Remus'perspective
The doors to the hospital wing swing open as I kick through them. All I can think about is how cold she feels in my arms.
Please don't be dead Teddy.
Please please please don't be dead.
"Mr Lupin? What's going on- Oh My! Good heavens what has happened?! Quick quick lay her down here. Put her down Remus!"
I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just standing staring at Madam Pomfrey, completely frozen. I haven't stopped since the second I found her and now, now I'm finally here. Fuck bloody hell snap out of this!
"REMUS!" Madam Pomfrey is tugging at my arms, trying to pull Teddy free.
"I can't, I can't leave her please."
"Remus you have to let me help her."
She looks me straight in the eyes, she looks on the verge of tears.
I nod and my hands go slack.
Madam Pomfrey swiftly moves Teddy onto the nearest hospital bed and begins working on her, removing my shoddy bandages and gasping in shock at the sight Infront of her.
There's so much blood. It's everywhere. My jumper, my jeans, my arms, they're all coated.
Teddy looks like she's been bathed in blood. It's in her hair, all over her face and...fucking everywhere. Her skin is so pale in comparison to the crimson red which coats her body.
She's so pale, so cold, so thin.
She looks like a ghost.
She looks like she's already dead.
Please don't be dead.
Please please please don't be dead Teddy.
You promised.
Please.
I can't hold myself up any longer and my body crumples to the floor as sobs wrack my body. What the fuck has she done? How could she do this? WHY would she do this?
"Remus...Remus hey, I'm here, I'm here it's okay." A firm hand holds my shoulder and the blurry figure if James comes into my view as he crouches Infront of me. I can barely hear what he's saying or focus on anything but the sound of the pleading in my head.
Please, please, please.
"Remus cmon, let's get you up, cmon mate you can't be here right now." James' hands reach under my armpits as he lifts me to my feet, my body is limp as he carries me. We stumble out of the hospital wing doors and collapse onto the bench outside.
"No no no no, James I can't- I can't leave her- I can't not be there if she- in case she- fuck I have to go back in. I have to James I have to! Please, please, please just- just PLEASE JAMES!"
I ramble and fight against him as I try to get back through the doors but James is strong and my body doesn't feel like my own. When my knees give out and I collapse again James catches me. He hauls me back to the bench where we sit.
Silently.
Tick
Tick
Tick
Tick
Tick
Tick.
Time passes all too slowly.
We wait.
In the almost silence.
The tick
Tick
Tick
All we can hear.
Until finally.
"Mr Lupin, Mr Potter?" A soft Scottish accident speaks.
"Professor?" James stands immediately.
I just stare at the tiled floor Infront of me.
"Poppy called me, she said there had been an incident. Why am I not surprised that you too were involv- Merlin Mr. Lupin? What happened??"
I finally look up and see her staring at the blood which covers me, visible now in the dim light of her lamp.
"I-its, i-its Teddy she...she-"
"She's in there." James says solemnly, pointing at the doors to the hospital wing.
"Alright you two boys stay right there and I'll speak to you in a moment." McGonagall sweeps away and hurrys into the hospital wing.
Silence once more.
Tick
Tick
Tick
The doors to the hospital wing swing open again. I look up. Tears stream down Professor McGonagall's face.
Fuck.
She's dead.
"Could you both follow me please?" She says and begins hurrying down the corridor, sniffling and wiping tears from her cheeks.
"Professor I-i can't-"
"There's little difference between you sitting outside the hospital wing and in my office Mr.Lupin, either way you will not be visiting Ms.Malfoy any time soon. So if you would both follow me now please."
We hurry after her, towards her office.
Once there we sit in two padded chairs.
"Would either of you like a cup of tea? Or a biscuit perhaps?"
We both shake our heads no.
"No thank you professor," James says politely.
"Now boys, something terrible has happened tonight. I need you both to be completely honest with me and tell me what exactly happened to Ms.Malfoy and who is responsible for it."
Fuck,
Something terrible...
She's dead isn't she
She's fucking dead
How could she just go and fucking die?
That fucking bitch.
"Mr.Lupin? I understand you brought Ms.Malfoy to the hospital wing, is that correct?"
I can feel her eyes on me. My throat is too dry, my eyes too full of tears, my hands too covered in blood. I can't think about her questions right now. I need to get to Teddy, I need to be with her if she- but what if she's already...
"Mr Lupin?"
"I think he's in shock, professor." James says softly, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"I see...Mr. Potter can you explain to me what happened tonight?"
"Um...well... You see I'm not really sure professor, I didn't really see it happen."
"Just tell me what you know, James."
So James does.
He tells her how there was a party.
For me.
He tells her how it got a bit crazy.
He tells her how everyone was drunk, especially Teddy.
He tells her about how Teddy was drunk before she even arrived at the party.
He tells her how Teddy did enough drugs to knock out a horse.
