I'm not anxious when I knock on the door to Goh's flat. Tired, yes, but if Bede has a problem with me being here, I'm more than ready to put him in his place.
It's the other guy, Hop, that answers the door, though. He blinks at me, trying to remember if he knows me or not. "Hey," he says, nervously. "Can I help you?"
"Yeah. I'm here for Goh's stuff."
He blinks. "Goh's stuff? Why?"
"He's moving back into our flat." I step past Hop without waiting for permission, into their hallway. "Which room is his?"
Hop seems taken aback, and stammers, pointing to the one in the middle of the hall. When I head towards it, he jumps, and tries to keep up with me. "Um, why isn't Goh here himself to get his stuff?"
"He didn't want to see Bede," I say, frowning. It's true. After we finally made up, and finally managed to peel away from one another, Goh had gotten anxious, saying he couldn't go back to his room, couldn't face Bede. I, on the other hand, am happy to face Bede. Especially after learning he used Goh, then left him alone in an absolute state. I wonder if Bede even realises that Goh never came back to his room last night. So I offered to go and get his things, even if it took a few trips back and forth.
When I push open the door to Goh's room, which was already unlocked, movement catches my eye. It's Bede, standing up from where he'd been sitting on the edge of Goh's bed. He turns towards me, face contorted with obvious fake worry, until he realises it's me, and drops the act. "Why are you here?"
"Why are you?" I ask, walking in. Just like Goh said, his boxes are still packed- the only things out are his bedding and laptop, like he still wasn't sure if he was staying here or not. Luckily, when we went down to the front desk to ask, they didn't care if he moved back into our flat, and gave him his old key back.
"What are you doing?" Bede snaps when I pick up Goh's laptop.
"You're gonna have to find someone else to manipulate." I pack it into its case and put it in the closest box. "Because Goh's not coming back."
"Get out of my boyfriend's room." Bede takes a step towards me.
"We both know he's not your boyfriend. He never was." I turn to glare at him. "And if you really cared about him, you wouldn't have pressured him into drinking so much then left him on his own when he was wasted."
He scoffs, like I've offended him. "I would never-"
"You did," I snarl. "And if I ever see you come near him again, I'll kill you. Do you understand?"
He glares defiantly back, but only for a second, because then he's storming out, mumbling something on his way past, shouldering past Hop, who's standing white-faced at the threshold. Hop hesitates for a second before chasing Bede down the corridor, calling his name. I sigh, shaking my head, and grab the nearest box.
— — — —
It takes forty minutes to move all of Goh's things back to his old room. On my fourth trip, when I have the last of his things in my arms, Serena and Cilan are there, walking out together. They both pause when they see me, the box heavy in my arms, and I smile over the top of it at them.
"Been on a shopping spree?" Cilan asks, eyebrow raised, peering into the box.
"Goh's stuff," I say, adjusting the weight of the box. "He's coming back."
Serena squeals and throws her arms around me, almost knocking me off balance, and I fight to stay upright, but she doesn't seem to care. "Please tell me he's done with Bede."
"I am," Goh says, coming into the hallway from my room. His hair is still damp from the shower he took while I was gone, and he's wearing his pants from the night before and one of my hoodies, which is a little too big for him. Serena peels off me and grimaces, realising she's been caught.
"Goh! Sorry for trying to make you jealous," she says, frowning. "But... did it work?"
Goh laughs, the sound making my blood sing. "Yeah, it worked."
"So you're..." She looks at me.
"Together? Yes." I look over at Goh. He blushes and looks away, and I can't help but smile.
"Well, let's have dinner together later," Cilan says, grinning, likely already planning what he's going to make in his head. "To celebrate Goh coming back."
"Sounds good," I say. Cilan grabs Serena's hand and starts dragging her out the door, ranting about needing to buy ingredients for dinner, and I call goodbye to them, laughing at Serena's distress. Alone with Goh, I admire him for a second, wearing my clothes.
"Thank you," he says, "for getting my things."
"No worries." I start heading to the open door of his room and put the box just inside with the rest of them.
"Did Bede give you any trouble?" He asks hesitantly, like he doesn't even want to say his name, in case it upsets me, but it doesn't. I know Goh never liked Bede. I know it was just a poor coping mechanism, and one that he regrets.
"He tried." I lean against the doorframe, crossing my arms. "How are you feeling?"
"Hungover," Goh groans. I chuckle, but I feel hungover too, and I didn't even drink. I suppose it's probably from a fitful sleep sitting upright in the desk chair. "Guess I should start unpacking my things again."
