It was rare to see nights like these before summer. Spring had barely come and yet the sky was clear, in the shade of the deep blue sea. It was quiet as if the streets of the city had abruptly disappeared and the place had turned into a village, an old one with insects singing in the darkness of the night.
It was so calm, so quiet that Jungkook would have never woken up if it weren't for someone disrupting his sleep. It was only when he felt his whole body being moved that he opened his puffy eyes almost in annoyance, not really understanding what was going on since he was still half asleep.
It was Taehyung's arms that had woken him up. They were holding him softly while trying to turn him around in a way that his body would be laying on top if his. Jungkook was still too sleepy to react, so he let Taehyung do as he wanted. Once Jungkook was laying on top of Taehyung's side and the man's arms were wrapped around him securely, he lifted his gaze towards Taehyung's face.
Despite the darkness, Jungkook could see the way Taehyung's lips were forming a pout and the way his eyes glowed.
"What are you doing?" Jungkook mumbled, his voice sleepy and raspy. His head was on Taehyung's chest with his cheek pressing there replacing the pillow with the warmth of his body.
It was like Taehyung had immediately snapped out of something unknown to Jungkook the moment he had heard his voice. It was like he had seen a ghost but it was just Jungkook laying there with him.
Taehyung's hold on Jungkook loosened in an instant as if he had been caught doing something wrong, as if he didn't want him to know what he was doing, as if he didn't want Junkook to think that he needed to feel him in his arms in the middle of the night.
Deep inside the man's eyes there was a lot going on. He looked tired, but the truth was that Jungkook had never really seen him tired, not fully. That time he looked exhausted but yet he tried to fill the emptiness of his eyes with life that he seemed to struggle to find at that moment.
"You're awake?" Taehyung said in his usual calm tone, but Jungkook could see his eyes glowing more than they should.
"Uh, yeah... I just woke up." Taehyung removed his hand from Jungkook's back. "Go back to sleep."
"Why did you move me?" Jungkook rubbed his cheek against the man's chest to make himself comfortable.
"Uh?" Taehyung stopped moving. He almost stopped breathing too.
"You were moving me." Jungkook giggled tiredly, his nose bumping against Taehyung's body.
"Did I?" Taehyung didn't sound like he was joking.
Jungkookwas too sleepy to pay attention to Taehyung's weird behavior. However, he placed his leg between Taehyung's legs to kind of fully lie on top of him.
With his eyes closed, Jungkook brought Taehyung's arms around him, a content smile decorating his face. A soft relaxed sigh left his lips. "Why are you awake?" He had sensed that Taehyung had been wide awake for some time. He could feel his heart beating faster than a sleeping person's would.
"I just am." Taehyung casually said, his voice weak and raspy.
Jungkook forced his eyes open once again. "Is everything alright?"
Taehyung didn't say anything for a second, took a deep breath filling his lungs with oxygen and then his chest raised once again intensely. He nodded his head quickly when he realized that Jungkook was staring at him.
"Am I too heavy?" Jungkook joked lifting his body.
"No, you're fine."
Taehyung took a deep breath, too shaky to be left unnoticed. It was like the air he was breathing was not enough for him.
Jungkook sat up getting concerned. "You need some water?" He was ready to get out of bed when Taehyung stopped him.
"I said I'm fine. Go back to sleep. I-I just have something in mind... about work and-and it's keeping me up." Taehyung said trying to sound as normal as possible.
"You can talk to me about that." Jungkook offered, eyes too open for a sleepy person. "And if you need a hug I can give you that too." He said quietly, barely a whisper. He was sincere.
They shared a look that said more things than they had ever said. Jungkook had kind of seen through him. He had seen that need Taehyung had that made him feel embarrassed, the need to have someone there for him to make him feel less lonely.
Taehyung didn't say anything. He gulped. He had been caught. He gulped and tried to play it cool as always when he accepted Jungkook's offer by bringing him back in his chest. His arms were hesitant when they found Jungkook's soft skin as if he hadn't touched him before, as if he was a seventeen year old losing his virginity. The truth was that it was the first time they hugged like that, like they were two people sharing real feelings with each other.
Jungkook pecked Taehyung's cheek kind of shyly which Taehyung responded to with a tired smile. It was like one of the walls standing tall between them was destroyed just like that without them even realising it.
"You sometimes snore." Jungkook joked breaking the silence. His eyes glowed as he was staring at him with a playful smile between his cheeks.
Taehyung's face could barely be seen in the darkness of the night when he chuckled softly with his eyes still closed.
"Yeah? Sorry." Taehyung was not his usual self. No playfulness, no cockiness, no confidence. He was just a simple tired man whose mind kept him wide awake in the middle of the night.
