James was leaning his hip against the balcony wall as he gazed out at the city surrounding them. Even if the day slept, the city had yet to, glowing gold beyond the palace walls. The odd bark of laughter and drunken whoop could be heard in the distance, as well as the low voices of knights patrolling in the gardens below them.
ㅤAlex approached James carefully, coming round from the side so he remained within James' sights as to not startle him from behind. James didn't acknowledge his presence, but didn't reject it either. Alex settled in beside him, leaning his arms against the stone ledge.
ㅤ"I'm sorry I didn't tell you as soon as I knew." Alex said, vaguely looking out at the life beyond them.
ㅤHe heard James take another swig straight from the bottle and he risked a small glance. James didn't let anything show on his face, nor did he look back.
ㅤ"Betrayal stings," Alex went on, "I know that. Even so, she helped you. That's something you need to hold on to."
ㅤWhen he received no further response, Alex resigned himself to leave, realising he was only disturbing the man.
ㅤ"You ever been betrayed before?" James asked before Alex could make the second step away.
ㅤFrowning, Alex leaned his hip against the wall, mimicking James. James still didn't look at him but at least he was showing some interest.
ㅤ"A few times." Alex confessed, scratching his arm in discomfort. "Probably not as much as others, but the few times that it did happen— it stung."
ㅤJames nodded in understanding and wordlessly passed the bottle to Alex. Alex hesitated before receiving it with a thanks, taking a large gulp for himself, easing the soreness his memories brought him.
ㅤ"I've only ever been with two people." Alex continued, grimacing at the thought. He knew this was something James was interested in, even if he felt embarrassed about talking about it. "The second man I thought genuinely liked me, but he only chased me to blackmail the duke. Seven months I was with him. He just wanted some hush funds."
ㅤJames held a hand out, requesting the wine back. Alex surrendered it after another slug for himself, bribing his body into relaxation.
ㅤ"That doesn't really make sense," James mumbled, "it's not blackmail worthy."
ㅤAlex winced. "The things I told him in confidence were. I didn't love him, but I was certainly on the way. I trusted him enough to tell him things that no one should know."
ㅤ"What happened to him?"
ㅤ"The duke made me kill him," Alex responded, plainly. "I was told to stick a dagger right into his chest and I watched the life drain from his eyes. That was probably the first time I had killed someone and truly felt like a murderer."
ㅤThe sight of the man he'd trusted tied up on the ground, sobbing, blood drying and darkening against his skin, as various of his father's guards stood around, watching, was seared into his brain. Even in his last moments, he'd begged Alex for mercy, told him he loved him, that he had no other choice. The wails of the dying man echoed in his mind sometimes, along with the laughter they had shared days before. Alex still believed it was impossible for him to have faked all of it— though perhaps he was thinking too wishfully.
ㅤJames grunted. "Good," he said.
ㅤ"Good?" Alex echoed, leaning his head in to encroach on James' line of vision.
ㅤJames huffed a laugh, finally sparing Alex a glance. "Yeah, good. Guy sounded like a prick."
ㅤAlex shrugged. He wasn't so hurt about it anymore, it was just another chapter in the tragedy novel that was his life. Even so, it wasn't something he could force himself to laugh about.
ㅤ"Kind of soured my whole experience around that sort of thing," he explained.
ㅤAlex not being biologically related to the duke held only one advantage; the duke didn't care whether Alex had an heir or not. His dislike for women wasn't ideal, but the duke tolerated it as long as Alex remained subtle and didn't tarnish the family name. In that particular case though, he hadn't been in trouble for being involved with a man, he had been in trouble for sharing family secrets.
ㅤ"What about the first guy?" James asked, his body turned so that he was more open to Alex. He absentmindedly pushed and pulled the bottle against the stone ledge, making a scraping sound.
ㅤAlex took a deep breath, the alcohol wasn't strong enough for him to say it out loud. Even if it was something he didn't want to talk about, he owed James some honesty after this evening. Perhaps James would understand him better if he said it.
ㅤ"The first guy was a knight, quite a senior one at that." Alex hesitated, feeling ashamed. "I was eleven."
