Childe: How long do we have to wait for him?
Mercury: More than 3 hours have passed!
Yang: Why didn't he refuse him?
Weiss: I agree with Yang. Why would he save those who had betrayed him and treated him like trash?!
T.O.A.A: He didn't do it for them. He did it for the sake of his friends and uncle.
Ozpin: Have they stayed with him?
T.O.A.A: They were the few people who trusted him when everyone turned their backs on him.
Monty: In addition, he has to deal with these "powerful heroes".
Ruby: Why do they have to be such jerks? — She was pouting, which made her more cute.
Qrow: Let this be an important lesson to you: Not all heroes are noble.
Kaeya: People in this New York are just the real idiots.
Cinder: In particular, those "heroes", especially that archer, the tin can, Hitler, the exhibitionist, the chewing gum, and the ant.
Mercury: Don't forget the mustachioed reporter and the director of SHIELD.
Zhongli: Never in my life have I encountered such a deceitful and hypocritical person.
Cyno: I'm more disappointed that people thoughtlessly believe him.
Raven: I think he should have refused.
Qrow: I'm not going to lie, I think so too.
Glynda: I was more impressed that Mr. Parker kept moving forward despite the misfortune. Not only in his heroic career, but also in his personal life.
Kali: This is undoubtedly impressive.
A portal appears in the theater and Shiro comes out with 4 large men and 4 kids: 1 child on his hand and 3 children.
They were confused by the new arrivals.
???: Papa where are we?
Everyone (except Monty, Paradox, T.O.A.A/in shock): Papa?!
Peter: We're in the theatre, Franklin.
Hulk: Hulk!
Peter: Don't worry big guy. They just see the green giant for the first time.
Everyone (in mind): How did he understand him?
Female foice: Peter!
Shiro (in mind): Blyad'! (Fuck/Блядь!)
Blake (in mind/ in fear): Why has it become so cold?
Shiro (in cold rage): What the fuck do you need, bitch?
Chills ran through everyone from his icy voice, as if he were from the underworld.
Idiot: We're here to bring you back, insect!
Peter appeared in front of him and threw him against the wall where he imprinted. He fixed them with an icy gaze and released an intimidating aura. He aimed it at the people from 616, who fell to their knees and panted from the pressure, some fainting or pissed off or both.
Shiro: I ask again: What do you need?
Jennifer (scared): We want you to come back.
Thor's eyes glowed with rage.
Thor (in rage): You dare to ask for it again, even though he asked to be left him alone!
Maria Hill (in fear): But we need Spiderman to come back, 'cause...
Doom: 'Cause what?! To put your responsibilities on him again! So that you can again celebrate anywhere, while he does the work for you! To humiliate him again and insult him!
Strange: He did the job you were supposed to do! So please leave him alone!
Shiro:*talking to someone* What do you mean, "you sent them here"?
???:...
Shiro: Why did you do that?
A note appears in front of him, he takes it and reads it.
Shiro:*reading* "To annoy you."
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There was silence in the theater at what they heard.
Childe: Either that dude is very brave to troll him, or he is very stupid.
Shiro (furious): Now I have to deal with idiots and whores who have an orgy every time the world and the city are in trouble!
T.O.A.A.: Peter calm down! You are scaring everyone!
He looks around and sees that the people in the theater and the children next to him are afraid of him. He is calming down.
Jerry makes innocent, childish noises that make him smile softly. He sits down and Akame, Tifa, Diana, Lisa, Ei, Shenhe, Mona, Eula, Glynda and Neo sit next to him.
Jessica, Susan, and Julia wanted to approach their children, but Shiro glared at them angrily.
Shiro: You are no longer their mothers, and you have no right to be near them.
His harsh words broke their hearts and tears filled their eyes.
Shiro: Start the episode.
Monty: You're sure?
Shiro: I said: Start. The. Episode.!
He decided not to contradict him, so as not to bring trouble on himself, and began to launch the episode.
Wiz: They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but sometimes it's nothing but a slap in the face. Such as the case when it comes to these two masked mercenaries.
Boomstick: Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth.
Deadpool: Oh yeah!
With a battle cry, he jumps into the screen and disappears into it.
Everyone: WTF?!
Winter (shocking): How did he... ?
Peter: I'm still trying to figure it out.
Monty: Don't worry. This episode will explain his madness.
Logan (in shock): You've kidding?!
Bobbie: No way!
Hulk (in shock): Hulk!!!
Jennifer: It's joke!?
Nick Fury (surprised): Impossible!
Wiz: And Deathstroke, the Terminator.
Diana blinks several times before making sure she sees.
Diana: They are really similar.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
DEADPOOL
Boomstick: You see him on T-Shirts, Internet memes, and EVERYWHERE you lo
ok at nerd conventions.
Kaveh: Wow! This guy is really popular.
A small animation was shown where Deadpool was crushed several times and turned into just a bloody mess, but his regeneration quickly brought him back to normal.
Kaveh (scared): Okay, that was creepy.
Wiz: But the story behind this popular anti-hero isn't as lighthearted as his joking nature would lead you to believe.
Innocently people: Please don't let it be so bad.
BACKGROUND:
— Real Name: Wade Winston Wilson.
— Height: 6'2" ft./ 1,88 cm.
— Weight: 210 lbs/ 95 kg.
— Place of Birth: Canada.
— Aliases:
• Merc with Mouth.
• Regenerating Degenerate.
• Ninja Spider-Man.
— Lives with a blind elderly woman. (Avengers and X-Men: Wait what?)
