There was a pause as everyone stared at Damian expectantly. Each one had a look of pure mischief but the boy just kept his eyebrow raised. Even Danny had gone completely silent. No emotions. Nothing. Possibly in shock. They were waiting for something. However, they were going to be disappointed. Instead, Damian leaned back a bit and crossed his arms, then asked with complete seriousness, "What's a baby shower?"
The pause continued on as a dawning realization spread across all of his siblings' faces. Damian continued to look at them unimpressed before sighing and taking another look around the room. It was overly cutesy, obviously meant for very small children, which he was not. He was about to say something else when Danny finally broke his silence to just laugh so hard it felt like the ground was shaking underneath Damian's shoes. The ghost boy's amusement was unrestrained as it completely enveloped the small Wayne through their shared connection. Somehow he managed to keep his face neutral awaiting one of his siblings to answer his question. Easily ignoring the mixture of laughter and babbling coming from Danny.
How... How can you not know what a baby shower is?!
"What... how? How do you not know what a baby shower is?" Duke asked clearly dumbfounded at this information, as well, because all of them could tell that Damian was being completely honest when he asked. The devilish smile on Dick's face was replaced by something a bit more sheepish. Even Barbara rolled back so that Dick was alone.
"I grew up an only child trained by assassins and have only just begun my acclimation to the normal mundane world about two years ago. Since that time, none of the people we are close with have gotten pregnant or had a young child. So, no. I do not know what a baby shower is and I don't think it would be safe for an infant to be 'showered' upon someone else." Damian made sure to put double emphasis on the word showered and then gestured to the many gifts laying on display on the table. "If there are infants in those boxes, then please help me get them out. From here, I don't see any air holes and if Father sees them then there is a high chance that I will be getting several younger siblings at once. I would like to avoid that outcome if possible."
Steph snorted hard as she clutched her sides. "Wait... no... Damian that's not-"
"There are no babies in the gifts!" Duke frantically debunked that theory before it could gain any traction.
"That... actually makes a lot of sense..." Tim muttered with wide eyes looking at his younger brother with newfound eyes. "I can't believe we didn't think of that..."
'No children were harmed in the making of this party.' Cass signed with the biggest smirk Damian had ever seen on her face.
Danny couldn't even speak at this point. The laughter completely took over. How could a ghost core be out of breath? There were no lungs. How did that make sense?
All of the others were now looking at Dick and taking a step back, leaving the eldest to explain. Dick cleared his throat and ignored the heckling looks that the others were giving him at the slight blush that appeared on his cheeks. "It's a party held by family and friends for a soon-to-be parent whether the child is adopted or birthed doesn't matter. It's a celebration for the newest addition to a family and the gifts given to the parents are often things that are needed to take care of or help raise the child." Dick clapped his hands together with renewed vigor and pointed at Damian's chest. "So bring out the nephew you are hiding and let's have some fun!"
Danny's laughter halted immediately as Dick's words sunk in before the laughter came back louder than before. Wait? This is for me?! This baby shower is for me?!
Damian wanted the floor to swallow him whole. Just what the hell were they all thinking? He knew that they would mess with him at times but never in his wildest dreams would Damian have thought that this was what they would come up with. "This is... this is for the egg?" He swept a hand across the entire room of cutesy things. "All of this?!"
"Yep, now come on and sit down! There are so many gifts that we have to go through! And just like your birthday, everyone got you something! Including Bruce and Jason who couldn't be here." Steph practically dragged Damian to the sole chair that rested next to the table of presents. "Hmm... now that I think about it... did we ever hold a baby shower for when Damian arrived?"
"No, we were too busy trying to not be killed by him to do so. But now..." Tim trailed off and quickly jumped to the side as a new shuriken sailed past in the spot he was standing in prior.
Damian brandished three more with a murderous look in Tim's direction. "Don't even think about it."
"I don't think there has been a baby shower for any of us here at the manor..." Dick caught one of the tiny sharp stars that were thrown in his direction. "Ooooo! We should absolutely do it for everyone when we least expect it."
"I will pay you to not do that." Tim rolled his eyes with Duke nodding along next to him.