"Or, you could do that later," I say, reaching for his hand. When our fingers touch, his skin is warm and sends sparks dancing across my skin. He looks up at me, mouth slightly parted, eyes sparkling.
"What did you have in mind for now?" He asks, his voice hoarse. I just step back out into the hall and lead him towards my room.
— — — —
"Smells great in here," Goh says when we step into the kitchen. Cilan looks up from where he's watching over four pans at once, a cooking apron tied around his back. He waves, grinning. I barely make it inside before May throws her arms around Goh, hugging him tight.
"We're glad you're back," she says loudly, and he smiles sheepishly.
"I feel stupid for ever leaving," he admits quietly.
"Welcome back to the family," Serena says from her spot beside Clemont on the sofa. May finally lets go and throws herself down on the free seat beside her best friend. Goh seems a little nervous, so I reach out and push my hand into his, our fingers intertwining. He looks up at me, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips. I smile back, and lead him over to the other sofa.
We end up sitting in there until everyone else leaves, and it's late. I can tell Goh is exhausted- his eyes seem heavy, and he's acting sleepy. "Come on," I say, standing and helping him up. It's been a long day, and honestly, I really need to get some sleep after last night.
We head to my room, but he pauses at my doorway, frowning. "I didn't get to unpack my things." He glances down towards his own room.
"It's fine. You can stay here," I say, hoping that's not too much. "You already have a toothbrush here after all," I joke. Goh blows out a breath of laughter, and walks past me into the room.
"I think we're moving a bit fast here," he says, jokingly. I close the door behind me and come up behind him, snaking my hands around his middle and pull him back into my chest, resting my chin on his shoulder.
"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I forgot it's only been twelve years."
Goosebumps spread up his arms and he goes tense under me. I move my face to his neck, kissing gently up it, and grin against his skin when I hear the breath rush out of him. But, before I can move, my phone starts to ring in my pocket. Before I even look at it, I know it's Dawn. She's the only one that thinks it's acceptable to call at almost midnight. I let go of Goh, feeling cold without his body against me, and sigh when I pull my phone out and see it is Dawn. I shove my phone back in my pocket.
"Who is it?"
"Dawn," I say. "I'll call her back tomorrow." I push my hand through the front of my hair.
"Just answer," Goh says, shaking his head, already heading into my bathroom. "I won't listen in."
"I'm not worried about that." I sigh. Goh pulls the door, but doesn't fully shut it, and my phone is still buzzing loudly in my pocket. I know Dawn will ring until my phone sends her to voicemail. I give in and pull it out, answering. She pops up on my screen, lying on her front in her bed, in her pyjamas. Her hair is down, and kind of a mess for once. I can hear Gossip Girl playing from somewhere.
"I thought you were going to ignore me." She shoves a whole oreo into her mouth.
"What if I was sleeping?" I say, raising an eyebrow.
"As if," she scoffs. "Well? What's new, asshat?"
"Okay, first of all, don't call me that," I sigh, heading past the slightly open bathroom door and sitting on the desk chair, spinning in it.
"What about Ashhat?" She laughs at herself. "Oh, that's good."
"That's a terrible joke." I glare at her through the screen. "What do you even want, needy? You know you call me like twice a day, right?"
"You'd be so lonely without me." She narrows her eyes at the camera suddenly, leaning into her screen, and I realise that she can see the bathroom over my shoulder. I swivel on the chair, but it's too late, and I know that look. "You left your bathroom light on," she says, rolling her eyes and putting another oreo in her mouth.
"Mm," I hum, looking over my shoulder. "No. Goh's in there."
Dawn makes a choking sound, and when I look back, she's spat out some of the oreo, and looks like she's trying hard not to choke on it. I clap my hand over my mouth to stop the laugh from escaping, knowing it'll make her furious. She looks panicked, and disappears from the camera for a few seconds. I call her name, but all I can hear is the annoying background voices from the TV show. Then she reappears, hairbrush in hand, dragging it through her hair, glaring at me. "He's in your room?"
"He can probably hear you," I say casually. This seems to panic her even more, and her eyes widen.
"Oh no. I'm hanging up. I'm not meeting Red for the first time looking like this."
"Really, Dawn, you-"
"Bye, Ash!" She hangs up. I blink at the suddenly blank screen, and shake my head, laughing. A moment later, Goh emerges from the bathroom, shirtless, wearing just a pair of sweatpants. There's a sudden pressure in the back of my throat, and I try not to stare, but-
"Can I wear one of your shirts?" He asks shyly, not looking at me.