— An even more cliched cosplay than The Joker.
Wiz: Wade Winston Wilson was a globetrotting mercenary looking for his chance to become the world's next greatest superhero. Then he was diagnosed with cancer, which hit him like a flaming semi-truck falling on his face.
They winced and sympathized with him.
Xavier: Yes, the news that you have cancer will make anyone depressed.
Logan: But how did the cancer do it to him?
Bobbie: Especially with his face.
Jaune: And what's wrong with face?
He didn't say anything because he didn't know how to describe it.
Boomstick: That's... oddly specific.
Bennett: That's not the word.
Wiz: Facing the inevitability of death, Wade gave up. He abandoned his heroic dreams, stopped his chemo treatments, and dumped his girlfriend to free her from the burden of a man doomed to die.
Ruby & Summer: Aww! Poor guy.
Franklin: This is sad.
Valeria: I feel sorry for Uncle Wade.
Strange: Everything has lost its meaning for him.
Boomstick: Doomed, until he was offered a cure by Department K, the special weapons development division of the strange, alien world called... Canada.
They see Deadpool next to a red and white flag with a maple leaf crest.
Nora: Is it that weird?
Lie Ren: Why do they call it a different world?
Shiro: I'm not sure, but Canada is considered a country of unlimited possibilities. It has the richest natural resources, which are the foundation of its intensive economic development. In particular, Canada ranks second in the world in diamond mining, is the largest supplier of timber and a leader in the production of zinc and some other metals. The riches of Canada include its picturesque landscapes: the coast with bays and bays, boundless steppes and the most beautiful mountain peaks.
Shiro: It is also the birthplace of maple syrup.
Nora (with stars in eyes): Seriously?! Take me there!
His exes didn't like it and gave her an evil look.
Lie: Nora, please calming down!
Shiro (to them): Whatever stupid thought has not visited your whore heads, I say right away I am not with her.
Chicken eye: It's a lie! He's a paedophile!
Ei throws lightning at him.
Shiro: First off: she's with her Chinese boyfriend *points to Ren*.
Both blushing.
T.O.A.A: Secondly, you are not right to say that.
He snaps his fingers and images appear on the screen of Barton having sex with an underage girl. He also used his status as an Avenger to hit on schoolgirls for his lustful pleasures.
Everyone looked at him, promising excruciating pain.
Akame (angry staring): How did they let this bastard on the team?
(She is legal age.)
Nick Fury: I just wanted to get rid of him in the hope that he would die on one of the missions.
T.O.A.A I'll do you a favor. — He snaps his fingers and sends Namor, Stark, Burton, Richards and Pym to Purgatory, where Ogres with huge d..ks.
Peter (happily): FINALLY!
Tifa (surprised): Wow!
Akame (surprised): I have never seen him so happy.
Boomstick: And by cure, I mean he actually was handed over to the Weapon X program, the same guys who gave Wolverine's bones the old chrome dip. They injected Wade with Wolvie's healing factor.
Logan was surprised that this place was connected to him, since he didn't remember his past.
The X-Men were surprised by this discovery as well.
Wiz: Which I don't even know if that's possible. Do they have like a spare jar of "Essence of Wolverine" or something?
Kurt (terrified): "Spare"?
Kitty (in fear): Are you saying that they can create Wolverines just like ours?!
Logan & Laura (irritably): Grrrr!
T.O.A.A: No. He said this as a joke.
This calmed down the X-Men, Avengers, Defenders, Fantastic 3, and Inhumans.
Boomstick: With the ability to heal from anything, his body became a surgical playground for Doctor Killbrew and his assistant, Ajax. Just like Operation, only constantly hitting the sides.
They could see Wade going through all sorts of experiences, such as being electrocuted, drowning, being drugged to awaken his superpowers.
Children and innocents were horrified to witness these tortures.
Barbara (GI): Lord Barbatos! Please take away his suffering.
Noelle fainted.
Blake (in rage): He is just a lab rat for them!
Zhongli (with disgust): They are not human.
Jean (616)(in shock): Oh gosh!
Xavier (shocking): I-I didn't think Mr. Wilson had to go through this.
Boomstick: But hey, at least he doesn't have cancer anymore.
Emma (uncertainly): Not quite like that.
Wiz: Well, actually, he still does. His cells just regenerate faster than the cancer can kill him. Beneath the red and black spandex, he's basically a giant walking tumor, which can talk... a lot.
Ruby: It can't be so bad.
The screen shows Wade's real face, horribly disfigured.
Kids and innocent people (terrified): AAAAAAAAH!!!
Thor (little scared): Goddamn!
Kali (scared): And he has to live with it for the rest of his days!?
Raven (in fear): I don't think gaining powers is worth the disfigurement of the face.
Salem (in fear): He look like a Grimm had sex with an older more disgusting Grimm.
Boomstick: (panicked) AH! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Boomstick:*realization* Oh wait, we can't.
While Boomstick's forgetfulness made them laugh a little, it still didn't fix the damage.
Wiz: Meanwhile, among Killebrew's other prisoners, a gambling ring was formed. Patients would place bets on each other's survival under the knife.
Boomstick: And these bets were placed of what they called "The Deadpool". ...Get it? 'Cause it's kinda where his name comes from? Oh, you'll see.
Yang: Well, now it's clear why his name is Dead Pool.
Cyno: I thought it was Dad Pool.
Many in the theater groaned at their puns.