"Same. Please don't."
"I would LOVE a baby shower!" Steph smiled brightly with a decent-sized present in her hands. "Just to see the look on Bruce's face. Wouldn't it be great, Cass?" The raven-haired girl nodded along and Damian just rolled his eyes. If they were determined then he wasn't going to be able to stop them. He might be able to stop his own fake baby shower but for everyone? No. It wasn't his business anyway. "Now sit! We'll start with this one! It's from me and the best gift by far!"Damian eyed the two presents that Steph practically shoved into his lap with suspicion. It wouldn't be surprising that whatever she gave him decided to attack. He gripped the ribbon at the top cautiously.
What? Do you think she gifted you a bomb? Open it already! I wanna see what they got me!
The youngest Wayne rolled his eyes and opened the heavier of the two gifts. "If anyone gifts me a glitter bomb, their Aunt or Uncle points will be in the negative for trying to teach the egg bad ideas." Why was he going along with this stupidity?
"Why didn't I think of that?" The blonde mumbled to herself, earning a scowl from Damian. He gingerly put his hand in the box and moved the newspapers out of the way.
"Show it off, lil' bat! We wanna see what you got!" Dick grinned with a camera at the ready.
"Tt. Fine." He hissed out and held up a case that held three beautiful rocks. A pink selenite, a quartz geode, and a green one that Damian couldn't identify. They were truly a sight to behold but all it did was confuse him. "... Thank you? I'm not entirely sure how this would benefit a small child or a parent." The boy said perplexed which was exactly what Steph wanted if her smirk was anything to go by.
Steph clutched her heart dramatically. "It's lonely being an only child. He'll need others that are similar to him so that he has someone who understands how he feels."
Well, that hit a little too close to home. "You... gifted him siblings?" Damian couldn't hide the disbelief in his voice and the blonde ate it up. "I just got this one. Why would I need more?"
"You're a Wayne, Damian." She replied with a shrug. "It's only natural to accumulate a bunch more children after the first one."
Wow. Brutal.
There was a flash from the camera as Dick took a picture of the blush that started to take over Damian's face. "As funny as this is, I can't tell if that was a crack at Bruce or us."
"I'll leave that up to you to figure out," Steph replied sweetly before gesturing to the other package on Damian's lap. "Now open the other one!"
Begrudgingly, he did as she asked. This package was smaller and in seconds he was pulling out a small frame with a tiny thing of fabric. "Tt. What is this?"
TINY HAMMOCK! IT'S A TINY HAMMOCK!
Ignoring Steph explaining what it was, Damian felt the happy giddiness coming off of the ghost boy as he set it up on the table next to him. Even going so far as to take the necklace off and place it on it. With a gentle push, Danny's core swung slowly in the hammock. The ghost laughed with childish glee. "This shouldn't be as amusing as it is..." Damian muttered before turning to address his unofficial sister. "Thank you... Brown."
"You're welcome! Who wants to go next?" Steph looked over at the others expectantly and Duke slowly raised his hand.
"Mine's the one wrapped in yellow with a black ribbon." He called from the back and Steph was quick to hand over to Damian with excitement. The boy looked the present over. Unsure of what lies within but confident that it wouldn't be dangerous like Steph's possibly could have been. He opened it and pulled out a monkey plush vest that had a leash attached. Damian arched an eyebrow at Duke who chuckled awkwardly. "Hey, if the kid is anything like you, I thought you might need some help stopping him from going out on his own."
Ooooooooooo snap. He got you good.
The others reacted in a similar fashion as Danny but Damian didn't rise to the bait. Instead, he smirked at the meta and set the toddler leash on the floor next to his chair. "Thank you, Thomas. I'll make sure to use it a lot in the future." Damian made sure that there was conviction in his tone and Danny's laughter promptly stopped.
There is no way that you are getting me in that.
"We'll see about that." The boy whispered back as he set the wrapping aside.
I'm taller than you! It won't fit!