ㅤJames had the decency to not react, but his body became very still and stiff, the bottle stopped moving, leaving them in silence, Alex wondered if James was breathing at all.
ㅤ"It was shortly after I was adopted." Alex mumbled, looking back out at the city.
ㅤA long moment passed in silence and Alex found himself increasingly regretting saying anything. He tapped his finger against the stone. It wasn't the kind of discussion anyone would want to have. James probably felt awkward about being burdened with the information.
ㅤ"Is he dead?"
ㅤAlex looked to him in surprise, their eyes meeting. "Yes," he confirmed. "The duchess had him killed once she found out."
ㅤAt the time, Alex hadn't entirely understood why the knight deserved to die. He saw him as a kind man and had helped Alex when he'd been physically abused by his sword trainer, as well as defended him from the other trainees. He'd never forced himself onto Alex and Alex had been happy to give the man favours in return for protection. But, that was a choice he never should have been allowed to have in the first place.
ㅤAlex didn't like children. Whenever he saw kids playing in the streets, or when they came to him for help, he couldn't help but feel a jagged lump of sickness in his throat. Seeing kids that had been that age, so innocent, it disgusted him. Mistreating children and stealing their innocence, no matter the method, Alex imposed a death sentence on the people that did that. He couldn't bare to think that other children got taken advantage of in the same way.
ㅤ"That's a shame." James said, finally. His voice was faux light, but Alex could hear the hardness in it.
ㅤ"A shame?"
ㅤ"Yeah," James snorted. "I would've fucking tortured him."
ㅤAt first, Alex thought James was joking and smiled along, but quickly realised he was serious. He wasn't sure which reaction made him more uncomfortable.
ㅤAlex stretched, as if the movement could dislodge the discomfort that had settled in his body. James slowly began to move the bottle once again, the scraping returning.
ㅤ"Well, that was two decades ago. I found the second guy more traumatic, if I'm being honest. Killing your own lover? Not very pleasant. Now, tell me. Why are you so upset with Eris that you won't even hold her?"
ㅤJames sighed, probably knowing he couldn't dodge the question after Alex had been so honest himself.
ㅤ"I was betrayed by Fabian before he ascended the throne," James explained, more generous with eye contact than before. "Eris was supposed to be the only one I could trust, and for fifteen years, she was. Betrayal is common in my career, but to receive that from Eris is another kind of hurt. She saw what happened the first time."
ㅤJames lifted the bottle to his lips, taking more than a few chugs of it. He had a distant look in his eyes, even when he looked at Alex.
ㅤ"How did you not notice before?" Alex asked, unable to smother his curiosity. James was a perceptive man, surely he would notice random burns on his hands?
ㅤJames finally let a small smile play on his lips. "Well, that's because I was already injured when I first got on the streets and, by the time those injuries had begun to heal, my mentor had taken Eris away from me."
ㅤAlex's eyebrows shot up. "He took Eris from you?"
ㅤHe was surprised James seemed so good-natured about it. James became murderous when it came to people taking his relic away and Alex had thought he may have been the only person to survive such an offence. It surprised him that there was someone else before him.
ㅤMischief danced in James' eyes. "Yep. He caught me stealing and then snatched her off me. He thought I had stolen her too."
ㅤAlex wasn't surprised. Relics were kept as a noble's treasure.
ㅤ"How did you get her back?" he asked.
ㅤ"He made me work to get her back," James said, humorously. "Day and night he made me spar with him, a grown adult man, until I started to consistently challenge him. It didn't take me too long, maybe a year or so, I had already learned quite a lot from my family before that. Once I was good enough, he let me have her back and I immediately started helping him with his business."
ㅤ"The previous Jay, right?"
ㅤJames nodded. "That's right. I still don't even know his real name, he never knew mine either. The only thing I ever found out about him was that he used to be a royal knight. But, he hated them. He always used to tell me about the awful things they would do, the things he'd seen."
ㅤAlex snorted wryly, thinking about when he'd first arrested James. "That must be why you hated me so much, huh? You thought I was like one of them."