Wiz: Unfortunately for Killebrew, Wade had somehow gotten superhuman strength, speed, and stamina. Because I guess they got a jar filled with that shit, too. He used these skills to kill Ajax and make a dramatic escape. Free at last, his fellow inmates inspired him to take on his now famous namesake...
Boomstick: Deadpool-
Deadpool enters in, interrupting Boomstick's last sentence.
Deadpool: ♪DEADPOOOOOL♪ Yeah!
Everyone (surprised): What??? How???
Vice: Oh yeah! I wondered when he would do it!
Boomstick: What the heck?
Weiss: It's my question?!
Winter: How did he do that?!
Willow: I think I need a drink.
Qrow: Me too.
Raven: Me too.
James: Me too.
Ozpin: Me too.
Glynda: And me.
Deadpool: (chuckles) Oh ho, I'm sorry! Please continue talking about how great I am.
Wiz: I was afraid of this.
Bennett: Afraid what?
ABILITIES:
— Superhuman Body.
— Exceptionlly Skilled with Swords and All Forms of Guns.
— Mastery of Assassination Techniques and Numerous Marrial Arts.
— Super Healing Factor.
— Magic Satchel:
- Contains Various Items, Regardless of continuity:
• Including Teleportation Belt, Machine Guns, Katanas, Pistols and Other Things.
— Fourth Wall Awareness.
— RAGING SEX MACHINE! (Women & girls:*blushing" What?)
Wiz: See, Deadpool somehow possess a unique awareness of whatever media he's in. Whether there be comic books, games, TV shows, or an awesome Internet show.
Boomstick/Everyone: Huh in the what now?
Wiz: Basically, he's a pro at shattering the fourth wall.
Childe: What is the "fourth wall"?
Vice: The fourth wall is a term from the theatre. This is an invisible border that separates the audience and the actors.
Peter: The shattering is called the moment when the actor addresses directly to the audience. It has become very popular and is widely used in theater, cinema, comics, cartoons and video games.
Deadpool: Bingo! Oh hey, Boomstick! Tell your ex-wife I said hello~. ["Come Hither" Growl]
Boomstick: You've got five seconds to get the hell out of here before I blow your head off.
This is a stormy laugh, many immature ones held their sides from laughter, the more mature ones were restrained, but all the same, chuckles escaped from them.
Nahida: Wait! So when Mr. Wilson talked to us, he broke the 4th wall?
This silenced everyone in realization.
Weiss (nervous): N-no way! I-it's impossible!
Winter (nervous): O-of course! It must have just been a camera.
Vice: I hasten to disappoint you, but it's all true.
Deadpool: It's true, Ice Queen and Little Ice Queen.
Winter & Weiss: Holy dust!
Wiz: With whom are you talking?
Deadpool: Nothing!
Wiz:...
Wiz: Unfortunately, all that would do is piss him off. Bad idea, as Deadpool is a master martial artist, seasoned assassin, and a raging sex machine- what?
Natasha [616]: He's a martial artist?
Barbara Morse: Is he a martial artist?
Shiro: This is because you are more preoccupied with your own arrogance and glory.
Shiro (in a grim, venomous tone) (to Whore spy): Well, what else can you expect from a heartless person like you.
These words touched her to the core and made her remember how people hated her, told her that she was selfish and heartless, now it's the person she loved and abandoned.
Natasha [616](in mind): I'm sorry... please, forgive me.
When Wiz called out the last item, many of the women blushed.
Noelle (blushing): Why is it here?
Deadpool: Yeah, I noticed that you left a few things in the script, so I made some changes. You know, just the important stuff. Like my penis.
Winter: It's so uncultured.
Weiss: Certainly, sister!
Emma:*groaning* I knew that idiot would come up with something!
Shiro (to Emma): Someone like you will have sex with anyone.
Emma (to Peter): It is not true! I am a chaste and well-mannered lady!
Shiro (to white Slut): And a chaste and well-mannered lady, should she sleep with her students.
Shiro: And in your opinion, such a woman should allow herself to be manipulated by some imbecile, driving her like cheap stuff.
Emma remained silent as she knew it was all true. It hurt her that once, though annoying, but a kind and sweet person, he became cold and indifferent.
Ruby: Wasn't it too rude?
Blake: I don't know, but she doesn't seem like a very pleasant person. — She said to her crush, holding her hand.
Boomstick: Well, if by raging sex machine, he means getting down with abloated alien, a shape-shifting teenage prostitute, and Death herself, he must have some pretty low standards. That's right, this guy literally tried to stick his dick in Death! Maybe that's why he liked my ex-wife.
Kaeya: ......... He's really...
Peter (monotony): Yes. He has slept with Death. Literally with death.
Childe: Guy has big balls!
Iito: The same ones as mine!
Boomstick: But besides his dick, Deadpool has an arsenal of weaponry he can pull out from absolutely nowhere!
Wiz: This is an animation technique commonly called the "Magic Satchel", though its existence as an actual thing is preposterous.
Deadpool: Oh yeah? Watch this!
Deadpool reaches out from the pit of the satchel, similar to a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, and pulls out a large elephant, which trumpets.
Coco: I want this magic satchel!
Not only Coco wanted this, but also women who loved to go shopping, and men, so that they would no longer carry their bags.
Men (in mind): We need this magic satchel!
Wiz: (annoyed) I hate you...
Deadpool: (In the manner of "I love you") Oh, I hate you, too.
Boomstick: Me too.
Boomstick: Some of Deadpool's favorite toys include---
Deadpool's second attempt of interrupting Boomstick from finishing the sentence, again.