Damian just made a thoughtful noise in response as he watched Cass gather up all of the stuffed animals sprinkled around the room and showed them to him. There were a couple of generic teddy bears but the rest were all stuffed ducks. Each duck was dressed like one of the batclan and the feather's color matched each hero's theme. She laid them out next to Damian with a smile as Danny gasped from his little hammock.
Those are all for me?!
"Thank you, Cain... just like the blanket, you choose thoughtful gifts." The boy replied wishing he could tell his adopted sister what Danny was relaying. Happiness, joy, and excitement were sent across for the toys. Cass seemed to see something as she smiled brightly and nodded back to him. The next gift handed over was wrapped immaculately which only mean it could have been from one person. "This one is from Pennyworth, correct?"
"Yes, Master Damian. I do hope that you like it." The elderly man stood in the doorway and watched everything with soft eyes. Damian didn't know how the others got Bruce and Alfred involved but it was pretty amazing.
Also a little scary.
Damian slightly feared the gift that was going to be from his Father.
For now, he opened Alfred's and gave a hum of surprise. It looked like a box carved from mahogany but, when opened, shows a bed. Just big enough for a certain pendant to rest. A side drawer contained additional pillows and tiny blankets. It was cute.
Does this mean I don't have to sleep on your pillow anymore?
The boy smirked at the thoughtfulness of it and ignored Danny. Damian thanked Alfred and gently set the gift among the others looking at Steph expectantly for the next one. Though silly, most of the gifts were not that bad. He could handle this if this is all his siblings could do. He was wrong. He was very very wrong.
But in the best way.
The next gift was from Barbara and there were two. The first was a small rectangle that turned out to be a high chair for a small doll. Damian looked at the redhead who was grinning ear to ear. "I thought you would appreciate it. Now he has his own chair to join us at family meals."
I am not sitting in that.
Damian took the high chair out of its box.
Don't you dare.
Damian set it next to the hammock.
Stop it. Do NOT touch me-
Damian placed the pendant in the high chair and brought up the little tray so that Danny was less likely to fall out. It was a little snug with the pendant but without it would have been a perfect fit. Indignation was sent Damian's way as the boy smirked slyly at Barbara and went to open her second gift. He had to hold back a laugh. She thought of everything.
It was a toy of a tiny butler. Complete with little plates and utensils for him to serve his doll masters.
AlfTwo was written in the corner.
He didn't bother opening this one because he didn't want to deal with all of the tiny pieces but he did set it behind Danny's high chair so that it looked like AlfTwo was standing next to the core. It took a second for Danny to see what it was before a wave of amusement drifted out. "Now he has his own little butler to tend to him as well. The egg is officially a Wayne." Barbara finished with glee and the rest were giggling at the scene before them. Dick was having a blast with how many pictures he was taking. Damian couldn't help but wonder how many would actually turn out.
Jason's gift was next. These were two slim packages and one was definitely a book. It wouldn't be Jason if it wasn't. He was right. A brand new copy of Thumbelina sat on his lap with everyone roaring with laughter. Damian didn't even bother to comment on it and since Danny couldn't see details, all he could tell was it was a book. So he ignored the ghost teen's curiosity and opened the second gift. It was a tiny toy katana. Damian held it up as the others cooed.
"Baby's first katana! This is going in the scrapbook!" Dick smiled as he scrolled through some of the photos he already took.
Tim fixed his older brother with an odd look. "There's a scrapbook?"
"Of course, there is! We must document everything. All of his firsts!"
Damian ignored their spat and tested the blade to find it was incredibly dull. At least, Jason had some kind of foresight when he sent it. Though he got the feeling that Danny would still find a way to hurt himself with it. That was just the vibe he got off the ghost boy. He set it next to the chair so it was easier for Danny to look at it.
"That's perfect! Do mine next!" Dick exclaimed with excitement and Steph did just that. A package in pretty blue wrapping was plopped on Damian's lap and he opened it only to groan at what it was. "You gotta hold it up!"
"I will not."
"You have to! It's part of the experience."
"I refuse."
"But then you won't see the second part under it." Dick took a couple of steps closer and trapped Damian with his puppy eyes. Now... it was amazing how a grown man could do such impressive puppy eyes and the boy was caving within seconds.
