THE WAY I LOVED YOU / 011
OUTER BANKS
₊˚ ୨ ♡ ୧ ˚₊ — nothing is perfect for eternity
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THE QUESTION RUNNING IN EDEN'S HEAD the day after she received a box was : who is Denmark Tanny, actually?
A new letter had been sent, but now accompanied by several old photos of this guy. . . Denmark Tanny. The letter only gave a thousand explanations about how he managed to become rich while he was a slave. Gold was his escape route. And a place called Chapel Hill, too. Eden was losing her mind with all this. She didn't know where to line up, but she knew the only person who had a pass for that spot.
She was currently sitting in her father's study, playing with the letter in her hand. Her eyebrows furrowed in collision as she paced. The hard part wasn't asking Sarah for a pass to Chapel Hill, but not being able to tell her why she needed one.
"Yeah. Chapel Hill, that's all. I want. . . I want to learn more about, um, Denmark Tanny." Eden added, unsure of what she had just said, why she gritted her teeth together.
She briefly heard Sarah sigh. "Eden, if you go, I absolutely have to come with you. You're not a Cameron, they won't let you pass, dude."
Eden nodded to herself, and although Sarah was right, she still had to try something. "I could say I'm your sister. I think Denmark has something to do with my dad's disappearance, so I really need to go, Sar."
The percent chance that Sarah accepted was exactly 50%. She wasn't fooled, she knew that something was wrong with what Eden was saying. How could she suddenly learn about a guy who's been dead a long time? But she had a heart too, and though she tried to figure out what it was like to lose a father, she didn't know it. So she wanted to give Eden a chance to find out one day.
"Fi— Fine. I'm gonna give you the pass."
Eden stopped herself from jumping to the ceiling, smiling with all her teeth. "Thank you! Thank you, really!"
Sarah sounded a sneer in Eden's ears. "Yeah. That's nothing. Just. . . Just be careful, okay? Come over to my house later, I'll give it to you." Eden smiled before hanging up, and gave herself permission to jump like a grasshopper.
She began to put her stuff in her bag, anything that might be essential for her research, and went to close the office door when a knock on a window made her stop. Her body turned quickly, only to then roll her eyes at the face in front of her. His eyes gave the impression that he was in a hurry, but also bad for having found refuge here.
Eden put her bag down on the desk, then leaned over to lift the window, letting the air in. "What are you doing here?" She asked without further ado, but he was concentrating on looking both ways, afraid that someone would come out of nowhere. But his eyes finally landed on Eden's insistent ones.
He gave cute eyes, making her frown. "Hey. . ." Eden tilted her head to the side, not daring to speak until he explained his arrival. "Can— Can you let me in? The police are on my ass."
She didn't have time to respond, her eyes widening as John B stepped through the window, clutching his left hip. Eden stared at him with confusion, seeing the wounds on his arms as well as the blood staining his peach pink t-shirt. "Did you. . . Do this to yourself while trying to climb up to my father's office on a ladder, or while running from the cops?"
A groan of pain came from between his teeth, his hand still on the wound. "A bit of both."
"Wow." She sighed ironically, closing the window again. "You are not Tom Cruise."
It was his turn to frown, sitting down on the couch that was set up in the back of the room. "Who?"
Eden raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Okay. . . Your knowledge of cinema is very low." He just stood there, the same expression on his face. "Tom Cruise is the guy who does crazy stuff in his movies."
"Movies. You have your answer why I'm not a pro. It's movies, his stuff. I am in real life."
She looked up at the white ceiling at his response, rolling her eyes, a sneer on her lips, then headed for the next bathroom to fetch the first aid kit. When she returned, John B was rummaging through the box where Denmark Tanny's picture was lying around. Her eyes went down to the wounds, and she started to move towards him, not wanting to be mesmerized by his perfect torso anymore.
"C'mon, dude." She snapped him out of his thoughts, gently tapping his shoulder.
John B opened his eyes wide, going to sit on the sofa. Anguish grew on him as he saw the alcohol to clean the wound. "Wait. Are you sure you know how to do this?"
Eden shrugged with amusement in her eyes. "Nope. We'll find out together."
"Cool. . ." He hummed in concern.
She poured the alcohol on a small cotton ball, and her eyes turned to him. His Adam's apple popped out a little as his head fell back, his eyes closed. "Okay. Get your t-shirt up. I'm going in—"
John B opened his eyes again, about to stop her. "I should put something in—"
"Now."
A loud male scream came out of his mouth, then the alcohol stinged on his wound, the burn of the product spreading through his body.
