Elaina Basset
My frozen state completely snaps away when this man at Harry's front door is suddenly grabbed by a seething Harry and pinned against the wall.
I scream, wondering what Harry's next impulsive move is once his forearm is locked over his father's throat and the gun in Harry's hand is pointed at him.
Harry's infuriated, teeth bared and jaw tight as he's right in his father's face.
My first instinct is to jump in and pull Harry away, but I don't do that. I watch in shock but I don't stop him. I know how he feels about his father. And he has every right to feel this way and do whatever he wants.
"How did you find me?" Harry seethes, finger still on the trigger of the gun in a threatening manner.
His father has his hands up, looking back and forth at the gun and at his son. "Son, just let me—"
"How the hell did you find me!" Harry repeats with a raised voice.
"Your sister!" his father panics, I see Harry's face fall once again. "You weren't answering my texts or calls, so I asked Angela where to find you."
Harry looks at his father with shock and hatred. I can feel the fury radiating off of him and the fact that Angela is involved is making it worse.
I stand there, stunned. I know Harry and Angela don't have the best relationship but this seems like a new low to tell their father, whom Harry despises, where he is.
"I told you to never contact me again. And you can go tell your daughter the same thing." Harry speaks out of anger. "Seems like breaking trust runs on your side of the family."
"Put the gun down, Harry." his father speaks.
"I should kill you." Harry mutters back, teeth clenched.
"You won't do that."
"You wanna test that?"
"Harry." I finally speak up. I knew I should've stayed silent but I could see this ending in blood. Harry will act impulsively and then have to later explain to Angela how their father was bleeding out on Harry's hardwood floor.
Harry and his father both look to me. I watch Harry's anger fall for a moment as he realizes I'm watching this whole interaction go down.
I didn't know what else to say, but I just gave him a look. A look that said I understood his feelings but that being violent right now will end badly.
So, he looks back to his father with a swallow of pride, taking his arm away from his throat and bringing the gun down by his side. A look of unadulterated hatred on his face still as he takes a step back.
Harry's father rubs his throat, then looks at me. "Thank you."
I narrow my brows. "I didn't do it for you."
He presses his lips together with raised brows before focusing back on Harry. "I'm guessing she's heard about me."
Harry shakes his head. "Don't even look at her. Why are you here."
"I wanted to see you, Harry, jesus. Is it a crime for a father to want to reconnect with his son?" his eyes flick to me again and he extends his hand out. "My name is Thomas."
Harry grabs Thomas' wrist before I can even react. "Don't."
Thomas lets out a bit of a surprised laugh. "You need to relax. Why don't we go sit—"
"Why? We have nothing to talk about." Harry says, dropping his father's wrist.
"We have plenty to talk about. I haven't seen you in years." Thomas looks Harry up and down like he's taking in his son who was once a little boy.
Harry blinks as he tries to stay strong but I can tell it's getting harder for him.
In front of him is his father, the individual who has caused him so much grief and left him feeling unwanted. He's back so suddenly and I can only the imagine the feelings that Harry's experiencing.
"Son, please. I just want to talk to you..." Thomas' voice goes softer, causing Harry's jaw to grind as he falls victim to his feelings.
It's not my place to decide whether Harry should let his father in. Whatever he chooses to do, I'll support.
I just hope he chooses what won't leave him in shambles today.
Harry looks over his shoulder at me. I give him a subtle gaze of sympathy.
Looking back at his father, he inhales deeply. "You're not coming in. Go wait outside." he says sternly, and it hits me that he's, in fact, going to talk to his father.
Thomas responds with nothing verbal, just a nod, like Harry would do. He then steps outside, door ajar, the morning air drafting in.
Harry immediately walks up to me and holds my shoulders. He's got a dreadful look on his face, an expression that made me anxious.
"I don't know if—" I begin to voice my opinion but I stop myself. I have no place to tell him what I think he should do.
But how I feel, I can't shake it. I don't think he should talk to someone who has caused him so much suffering. Deep suffering, the kind that remains inside of you.
"I'll just see what he has to say. You can wait in here." Harry tells me.
