The sound of glass smashing woke everyone. Bill sat up so fast he hit his head on the top of his bunk.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM YOU PIG"
It was the sound of a very angry Anzelika.
Georg and Gustav pulled back their curtains, looking at the main room door and then back and forth between each other, looks of horror spreading across their faces. They jumped as they heard the sound of something else being thrown and a girl screaming out in pain
The door flew open, a half naked girl doing her best scurry off the bus while holding her side and crying, as Anzelika was trying to run after her, yet Tom was attempting to hold her back. He turned his back towards the door, holding Anzelika away from it and shot bill a "do not disturb us look" before closing the door.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, IN MY BED??? IN MY FUCKING BED TOM??!"
Although the door was closed, her voice carried through the bus. They listened as she continued to shout, it now being replaced by raged Ukrainian words. They didn't even need it to be translated they just knew she was pissed and knew to stay the fuck out of her way. Gustav groaned and threw the pillow over his head, Bill doing the same, while Georg found a pair of headphones and quickly plugged them in. They did not want to hear the end of whatever was about to go down with Tom and Anzelika.
Earlier, she had fallen asleep on the pullout couch in the small living area, and Tom decided to sneak a girl on the bus, needing a distraction, thinking he could be quick and then hurry the girl off. But he was wrong. Anzelika awoke and walked in whilst he was in the middle of committing what she called his act of sin. Her eyes had widened and he saw the anger in her go from 0 to a broken meter in less than a second before she grabbed a small glass from the table on the wall and chucked it at him. It missed and shattered agasint the wall.
She yelled at him to get out, for the girl to get out. She picked up one of her combat boots next and threw it at the girl. This time it hit her, right in the ribs. The girl let out a scream , and ran towards the door, grabbing her clothes. Tom had his pants back on within a few seconds and lunged towards Anzelika holding her back the best he could. He knew she wasn't going down without a fight, either between him or the girl. He used his body weight to hold her back while she kicked and screamed and then close the door, shooting Bill a look.
He closed the door quietly and turned his head towards Anzelika. He felt a hand come across his face as she screamed at him again. He recovered from the slap quite quickly before trying to grab her shoulders. But she was quicker. She wrapped her arms around his and kicked him him against the wall, quite hard. He stumbled and let out a painful groan.
She took a step forward, her jaw clenching. She held her other combat boot in her hand, ready to throw it any second.
"You have 10 fucking seconds to explain to me what the FUCK you were thinking Tom Kaulitz or so help me god, I won't hesitate to beat the living shit out of you right now!"
Her words hissed from her mouth. Tom had never seen her this angry and it was quite frightening. It was like she was a completely different person, there was a dark look in her eyes, the gentle side of her ceased to exist. Her rage had blinded her. She wasn't...Anzelika.
Tom wobbled back into his feet holding his side in pain.
He hesitantly made eye contact with her as he held his hands out, walking towards her slowly. It was like trying to tame a feral lion.
"I will explain just put the boot down Anzelika..."
He inched a bit closer to her, the look in her eyes intensifying.
"I will put the boot down once you explain to me what the fuck you were doing" she angrily spat. But suddenly the boot dropped to her side as her arm fell, the look on her face changing. It was a look Tom couldn't read but he knew it wasn't good. Her face was blank for a few seconds before she turned her head to the side, giving him a very sinister grin.
Uh oh...
Tom froze as she walked towards him, slowly, the grin growing into a hook on the side of her face.
"I don't think I need you to explain it to me anymore actually" she let out a small laugh.
Toms eyes widened.
"W-what?" He stuttered, completely shocked.
"W-what?" Anzelika mocking him back, before taking another step.
"I don't need you to explain what you were doing. Its obvious"
Tom stayed silent. He was confused.
"It was obvious Tom, I'm not surprised" she said, waving her hand in the air.
He straightened his posture. "Surprised by what exactly"
She scoffed as she shook her head "oh don't even act like you don't know what you were doing"
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth instead, looking at her very confused. He was starting to get a little irritated but it still wouldn't compare to how angry she was.
"You amaze me Tom. You reallly do. You are so fucking self centered. You don't think about anyone but yourself. You only care about what you're going to stick your dick in next, and decide to do it, not even thinking about the fact that everyone else on this bus will have to hear the exaggerated moans of that poor girl."
She jabbed a finger in his direction, her other hand on her hip.
"The fucking fact you did it in my bed shows you have no fucking respect for me whatsoever and I made it clear to you I don't take disrespect from fucking anyone"
It was Toms turn to step towards her. She stood there as he moved himself closer towards her.
