blonde was looking at her with sad puppy eyes. AJ had often noted how big Lindsey's eyes were, and they would widen even more when she was sad or excited. Like right now... something was wrong.
"What happened?" AJ asked as she made her way towards Lindsey and rested her hands on Lindsey's arms. She winced at the touch and slightly pulled away as she tried to avoid AJ's eye, looking at the floor instead. AJ frowned, what on earth had happened?!
"...I'm sorry" Lin whispered, her voice sounding like a child's. Breaking at the word 'sorry' and coming out even thinner as if she was trying not to cry. This of course unsettled AJ even more as she tried to understand what exactly her girlfriend was so sorry for. They hadn't talked much after the party. At first AJ just assumed it was because of their busy schedules: Lin was constantly training and going on early morning runs and late night runs and doing her workouts, on top of that she was studying for finals, AJ had offered to help with that part, but Lindsey had kindly declined and she never asked again. Meanwhile the brunette girl was spending most of her time locked away in the library, migrating to studying for the finals to freaking out about the finals. She really hadn't had much time to worry about anyone else, the exams were right around the corner.
"Why are you sorry?" AJ asked, her voice sounding exhausted. She had been looking forward to a nap, but that would have to wait. This was far more important.
"I don't know what I'm doing... what's wrong with me?" Lindsey said, finally the tears rolling down her cheeks. AJ had never seen her like this. It was bizarre. Lindsey, the girl who was always smiling and laughing and bringing all the positivity to her life, was now crying in her arms and she had no idea how to calm her down. She didn't even know what the reason behind the was.
Lindsey rested her head underneath AJ's neck and continued to cry as AJ wrapped her hands around the girl and rubbed her back.
"I don't deserve you..." the blonde whispered again. She doesn't deserve her? What would make her say that?
AJ took a deep breath. What had happened after the party? She remembered talking to Lin in the bathroom. She had been drunk, but she hadn't finished the whole bottle. Lindsey had taken some of it. That meant Lindsey was also getting drunk that night. Had something happened? With who? If she had been unfaithful, then whom would she have done it with? Who could make Lindsey cheat?
AJ slowly pulled away. That made sense. That made the most sense. Lindsey had been with someone else...
Now she just needed the confirmation.
"Lindsey... what happened after I went to sleep at the party?" She asked calmly, looking right into Lindsey's eyes as the blonde looked back at her with sad, reddened eyes filled with water.
"I... kissed Riley when I was drunk" she said, quietly.
And there it was. Riley. Of course. Who else?
AJ nodded. For some reason, she wasn't angry. She wasn't sad either. This whole situation seemed ironically funny. Hilarious even. After the whole fight between Riley and Lindsey, Lin getting mad at her for kissing AJ and them not talking to each other, this whole thing just seemed funny.
But then looking at how awfully devastated Lindsey looked right now, AJ snapped back to reality and put on her most understanding face. She wasn't mad. She wasn't. Of course she wasn't happy either, her girlfriend had just cheated on her for fuck's sake, but she wasn't mad. Maybe it was the stress of everything else clouding her mind. This just wasn't something she had time to react to right now. There were other things she needed to worry about.
"It's okay..." AJ said calmly and quietly. Lindsey looked up at her with a confused frown.
"What?" She asked. AJ took a deep breath and grabbed Lindsey's hand, dragging her to the couch. They sat down.
"I'm not... mad" she spoke, putting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her forehead with her fingers. God, she was so tired.
"...what?" Lindsey asked again. More panicked this time.
"I mean... you were drunk and confused. Plus I did it first so just... call it even?"
Lindsey's eyes widened even more, "What?!"
AJ sighed, "okay, I'm not making any sense right now..."
"Well, yeah! Kind of!" Lindsey said and scooted over to AJ, taking her hands and making her turn to her, "look... I'm so sorry for what happened. It was all my fault and I feel disgusted with myself. I should've never done that to you. I don't know what I was thinking. You have every right to be mad and to even dump me, but god, I really hope you don't because I don't know what I'm gonna do without you, AJ. I'm falling for you and instead of showing that to you, I went and kissed someone else. I'm so sorry. You don't know how much I hate myself right now and you probably hate me too-"
"I don't hate you" AJ stopped her. Lin looked at her with wide confused eyes. "But... maybe a break isn't such a bad thing..."
There it was, the terror in Lindsey's eyes. The devastating news. But she didn't say anything. She didn't feel like she had a right to say anything after what she had done. This was AJ's call. Lindsey would go along with everything she said, even if it shattered her into a million pieces.
"I kind of get it I guess... " AJ spoke again, "you like Riley"
"What?" Lindsey's eyes widened even more if that was possible, "what? No! I don't! AJ, I promise I was just drunk. I like you. You're my person. I don't wanna think about anyone else" she said, grabbing tighter onto AJ's hands and rubbing circles on them with her thumbs.
"So you've never thought of her that way?" AJ asked.
"I-..." the girls went quiet. She sighed, "yeah, but it was in the past"
"Would you still think of her that way if you weren't with me?"
Lindsey frowned, "why are you asking me this? AJ I want to be with you"
"I know" AJ smiled, "I know that. And I want to be with you too. I'm not mad at what happened. But I think maybe the reason you kissed Riley isn't just because you were drunk. Maybe it's because you still like her. Do you think that might be true?"
Lindsey looked down at the floor again, she went quiet for a while until AJ saw another tear roll down her cheek, "...I'm so sorry"
AJ released one of her hands and put her thumb under Lindsey's chin, making her lift her head and looked her in the eyes. Her big blue eyes.
"Don't be... sometimes we fall for more that one person... and sometimes that's okay" she spoke in a soft tone. Lindsey frowned.
"What do you mean?.. what are we supposed to do now?" She asked, sounding defeated and lost.
"I think we should take a break. Sort things out. This whole kissing Riley thing is clearly taking a tole on us. I want you to figure out how you feel about her and me... and I want you to be honest with me. It's okay if you like us both, Lin. It happens" she shrugged.
The way AJ was sounding so calm right now was freaking Lindsey out even more, but she had decided to trust AJ on this.
"Will we get back together afterwards?" She asked. Her voice still sounding small and thin.
"I know I like you, and I want to be with you. So if you still like me then yes" she explained.
This calmed Lin down a bit and she smiled. Until another thought entered her mind.
"And what if I like Riley too?" She spoke hesitantly.
"That's okay too. We don't have to do things the traditional way, Lin. We can figure it out"
Lindsey took a deep breath. This whole conversation was confusing to her. But AJ was right. She still had slight feelings for Riley and she needed to figure out how strong they were. This was only a break. As much as it scared her to not be with AJ for a while, she still needed to do this. She needed to clear her head. Understand what she wanted. And to her luck, AJ couldn't have possibly been more understanding. Still... the lingering fear had settled deep into her mind and the thought of losing AJ was a frightening one.
She kept telling herself it was only a small break as she nodded, "okay... thank you" AJ smiled at her and took a piece of the blonde's hair in between her fingers, twirling it around.
"It will be okay" she said.
~*~