chenle had fallen asleep on his bed, paying no mind to the pair on the bed beside him watching a movie. the boy was in such a deep sleep, not even both of their sniffles woke him up
"god, we must look so cute right now," seorin said, wiping away her tears at the impact of the movie and opening her phone camera to check out her face after crying
jisung leaned in to look at himself and pouted, "you look cute but i look puffy. im gonna get the most swollen face in the morning now"
"you look fine, though? like damn that skin" she said and took a deep breath after all that crying
"man that movie broke my heart the first time i watched it and will continue to break my heart every time," she said, and jisung hummed,
"jeno hyung actually gave me the book but i never got to read it.. i guess i have to now, the movie was amazing"
"wait, jeno has read and watched dead poets society?? what a man of taste"
the man said nothing. except he closed his eyes shut and leant against his bed frame, thinking back to the movie and how he related to it a little
"what's wrong, ji?" the girl frowned at his crestfallen expression
"it's just- the movie. it hits different, like really different.. it's," he opened his eyes and looked at seorin who was already looking at him with concern, "it's a beautiful movie, rin."
"i know," she reached to caress his hand which rested on his leg to comfort him, "it hits different because this actually goes on in real life. parents controlling their kids' lives as if its theirs and strict disciplines of schools that limit a child's knowledge instead of broadening it." she shook her head is disappointment
he nodded in understanding whatever she was saying. his mind was in a dilemma on whether to say the words he wanted to or not ruin the moment they were having.
"you know-" he managed to let out. now all of seorin's attention was on him as he regretted opening his mouth. he felt sick at the thought of it all. his body was burning, an ache creeping up to the back of his head. it took everything in him not to throw up thinking of how relatable the movie was for him.
and seorin noticed that.
she saw how the boy was unknowingly clenching his fist- so hard crescents from his nails formed on his palm and knuckles turned white, how his breaths became unsteady and rapid and how he avoided eye contact.
"jisung," she called out to him, taking his face in her hands and moving closer so she was embracing him now. he didn't oppose to her actions, instead, a sense of relief washed over him as he tightly held her waist and buried his head in her nape, his nose poked her skin but she didn't mind it, rather, bringing one hand to rub his back and the other in his hair where she started to massage his head
"jisung," she started again, "it's okay, ji. I'm here. you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to"
she felt him shake his head and tighten his grip, "but- i want to" his voice cracked a little and so did her heart at his tone
"oh baby, if you're not ready yet then it's okay. I'm here for you, right? I'm always here, I promise. I would wait forever for you if that means you'd be comfortable with sharing things with me"
her voice was oddly comforting as she spoke to him in a whisper. the hands in his hair and on his back calmed his nerves more than he had actually expected them to in this situation.
jisung had never been embraced like this, ever. especially during his moments of vulnerability. mostly because he would deal with himself alone, not wanting others to see him at his weakest times as he chose disclosed places to break down and cry, only wishing he had the courage to let someone hold him when he was down.
but with seorin, it came so naturally. maybe it was the way she would talk to him with genuine care and concern. or the way she initiated contact with him and held him in a way he never thought he would be.
park jisung thought he deserved none of it. he thought he didn't deserve her. but for once in his life, he wanted to be selfish and keep her all to himself.
"rin, i-" he took a deep breath as he pulled away from her embrace, hands still on her waist and hers now rested on his shoulders.
his eyes were brimmed with tears as they gazed into hers. he spoke softly, "i want to tell you but not with anyone around"
that was when seorin remembered their chinese friend who was in the room with them, fast asleep.
but jisung's concern of anyone overhearing made sense to her, knowing he had other room-mates who he probably didn't want to talk to her in the same space as them.
"okay, we can go somewhere else, ji." she gave him a small smile and leant forward to plant a small kiss on his lips
he managed a quick smile despite his current mental state at the affection and went in for another kiss, this time leaning his forehead against hers and prolonging the act.
her eyebrows furrowed when she felt the hot touch against her forehead and she pulled away, "ji i think you have a fever- are you sure you wanna talk right now instead of later?"
"I'm sure, babe. i want you to know. and don't worry, I'll be fine." he assured and and she hummed, not fully convinced but she took his word
"let's go somewhere more private" he said, standing up from his bed and holding out his hand for her to take and follow him.