Deadpool: My trusty rusty twin katanas, some grenades, my two favorite machine guns, Butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, a teleportation belt, an Infinity Stone that alters continuity... (giddy) Ohoho I can't choose! I love 'em all!
Summer: Pffff! Who would name their weapon like that?! You still say that he takes a bath and sleeps with them.
Ruby (nervous): Y-yeah! It's ridiculous! — She replied looking nervous as she was doing something similar.
Boomstick: (peeved) Okay that's it, I'm gonna kill him!
Boomstick charges and aims his shotgun at Deadpool.
Deadpool: La-la-la-la-la-la-la...
Deadpool runs away unscathed, the missed gunfire just shot directly to the screen instead.
Weiss: Okay, I like that he annoys Boomstick.
Wiz: Combined, Deadpool's weapons and abilities has helped him to accomplish some amazing feats in spite of his illness.
STRENGTH & FEATS:
— Navigated an Obstacle Course Meant for Iron Man-Like Suits Unscathed.
— Completely Regenerated from a Single Hand.
— Sole Person to Outwit Taskmaster. (Natasha [616]: What? How?)
— Can Dodge Point-Blank Machine Guns.
— Killed the Marvel Universe. (Marvel Universe (in fear): What???)
— Casually Battled Red Skull.
— Once Became a Herald of Galactus.
— NOT GARBAGE TIER IN MARVEL VS CAPCOM 3.
Boomstick: His quick draw's fast enough to beat seven Hydra agents at once. He can decimate legions of armed warriors solo... while talking on the phone. He's the only one to ever outwit Taskmaster, who literally has the power to predict his opponent's moves. And in one instance, he even murdered the ENTIRE Marvel Universe, including the supposedly unkillable Wolverine.
Natasha [616](in shock): Did he defeat Taskmaster?
Captain America: You're kidding?!
Most of the Marvel 616 universe was also shocked to learn that a deranged psychopath defeated an experienced killer.
Deadpool: Not only did I beat him, but Spidey was able to do it too.
This shocked them even more, since Taskmaster has always been a big problem that should not be underestimated.
Natasha [616](in shock): But how?
Dwadpool (seriously): *snort* You underestimate him too much.
These words hit them to the quick again and a sense of guilt overwhelmed them.
It turned to horror when they said that Deadpool had killed them all. They saw the scene where Wade shot Peter.
His exes were horrified by the image and an image arose in their minds where Peter was dying, but already through their fault.
The X-Men were horrified when they saw Wade cut off Logan's head. Logan himself rubbed his neck, feeling the pain.
Kitty (in fear): B-but how did he do that?
Wiz: He did this with a sword made of Carbonadium, an alloy capable of nullifying healing factors. In other words, he cheated.
Logan: Clear. And that doesn't make it any easier for me.
Ruby: He cheated!
Qrow: In a real fight, there is no such thing as fair play.
Boomstick: He survived skyscrapers collapsing on top of him, having his heart ripped out, his head blown to bits, and even his entire body melted into a puddle.
Chunyun: His regeneration is just insane!
Wiz: But his regeneration is also responsible for one of his greatest downfalls. This power has trained him to think he's invincible, and has become quite careless in battle.
Boomstick: And that just if his extreme ADHD hasn't already put him into a bind.
Weiss, Winter, Glynda, James, Jean [GI], Diluc, Ningguang, Sara, Shinobu, Gorou, Kaveh, Candace, Tighnari facepalming.
Yang: Well, no wonder, with such and such a regeneration.
Wiz: Yet there are few more deadly than the Regenerating Degenerate. Really, Deadpool finally accomplished his dream of becoming the next great superhero.
Deadpool: Aw, that's sweet of you guys! Wanna see me naked?
Wiz / Everyone: Wait, what? No, no, no--!
Deadpool shows them his naked frame from the comic, scarring them from the disturbance.
Boomstick: (groaning) AGH, MY EYES! CAN'T... CLAW THEM OUT... FAST ENOUGH...!
Many ran to the toilet to vomit the contents of the stomach.
Those who survived wanted to pour a lot of bleach into their eyes.
Tifa: Akame! You're bleeding from your eyes!
When her friend said this, Akame felt something flow from her eyes. She checks and it turns out to be blood.
Deadpool: Aaand now you're scarred for life.
Deadpool: Let's see my competition.
Peter (to Deadpool): Wade Wilson.
He freezes when Peter says his full name. He turns around and sees an image of Spider-Man in a black suit in front of him.
Peter: We will definitely talk about it.
Deadpool (in mind): I'm in danger!
DEATHSTROKE
Wiz: In the history of the DC universe, there has never existed a more lethal tactician and soldier than Slade Joseph Wilson.
Yang: Wait! Wade Wilson, Slade Wilson. — She concluded before bursting into laughter.
Soon other immature people followed her.
Ruby: Are they long-separated brothers?
Blake: Maybe.
BACKGROUND:
— Real Name: Slade Joseph Wilson.
— Height: 6'4" ft./ 1,93 cm.
— Weight: 225 lbs/ 102 kg.
— Alternate Alias: The Terminator.
— Known for Terrorizing a Certain Group of Teenage Superheroes.
— Will Shoot Children in the Knee Point Blank Using Shitgun. (Everyone (scared): What?)
— Has Yet to be Accurately Portrayed Outside of His Comics.
Wiz: After illegally joining the U.S. military at the age of 16, he fought in Korea for years where his skill earned the attention of an experimental serum program and the lovely Captain Adeline Kane.