"Don't apologize."
"You're a nice kid." Taehyung mumbled.
Jungkook's smile almost disappeared and his expression got more serious. However he tried to act like that simple sentence didn't affect him.
"Because I'm okay with you snoring?" Jungkook teased, but his eyes had so much warmth watching even the change in Taehyung's expression.
Taehyung let out a soft chuckle as he was falling asleep slowly in Jungkook's arms.
That was the first time Jungkook had ever witnessed Taehyung actually being vulnerable because no matter how simple their whole interaction had been it was too bare. It seemed like the tiredness had left the emotions exposed. Taehyung had left himself exposed and he didn't really mind at that moment. Jungkook felt like had just unlocked another version of Taehyung which he kind of had. Which one was the real version though? Would he see the new one again?
———
The next morning, Taehyung was different. He was quieter than usual, more clumsy with his hands too weak to hold a glass of water. Not his usual flawless self with confident moves. He had made coffee and spilled half of it on the floor without having been disturbed by anything around him. In addition, he had been listening to half of the things Jungkook had been saying even if he had been looking him in the eyes.
Jungkook did not comment on Taehyung's weird behaviour. He blamed it on the sleepiness.
The other thing that had changed was that he would stare at Jungkook much more. He would look him in the eyes as if he were about to talk to him but he wasn't. He would then smile at him and Jungkook would smile back at him. A weird conversation of stares and smiles. It was almost awkward but there was something sweet about jt. Taehyung was sweet for sure. He hadn't been like that. He had definitely been charming and nice with words but not sweet.
"What?" Jungkook chuckled with his mouth full of a chocolate chip cookie.
Taehyung blinked looking at Jungkook in realisation. "What?"
"That's what I said." Jungkook giggled.
Taehyung sighed averting his gaze from Jungkook. "Sorry, I still haven't woken up fully."
"Maybe I should go and let you rest." Jungkook said wiping his hands in a napkin and stood up.
Jungkook almost didn't catch Taehyung's eyes widening in something that could be seen as fear. "Why? It's still early." Taehyung said casually despite his expressive eyes that betrayed him.
"I have so much homework to do and you need to rest."
"I said I'm fine." Taehyung murmured. He opened his mouth to speak but changed his mind halfway.
"You didn't sleep well."
"I did." Taehyung was quick to say.
"You were awake in the middle of the night." Jungkook pouted and crossed his arms against his chest.
"I didn't stay up for long. Plus, I sleep well when you're next to me." He said softly, his smile almost shy.
"You're not convincing me. I'm going." Jungkook announced hoping that his cheeks were not too red.
"You wanna go?" Taehyung said disappointed.
"I have to. We'll meet again. Don't worry." Jungkook chuckled.
___
Jungkook was breathing slowly as he was unlocking the door of his apartment in fear of his parents waking up and catching him there. His sneakers made an annoying sound against the floor making Jungkook flinch with the key still in the keyhole. When he was finally inside, he let out a sigh of relief seeing that there was no one at the hall and the living room. Thankful of that, Jungkook quickly locked the door to go to his bedroom, but his luck ended there with the sound of his father's tired voice.
"Jungkook, what are you doing?"
Jungkook's eyes widened. He turned around quickly. "Dad. I-I was about to go. I have to be early today." The lie slipped out of his mouth easily.
"Where?" Jungkook's father asked with his eyebrow raised.
"At school." Jungkook lied.
"But you just locked the door." The man pointed at the door.
"Did I?" Jungkook chuckled awkwardly staring at the keys he was holding. "Sometimes I forget how to unlock the door." He laughed more that he should have.
"You're going to school at-" The middle-aged man paused to look at his watch. "-five and a half in the morning?"
Jungkook was ready to speak, but his dad spoke first. "You were supposed to sleep here, but you just came back home." He crossed his arms against his chest. "Why did you lie?"
"I didn't lie. It's just- we had more homework than I thought and we stayed up late to finish and I slept at Pierre's house."
The thing was that his father did not allow him to be having sleepovers when he had school the next day. However, Jungkook had found ways to be sleeping with Taehyung even if he had to leave early like he had done that day.
Most of the times, he used as an excuse that he studied with his friend Pierre at his house, because the said guy was very good at math unlike Jungkook. Part of that was true. Pierre was indeed good at math and he was the only person at Jungkook's school that the boy could kind of consider his friend. They weren't very close but they were getting along well. However, it was a lie that he spent so much time at his classmate's house studying. They never studied together.
The man sighed. "I know when you're lying Jungkook."
"I'm not-"
"Don't try to convince me."
Jungkook gulped. He had to find an excuse.