He tells her how Teddy disappeared for a bit during the party, how no one knew where she was.
He tells her how when she reappeared she looked different, cold or upset or angry or a mixture of everything.
He tells her how Teddy did more drugs in the bathroom with Marlene and Sirius.
He tells her how something had changed in Teddy.
He tells her about how Teddy smashed a mirror and sat down, laughing, in the broken glass.
He tells her about how Sirius said it looked like she couldn't even feel the shards that impaled her feet, hands and legs as she laughed like a maniac while crying her eyes out.
He tells her about how Sirius said she started rambling, about her dad, about some uncle, about some Slytherin called Mulciber, about Regulus Black, about me....
James tells McGonagall things I didn't even know.
He tells her that Teddy sliced her own wrists open and lay in shards of glass as she bled to death.
He tells her how Sirius and Marlene tried to stop her, but being high off their heads they froze and didn't know what to do.
He tells her that I found her laying in a pool of blood and tried to save her.
That I carried her to the hospital wing.
Tried.
I tried...
What if I didn't do it.
What if I failed her.
What if she's...what if she's dead?
"Thank you Mr.Potters, and thank you Mr.Lupin. Your quick thinking and heroic actions may have saved Theodora's life. Of course there will be more ramifications for this, for your classmates too, but I wil speak to you about that at a later date. For now I hope you will both go get some rest and keep Theodora in your thoughts...I'm afraid she's in a very bad state. She needs all the help she can get.
Thank you boys, you're dismissed. Goodnight."
"Thanks Professor." James says grimly.
I give a slight nod of thanks.
"Cmon mate, you've got to go clean up and get some sleep. Let's go."
James lifts me from my seat and helps guide us back to the common room. We sweeps quickly past the bathroom door where a trail of blood trails the floor. I try not to think about how just hours ago that blood was pumping through Teddy's veins. Keeping her warm, keeping her safe, keeping her alive.
James helps me all the way up the stairs to our dorm.
Once there, Sirius and Peter immediately rush to us. James gives them some sort of look which tells them not to ask questions or talk about 'it'.
"Right cmon, let's clean you up Moony." Sirius says simply.
All four of us crowd into the bathroom.
James strips me of my jumper and I slowly wiggle out of my jeans. Blood smudges onto the tiles from the congealed layer which coats my clothes.
Fucking hell there's a lot of blood.
I notice the blood which has trickled down my sleeves and coated my arms. Just as it coated her's...
The boys help me step into the shower, stil with my boxers on. They turn on the fawcet and close over the shower curtain, staying right outside in case I need anything.
I let the warm water wash over me and try to erase any thoughts from my mind. But every time I open my eyes I see the blood rinsing down the drain and I'm reminded, and every time I close my eyes I see her... Not just as she was tonight. I see her as she was before. I see her smile, I see her laugh, I see her hugs and her snores, I see her frowns, her pouts, her tears. I see her tired eyes, her pale skin, her thin figure.
Fuck. "FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK" I scream.
I scream and Shout and YELL.
"Hey, hey it's okay, it's okay we've got you. I've got you." James has stepped into the shower beside me. Water runs over both of us, soaking James completely as he embraces me in a tight hug. Our tears mix with the running water as this whole night and it's events crash around us.
Happy fucking Birthday to me.
*****
Teddy's perspective: 3 hours earlier.
Well, Sirius and I can certainly revel in our glory. This party is by far the best this year. It will most certainly go down in Gryffindor history. It's definitely one of the wildest parties ever thrown at Hogwarts. My stomach feels warm as I stumble slightly around the party, happily observing everyone dancing and snogging around me. I pick up a bottle of current wine and chug it back. The warm filling me up and making the room spin slightly more. My cheeks burn and I giggle as I stumble into someone.
"Oops! Hey Ted's, you alright there?" James laughs in his own slightly tipsy daze.
"Oh hello! Nahhh I'm fine darlin, go enjoy your party, look there's Lily!" I point to her over James' shoulder and give her a wave to which she smiles and laughs.
"Hahaha yeah I know Ted's I'm getting her a drink, speeaaaking of which, I think you've had enough for tonight no?" He says, trying to pry the bottle of wine from my hands. I fight against him and the liquid sloshes out onto my dress.
"HEY! Shove off James leave me alone." I shove him jokingly and hurry off, clutching my wine and glaring at the stain on the front of my dress. I'm so focused on it I don't notice myself running into someone else until I've hit them head first.
"Fuck, you made me spill my drink you little- oh, I- Teddy...hi." Regulus awkwardly tries to cover his previous annoyance and anger with an embarrassed smile.
"Shit, Reg I- oh Mulciber are u doin snow?"
"Awhhhh shiiiit you wanna hit this lil T?"
"If you're offering?"
"Mmm yeah I'm offerin, cmere though, let's go somewhere a little more quiet yeah?"
"Yeah alright."