Ruby: How was he able to "illegally" join the military at 16?
Yang: Dunno, maybe he forged his documents.
Boomstick: This is sounding suspiciously like the origin story of Captain America.
Janet: Indeed, they are similar.
Shiro: Slade had no health problems and had a girlfriend whom he soon married.
Steve felt his pride hurt.
Wiz: Slade actually gets the girl.
Boomstick: Oh, never mind! But does he steal cars?
They see a clip where Steve steals a car.
Baki: Hahahaha! Did you really do that?
Steve: ...
Baki: Hahaha!
Wiz: Probably. Slade completely mastered every fighting style under Adeline's tutelage in record time.
Winter: He would be useful to Atlas, Sir.
Ironwood: Indeed.
Wiz: Apparently, this impressed her so much, they were married with a kid on the way in mere months.
Girls: Awww! That so cute!
Boomstick: Now that's my kind of woman! Oh, you're a badass? No roses! No dates! Let's fight people, get married, and plow!
Girls: Awwww!
Boomstick: Feeling pretty fucking great about life, Slade volunteered for an experiment that would help him resist enemy truth serums. Everything went exactly as planned...
Panels of Deathstroke lashing out appear along with the sounds of screaming and shattering glass.
Albedo: In my opinion, the test did not go according to plan.
Alhaytham: It's weakly said.
Boomstick: You'd think these guys would've learned by now.
Wiz: Wouldn't you know it, the injection did not have the effects they were looking for. But instead of ruining his life forever, the experiment accidentally transformed Slade into the deadliest assassin in the world. A Terminator if you will. Which begs the question: What on Earth does the U.S. military think is in truth serums?
Ruby: Isn't that supposed to work differently?
Weiss: It looks like they had a completely different idea.
Boomstick: Slade rose as a new man known to the world as Deathstroke.
A picture of Deathstroke is shown, but it has a top hat, monocle, mustache, and "LOL!" drawn on it by Deadpool to make fun of his opponent.
Wiz: Really?
Deadpool appears on screen.
Deadpool: Don't forget to like, fav, and subscribe! WOOPOOPOOPOOPOOPOOPOOPOOP!
Deadpool then runs off.
Weiss: Does he really need to spoil the analysis?
Childe: Phahaha! Crap! I adore this guy!
ABILITIES:
— Enhanced mind:
- Blazingly Fast Reaction Times.
- Nine Times the Normal Processing Speed.
— Enhanced Body:
- Superior Strength, Speed, and Durability.
— Adaptive Healing Factor.
— Mastery in Boxing, Juijitsu, Karate, Ninjutsu, and Sword Fighting.
— Extensive Knowledge of Battle Tactics.
Boomstick: Deathstroke is nearly superhuman. He can hit harder, run faster, react quick, and push himself longer than an Olympic athlete. Plus, he can use 90% of his brain, unlike the average 10%.
Wiz: Come on! If we really only used 10% of our brains, we'd be about as dumb as sheep!
Boomstick: You're a sheep!
Strange: Just not this myth!
Reese: And what is the myth?
Shiro: The fact that a person uses only 10% of the potential of the brain.
Weiss: This sounds stupid.
Jaune: And what if a person will use 90%?
Shiro: So far, nothing serious.
Albedo: And 100 %?
Strange: At 100% there will be serious problems. Due to the fact that the neurons of a person act at the same time, he begins a severe seizure, loses control over his heart rate, breathing, severe muscle spasms and ultimately: death.
Barbara [GI](scared): Oh Archons!
Sucrose (terrified): I thought it would just make a man smarter.
Wiz: What's important here is that Deathstroke's mind can process information nine times more efficiently than an ordinary man. He can think quicker, hear better, and see faster- Goddammit, that's not a real thing!
Boomstick: Ooh! We should put him and Captain America into a staring contest!
Zhongli: They both process visual information quickly.
Wiz: (groans) He also has a healing factor, which can repair any part of his body... even if his brain is blown to smithereens.
Boomstick: Bringing him back from the dead.
Wiz: Unfortunately, life back home was rough for Slade. His abilities were put to the test when his son was kidnapped by a group of rival mercenaries. Despite a successful rescue, his son lost the ability to speak.
Boomstick: So his ungrateful wife lashed out in rage and Slade was never the same.
Wiz: Literally.
A picture of Adeline pointing a gun at Deathstroke is shown before blacking out with a gunshot sound.
Ruby: How could she?! Her son survived, and she wanted to kill him!
Zhongli: Some people perceive this differently.
Boomstick: But he's one step closer to his secret dream of becoming a pirate.
Everyone: Not funny!
Boomstick: Question, Wizard: If he has a healing factor, how come he's still missing that eye?
Dehya: And that's a pretty interesting question.
Shiro: Most likely the bullet severely damaged his eye.
Wiz: Well no one knows, Boomstick, but perhaps not even a healing factor can repair the deepest of emotional wounds.
Shiro: And perhaps this too.
Boomstick: Oh, that's bullshit!
Jeht: I think so too.
Wiz: Despite his new lack of depth perception, Deathstroke remained as skilled as ever.
Boomstick: Partially thanks to his favorite gear.
WEAPONS & ARMOR:
— Dual Machine Guns.
— Sniper Rifle.
— Promethium Sword.
— Energy Lance:
- Fires a Concussive Laser Blast.
— Super Bomb:
- A Very Expensive Flash Grenade Designed to Keep Siperman at Day.
— Armor:
- Partially Composed of Nth Metal.