I bite my cheek, and I nod.
He drops his hands and turns to the front door. I cant stop him, even though I feel like I should.
But who knows? Maybe his father has changed. Maybe he has regrets, and maybe he's trying to fight his wrongs. He's been trying to contact Harry, and perhaps this whole time it was so he could apologize.
But even then, Harry isn't the type to forgive.
Harry Styles
Standing on my front step, my father waits with his hands in his pockets. The early morning breeze is moving hairs on his head.
He looks the same as the last time I saw him. And it makes it so much more shitty.
The second I saw his face when I opened my door the first time, my body's first reaction was anger...but my mind went straight into a police station where 14 year old me saw him and went with him after the death of the parent that actually cared enough to love me.
Suddenly, I'm 14 again, there's blood on my jeans, there's landlines ringing in the background as a cop talks to me, I couldn't save my mom, and my father is standing over me asking me to get in the car.
Suddenly, I'm a helpless child.
I lean against a pillar, arms crossed to act as a barrier. I want to be closed off to my father, he doesn't deserve my openness.
He clears his throat.
"You look well." —is how he chooses to begin this conversation.
"What do you want from me?" I dive in with a coldness that came from deep within me.
He sighs and dips his head down, seemingly starting to understand that I won't budge.
"I wanted to see my son. Is that a crime?"
I laugh, finding what he just said to me so unbelievably absurd that it actually warranted a comedic reaction. "That's incredible." I say through an accusing smile and a head shake.
"What?"
"You had my entire childhood to see me, jackass." I say. "Your son is all grown up now and you've missed your opportunity."
"You are grown up." he nods, "And I can see that you've done very well for yourself."
My brows furrow and my smirk falls.
He gestures to the front door. "Is that your girlfriend in there? She's beautiful...and she seems to have your back."
I feel a heat in my chest when he mentions Elaina. Out of all the things that I wanted to shield her from, my father was one of the main things.
"She's my coworker." I lie. I don't trust my father, and if our closest friends can't even know we're together, then he certainly won't.
"Coworkers don't typically wear your shirt at six in the morning, do they?" he narrows his eyes.
I roll my eyes with a scoff and shake my head.
"Look, I'm just trying to say that you obviously have been doing great." he says, then glances at my bruised up knuckles. He thinks, but doesn't say, clearing his throat again. "You're clearly successful, and look at you...you did it on your own."
...
Fuck.
I can feel my throat close up. I can feel the rush of my blood, hearing these words come from his mouth.
Hearing praise from the one person I've longed to hear it from my entire life.
Teenage me would be floating...but right now it feels like I'm made of stone that's crumbling at the edges. It feels like he has a pick and is chipping away at me. Maybe it's because these words came so late. Too late.
"Harry, I'm prou—"
"Don't." I immediately point. "Don't you fucking tell me you're proud of me."
I'm cracking. My emotions are coming through. He's seeing it.
"You do not fucking deserve to be proud of me. You didn't make me. No part of me came from you." My chin shakes as I say the last word and I just want to sink into the ground.
Deep down, I know that my success really has come from wanting to make him think I'm good enough.
I'm 14 again.
His eyes that have always had a coldness to them look right through me. His lips are pressed into a thin line as his nostrils flare from the exhales.
He dares to take a step toward me...except I don't fight it.
Why aren't I fighting it?
"I know I was a bad dad."
"You weren't a dad. You were hardly even a father." I persist.
"I didn't know how to be anything to you." he tells me. "Your mother and I weren't happy—"
"Don't talk about mom." my voice shakes ever so slightly.
"I was ashamed of leaving you behind. Too ashamed to attempt to keep up a relationship with you."
I can feel a sting behind my eyes which I rapidly try to blink away as I just stare at him with my heart on the floor.
"You didn't even call. You disappeared. All I wanted was to be seen by you..."
I had no intention of being so vulnerable in front of him, but I also had no expectation of him showing up at my doorstep wanting to reconcile.
It was too much at once.
He nods, "...I'm sorry."
No, no, no.