"Are you dating someone?" A smirk appeared in his father's face.
"What? No." Jungkook replied quickly.
"Come on. Don't be embarrassed." The man chuckled, warmth in his eyes. He patted the boy's arm making him flinch.
Jungkook's cheeks turned red.
"Tell me about her." Her. Jungkook gulped again. Of course his father would assume it was a her. Jungkook just wanted to hide. He felt so uncomfortable facing the fact that there was a very important side of him that his family didn't know about. He wanted to throw up from the awkwardness, from his incapability to form an answer.
"Dad." Jungkook complained.
"Come on. You can tell me. I could give you some advice." The man said with his hand still on Jungkook's shoulder.
"Nope." That was all Jungkook managed to say before removing the hand from his shoulder and almost running to his room.
Jimin's snoring welcomed him in the room, but Jungkook didn't even hear it because that whole conversation was playing in his head making his lower lip tremble and his eyes glow. His tears started running down his face before he even knew it, his face forming an ugly expression with long wrinkles.
His sexuality usually didn't bother him but that conversation had been kind of awakening. It had made him see that he was hiding himself and some point he'd have to choose whether he'd keep living like that. What if his parents didn't accept him? He hadn't actually thought about these things before, at least not very seriously.
The sobs were soft leaving his mouth like a sad song. Meanwhile Jimin was sleeping there undisturbed.
Jungkook felt lonely, all of a sudden. He wanted to go back to Taehyung.
"Kookie?" A sleepy voice was heard. "Are you crying?"
It was Jimin. He was not a heavy sleeper. Jungkook should have thought about that but he didn't care.
Jungkook shook his head as if Jimin's blurry eyes could see him in the dark. He sobbed once again before taking off his shirt, the neck of it wiping some of the wetness off his face.
"Jungkook?" The sleepy voice was heard again, barely audible to Jungkook who was lost in his sad thoughts and deafened by his own sobs that were soft but yet too loud for that small bedroom. "Come here."
Jimin had sat up, his messy hair looking like a shadow. "What happened? Did Taehyung do something?"
Jungkook shook his head. He took off his sweatpants shakily while sniffling.
"Come here." Jimin said again patting the space next to him and lifting the cover to make Jungkook understand that he was waiting for him.
Jungkook was not in the mood to argue. He really needed someone to show him love at times like those. He needed Jimin's hug more than anything even if he didn't want to admit it. He never admitted how much he loved cuddling as if there was something wrong with it, but he always accepted it.
Jungkook sniffled and then let out a quiet sob before getting himself under the cover. The mattress was warm and he tried to bury himself in it in hopes he would feel that warmth inside too.
For some reason, he felt like he had been attacked by his own father just because of that simple conversation they just had. It had triggered a fear and insecurity of his that he had unconsciously ignored choosing instead to enjoy life, live it the way he liked. He had accepted himself from day one, but the sudden realisation of the possibility of not being accepted by his dad was just a big wake-up call. He had landed on earth and things were not as pretty there as he had thought they would be.
"Did your dad catch you?" Jimin's voice was sweet, almost like he was talking to a child. He brought the boy's head on his chest to let his own heartbeat make him feel better, less alone.
"Y-yeah. He-he saw me coming." He nodded his head staining Jimin's shirt with his salty tears.
"Did he scold you?"
"Jimin?" Jungkook mumbled ignoring Jimin's question.
"Tell me."
"Can you ask my dad tomorrow morning if-if he's okay with gay people?" He asked with his weak crying voice.
If Jungkook was not crying so much he would hear Jimin's heart crack at that sentence.
Jimin blinked. He froze but Jungkook was still crying too much to see that.
Jimin stroked the boy's head. "He's fine with them." He said quietly.
"How do you know?" Jungkook lifted his head, hope in his eyes even if he bottom lip still trembled.
"I know it." Jimin whispered. He let his cheek rest on too of Jungkook's head.
"But-" Jungkook was still crying.
"You're tired. Stop thinking about it."
Jungkook obeyed or at least acted like he did because the next second his gaze was up again staring inside Jimin's brown eyes. "Will you ask him?"
"Jungkook, he loves you. We all do. Don't let all those thoughts bother you."
"I didn't think like that, but now... I don't know." He finished the sentence with a sob.
Jimin stayed quiet for a second breathing the flowery scent of Jungkook's hair.
"He- he assumed I-I was at a girl's house- my girlfriend's house. Wh-why would he assume that? Does he find it impossible for me to be different?"
"People assume things. That doesn't mean your dad won't be okay with you being different from what he had assumed."
"What if he's not okay with me?"
"Kookie, trust me."
"But-"
"Look, I'll have a talk with him if it makes you feel better."