- Slighty Enhanced Strength and Speed.
Boomstick: I'm talkin' dual machine guns, a sniper rifle, and a super bomb.
Wiz: Which is actually just a glorified flashbang grenade with trace bits of Kryptonite. Guess who that's for?
Deadpool shows up again.
Deadpool: The guy who fought Goku in one of the most biased fanboy videos ever!
Wiz: Shut up, Wade!
Deadpool: Okay, Ben!
Boomstick: This is just getting weird!
Deadpool drops off-screen.
Pietro: Who was he talking about?
Monty: Don't worry, he is also a member of Death Battle and soon we will see both of his fights.
Everyone (in mind): Both?
Boomstick: So back to the weapons. Deathstroke prefers his sweet Thundercat-style sword and laser-shooting energy lance. Also, he's got an awesome suit of armor, made up of Kevlar and Nth metal.
Jaune: I like his sword.
Ruby & Summer: Laser-Shooting energy lance?! So cool!!!
Penny: This metal is very interesting.
Wiz: Oh look! Yet another fictional alloy that's stronger and lighter than titanium! Also, he has armor composed of promethium.
Pietro: I don't know, I think it's interesting to know about new metals.
Boomstick: Well, my shirt is made up of "Boomstick-ium". See? I can make up alloys, too, writers.
Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, promethium is a real thing.
Boomstick: Oh, come on!
Weiss: Hahaha! This is what happens when you don't study chemistry!
Candace: What Is Promethium?
Wiz: Though in real life, it's a chemical used in atomic batteries to power guided missiles and spacecrafts. But in comic book land, it's not that at all. It can absorb energy, is incredibly strong, and is self-regenerative.
Diluc: His costume is self-regenerative?
Shiro: Yes, it's pretty convenient. No need to bother with fixing it.
Boomstick: Wait, so his suit has a healing factor, too?
Boomstick: So, does like his zipper try and close itself when he wants to take a leak? Because that's horrifying. I mean I remember when I got my junk stuck in the toaster-
Weiss & Winter: Please, shut him up!
STRENGTH & FEATS:
— Downed 38 Men in Under 2 Minutes.
— Had His Brain Shot Out, Came Back of Life Just Hour Later.
— Beat Most of Justice League.
— Decisively Defeated Batman in Hand-to-Hand Fight.
— Agile Enough to Elide Superman.
— Can See at a Subatomic Level.
— Able to Kick Down a Reinforced Steel Door with Ease.
Wiz: With his impressive skills and arsenal, Deathstroke has defeated dozens of ninjas at once, survived an exploding nuclear submarine, and took down most of the Justice League by himself.
Baki: Oh God! He looks more like Taskmaster than Deadpool.
Boomstick: He's also really good at push-ups.
Shows the footage of Deathstroke in his cell room doing some push-ups.
Wiz: Uh... how many push-ups can he do?
Boomstick: All of them.
Childe: He keeps himself in good shape.
Wiz: Despite multiple members of the Justice League agreeing he's the best tactician on the planet, Deathstroke is known for violent outbursts of rage when in extreme pain. Depending on who he's fighting, this can make him even more dangerous.
Boomstick: Deathstroke doesn't just solve problems. He terminates them.
Deathstroke: I am the thing that keeps you up at night. The evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind. I will never rest... and neither will you.
Ruby (scared): Now I will have nightmares.
Weiss: I believe that Deathstroke will win, as he is more serious and he is smarter.
Yang: I vote for Deadpool, he's funny.
/DEATH BATTLE/
The show begins with a wanted poster, signed dead or alive, depicting Deathstroke and priced at $5,000,010.
The camera pans to the right, showing the same poster, but with Wade and almost the same price, but $10 less.
Deadpool:*seeing that* PFFT! What a rip! Seriously, what makes this chump worth 10 bucks more than me?
Blake: It's because he's more feared than you.
Jaune: But this is also a plus, the more it is underestimated, the more likely they are to be wrong.
Shiro: Well, it's true 50/50.
Deadpool: C'mon! I'm Me! *chuckles* Wh-pfffwhat!? (To Deathstroke) Am I right? — He speaks to Deathstroke standing in front of him.
Many were surprised that they were next to each other.
Nilou: What is the probability that they will be nearby?
Deathstroke:... .
Deadpool: Yeah, I am. I'm pretty sure.
In a second, they realize that they are standing next to each other and exclamation marks appear above their heads.
They do back flips to increase the distance.
Deathstroke: It's your lucky day. (pulls out his machine guns) I can show you.
Deadpool: Oh, boy! A show? (pulls out his machine guns) Can I get popcorn first? I hope they have salt and pepper shakers. I love them to be tasty.
Deadpool: FIGHT! — He exclaims instead of the announcer.
This caught them off guard.
Deadpool: BANG! BANG! BA-BA-BA-BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! B-B-BANG BANG BANG!
The theater filled with laughter as Deadpool yelled "Bang" every shot.
Ruby:*laughs* Why is he doing this? - She asked through laughter.
Yang:*laughs* Does that make them fly faster?!
In slow motion, you can see that Deadpool fires 5 bullets and they crash into Deathstroke's projectiles.
They continue to shoot until they run out of ammo.
Deadpool: Uh-oh!
Slade throws out the empty magazines and replaces them with the ones on his thighs. He jerks the bolt and aims the guns at Deadpool, but he is nowhere to be seen. He looks around and...
Deadpool: BAMF!