Eden put her hand with strength and determination on his lips, making him shut up. "Dude! Don't make a sound, my mother is here."
"Sorry, but you didn't tell me the count to three."
She giggled, not serious seeing him react like that. "Oh, my bad. I didn't know you still needed my famous count to three."
He groaned, holding back his pain as Eden's fingernails worked their way over each of the wounds, examining them with narrowed eyes, finding every detail that needed fixing. She took silver pliers, approaching it to a wound and removing the small rock that was inserted into it. John B's hand reached for hers, slapping it like a kid. She looked up at him, her mouth hanging open.
"What the f—"
"Sorry. Sorry. Just. . ." He said quickly, moving his hand away. Eden went back down her eyes towards his chest, wiping the blood which flowed from them. "What's in the box?" He ended up asking, receiving a weak sigh from Eden.
She put the pliers in the case, taking more alcohol on her cotton. "This is another letter I received last night."
John B kept his eyes open, growling between his words. "And— And what did it say?"
"Uh. . . Some things about Denmark Tanny. It says he's the founder of Tannyhill. Nothing really important."
"Wasn't he, like, a slave?"
Eden nodded, weighing the cotton on the wounds on the arm. "Actually, yes. But in the letter it says he got super rich. With gold."
John B's eyes took their place on Eden's concentrated face, which was still playing between the cotton pads and the pliers. "Gold?"
"Mmh-mh." She grumbled, before being interrupted by him who got up suddenly, heading for the box. "Hey, climber, I'm not done with you."
She followed him, seeing him take a sheet out of his bag. She laid her body next to him, their shoulder brushing against each other but their eyes were only resting on the list of names that paraded in front of them. "He was on the Royal Merchant. But. . . There was no survivors."
"My God. . ." She sighed. "Ghosts actually exist!"
He turned to her, their faces inches from each other. "Ghosts don't exist, Eden."
She took a step back, crossing her arms. "So how do you explain that, huh? Reincarnation?"
"I— I don't know." He confessed, scratching his forehead to think. She shook her head, then bent down just a little, lifted his shirt again, and placed a bandage over the wound. "What else did it say in the letter?"
"Uh, it was about Chapel Hill. And then I made the connection with the Camerons. Sarah often told me about what they found when they moved into their house." She explained, picking up her bag and placing it over her left shoulder. "I'm just going, so, I don't like kicking people out of my house but. . . You're going to have to leave and become a fugitive again, John B."
"I'm coming with you." He made her understand with a sentence, making her stop in her tracks, her eyes already filled with refusals. "C'mon. I'll point out that we're on the same treasure hunt, pretty girl."
"I'm only going there to see if there's anything to do with my father's disappearance." She admitted, shrugging like it was obvious.
John B nodded, taking his bag too, having an idea in mind. "Except we both know you'll get lost if you go alone." She rolled her eyes, knowing full well he was right. It's not like she's ever been lost in her own house. . .
She watched him approach her, picking up the box from the desk, and slipping it into her bag slung over her shoulder. "I hate you." Eden mumbled through her lips, not even a little smirk showing up there.
He smiled, happy that his charm still worked on Eden. She shook her head, smiling in turn before walking past him, slapping his fragile chest. He closed in on himself, pursing his lips. "That wasn't totally necessary."
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STOPPING IN FRONT OF SARAH'S HOUSE, Eden felt a ball forming in her lower abdomen but also in her throat where she was trapped. She didn't want to fall on Rafe, she didn't even wanted to be in front of this house. Her heart raced for no reason, as her eyes fixed on a person coming out from behind the house. Her eyes widened as she instinctively leaned back in her seat. John B frowned, staring at her in confusion like every time she did something weird.
He leaned towards her, whispering, "What are you doing? We don't have all day."
John B still had no idea that it was Rafe who gave her those red marks the night he found her on the sidewalk. He also has no idea that it was because of Rafe that she asked him if she was his toy. He didn't know, but he suspected it. He suspected it when he saw ( when he was working ) that Eden doesn't see much of the Kooks anymore. That she spend her days at home. And the word Rafe never comes out of her mouth. In fact, she often avoids talking about the Kooks in front of him. Eden just avoids making things go wrong, but it rarely works.
"That's Rafe," She said, "I don't want to see him. Damn it."
John B put his gaze on the silhouette of Rafe who suddenly advanced towards Eden's car ( Yasmina's in fact ). "I can go if you want."
Eden took the proposal in mind, but refused, knowing that it would turn out badly if there was. "No, it's fine. Just hide, okay? If he sees you, it's death for both of us."