ㅤJames cracked a smile, it lit up his eyes and transformed his face. He looked charming and approachable with that kind of expression. It was unlike James' normal dead face. Alex momentarily got lost in it.
ㅤ"Only for a little while." James teased, "I quickly learned that you weren't that kind of man. Although, I do still despise how you box yourself in by following your superior's orders to the end. You need to break the rules more."
ㅤAlex shook his head, although he remained in good humour. It was easier for James to say, he wasn't under the same constraints as Alex. Alex couldn't afford to have his loyalty put into question.
ㅤ"Where is the old Jay now?" Alex asked, curious.
ㅤ"Dead," James responded curtly. "He was murdered."
ㅤ"Oh. I'm sorry."
ㅤJames shook his head. "Nah, don't be. He was an arsehole until the very end, that man. He gave me one last 'fuck you' right before dying, because that was just what he was like. We had a complicated relationship."
ㅤAlex paused, noting how James had worded that.
ㅤ"You and he didn't..." Alex trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.
ㅤJames cocked his head, not understanding, then it clicked. He huffed, shaking his head.
ㅤ"Nope. No, no. We were never like that. That man was practically asexual, never showing an interest in anything. He always told me that sexual appetite was a disadvantage." James gruffly pitched his voice lower like he was mimicking the man. Then, he smirked. "I'll let you in on a little secret."
ㅤJames took a step forward and leaned in next to Alex's ear. Even if they weren't touching, Alex could feel his warmth burning through his clothes.
ㅤ"I don't have much experience." James whispered. The words brushed across his ear and his fingers twitched with the suppressed urge to cover them. When James stood straight Alex could see the evil grin on his face, those red eyes up to no good. Alex had to concentrate to keep his breathing steady.
ㅤ"Do you tell that lie to all the ladies?" Alex murmured, trying to deflect.
ㅤJames laughed, the noise smooth and low. "It's not a lie and you are no lady." James pressed his fingers against Alex's chest, staring like he might be able to see beyond Alex's shirt. Alex was sure he'd be able to feel the nervous jumping of his heart, his face felt hot.
ㅤ"You're a hulk of a man." James said, his voice laced with appreciation as he flattened his palm. Alex fought to keep still.
ㅤ"I'm not sure how you think this would work then." Alex remarked, his voice like gravel.
ㅤJames must have heard because he lifted his gaze to Alex's face, his smile widening.
ㅤ"Aren't you just dying to find out?"
ㅤLust thrummed through his body, a feeling he had repressed for a long time. For some reason, he got the feeling that this would be the last time James would ever ask. It felt unfair for James to be so tempting, perhaps people were right when they said people with red eyes were demons. James was evil for suggesting such a thing when he knew how difficult it would be for Alex to say no for a third time.
ㅤJames waited, not moving, waiting for Alex to make the decision.
ㅤAlex couldn't think with his head when all the blood rushed elsewhere and he was getting tired of trying. His patience wayed. One time couldn't possibly hurt anyone.
ㅤAlex covered James' hand with his own, keeping it to his chest and then leaned forward in a rush, capturing James' lips in his. The heat flared. He could feel James' smile on his mouth as he returned the fervour, using his free hand to pull Alex closer by his hair tight enough to sting. It wasn't their first kiss but it was the first time Alex indulged in it without thinking of resisting.
ㅤJames gently pushed Alex away, he instantly missed the sensation, wanting it back. James grinned like he could tell what Alex was thinking and cocked his head like he was listening out for something.
ㅤ"We should probably go inside," he noted playfully.
ㅤHe interlocked Alex's fingers with his own and then slowly tugged Alex towards the door, giving him one last opportunity to back out. Alex followed, he'd made up his mind. Those feelings would remain even if he left now, it was better to address them now that he had an opportunity.
ㅤJames pushed the balcony door to a close behind them.
___
Just a warning for those who weren't around when I was writing R&R, I do not enjoy writing smut scenes. But, I'm a glutton for punishment because I set myself out to write them anyway lol! So, the next chapter will probably take me a lot more time than usual. Please be patient with me, I will deliver on my promises :)