"Anzelika...." He said quietly, looking between her eyes, hoping she'd see the sincerity in his eyes. But she couldn't care less.
"Don't you fucking ' Anzelika' me. I don't want to hear another fucking word out of you, unless it's a damn apology but who the fuck am I kidding, we both know it wouldn't mean shit"
It was now Toms turn to snap.
"How the fuck would you know if I meant it or not?! Huh? Your too busy dictating who you think I am you don't even take in consideration how you have made me feel or anyone for that matter, but oh who are we kidding we both know that you could care less about that" he sneered, mocking her in the last sentence, as he waved his hands around in the air.
"Tom? Hurt? Nooo" she placed a hand over her chest in a sarcastic manner.
"Quit being a fucking heartless bitch Anzelika"
The blinding rage in her had returned. She couldnt think, she just did. She flew towards Tom, who this time grabbed her and smashed her against the wall, pinning her by her arms. He held on tightly, while she squirmed under him.
"LET ME GO!" she yelled
"Not until you calm the fuck down!" Tom yelled back.
"Don't fucking tell me what to do, let go of me Tom or so help me god-"
"Oh so help me what? You'll kill me? Kick me? Punch me? Bite me? Ooo big deal we both know that's bullshit" he let a very dry laugh.
But that laugh was soon replaced by a scream as he felt a great pain on his bottom lip, before he felt himself get kicked back, falling back onto the bed. His hands flew up to his mouth, It was covered in blood. She had bitten the bottom part of his lip, quite hard, almost taking a chunk out of it. He felt the blood pouring out of his mouth slowly as he heard the sound of the bus doors opening and what sounded like the bus driver yelling after someone.
Shit...
Tom shoot up quickly onto his feet and ran to the front of the bus, seeing the driver standing at the bottom of the stairs
"Where is she?"
The bus driver pointed in one direction but it was hard to tell since it was almost pitch black outside, the moon barely lighting it up. His head snapped around as he heard a frantic cry coming from the opposite direction to where the bus driver had pointed. He took off, blood still gushing from his lip, and it now running down his neck and chest, as he ran across the ground, barefoot, the mix of gravel and sand hitting his feet. He heard the frantic cries grow louder before he saw a small slumped over silhouette.
Anzelika...
She was sobbing, uncontrollably, he could hear her gasping for air as she clenched her arms around herself, laying on her knees. He stepped closer as she heard her talking to herself. Despite the very heated argument they just had, the words he heard her say broke his heart.
"Please, I don't want to be like this....I don't want to hurt..I don't want to feel...I don't...think...like this...my head....it hurts...I...him...hurt..stop..please"
He stepped closer to her. She didn't even bother to look up. She kept rocking back and forth, the war that took place in her mind spilling out in pieces. He could've been a coyote or feral animal for all that matter and she wouldn't have moved either way. She didn't seem to care. He knelt in front of her slowly. His eyes had adjusted to the light, as he could now see her face. She looked so defeated, so pale, so broken...
She let out more sobs, shivering now due to the chilly night air.
"T-t-tom?" She suddenly looked up, rubbing her arms.
He came after me?
He lowered himself down onto his knees.
The girl who sat in front of him was now the same girl he saw in the lounge. She once again was lost, she was scared, she was fragile. It was a complete opposite of what he had seen moments before. Although he was quite confused and still upset, it didn't stop him from running after her. He did for many reasons. Her father and her family, for Bill, for the rest of the band, for himself, but mostly for her. He knew she needed someone and just couldn't be alone when like this. He knew he had to be the person to do so.
He gently placed a hand on her face, wiping away a tear. She looked up at him with vulnerable eyes, but her face soon fell as her eyes trailed down the line of somewhat dried blood that ran from his mouth to his stomach.
She let out a gasp, her trembling hand flying up to her mouth as she let out another loud sob.
"Oh my god what have I ...I'm so sorry Tom..I...I I didn't mean to...I'm so sorry...I'm so...I can't" her breathing soon became labored as her words became more frantic. Tom sat down, crossed his legs and pulled her into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she threw her face into his shoulder and continued to sob. Tom held her as she did, looking up to find where the bus was. They were a great distance from the bus but he could still see the dim headlights.
After awhile she quieted down. She still clung close to Tom, still shivering
"I'm sorry Tom" she whispered, the sound of tears still in her voice.
He didn't say anything back for a few minutes.
"It's ok Anzelika..." he rubbed her back softly. She let out a shuddering breath and sat up, looking at Tom.
He still had his arms around her as she placed her hands in her lap. It was quiet before she spoke again.
"As long as I could remeber, I've always been like this"
"Like what?" He questioned, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She fidgeted with her hands as she continued.