He accepted with a nod, and lowered himself as much as possible in his seat. Eden took a deep breath, and opened the door suddenly. She already felt Rafe's greatness come to rest in front of her, but she paid him no attention. "Hey, Eden! Wait!"
She shook her head. "I don't have time for you. I have to go see Sarah." Rafe huffed, taking two big steps. He took Eden by the wrist, but was quickly pushed away by a slap from her on it. "I don't have time for you, I told you."
"Yeah, I know. Look, I— I don't know what happened to make you hate me so much, but I'm sorry, all right?" He said, while Eden looked at him with fury in her eyes, but also with sadness.
Why was she sad? She didn't want to be sad. She wants to feel rage for him. Like she wanted to feel rage for her mother when she was a child
Rafe ran his hand over Eden's arm, making her take a step back. "We just have to forget, okay?"
No response came from her mouth. She would have liked to yell at him, tell him to go to hell. Eden would have liked to show him what she saw in his eyes that evening. But she couldn't because it was too big a role for her. Although she can become anyone she wants in two seconds, being the villain who physically harms others was not a role she wanted to play. She didn't want to play the role her mother played.
"Eden!" A voice yelled out. Rafe turned, seeing his sister coming towards them. Sarah gave them a smile, landing next to Eden. "I have what you asked. And, uh, it's a girls' talk."
Rafe frowned, but before the gaze of the two girls he ended up sighing, "Whatever. See you soon, Eden."
She gave no smile. Nothing. Because there was nothing for him.
Sarah rolled her eyes before turning to Eden, taking her hand and depositing the pass in it. "There for you. Are you sure you want to go alone?"
"Actually. . . Someone forced me to bring him with me."
Sarah crossed her eyebrows, "Him?"
Eden nodded before making a sign to John B to lower his window. He smiled, cocking his head. "Hi, Sar!"
"Are you serious? Are you taking Mr. who is fleeing from the cops?"
Eden gasped like John B, "You saw him?"
"Yeah. That was ridiculously funny."
John B scoffed, getting out of the car. "Thank you, thank you."
Eden rolled her eyes, before feeling an arm pass over her shoulders. She stiffened instantly, but when she saw John B, her body went limp. "We'll go, but thank you, S. Really." She smiled gently before Eden continued, "Could you cover for me? I told my mother I was going to your house."
"Sure. But don't do any stupidity. And hurry, the boat will leave soon."
John B swore, "Shit. She's right. We have to go right now!"
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YASMINA WOULD SURELY KILL EDEN AND JOHN B if she saw them going 80 km/h in a 60 km/h ring, but she wasn't there. And the two teenagers had to hurry since the ferry was leaving in less than five minutes. Eden was currently clinging to everything that was close to her while John B was spinning the steering wheel in all directions, and pressing on the engine even harder.
But he eventually stopped, causing the tires to brake. Their bodies jerked forward, but they ended up slamming backwards against the seat. John B immediately unbuckled his seat belt, then his hand went straight for the car door, swinging it open. Eden stood there, her eyes closed as her teeth were clenched in a line tackled. Her hands were hooked to her belt when she heard the passenger door open.
She looked up at him, gasping. "You almost killed us, idiot!" He didn't take the time to answer, and insisted on leaving, taking her by the wrist. "It's okay. I'm coming. Calm down."
John B contented himself with running towards the kiosk where a guy was picking up his backpack. "No, no, no."
"Shit," Eden said when she understood.
"Hey, excuse me, sir? Wait, wait. Are you sold out?" The Routledge boy hastened to ask, his hands slipping over the kiosk where the ferry tickets were sold.
"Sorry, kids." The man replied, shrugging his shoulders before walking away from them, just leaving them with their curses.
John B's head fell on the booth platform, muttering, "God damn it. Oh, shit."
Eden nodded, but not in a good way. She tried to come up with an idea. "Uh. . . This is crap. We— We really have to go."
He sighed, running his hand through his hair while his eyes were busy looking for the slightest solution that would point the tip of his nose. "Hey, follow me. Got an idea." He said, taking her hand in his, dragging her between people all dressed in green flashy suits.
"You have an idea? Great. We're screwed."
He shook his head. "Tugboat. You know what it is?" She looked at him with the greatest of confused looks. "We're going to get on that. It's the only way."
Eden fake laughed, "Ha, ha. It's not true. You can't be serious."
He declined what she had just said with a wave of his hand. "Gotta trust me, pretty girl. I got this. These are my people. Just wait." He concluded.