Suddenly, the image of my father turns into a glimpse of five year old me on the couch at 2 in the morning waiting for him to get home. He does. He walks through the door smelling of something strong and his hair is messy but he has a greasy fast food bag of fries and a kid's chocolate milk for me and I eat it while he sits on the other side of the couch.
The image of my father turns into a glance of me chasing his packed up car down the road as he drives away from my childhood home for the final time, never to return, my mom crying on the lawn.
I'm 14 again.
I'm fourteen. I'm meeting my father's daughter. I'm in the back of his car and he's not saying a word to me, but he stops at a drive thru and he orders me fries and a carton of regular milk.
Right now, I'm a child again and that innocence which I didn't even realize was buried deep inside of me just wants to see the goodness in my dad.
I felt sick by the longing to maybe hear that he's proud of me one more time.
The dreaded sensation of a drop of warm water falling down my left cheek causes my father to look to the ground.
"Maybe I should go."
Of course. It's what he does best.
He starts to head toward his car, a blue pickup that he must have rented for cheap.
I just watch. This time, I'm not gonna chase him. I'm not gonna beg for him not to leave like I once did when I was a child.
But that sting is still there. The same painful sting that I felt when he left for the first time.
My father is a bad man. But my childhood is inside of me screaming for my dad.
He opens up the car door, but stops and looks at me.
"If you want to talk some more, I'm a phone call away."
I don't say anything, and I don't let myself watch him leave. I turn around and I go inside, hearing his car door shut and his engine rev up.
As soon as I'm inside, Elaina emerges from my living room.
Her worried face only falls more when she sees the state of mine. She walks up to me.
I've been holding back a flood of tears, but the second she pulls me in for an embrace, she breaks down the floodgates.
My arms wrap around her back, my hands gripping at the fabric on her body as silent cries soak it on her shoulder. My face is nuzzled into her like I'm a child that just scraped his knee.
She's never seen me cry.
I always thought that I'd be embarrassed to cry in front of her, but right now I felt no shame. I just feel her delicate palm rubbing my back and her other hand in my hair, her fingertips massaging gently. She's holding me like she'll let me sob until I have nothing left in me.
I clench my teeth as I suck back whines of devastation, water running from my eyes like it's been trapped there for years.
"I'm so sorry." she whispers, I can hear the pain in her voice.
I cant find words, I don't know what to say. I just grasp on to her.
"Harry," she says my name but I don't respond, so she pulls back and grabs my face. "Harry." she repeats, now holding the sides of my jaw. I sniff and open my wet eyes, my chin trembling as my throat feels too closed up to talk.
I look at her and all I can see is the sadness on her face as she looks at me.
I'm breaking down in front of her. It's something she's never witnessed from me. I imagine she's overwhelmed by it, and I feel the need to apologize, and I would if I could speak.
Her thumb rubs my cheekbone that's soaked with tears.
"You are so much more than what he's made you think of yourself." she tells me in the softest, most angelic voice I've ever heard.
I shut my eyes as my bottom lip quivers and I let my cheek sink into the touch of her hand. Her touch is the only thing keeping me up right now. I don't know if she knows that.
"Nobody should ever make you feel this way." she says.
"He told me that he's...p-proud of me." I choke on my words, opening my eyes to see her.
Her lips part as her brows crease. She brushes my hair out of my face with her fingers.
"How did you feel when he said it?"
I sniff again and just shrug. "It didn't feel good."
She nods. "Because it was too little too late."
She gets it. I've never had anyone get it, and it makes me feel like I'm being hugged by her words.
"I'm not going to tell you what you should do or how you should feel." she says, "But I'll be here to hug you as many times as you need me to." she swipes her finger under my eye to wipe tears away.
My tears have slowed down. She's made me calmer. Her hands come down from my face and I stuff my hand under the fabric of my shirt on my shoulder to wipe my eyes.
"I didn't expect to leave that conversation feeling more sadness than hatred." I vent.
I do hate my father, but at the end of the day, I had to build that hatred for him up inside of myself and it feels like he's started to knock it down.
And that scares me.