Mulciber takes my hand and leads me out of the common room and up the stairs to the boys dormitories. Seeing as everyone is downstairs at the party, hedging our bets on a random dorm doesn't seem like too bad an idea. We skip past all of the junior year's forms and pick some random 4th year's dorm room.
Mulciber holds my hand tightly as we enter the room and I giggle at the illicitness of it all, excitement bubbling in my stomach. Or at least I think it's excitement, could be the drinks coming back up to meet me. Let's hope not...
Mulciber let's go of my hand to go pick up a a small tea tray.
"Yeah this'll do, cmere" he pats the spot next to him on the bed he's settled on.
I join him, my drunken delirious mind having lost all its inhibitions.
Mulciber cuts himself a line and swiftly snorts it, letting out a whoop of satisfaction before passing the tray to me. I cut my own line and place my nose to the tray, snorting as much as I can possibly get into my system. My nose burns and I can taste metal at the back of my throat. Suddenly the room spins even more and my brain empties. Every thought. Every problem I've ever had. Everything is gone. Mulciber let's his head fall back against the mattress, staring at the canopy above him and laughing to himself.
I take a swig from the wine bottle I had left at my feet and quickly follow him. My head bounces back against the bed and I tilt my head staring at Mulciber.
"You have a nice forehead." I giggle uncontrollably.
"You're really fuckin hot." Mulciber responds, his words slurred and sounds far too slow to be real words. Suddenly his hands are on my hips and he's hovering above me.
"Wait, no- I don't wanna- Mulci- please"
He doesn't hear my cries, or maybe he chooses to ignore them.
I feel his weight pressing on my chest. I can't breathe. The smell of him engulfs me as he pushes himself into me. Harsh. Painful. Tears stream from my cheeks as grunts fall from his lips. My lips stay tightly shut except for the occasional "no" or whimper of pain.
Fuck.
What have I done.
First regulus.
Now mulciber.
I'm just a cheating whore.
Everyone was right, I am just a fucking slut.
Remus is going to hate me.
Remus will never love me again.
No one could ever love me.
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Make it stop
Please please somebody
Make it stop
Please, I'm begging you.
PLEASE
no one comes. no one hears. he leaves. I lay in the silence. the muffled music, laughing, chatting.
silence.
i pull my dress back down.
i pull my underwear back up.
i stand, the room spins, I snort more coke.
I chug the rest of the current wine and pocket the baggie mulciber left in his haste to leave his crime scene.
was it even a crime?
I followed him here.
I said I wanted this.
I deserved this.
I trickle down the stairs, falling and stumbling as the spiral staircase twists and turns and rotates around me. The whole world is spinning and I can't catch my breath.
"Heyyyy Teddyyyy!!!! You were right this party is fuckin legendaryyyy!!!!" Sirius' arm is slung around my shoulder as he leads me back into the party. "Where did you disappear to?? Moony's been lookin for you, think he wants his birthday fuck now."
My stomach churns.
My knees feel lik they're going to collapse beneath me.
"Want some blow?" I say into his ear.
His eyes light up.
"FUCK YES! MAN I LOVE PARTY TEDDY LETS FUCKIN GOOOOO!!!"
He grabs Marlene on the way to bathroom and whispers something to her and she follows us as we weave through the crowd into the bathroom.
The door is shut and locked behind us.
My ears ring.
I can feel my heartbeat in my toes.
The world spins.
My legs ache.
I need to be sick.
I snort a line off the edge of the sink.
I can't breathe.
Sirius cheers.
Marlene laughs.
Theyre singing.
What are they singing.
David Bowie is playing.
Remus loves David Bowie.
I love David Bowie
I love Remus.
Fuck
Remus
"fuck." I whisper softly to myself.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck FUCKKKK." I repeat it over and over to myself until I'm screaming.
I launch forward.
I see my reflection.
I don't know who she is.
What the fuck have I become.
Bloody fuckin hell.
I scream.
Tears stream.
I launch my fist forward and it collides with the mirror, smashing it.
Glass splinters off in all directions,.coating the floor with a deadly, glittering carpet.
"I need to sit down." I say quietly to no one in particular as I slide down against the wall, barely noticing the shards of glass that cut my skin.
I see the prickles of red as they appear on my body.
I see the blood drip.
I giggle at the stupidity of it all.
What the fuck am I doing!
I laugh as tears roll down my face.
There's a shard of glass beside me.
It's large and sharp, like a glass dagger.
I pick it up.
"Teddy, Ted's what are you doing."
"Hey! Teddy stop! Please Teddy stop! You're scaring me Teddy please!"
I press the glass to my skin
I pull
Crimson gushes.
I swap the glass into my other hand as it slips around in my bloody fingers.
I press.
I pull
I bleed
I watch as my body drains.
My heart slows
The room spins.
My eyes close.
My body goes limp.
My head clears.
"Hey Teddy?? You in there baby????"
Remus..