Translator: Xena
Editor: Sammy
Proofreader: Bubbles
TW: Mentions of self-harm
The phone's app notification stated that a cold air current had rapidly descended from the north to the south, and its effects would be very significant. For example, the temperature would decrease again in the middle of the night.
Chu Yu lay in bed, listening to the whirring wind outside the window.
He recalled that as a child, he was very afraid of nights like this.
In his eyes, all lights and shadows transformed into bloody tentacles and sharp claws and teeth, and the rustling of leaves became dangerous movements of monsters lurking outside the window.
During those times, every night, he'd tightly hold on to the quilt and tell stories to hypnotize himself, relying on hopes that he'd stop being afraid if he fell asleep.
Chu Yu rested his elbows on the bed and half-raised his body. He reached out to grab a game console, and after making sure there was still electricity, he changed his position and played on the bed.
He opened a newly downloaded puzzle game. The beginning was fairly simple, and there was hardly a need to use the brain, so Chu Yu passed four or five levels in a row. With his fingers on the buttons, he couldn't help but look in the direction of the door.
His mother never stayed at home for long periods of time. There were too many things for her to deal with, and too many urgent problems for her to solve.
He didn't know if Shi Yaling was still present.
Thinking of what Shi Yaling had said earlier and the stern expression on her face, vexation surged in Chu Yu's heart. But it didn't take long for this vexation to dissipate.
Lying on the soft pillow, Chu Yu thought, did this count as him being a little more mature?
No matter how Shi Yaling criticized and opposed, he was very clear about what he should insist on and what he couldn't give up.
In the past, he'd lived muddle-headedly, regarding Shi Yaling as very important and even subconsciously attaching a lot of feelings and emotions towards the other.
So after realizing the truth, it took quite a long period of adjusting.
But now, it seemed different.
Thinking of this, Chu Yu brought his hand to the tip of his nose and sniffed- was this perhaps the smell of a mature man?
At that moment, Chu Yu faintly felt something. He turned his head and stared at the floor-to-ceiling window for a few seconds before hesitantly getting up. Stepping barefoot on the carpet, he walked to the window and looked down.
The buildings in the Nandao villa area were scattered, so the lights of another household could only be seen from some distance away.
Correspondingly, for the sake of beauty and protection of privacy, the greening of each place was very well done. Although it was winter, all the branches and leaves were still lush.
Beside the shrubbery, next to the dark green-painted lamp post, was Lu Shi in a black jacket; long legs stretched his jeans straight and both hands were habitually inserted in his pockets.
As if feeling something at that same moment, Lu Shi raised his head.
The youth's facial features weren't so clear in the dark of the night, they were even immersed in the shadows, as if wanting to blend in with the background.
Chu Yu heard his heartbeat gradually become fiercer, beat by beat, continuously striking his eardrums without interruption.
Lu Shi had excellent patience. He simply stood by the lamp post and quietly gazed at him.
But Chu Yu couldn't bear it any longer. Putting on his slippers was forgotten as he turned around and ran to the door.
He gently opened the bedroom door and walked down the corridor. It was pitch black downstairs. Shi Yaling had probably already left while Aunt Lan had gone to bed early. Chu Yu stepped on the ground barefoot, treaded downstairs silently, and exited through the door.
He stopped in front of Lu Shi, panting. Chu Yu's eyes were as if filled with lingering amber. He wanted to restrain himself and calm down a bit, but the corners of his mouth and the ends of his eyes couldn't hold back from curving at all, and his voice was even more excited. "Lu Shi, why are you here?"
Lu Shi took in the light-colored sweater Chu Yu was wearing, and his ankles that were exposed because he wasn't wearing socks. Before answering, he took off his black jacket and put it on Chu Yu.
Wrapped in a familiar scent, Chu Yu realized that he'd been running so urgently that he'd forgotten his coat.
"Weren't you missing me a little bit?"
After two seconds, Chu Yu recognized that this was Lu Shi's reply.
Wait, isn't this twisting my words?
Chu Yu found out that his boyfriend appeared indifferent and couldn't care less about anything, but in fact, he was terrifyingly simple-minded.
He hurriedly said, "It's more than a little, I miss you very much!"
"How much is more than a little?"