Slade turns around, but Wade lands a low kick, an uppercut, another low kick, and ends with a axe kick.
Deadpool: BAMF! SHORYUKEN! BAMF!
Deadpool teleports and strikes from Street Fighter.
Deadpool: Check out this rad air!
While Deathstroke is in the air, Deadpool teleports to him, spins him around, and then kicks him.
Slade falls hard and manages to get to his feet. He pulls out his collapsible energy lance and gets into a fighting stance.
Deadpool: A Donatello fan, huh?
Ruby (surprised): He know Ninja Turtles?
Blake: Well, he can break the 4th wall.
Deadpool: (takes out his twin katanas) I was always more of a Leonardo guy myself.
Deadpool:*muttering* Although, I think most people would pin me more as a Michelangelo, you know that's them labeling--
Slade interrupts him with a blow from his staff.
Winter: Don't get distracted during the fight.
Deadpool: (distorted groan) I will not be labelled!
They began to fight and the staff gave Slade the advantage of range and defense, preventing Wade from touching him.
Deadpool: No touchy-feely!
They continue to fight until Deathstroke sends Wade to the park.
Slade jumps over the bushes and heads towards Deadpool.
Deadpool: BAMF! *teleports*
Wade uses teleportation to close the distance between them, while Slade jumps and strikes from above, and Wade prepares to take the hit.
Deadpool: Let's do this!
He blocks Slade's attack and they trade blows until Deathstroke uses a spinning strike on Wade.
Deadpool: (yelps) OW! OW! OH, MY KIDNEY!
Slade keeps hitting Wade, which he blocks and teleports behind Slade.
Deadpool: Comin' at ya!
Wade lands a double slash on Slade and Slade blocks his katana with armor. The impact of Wade's swords shatters like glass.
Qrow: Wow! This is strong armor!
Penny: It broke his swords like they were glass.
Wade teleports to the sidewalk and sees that his swords are broken. Slade is following him.
Deadpool: I gotta say, It's kinda an honor to get the snot beaten out of me by you of all people. Bruises aside, of course.
Slade spins the staff and gets into a stance.
Deathstroke: Let's see what kind of mark this leaves on you.
Slade stabs Wade with a laser and he is sent flying onto the pavement, where he crashes into a passing car.
Xingqiu: Ouch, that hurts.
Deadpool: ACK! Hey buddy! Don't let me slow you down!
He teleports to the roof and tries to find Slade.
Deadpool: Where is that son of a gun? I'm gonna show him what for, I swear---
Unexpectedly, he gets a headshot.
Deadpool: OOoooh, SHIT!
Ruby & Nora: Headshot!
The shot changes to show Slade in one of the cars with a sniper rifle.
Deadpool: *talking to the truck driver again* Look at me, LOOK AT ME! Do not slow down!
Deadpool randomly teleports to other cars while Slade tries to hit him.
Deadpool: MISSED ME! WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP!
Glynda: For him, it's all a game.
Wade teleports to another road that is moving in the opposite direction, and teleports every time he wants to say something.
Deadpool: I!!!
Deadpool: HATE!!!
Deadpool: YOUR!!!
Slade aims his sights, waiting for Wade while he is behind him.
Deadpool (behind Deathstroke): DUMBFACE!
Slade reacts quickly and hits him with the butt, then lands a combination of punches.
Deadpool: OH, MY KIDNEY!
Slade finally draws his sword.
Deadpool: Oh, is it swordfight time? Good thing I carry spares! — Having said this, he takes out spare katanas.
Diluc: Didn't expect him to be prepared.
Deadpool: Guess it's cutting time!
He makes quick lunges back and forth and Deathstroke blocks them. Wade is about to do it again, but Deathstroke blocks the blow and shoots 2 times in the head. Slade attacks and Deadpool is forced to defend himself. Deathstroke breaks through his defenses and shoots him again. Wade tries to increase the distance, but Slade does 3 front flips and slashes, Wade tries to block, but his swords break again.
Ruby/ Nora/ Yang/ Summer/ Bennett/ Childe/ Xinyang: This was so epic!
Deathstroke: If you spent half as much time concentrating as you do talking, perhaps you would be less predictable.
This offends Deadpool and he becomes enraged.
Deadpool (in rage): OH YOU'RE KIDDING ME! I'M PREDICTABLE!?
He pulls out a boom box out of nowhere, hits play, and his clothes change.
Everyone: WTF?!
Deadpool: I'm just getting warmed up!
Wade starts to dance and the stage and the crowd of fans appear with him.
Childe: Oh my God! He's just great!
Ruby: I know, right!
Yang: I have to do this someday!
Nora: It's on my list of things I want to do.
Weiss: They are crazy.
Slade grunts in annoyance and lashes out at Deadpool, who dodges while dancing and throwing punches in capuero and breakdancing style.
Deadpool: *sings* Splick splick, Dynamite! (moonwalks) He's coming for me, Watch the fight!
Ruby/ Yang/ Nora: DANCE DEADPOOL! DANCE DEADPOOL! DANCE DEADPOOL! DANCE DEADPOOL!
As Deadpool continues to dance, Slade, fed up with it, clings to the side of the bus and shoots the wheel. This results in a collision and a large scale car accident on the bridge.
Blake: Oh sure good idea: shoot down the bus tire at high speed.
All this was accompanied by a choir.
Deadpool teleports to avoid being hit by a car, and Deathstroke jumps over it. Deadpool ends up on the truck's container and runs upstairs with two pistols while Slade lands on the back of the bus. Both jump towards each other and the chorus falls silent.