"You think that you're this hateful person but you aren't." Elaina says. "You're more sensitive than you let yourself believe."
I sniff again as I try to pull myself together, trying not to get emotional again from what she's saying to me.
I shake my head and blow out a puff of air through my
lips. "I'm sorry that you had to see me this way. I didn't realize how much seeing him would affect me."
"Stop that. I don't like seeing you upset, but I'm relieved that you feel comfortable enough around me to let it out." she says.
I look at her with this unbelievable appreciation in my gaze that I can't hold back. I feel like my eyes glimmer when I see her face.
I've known her for such a small amount of time, but she's made me feel like I've known her in many lifetimes.
It's a scary feeling almost. It's a rush, not something that I planned on at all. But I am taking in every moment of it and I'm not taking it for granted.
If she's letting me feel, then I'm going to feel.
She doesn't question my gazing, she doesn't say anything either. She just hugs me again. I hug her back and shut my eyes with a sigh of relief. She's engulfed in my hold and I feel like that's how it should always be, like we're puzzle pieces.
And I could stand here like this for hours, but I glance up at the clock behind her.
It's getting late. We gotta get back to Zayn's.
Angela Styles
Fuck.
My eyes pinch as Niall twists the doorknob to the guest bedroom, the door creaking open. He takes one singular step and the floorboards creak. I whack him in the shoulder and he gives me an offended look.
I look at the back of his head in disbelief that we thought it would be a good idea to do this here at Zayn and Elaina's place.
We woke up in a panic, realizing we were still in bed together. I was only in my underwear, he threw me his t shirt, and now we're trying to sneak out of here without being seen.
If Harry sees me with his best friend, he'll probably murder both of us.
"I knew it was a bad idea to do this here." I whisper as we tip toe out of the room and down the hall.
"You didn't seem too opposed to it last night." Niall glares over his shoulder. I hit him again.
No one knows we've been hooking up. It started sorta out of no where—a week before Elaina was supposed to marry Isaac and we all went to Zayn's bar.
I guess there's always been some sexual tension in the way that he pisses me the fuck off.
Listen, I'm not proud of it. He's Harry's childhood best friend who I've known since I was twelve years old. The first time we had sex, I told Niall that Harry can absolutely never find out. At least I know what we're doing is wrong, self awareness is key, right?
Fuck.
I haven't seen El all night. I'm guessing she just went to bed when she got home. I've been debating telling her about Niall, but he advised against it. He said it's best if no one knows at all, and for once in his life, he's probably right.
"Okay," Niall whispers. "I think everyone's still asleep, we just have to make it past the stairs and Liam and Louis in the living room and—"
Two people suddenly turn down the hall, causing Niall and I to freeze. My eyes go wide. We're caught.
I see none other than my brother about ten feet away, standing there with wide eyes as well. Next to him is Elaina.
Fuuuuucccckkkkk.
"What the..." Harry mumbles as he looks at the state of us. It doesn't look great. My hair is a mess and I'm in Niall's shirt while Niall is shirtless in his pants from last night.
I stand there speechless as I look at my brother and my best friend looking just as shocked—
Wait, hold on.
Hold on.
I look at El, who is looking at me. I look at her state, standing there in the dress shirt that Harry wore last night.
Oh. My. Fuckingggggg—
"What the fuck!?" I utter.
Harry points at Niall, anger on his face. "You—"
I point right back at the two of them. "You!"
"You fucked my sister!" Harry whisper shouts at Niall, then looks at me. "And you fucked my best friend!"
"Woah woah woah! You fucked her best friend!" Niall retorts immediately. I watch as Elaina puts her face in her hands like she's mortified.
"That's why you two disappeared last night! Oh my God." I pinch the bridge of my nose.
"No wonder you've been in such a good mood lately, you've been getting laid!" Niall accuses Harry and my jaw drops as I look at him.
"This has happened more than once?!"
"Jesus fucking christ." Harry face palms.
"Well I personally feel like I'm off the hook then." Niall shrugs all of this off and begins to walk past them, but Harry looks at Niall with raised brows and a crazed glare.