"Mhm, they're in there," I say, nodding at the wardrobe, never taking my eyes off him. He opens the wardrobe slowly, like he's not sure he's allowed to, and pulls out a shirt that's even a little bit big for me, pulling it over his head. He pulls his hair up through the top and shakes it out as I watch, completely in awe of him.
"Dawn seems..." He scratches the back of his head. "Interesting."
"She's an idiot," I say fondly. I can't wait for them to meet. I think Dawn will love Goh, and she'll finally understand why he's driven me crazy all of these years. I get up and decide to get ready for bed, because I feel like I could fall asleep standing up at this point.
Five minutes later, when I emerge, Goh is sitting up at the top of the bed, scrolling through his phone. Even though I knew he was there, the sight still stops me in my tracks, and sends my heart racing. I never thought I'd get this with him, these casual, small moments of normalcy, and it's just starting to sink in that I can have them with him whenever we want now, because he's mine.
I pull my shirt off, because it's surprisingly warm in here tonight. Goh watches as I do, and then I get in beside him. His eyes burn into me the whole time, until he's scooting closer, and laying against my chest, his hair tickling my skin.
"It can't be a coincidence, right?" He says into the darkness.
"What can't?" I ask, trailing my finger up and down his arm.
"That we both went to the same university. Ended up in the same damn flat. I mean, it's ridiculous. The chances-"
"I know. That's why... Well, partly why, it took me a while to come to terms with it, I guess," I say, feeling a pang of guilt for the way I acted that week when I'd just found out.
"Do you think maybe..." He trails off quietly. "Maybe we were destined to meet?"
"Yeah," I say, without hesitation. "I do. I think we were made for each other. I think I'm exactly where I need to be right now."
Just like the day we first kissed, Goh starts to push himself up, and moves to sit in my lap. I can barely see him in the dark, and I can barely breathe, either. "We were interrupted last time," he says in a low voice, and dips down to kiss me. Regardless of how tired I am, I'm powerless to resist him.
Later, when we're both lying apart again, I reach out and grab him, and pull him towards me in one movement, curling my body around his. He seems to relax, melting into me, and I rest my head on his pillow, his hair in my face. It is, without a doubt, the most comfortable I've ever been. Nothing I've ever done with anyone comes even close to how things feel with Goh. Every small touch sets me on fire. Even just his presence makes me feel like I'm floating. This, I know, is because I'm hopelessly in love with him, and probably always will be, no matter what happens.
I hear his breathing turn shallow as he falls asleep. Smiling against his hair, it doesn't take long for me to find sleep either.
— — — —
I'm woken in the morning to the feeling of Goh wiggling away from me slowly, like he's trying not to wake me up. My eyes flutter open, and he's leaning up on one arm, smiling down at me. For a moment I think I'm dreaming, but then it comes back to me, and I realise Goh really is here, wearing my shirt, in my bed. I smile up at him. "Good morning."
"Good morning," he says, and bends down to give me a quick kiss. "I have to go to a lab."
I groan. "Ugh. I have one too."
"I wish we could just stay in bed all day," he sighs. "But I should probably go find some of my own clothes." He looks down at himself. "Some that actually fit."
I laugh quietly at him. "Okay. Will I see you later?" I ask, praying he says yes.
"Whether you want to or not," he says sleepily. When he leans down to kiss me I hold him there for a few seconds until he moves away, sliding off the bed and padding to gather his things. I check the time on my phone and figure I should probably get up too, so I push up as Goh is reaching the door. He turns, his eyes blazing back at me, and he bites his lip. "I love you."
"I love you too," I say, smiling and rubbing my eyes. Then he smiles back and disappears out the door. I miss him the second he's gone. Now that I know how he feels, I want to be around him all the time. I know it's dumb, feeling so protective and clingy over one person, but he's my person, and I'd have him by my side forever if I could.
Before I shower and get dressed, there's something I have to do. I pick my phone up again and dial Dawn's number. I'm not worried about her being asleep, because she always seems to be up at the crack of dawn.
"Good morning," she says cheerily when she picks up. "Someone had a good night, then?"
I feel a blush creeping onto my face. "Shut up."
She laughs. "Seriously, though, please tell me this means the two of you have finally accepted your fate and are together."
"Yeah," I say, grinning even though she can't see me. "We are."