The crash continues as the two fight in the air. Slade pushes Wade away with his sword, he shoots back at him, but Slade blocks them. Both land on the school bus. Wade opens fire on Slade, but Slade blocks them and runs towards Deadpool. An epic firefight ensues between the two until the screen freezes and the colors change. Time resumes and Slade hits him with a lot of blows with his sword, accompanied by shots.
Deadpool: OW! OW! OW! MY OTHER LUNG! OW! OW! OW!
Deadpool gets impaled through the chest.
Deadpool: MY SPLEEN!
Deadpool then gets shot in the back of the head and sent flying.
Deadpool: MY LEG!
Ruby (confused): But he shot him in the head.
Deadpool ends up landing on a flying car.
Deadpool: OH! IT'S CRAMPING!
Slade lands a slash but Wade manages to get out of line and Deathstroke cuts the machine in half.
Deathstroke flies through it and it explodes. Soon he sees that his sword is missing. Wade teleports in front of him and plunges Slade's sword into his chest.
Kaveh: God, this is awkward.
Childe: It's unpleasant to be wounded by one's own weapon.
Slade falls like a rag doll while Wade laughs at him.
Deadpool: Pop! Pop! Watching Deathstroke--
Wade hears this sound and understands that something will happen to him.
Deadpool: Oh, God dammit!
A truck is seen about to collide with Deadpool.
Deadpool: OH MY THIRD LUNG!
Tighnari: Third lung? Humans only have two!
The transport cars like all other vehicles, engulfing the bridge in flames.
Glynda: How could two people cause so much destruction?!
Shiro: Just like your first year team.
The RWBY team flinched as they recalled the highway incident.
The camera pans to a recumbent Deathstroke and Wade, who has regained consciousness but is missing his left arm.
Deadpool: Well, that escalated quickly. Yeah, you might want to lay low for a couple of days, cause... you are, pretty much responsible for a mass murder. — He attaches the limb back, which for some reason is larger.
Slade, no longer masked, opens his eyes, rises and sees the sword in his chest.
Deadpool: *laughs* Hahaha! Huahahahaha! It's a Deathstroke kabob! — He points his foot at him, which confuses Wayde. He looks down and sees instead of a leg he has an arm attached there.
Jaune: How did he mix up his leg with his arm?
Deadpool: Whoops! Hang on, gimme a sec. Oh this is going to hurt ... [squelching noises].
The people in the theater couldn't help but cringe as Deadpool pulled limbs off of himself.
Slade draws the sword from himself, accompanied by unpleasant noises from Wade. He gets to his feet, albeit with difficulty.
Deadpool (surprised): Whoa, hold on! You heal fast too? I got something special for that!
Everyone: He does?
Wade draws his final sword, which looks like a normal katana.
Deadpool: Carbonadium Sword! Murdering all your pesky Wolverines and Saberteeth since 2012! Good year for cinema.
Weiss: Wait! Isn't this sword the one that neutralizes the healing factor?
Ruby: I and forgot about this.
They go at each other screaming and clash with swords. Unseen, Wade draws a gun from behind his back and aims it at Slade's head.
Wade stops briefly and looks at the screen.
Deadpool: All the children in the audience: Cover your eyes!
Peter closes the eyes of Jerry, Franklin, Valerie and Rachel, Jin covers Barbara's eyes, Lisa covers Razor's eyes, Shenhe covers Chongyun's eyes.
With these words, he shoots Slade in the eye, making him blind, and he covers him in pain. Wade goes behind him and stabs him in the neck area.
Ruby: It's over?
Suddenly, Deathstroke rises.
Ruby (scared): Kyaaa! ZOMBIE!
Weiss: No, you dolt! He must have just healed!
Deathstroke: (deep voice) And the moral of the story is...
Deadpool reveals himself puppeteering Deathstroke's head.
Deadpool: (normal voice) *gasps* Deadpool wins! YAY!
Explosions are heard, while Deadpool sings Macarena while replacing two lines.
Deadpool (replacing lines): This is totally racist. HEYYY CHIMICHANGAAAAAAA!
K.O.!
While Deadpool is driving a sweet ride, on that hood, it has Deathstroke's dismembered head as a hood ornament.
Winter: It's just disrespectful.
RESULTS:
Deadpool appears on-screen.
Deadpool: (faking) Oh! Oh, YouTube comments. Oh, I see you rolling. Oh, you're hating. Oh, it wounds me so- it doesn't at all. (To Wiz) Explain how I beat this asshole.
Wiz: Don't tell me how to do my job. *clears throat* This was a surprisingly even match. Though Deathstroke was the superior fighter of the two and had the better armor, Deadpool could take all his punishment and give just as much.
Boomstick: Deathstroke's smart, so normally he would have no problem predicting his opponent's moves, but Deadpool is so unpredictable, not even Taskmaster, or sometimes even himself for that matter, can keep up with whatever he's doing.
Steve: Well it's true!
Wiz: Unfortunately for Deathstroke, he didn't have the means to put Deadpool down for good. And while Deathstroke's healing factor was perfect for repairing damage, Deadpool's trumped his by being capable of replacing entire organs at a much faster rate. Sometimes the original isn't always the best.
Boomstick: Deadpool is just a cut above the rest.
Wiz: The winner is-
Deadpool pops in victoriously to finish the last sentence.
Deadpool: Spider-Man! I mean Deadpool, shit!
Shiro: Wade, you're definitely going to get in trouble.
(Please go to the note chapter.)