"Off the hook!? Mother fucker, I'm gonna murder you." Harry suddenly turns to stalk after Niall, who resorts to booking it down the stairs as Harry chases him out of the house.
That leaves me and Elaina, and she hesitantly lifts her face from her hands, looking at me with a horrified expression.
Then she books it.
She flies past me, headed to her room, but I don't let her get away. I chase her into her room, the sounds of our bare feet hitting the floor. I eventually catch her and tackle her to the bed.
"Angela!" she shrieks as I pin her hands down by her head while she struggles.
"My brother! Really!" I go off.
"I'm sorry!"
"I can't believe you right now!"
"We were gonna tell everyone eventually—Jesus, you're strong, can you let me go." she flexes her wrists in my grasp.
I snap my hands off of her wrists and get off of her, standing at the edge of her bed as she sits up. I look at her with a 'what the fuck' expression and she just lets out a sigh.
"I'm just as shocked as you are, okay?" she says.
"You despised him. I don't get it." I say.
"I know!" she puts her face in her hands for a second before looking at me again. "It's different now."
"How!"
"We got closer!" she defends. "We started talking, like really talking."
"And then you decided to have sex? When?" I keep my angry tone.
"Williams." she tells me and I raise my brows in shock. It's been that long?
I go over to her stool, needing to sit down to process all of this.
"Please don't be mad at me, I know it's a lot, but—"
I shake my head. "I'm not mad, I just—well, yeah I'm mad. I just can't believe it."
She breathes out a sigh. "I'm sorry."
"So where is this gonna go? I mean, are you guys hooking up just to hook up? Because in that case, you could have fucked Liam, or Louis, fuck even Zayn. Zayn totally likes you—"
"Ang," she stops me, and she hesitates, making me scared for what she's about to say.
"He asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of days ago..."
I feel like I'm hit by a million bricks, my mouth opening but no words coming out. All I can do is stare ahead at my best friend, the girl I'd die for, telling me that she's in a relationship with my stepbrother.
"I know this sounds crazy because you're just finding out all of this, but we've had feelings for each other for some time now...even when I was with Isaac." she admits.
I blink.
Holy shit.
"The day of the wedding, he came into my dressing room and asked me not to marry Isaac. And then we kissed after Isaac and I broke up."
All of this coming out now makes me feel like I've been walking around with a cloth over my eyes. I've been blind to all of this, and I don't know if that's my fault for not picking up on it.
Harry hasn't been with anyone romantically since his last girlfriend, which ended terribly. I thought he'd never be with anyone again, let alone El.
I rub my knees with my palms, staring at the ground. "This is crazy."
"I know. Trust me, I know." she says. "And I'm sorry I kept it from you...but Angela, I really do like him. A lot."
I avert my eyes back to her. "I'm just shocked that he would—" I shake my head and stop myself. "I mean, it's Harry."
She looks down at her lap, picking her nails.
I know Elaina. And I know that she is truly sorry for not saying anything to me. It's probably been eating at her since it started.
And I'm mad, but not mad enough to lose her as a friend over this.
"You really do like him, and want to be with him?" I question.
She nods.
I inhale deeply, licking my lips as I push myself to stand. I walk over to her as she timidly gazes up at me. I sit down on the bed next to her and I wrap my arms around her. She sinks into me with relief, resting her head on my shoulder as my head rests on her temple.
"Just...be careful with him, okay?"
"I'd never hurt him."
"No, I mean you be careful. Being with someone like him is gonna come with a lot of shit." I tell her.
I'm not saying this to scare her or push her away from him, I'm saying this as a warning.
Anyone who has ever had something out for Harry now have a whole new way to get him where they want him if their relationship was to be found out.
It'll be more dangerous than ever. She'll be even more of a target.
Elaina's bedroom door opens, the both of us looking toward it. In walks Niall and Harry. Niall's hair is a mess and he's covered in grass and dust from gravel, there's also dust all over Harry's shirt.
Harry quickly glances at Niall, they exchange looks and then Niall sighs and looks at El.
"Elaina, I'm sorry for having sex with your best friend." he murmurs.