Dawn screams down the phone, and I pull it away from my ear until she stops, grimacing. "I knew you two would make it work! Oh my God! I can't wait to meet him properly."
"Actually," I start. "That's what I was calling about. Do you think you could make it this weekend?"
"This weekend?" She sounds surprised. "Are you sure? Will he want to meet me so soon?"
"Dawn, I've been talking about you for twelve years. He practically knows you already. And I really want you to meet him, and the others here too. You won't have to sneak around with me this time."
She considers it for a second. "Okay! I'd love to come meet him. Saturday morning, then?"
"Yeah, and you can stay if you don't want to go back the same day?" I suggest.
"And crash on your sofa? I don't know," she sighs. "I hate sleeping on sofas."
"I'll ask Goh if we can stay in his room, and you can stay in mine, if you want. He won't mind," I say confidently. I'm sure he won't mind. I'm actually hoping he wants to spend every night together, because I know I do.
"Did he sleep in your room last night?" She asks, a little too excited for my liking.
"Yeah. It's not a big deal."
"It so is. Ugh. I'm so jealous. You've met your soulmate."
Soulmate. I suppose he is. He's my twin flame. "You will too," I say softly, but she just scoffs, and I know she's rolling her eyes.
"Sure. When I'm old and wrinkly, probably."
I laugh. "Let me know what time you're coming on Saturday, okay?"
"Okay. Love you, Ash."
The words surprise me, but I don't miss a beat. "Love you too, Dawn."
I hang up, putting my phone down on the desk. My heart lifts up when I think about seeing her again, and her meeting Goh. Finally I have something to look forward to. Finally I get to experience this kind of feeling with someone, like we started to before things went wrong. I know that, even though I've had a relationship before, everything's going to feel new with Goh.
— — — —
I call Goh the second I'm free from university classes. He answers on the second ring, sounding out of breath, saying he was hurrying back to the flat because his phone was going to die, and he forgot his key when he was in a hurry this morning. I laugh, and tell him to wait for me outside, if he wants to, so we can go in together, but he says he'll come to me, instead.
So he does, and ten minutes later, he comes into view, his hair tied in a messy bun behind his head, those twin strands loose around his face again. I light up as soon as I see him, my heart doing a flip in my chest. I don't know if it'll ever stop doing that when I see him.
"Hey you," I say, smiling.
"Hi." He leans up on his toes to kiss me swiftly. I find that I don't even care if anyone sees. "Can we go to the place around the corner? I'm craving boba tea so bad."
"What's boba tea?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. He shoots me an incredulous look, like he's genuinely shocked at my question.
"You've never heard of it?" He asks, blinking.
"Is this like a city thing?" I ask, as he takes my hand and starts to drag me with him.
"Maybe?" He hums. "I don't know. I would have thought they'd have it everywhere by now. Look." He points to a store just down the street, but I honestly have no idea what I'm looking at, so I blink blankly at it. Goh just sighs and leads me to it. There's a menu board outside, but it may as well be written in an alien language, so Goh orders something, and I tell him I'll just try his.
There's nothing awkward between us anymore. It feels like I've known him forever, and in a way I suppose I have. When we're heading back to the flat, with this mysterious tea that Goh's so excited about, he passes it to me to drink from. I take a sip, and immediately understand why he likes it so much.
"Okay," I say. "That was a bit weird, but I like it, I think?" I say, passing it back. He smiles, pleased with himself.
"I knew you would. You're easy to please." He sticks his tongue out at me.
"When it comes to you, yeah," I say casually, and watch the blush spread across his cheeks. He turns away, trying to hide it, but I grin, loving how easy it is to make him blush. Suddenly, I remember why I wanted to speak to him. I'd gotten so distracted, just from being around him, that I'd forgotten. "Oh, there's something I wanted to tell you, actually."
He glances back at me, straw in his mouth. "There's something I wanted to tell you, too."
Even though he seems calm, the words swell some sort of anxiety in me. "Okay, you can go first," I say, because I'm impatient.
"Okay. Well, don't be mad, but..." He smiles sheepishly. "I invited Chloe to come this weekend. It's just, I haven't seen her in a long while, and... Well, I really want you to meet her. She's coming on Saturday. I hope that's okay. Or I could tell her-"
I laugh, and he pauses, shutting his mouth. "Sorry," I say, shaking my head. "I'm not laughing because of Chloe. I'd love to meet her. It's just that I was literally about to tell you that I invited Dawn this weekend."
He blinks at me. "Dawn's coming?"