-: ✧ :-゜・．
of all places, seorin wasn't expecting jisung to take her to the rooftop of the dormitory building. the place where they first saw eachother with their friends. the only difference now was that it was only the two of them and the time was past midnight
all the way there, they hadn't spoken to eachother. seorin because she wanted to give jisung time and space to sort things out in his mind and jisung who was doing exactly that; organising his thoughts and sorting them out.
they were sat on the ground on top of seorin's jacket that she took off so they were not sitting on the cold floor of the roof. both of their heads cranes up as they looked at the stars.
"my dad," jisung began, "he was.. well, is pretty controlling. he wanted me to become something 'useful' as he said it. but for noona he was never that strict." he took a pause to take a deep breath
"it seems like a small and common thing but.. it hurts whenever i think about it. i never got to be a child because he told me to.. he locked me up in my room and he told me to study all day and," his voice was beginning to get heavier with each sentence, "seorin, i was 8 years old. all locked up in my room and when he saw I wasn't studying he-"
the girl listened carefully, wrapping and arm around his shoulders to bring him close, rubbing it in hopes it would bring him comfort of any sort. heart physically hurting when she heard the first sob escape his lips
"he started to beat me up and called me names and- and he threw me across the room.. noona was there and.. she did stop him, and I'm glad he was decent enough to not hit her, but the language he used, rin. our own father, calling us names and waste of his so-called hard earned money.. it- i.. i don't know. the worst part is, it didnt even happen once."
she held him close as he took a break to calm himself down before he continued.
"when i was little," he said, "i wanted to be a soccer player. but dad always kept me in his sight to study when I wasn't at school so i never played. the only person i could really talk to was my sister. my confidence was non-existent."
"one of my teachers noticed and advised me to join an after-school club to meet new people who are good at things. she encouraged me to do something that i never saw myself doing back then. she even talked to dad about how co-curriculars would look good on my report card and he was convinced. that was how i found dancing, and my second dream. one that i was not going to give up. and I'm glad I didn't. and I'm glad my sister was always supportive of this."
there was a faint smile on his face when he talked about how he found his passion and dreams. he was always thankful for his big sister being his number 1 supporter in everything he did.
'its so unfair how dad gives zero fucks about what I'm doing with my but is so strict when it comes to you?? all because you're a boy and the supposed 'bread-winner' for your family like it really doesn't make sense' his sister had said to him. the words engrained in his mind since the moment they were spoken.
"me and noona ran away from home when i finished middle school." he finally revealed, "one of my mom's relatives funded both our educations and other expenses. he made sure we had no more contact with dad after everything. he's really one of the most life-changing people in my life. I'll take you to meet him someday."
seorin smiled at the mention of the guardian who was able to provide the siblings with a better life, "I'm sure he's a great person and that I'd love him. but you know, ji? I'm really fucking proud of you for everything. you're like- amazing, you know?"
he shook his head, "I'm far from amazing. i just, have a traumatising past that i survived somehow. I don't think that means anythi-"
"shut up! it just goes to show how strong you are, babe. no words of self deprecation coming from you, understand?"
he only nodded at her and looked at her lovingly, "thank you, my love"
"you're welcome.. but for what?"
"just.. everything."
seorin moved infront of him and brought him in another hug, swaying from side to side, "i should be thanking you for trusting me with your experiences in your life. i hope you know can count on me for anything and everything, okay?"
he nodded, knowing she could feel the bop of his head from where it rested on her shoulder.
"god, I'm so fucking lucky to have you seorin"
"I'm luckier to have you, dumbass. i love you."
"and i love you more"
🪐
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
jisung's back story 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
man i wrote this chapter with an empty head like i just typed away yk i really had 0 ideas for this one except the general idea of what i wanted jisung's past to be like
ALSO ANDY PWARK ON INSTAGRAM ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
not some ppl hating on his username like it's so clever and cute 😭😭🙏
I'd say hendery has a more.. basic username compared to jisung's but eh 😭 we get silly content so 🤪🤪🤪
but in my opinion, mark, haechan and taeil have the sexiest usernames. like mo.on_air is????? genius???????
anywaysss
thoughts on the chapterrrr
also i didn't edit this. its like 3:30 am while im writing this help i should be asleep but im updating instead lmaooo 😭😭😭😭
man i need to stop fucking talking bUT i made some memes <3