"I don't know how to explain it. When I get upset, I go into this rage. Sometimes in this rage, I act out, I can't control it, no matter how hard I try, I do things or say things I regret, or sometimes can't even remember and I just- I just can't control it" she looked up at the sky, and Tom could see the tears glowing in her eyes as she sniffled.
"I pray to god almost everyday that I will wake up one day not feeling like this, not being how I am" she looked back at him, her bottom lip quivering. "My emotions are so severe and so up and down.When I feel sad, it feels like I'm dying and it's the end of the world, when I'm happy I feel euphoric and like I'm on drugs, and when I'm mad I...I do stuff like that.."
Her eyes trailed to his bottom lip, her hand lifting from her lap, and gently touching it. It was swollen and the skin was definitely broken, but it wasn't that bad. But she didn't see it that way. Her fingers then trailed down the line of blood on his body. He watched her the entire time, his breath stilled.
"I didn't even realize what I did until I ran out of the bus. I didn't care where I was going, I didn't care what happened. I-I just wanted to get away" she wrapped her arms around herself and began to quietly cry. Tom could feel the the ounce of anger he had in himself melt away and felt the tears trickling up his throat. She didn't have to say much but it was suddenly starting to click in his mind why she acted like she did when they first met, why she was so hesitant about opening up. She had a devil on her shoulder, in her head. She was constantly stuck in her prison of a mind. There were several things she told the band, they knew about her aniexty but they didn't know about this. This was a part of her she didn't want anyone to see, in fear they would run away, thinking she was crazy. She felt crazy
Anzelika had enjoyed being around the band so much she didn't know how to tell them she was bipolar. She knew they knew she had a temper and had acted on it, but she never wanted them to see the parts of it that weren't just a hot temper, but pure blinding rage. That's why she took it to heart so much when Tom called her the devil. It's who she felt she was at times, influenced by her mind.
She clung closer to tom, feeling as he slowly got up and started to walk slowly back to the bus. She felt so weak and dead in his arms. He let silent tears fall down his face as he walked her back. The bus driver had been standing by the now closed bus door, and opened them quickly when he saw Tom carrying Anzelika. He quietly got on the bus as he carefully carried her to her room. He laid her on the bed carefully. Her arms were still wrapped around him as he tried to sit up.
"Please stay with me Tom, please?" She begged. His heart sunk. A normal person would've just left her out there to die, let her wallow away in her emotions, leaving her alone, thinking she was crazy, staying mad at her blinded actions But Tom wasn't normal. He was aware that what she did wasn't right, but he knew she just needed someone other than her family to understand, to be there. He whispered a soft "yes" before scooting himself next to her on the bed. The blood had rubbed off onto her shirt without her noticing but she wouldn't have cared anyways. She was so exhausted. Tom was still silently crying as she snuggled herself tightly against him, as he wrapped the blanket around the both of them, holding her close. He rubbed her arm up and down slowly before placing a small kiss on the top of her head. He felt as she began to cry again softly, wrapping her arms around his chest, burying her face into his shoulder.
"I'm sorry too Anzelika.." he quietly gasped out. She could now hear the tears in his voice as his body shuddered. She shifted her body upwards, still in his arms, her face now aligned with his. She removed a hand from around his chest and placed it on his cheek, rubbing his thumb gently up and down his face.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Tom, what I did wasn't right" she said softly, her voice breaking.
Tom placed a hand on the hand she had on his face, tracing his finger along her knuckles.
"Even if you feel like I did nothing wrong, I still know I did, so I am apologizing, even if you believe me or not"
"I brought a girl into your bed, that was a dick move. I just couldn't-" he stopped himself, not wanting to let the truth slip about the real reason he was going to get with the girl. He felt horrible, and he was filled with regret.
He took her hand in his and placed a gentle kiss on her palm, ignoring the slight pain on his bottom lip, as he placed one along her wrist, trailing along her forearm, the inside of her elbow, her bicep, her shoulder, up her cheek and finally hovering above her lips. She broke the distance and placed a delicate kiss on his. She could feel the swelling, and kept the kiss gentle, Tom didn't care as he moved his lips slowly. She followed the motion as she held onto him a bit tighter. He pulled her closer before breaking the kiss, slowly pulling away.
They had seen each others weakness, seen the parts of each other that they dared to not show anyone. It was beautifully dangerous, but now more than ever, the two of them never felt more comforted, felt safer.....
...Felt loved
Oh lord help me this was 3000 words. Idk if this chapter makes any sense but like I said this story has its wholesome moments and it's chaotic ones. I'm hoping this chapter isn't too bad. I cried while writing this Ngl lol.