"Yeah. Is that okay?" I bite my lip, wondering if I should have asked first. He doesn't really like meeting new people, after all.
"Of course. It's just... Do you think it's okay that they're both gonna be here?"
"Dawn gets along with just about everyone." I shrug. "I don't see why she wouldn't get along with Chloe. I think she'll be pleased, actually."
"This is so weird," Goh says. "That everyone's going to meet like this. It almost doesn't feel real."
"I know." I reach out and take his hand, pushing my fingers between his. "I still can't believe you're actually Red. I can't believe we're actually here together. I think it's the luckiest I'll ever get in my life." As I speak, the blush comes back to Goh's face, but this time, he doesn't turn away. In fact, it looks like he's about to cry, so I nod at the drink. "Can I have some more of that?"
Goh laughs, the sound lighting me up inside as he passes the cup to me.
— — — —
Goh disappeared a while ago to finish unpacking his room and to write an assignment, so I joined Cilan in playing Mario Kart in the living room. Serena joined us soon after, and now we're sitting around, swearing at one another, getting overly competitive. Serena keeps accusing me of cheating, because she can't beat me, no matter what she does. Cilan seems content to come second most of the time.
"So Ash," Cilan says suddenly, when a race ends. "Goh's your boyfriend now?"
I almost choke at the sudden question. I haven't actually thought about the fact that we have a title now. Boyfriend. "Well, I haven't actually asked-"
"Do you really need to, at this point?" Serena asks, laughing.
"I saw him sneaking out of your room this morning," Cilan adds with a wicked grin that makes me want to sink into the sofa.
"He wasn't sneaking," I argue. "I haven't told anyone but my friend Dawn."
"What about Brock, your other friend?" Serena asks, tilting her head. I shake my head, feeling suddenly nervous. I think about Brock, Misty, Gary and even Ritchie, all my friends at home, and wonder how they're going to react when they find out. I've never even so much as hinted that I'm not straight, and even though I doubt they'll care at all, the thought still makes me anxious. And then there's my mom, too...
"Not many people know I'm not, um-"
"Straight?" Cilan finishes for me. "It'll all work out in the end, you know that, right?"
I smile, grateful for the reassuring words. "Yeah, I know. Oh, and speaking of Dawn, she's coming here this weekend."
Serena squeals. "You have to bring her to meet me."
"I think she'll come to you herself," I sigh, imagining the carnage the two of them will create together. "She's dying to meet you."
"Likewise." Serena grins. "I'm so happy for you and Goh. Our second happy couple," she swoons.
"Second," Cilan observes with a raised brow. "But what about you?"
She pouts. "I don't know. It hasn't been that long. I mean, not all of us are like May, and find our dream man in the first month."
I pretend to be offended, but she just rolls her eyes and smacks my arm playfully. "Buzz off. Besides... There's someone. Maybe. I don't know."
Cilan sits up straighter, instantly buzzing. "Who?"
"I'm not telling you." She crosses her arms. "So don't bother asking again."
"You're no fun," Cilan sighs, sitting back against the sofa again. I study her face though, and the way she seems suddenly embarrassed, and wonder if there's any chance on this earth that she might be thinking about Clemont. Clemont might be her polar opposite- shy, reserved, a little awkward, but they get along well, and sometimes I see them sharing private conversations when they think no one is looking.
"I'm going to bed now." Serena stands and yawns, stretching her arms over her head. "Goodnight, guys."
"Me too." Cilan stands and joins her. "You coming, Ash?"
I smile down at my knees. "Nah. I'll stay here for a bit. See you guys tomorrow."
They disappear into the hallway, leaving me alone in the dimly lit kitchen area. I carry on playing the game for a little while, glancing at my phone and seeing it's almost eleven. Bored of playing on my own, I turn it off and put the TV on instead, flicking aimlessly through channels, until I hear a door open in the hallway. My heart stops for a second in my chest and I hold my breath, hearing footsteps in the hall.
Just as I thought, the door swings open, and Goh pops his head in, looking straight at the sofa to see if I'm there, the way he used to when we were still just Ash and Goh to one another, and we would meet each other here most nights. My heart swells at the sight of him, and his face lights up. I feel like I'm burning inside, because I know it's me making him smile like that, and I've missed this. Ignoring the burning lump in my throat I move over to make room for him, aching to be near him.
He slides in beside me wordlessly, cuddling up against my chest, and I put my arm around him, savouring his warmth and the feel of him. I lean to press a kiss against the top of his head and smile against it, feeling complete for the first time in my life.