My gosh, is it necessary for us to have this kind of elementary school-level conversation on a winter night?
Chu Yu racked his brain and tentatively gave the answer, "It's probably a bit more than you missing me!"
Only then was Lu Shi satisfied. "En."
Standing in the same place, Lu Shi lowered his eyes, stared at Chu Yu wrapped in his jacket, and suddenly asked, "Hug?"
Chu Yu originally thought, what hug? They've seen each other only this afternoon! He wasn't such an unreasonable person!
But it was like Lu Shi had a magnet on his body so he felt that he couldn't refuse at all.
Without any more entanglement, Chu Yu took a step forward, leaned over, and placed his chin on Lu Shi's shoulder.
They boarded the night bus headed for Qingchuan Road.
At night, there were far less cars running on the road than during the day.
Inside the bus, apart from Lu Shi and Chu Yu - who were sitting in the penultimate row - there were only two passengers in the front row.
The lighting was dim. Chu Yu held his phone and was about to press Weibo after texting a few words in the class group chat, when the screen was suddenly turned off by Lu Shi.
Confused, he turned to Lu Shi who was sitting next to him. "What's wrong?"
The light of the street lamps shone in through the bus' window and fell into Lu Shi's black eyes- like clear, bright, twinkling stars.
His voice was very deep as he said, "I want to kiss you."
Chu Yu really wanted to kiss, but was a little hesitant because they were on a bus. Just as he was torn between agreeing or rejecting, Lu Shi had already kissed him first.
He wasn't asking for his opinion, rather merely informing him.
Without struggling, Chu Yu grabbed the plastic armrest and was soon kissed softly by Lu Shi.
He quietly opened his eyes and looked at Lu Shi's thin eyelids, the tiny blue-green blood vessels, as well as the eyelashes on it which cast shadows. His emotions which arose due to seeing Shi Yaling earlier, slowly sank back to the bottom of his heart.
This person could always calm him down.
Chu Yu started kissing Lu Shi back. Their noses rubbed against each other and their hot breaths blended together.
Suddenly, Chu Yu realized that something was amiss.
He withdrew his lips and pressed his forehead against Lu Shi's, frowning tightly. "Lu Shi, it seems like you have... a fever?"
Alighting the bus, there was Qingchuan Road's bright bus stop sign. Chu Yu looked around and found that all the pharmacies and clinics were closed.
Lu Shi put his hands in his pockets and followed him unhurriedly. Seeing Chu Yu feeling anxious, he put his arms on the other's shoulders, hugged him close, and buried his face in Chu Yu's neck. "It's not serious, let's go home."
After confirming that only Internet cafes and barbecue stalls were currently open near Qingchuan Road, Chu Yu had to give up.
He walked closely beside Lu Shi on the road, worried. "If you can't walk steadily, just hold on to me, I'll lead you along."
Lu Shi wanted to say that he wasn't so weak, but seeing Chu Yu's eyes full of concern, he replied with an "OK" and didn't say anything else.
Chu Yu was still trying to analyze. "Why did you get a fever all of a sudden? Didn't you feel fine when we left school in the afternoon? You didn't catch a cold either... wait, when you returned and took a shower, did you use cold water?"
"No."
Chu Yu stared Lu Shi straight in the eyes and questioned, "Really?"
"...Hot water."
Chu Yu sighed. He was about to say something more, but then he saw Lu Shi sitting there quietly. His eyes were a bit red due to the fever, showing a pitiful appearance so he simply took Lu Shi's hand. "Come on, let's go back."
Lu Shi's house had no antipyretic drugs or thermometer. The refrigerator was completely empty, and there wasn't even a piece of ice. Chu Yu had no choice but to rely on feeling, which resulted in him concluding that the temperature shouldn't be that low.
Chu Yu unskillfully boiled water and cooled it to a suitable temperature before bringing it to the bedside and supervising Lu Shi until he finished drinking it.
After ensuring that there wasn't a drop left, Chu Yu prepared to put the glass away, but as soon as he got up, the hand hanging by his side was grasped.
It was different from the slightly cool touch from the past days. Because of the fever, Lu Shi's palm was very hot and dry.
"Lu Shi?"