"Yeah. All right. Let's go, JB. You got this." She almost whispered, a smirk on her lips. He raised his eyebrows, telling her with his gaze that he was going to make it. Eden sat down on a wooden box, her feet no longer touching the ground while her brown eyes went towards the brunette who was advancing towards a man, looking certain and sure of himself.
"Hey, Cap! So, question for you. . . Um, look, me and my girlfriend really need to get on this boat, man. We lost our child. Can we hop on?" Eden looked at him stupidly and discouraged by what she had just heard.
"Just— Just help a boyfriend out. She's gonna kill me." He added, now pointing to the girl in the distance who gave him a discreet middle finger.
John B continued to talk to the captain, but he only received repeated no's. "Thanks for nothing." He said anyway, a nice smile spreading on his face, but he quickly disappeared when he saw Eden looking at him with fun marking all over her face.
She frowned, shrugging. "So, mastermind?"
"Um. . . So. . ." He moved his head from left to right, knowing against the fact that she was going to laugh at him. "They're booked."
"Oh! Oh, no. They are not good people for you, John B."
Shrugging, he blurted, "What, you have a better idea maybe?"
She smiled, nodding her head. "Uh. . . Totally. Take a cue."
He frowned in an amused line, seeing her look to either side and pick up two yellow jackets that were lying around without any owners. They put down their bag, put them on, and took the first tanks at their feet. Their silhouette passed between some people, but as luck would have it, no one seemed to care about them. John B therefore followed Eden who embarked on the boat as if nothing. They put down their tank, and their feet suddenly rushed to go faster.
"Gotta go down to the engine room. C'mon." John B scouted, hearing voices approaching them, warning that the boat was soon to start off. So he put his hand around Eden's waist, forcing her to move faster.
"Sorry." She huffed, but he continued to hold her waist, pushing her forward faster. "Stop pushing me."
They took a few more steps before opening a door and sneaking into the engine room. The red lights floated above their heads as John B motioned for Eden to be quiet until the men stopped talking. She lifted her head, looking around as John B walked over to her, watched her slump in front of him. A sudden movement made them move in a heavy movement, procuring them cling to each other.
John B's arms came to encircle Eden's waist, as she pointed her hand behind his neck, holding on. "Whoa. Okay. . ." She hummed, her eyes falling on John B who was staring at her. The heat that was already bursting into the room came to arrange itself specially between them. Their chests made only one which beat rather quickly, made them breathe quickly too. But Eden took a deep breath, pulling away from John B's grip, saying with a smile, "We're moving."
"Ye— Yeah." He stuttered before his hand went to Eden's hand, slamming them together in a proud movement.
They looked at each other for a moment, their brown eyes each mingling, forming one and only melting chocolate in their gaze. Eden curved her rosy lips into an awkward smile, then moved to the left, finding a place to sit down. Her bag fell by itself to the ground. John B came and sat on the floor, resting his bag on the bench like a pillow, then laid his head on it slowly.
"So. . . We're stuck here for an hour at least. What do you want to do?" Eden asked with a soft voice.
John B declined, "Nothing. We're taking advantage of it to sleep."
"As if you could sleep in a heat like that." She provoked, the heat already disposing in the room like a ray of sunshine shining on the flowers. "You wanna play a game?"
John B knew what he was about to ask was probably wrong. But the curiosity that grew inside him every day, hoping to know who had hurt Eden the other night, was becoming unbearable. "We're playing a game on one condition."
"What is it?"
He moistened his lips, and a sigh came from between his lips, "I want you to tell me if it's true what I'm going to tell you."
"Uh. . . Yeah. Okay. Shoot, tell me." She accepted, still suspicious.
John B ran his hand through his hair, straightening up a little so he could look at her in the eye. He cleared his throat while Eden's preoccupied eyes looked at him insistently but patiently. "Is there something weird with Rafe?" She frowned, waiting for the continuation but she already knew what it was going to fall on. "Um, because with— with what I saw today, you and Rafe, I mean. . . I can take it he was the one who gave you the red marks."
She was left with the same expression on her face. "What tell you that?"
"Your movements. How you walk away from him, how you talk to him, too."
Eden stared at a red dot in the cabin, her eyes not moving more than an inch. "You don't need an answer about that. And it's none of your business. We're on a mission."
"Actually. . . Yes. I need one. 'Cause if you don't prove it to me with your words, then for me it's wrong. I need to hear you say it. Is he. . . He did this to you, Eden?" His voice was just a sweetness mixed with the desire to hear the truth.