Elaina, confused, nods. "That's okay, Niall."
Niall turns and gives Harry a glare before walking away. Harry leans against the doorway and looks at the two of us on the bed.
"Elaina, can I talk to Angela alone." he states rather than asks.
Elaina nods and lifts herself off of me, shuffling off of her bed. "You can have the room. I'll be downstairs." she says with a clearing of her throat.
Harry watches her as she leaves until she's out of sight, and when she's gone, he turns back to me.
I sit there on the bed with my arms crossed, leaning against the headboard.
"My best friend?" I state.
"My best friend?" he responds.
I look off to the side with a clenched jaw. I know that Elaina explained it to me but I need to be stubborn with Harry because frankly, I'm still pissed at him.
Harry steps further inside and shuts the door. He doesn't sit anywhere because he needs to assert dominance by standing tall, that's his stubbornness.
"At least I'm not in a whole ass relationship with your best friend." I murmur.
Harry inhales. "I wouldn't be in a relationship with Elaina if I didn't want to be with her."
I look at him now. "You clearly didn't think about the risks—"
"That's all I fuckin' think about, Angela." he snaps back immediately.
I just shake my head.
"If she gets hurt, I'll—"
"I'm going to protect her." he says.
I scoff. "How ironic."
He catches on to what I'm saying. "It's not like that anymore. I won't let them hurt her."
"You're both in danger now..." I say, more seriously than angry.
"I'll make sure she's okay."
"And you?" I question.
I think Harry's selfish, but not enough to care about what happens to him.
He shakes his head. "This isn't what I wanted to talk to you about." he states.
"Then what do you want?"
He narrows his eyes, I can tell that there's something he's angry about and it's not the fact that I'm fucking Niall.
"Our father came to see me this morning. Know anything about that?"
A sigh leaves my mouth as I shut my eyes. I knew Harry would bring this up eventually and he wouldn't be happy about it.
Harry hasn't been in contact with our dad for six years, since he began this job. He was essentially dead to him.
"He came to Milan. He came for us."
"You know I wouldn't have wanted to see him." he affirms.
"You can't avoid him forever."
"Give me a break, Angela. I know in your eyes, he's the perfect father but he fucking abandoned me." he points at his chest with frustration.
"And here he is trying to make it up to you!" I sit up straight.
"I don't want that! And you know it! Yet you had the audacity to tell him where I fucking live?" his voice is getting slightly louder.
I throw my hands up. "Fuck, Harry! I'm sorry for trying to fix our family!"
He scoffs, smiling but not out of anything other than anger.
"You're delusional." he spits.
I furrow my brows and tighten my jaw, frustrated with him and the fact that he won't grow up and accept that I was trying to help.
"You hate me for being so angry all of the time, but you can't seem to accept that he is the reason I'm like this." he continues to throw verbal punches.
"I don't hate you." I roll my eyes.
"You hate me. You've never shown me otherwise."
Angry at his persistence, I am now sitting up fully with my voice raised. "If I hated you, I wouldn't have tried to connect you with dad!"
"You did that for him!"
I plow my fist into the mattress. "I fucking did it for you!" I shout. He keeps an angry stare but he's silent now. "Have you ever considered that maybe I feel guilty for our childhood? Maybe, unlike you, I can come to my senses and recognize that dad didn't give you the right attention?" I spill my guts as he just watches me. I let out a few exasperated breaths and then quiet my voice. "I was relieved when he told me that he wasn't here in Milan to only visit me."
I have never let myself be vulnerable around Harry. He's always been closed off and we never let each other in as children.
But, I have no hatred for him. He makes me incredibly raged, but ultimately it's because I love him. He's my big brother, and sometimes I wish we were closer for the short time we were kids together. Sometimes I wish we had hugged more.
I've been so resentful because I've been shut away from him, and as a 12 year old girl who only ever looked up to her older brother, it hurt.
Harry takes one final look at me, then comes off of the wall he's leaning on to head for the door.
"I'll be downstairs." he says before the door closes, and he shuts me out again.
//
if invasato harry heard 'matilda' i think he'd cry.