Lu Shi was lying on the bed, his head resting on the pillow. Because of the heat, the quilt only covered him waist down.
He held Chu Yu's hand, his eyelids were weakly half-closed and his voice much more hoarse than before. "Don't go."
Chu Yu felt the softest part of his heart being tickled.
He casually put the glass aside and sat down on the bed again. "Okay, I won't leave."
Kneading and pinching Chu Yu's fingers, Lu Shi shifted to a position against the wall to free some space. "Come up."
At this time, Lu Shi was completely different from usual.
He was clearly sick, but he became harmless since the hostility on his countenance had vanished as well as the cold air around him.
There were even some traces of a never before seen weakness.
Chu Yu felt that at this very moment, if he showed even just one-ten-thousandth of unwillingness, it'd be too cruel!
He didn't hesitate in the slightest as he lay down beside Lu Shi and hugged him like a pillow.
Lu Shi hugged the person, leaned close, and bit Chu Yu's earlobe. It was only when he felt Chu Yu's breathing turn slightly disordered that he loosened his teeth.
Then he placed his finger on Chu Yu's lips and traced along his lip line. "Taste it, the blood isn't hot."
Chu Yu opened his mouth and let Lu Shi's fingers in. He controlled his strength as he bit down, only sucking a little blood before letting go.
"It's a little hotter than usual."
"Mm."
Lu Shi's voice sounded indolent, less frosty than normal, and somewhat softer.
Chu Yu lowered his voice, "Wanna sleep?"
"Yes."
Lu Shi responded and tightened his arms around Chu Yu. "Stay with me."
"Alright, I'll stay with you, I won't leave."
Nearly half an hour later, after confirming that Lu Shi's breathing was steady, Chu Yu quietly breathed a sigh of relief.
He didn't dare sleep. He carefully felt Lu Shi's body temperature and thought that if the fever didn't break tomorrow morning, he'd have to take the person to the hospital.
Also, the water heater needed to be repaired.
Lu Shi didn't care about these things at all. Chu Yu even suspected that if the water heater had released cold water instead of warm water, Lu Shi still would've showered without delay.
After thinking about several trifles, Chu Yu's eyes fell on Lu Shi's wrist resting on the sheets.
He'd always known that Lu Shi had the habit of wearing things on his left wrist, usually a black wristwatch, and sometimes a black wrist guard.
With his thin wrists and nice lines, it looked good no matter what he wore.
Wanting Lu Shi to sleep more comfortably, Chu Yu reached out to take off the watch.
Lu Shi, who was originally sleeping deeply, subconsciously moved his wrist and frowned slightly. But because the fever was so severe, he didn't wake up.
Chu Yu didn't notice Lu Shi's strangeness as he lightened his movements and carefully unbuckled the black strap.
However, in the next second, he was stunned.
Beneath the loosened strap was cold, white skin with blue-green blood vessels- and thin scars.
Some had already healed with only shallow marks left, while others were still new and reddish.
Almost immediately, Chu Yu figured out the origin of these scars.
He'd tried countless times to place himself in Lu Shi's shoes, imagining his state of mind, but found that it was the highest endeavor to fully understand the emotions of another.
He didn't know how Lu Shi had fared for so long after learning the truth. How did it gradually become what it was now?
He didn't know what kind of environment Lu Shi had lived in nor what kind of damage he'd suffered in the past 17 years.
How difficult, how painful was it for Lu Shi that he'd cut the skin of his wrist with his own hands, wanting to use physical pain to relieve his inner sadness and hurt?
Chu Yu didn't dare think about it.
Not even a bit.
Holding his breath and with shaking fingertips, he re-buckled the strap until all the scars were hidden.
Chu Yu turned around slowly and lay on his side of the bed. He stared at Lu Shi who was fast asleep.
He didn't know how to describe in words what he was feeling in his heart.
He just felt as if a sharp blade had pierced his heart, then stirred and slashed inside. It hurt so much that he couldn't help but want to curl up.
At this moment, the dense fog blocking his eyes dissipated completely.
Before, he didn't know what he wanted-what he wanted to do, or even what kind of person he wanted to be and what kind of future he wanted to have.
Now he knew.
He wanted to become strong enough, strong enough to support him and protect him.