"Tt. Fine!" Damian growled out. He held the mug that said 'World's Best Dad' on it and dug around until he found another tiny package. Danny was laughing at the mug when one of the others said it out loud but stopped when he felt dangerous energy coming from his guardian.
What... what you got there Damian?
In the boy's hands was the tiniest replica Robin outfit he had ever seen. It wasn't even made to fit a doll. It was spherical in nature and Damian eyed Danny who was sending nervous waves his way. "Shall I see if the Robin outfit fits?" A chorus of yes's followed by Danny's loud NO sealed the deal. He removed the ghost from the high chair and then the pendant and gently squeezed the core into the outfit. It was a little big but that was okay. When Damian affixed Jason's tiny katana to it, the outfit was just right.
Danny sat mortified in Damian's palm as everyone went nuts for the teeny tiny Robin. It was hard for Damian to keep straight-faced through the whole thing. He really hoped that the camera worked. He would love to be able to rub this in Danny's face when he was normal again. Danny was set back in the high chair sans the pendant (still sending vibes of how embarrassed he was for wearing the uniform) and Steph handed him Tim's present. Apparently, Steph wanted to save his Father's gift for last.
Another book greeted him but this one was custom. It was a children's book with a photo of Damian holding the core set in the middle with all of the pages on top so that his image cut through them all. When he opened to the first page he saw that where the photo was positioned made it look like he (well the egg) was the protagonist of the story. This was impressive because there was no way that there was photographic evidence of Danny's core. It would be too distorted. So the only way this could exist was if Tim had photoshopped it in some way.
Damian looked at Tim who avoided eye contact. So he held it up so that everyone could see. "Thank you, Drake. I'm surprised. I would have thought Todd would have come up with this."
Tim scoffed at the implication. "Have you seen his photoshop skills? They are abysmal. Can he fake an ID the old-fashioned way? Perfectly. Every time. But try to get him to do anything with a computer program...."
Barbara rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "You do realize that he was dead during most of the world's biggest technological advancements right? He's learning. Give him time." Tension rolled in as everyone looked at Barbara and Tim before Steph clapped her hands to break the atmosphere.
"Okay! Time for the final gift! From Bruce himself!" the blonde grabbed, by far, the biggest box from the table and set it at Damian's feet.
He had no idea what his father would have gifted him for it to be this big. His birthday present was two new ornate katanas that Damian had mentioned once or twice in passing. They were beautiful and fully functional. His Father had a habit of giving functional gifts when they didn't outright tell him what they wanted. It was a smart way to go about it. Damian lifted the lid of the gift box to find children's clothes of various sizes. Ranging from onesies to something an eight or nine-year-old would wear, there were also a couple of dresses thrown in for good measure. Everyone crowded around to look at the articles of clothing up close.
This... would actually be a good gift if this was a real baby shower. To gift a parent with clothes for several stages of a child's life was a good idea and Damian liked most of the pieces he pulled out. Danny just seemed relieved that he was too small to wear them. Damian kept digging until his fingers brushed something at the very bottom of the box. He shoved a good chunk of the clothes to the side to reveal a blue folder sitting innocently at the very bottom. "What is this?"
"I don't know. We came up with the idea but none of us knew what each other got you." Duke replied as Damian pulled the folder out and examined it. Perplexed but intrigued, he opened the folder and froze. There was no way. It was impossible. Everyone looked at each other in mild concern.
It was Dick who bravely broke the silence. "What is it, Damian?"
Taking a deep breath, Damian flipped the folder over for everyone to see. There was a brief pause as his siblings read the papers within before they were dying of laughter. Steph and Duke were on the ground clutching their sides, Dick was using the table to keep himself upright. Tim was clinging to Barbara's chair for dear life with Barbara doing the same to him. No one could talk.
What? What is it??
Despite his embarrassment, Danny's curiosity got the better of him. Damian sighed as he turned the folder back over so he could reread it himself. Just to remind himself that this was real. That this was actually happening. "These... are adoption papers," Damian replied as he read the fine print but smirked when Danny's mind went blank.
ADOPTION PAPERS?!
And they were real.