Eden sighed, then took a deep breath. She put her hands on her knees, contenting herself about making another scene in front of him. "I deserved it in reality. One day karma had to fall on me. Nothing can be perfect for eternity, you know. I wanted to enter the in-between again, and look what it has do. But it got me. Karma caught up with me even when I ran as fast as I could." Her corners of eyes become sore, her tears remain in their herds, not moving until Eden gives the signal. "You know, sometimes I think I have everything under control, and I succeeded a quarter of the time. But there is always him, who comes to stand in front of me. Forcing me to stop my game."
"And. . . And why you don't stop?" He asked not sure, but seeing her starting, she wasn't going to stop.
Eden shrugged, swallowing hard. "You see, when you're a Kook, you're caught in this little bubble that prevents you from doing anything but lying. There are those who manage to be themselves, they make themselves accepted. But there are others who have been part of the Cut since they were born. And they had to play the role of a little bitch who doesn't care about anything. But, Rafe Cameron managed to see the innocent Eden Winslow in me. Then he took advantage of it." She finally moved her eyes from their fixed point, sending him a fake smile filled with the pain that was about to fall. "So, yeah. You're right. But that's not a big deal."
And that's when she realized she had just confessed a tiny little part of her life as a Kook to John B. Maybe that was the plan all along. Her thoughts had already been preparing for that moment when she would confess things to him. And it is happening. Then strangely, it was not as hard as she thought since it was John B. The boy who followed her every evening, bringing her home. The boy who asked her every time if she was okay before they made a mistake. Eden was never going to be afraid with him. But the shame will still spread through every part of her body when she talks about her pain.
Because for her, pain wasn't just pain. Pain was what made people feel the sweetest. Which showed their weakness, but also their strength. Eden didn't need her sadness to come between her and John B to make things even more difficult. She didn't want him to look at her like the others look at her when she cries. With disgust. She wanted to keep the look that said he hated her, even if that hurts, too.
Then rage curdled his throat, not wanting to tell her that she should have warned him before, he just remained silent for a moment before speaking, "Why do you let them see you like this and not like you really are?"
Eden wiped away the hot tear resting on her red cheek. "Because the old Eden would never have been with the Kooks. There are two girls who reign in this heart," She said, pointing at her chest in circles. "The kind girl is for the Pogues. Well. . . I try to be. And the bad girl who doesn't think of others is for people who doesn't think of others."
"I think I prefer the kind Eden. Is that normal?" He asked gently, relaxing the atmosphere.
She simply shrugged. "I think it's almost normal."
"You know, Rafe is an asshole." He confessed, returning to the main subject. "Like, the biggest asshole on earth. He belittles you and hurts you. You deserve better than that." His hand found fixation on her knee, and his eyes locked on Eden. "You can't continue to be with him and pretend like nothing happened."
"So what? You want me to have my revenge?"
John B shook his head. "No. It's not you. But end it. End the Kook's bullshit. And Rafe's bullshit. Just— Just be yourself."
Silence spread all of a sudden in the room, making Eden feel bad as if she had just opened the biggest treasure chest, but nothing was worth talking about. So she spent the next five minutes playing with her rings around her fingers which left little blue marks. Her breathing was heavy from the heat entering her lungs, trapping her. As John B took off his
t-shirt, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead, flipping it backwards.
"We can play your game now."
Eden made a warm chuckle sound in John B's ears, making him look up at her. "There was no game. I just wanted to piss you off. And knowing your stupid question."
"If this was a stupid question, and there was no game. . . Why did you answer me?" He questioned, frowning as Eden's shoulders rose and fell. "You didn't have to."
Eden smiled kindly, not even resenting him for asking another question. "Because it's my way of thanking you for helping me. You had a right to know. An ex-best friend sometimes needs to make up for lost time. With what I just told you, you learned some more than the Kooks in ten months."
John B looked at her for a moment. He didn't want Eden confiding in him just to thank him or anything. He wanted her to talk to him when she felt ready. When she was so under too much pressure that he would be the first one she would turn to to talk to. But what he didn't know, was exactly what had just happened. Eden exploded the lump in her throat. She wasn't totally ready, but the good it did for her touched her heart. Showing her that it's not just made of stones.
"Uh. . . Can I ask you something?" Eden said, lowering her gaze to him.
"Yeah. Anything."
Chuckling, she frowns trying to guess the answer to her question herself. "Why the cops were chasing you?"
"Ah," he hummed. He swallowed, then gritted his teeth. "Um, they wanted to send me to foster care. I ran away. The only solution."
See, it's in these moments like this that Eden tells herself that her problems are only a grain of rice in front of those of others. John B no longer has any relatives, and they want to send him to a foster family in an unknown place. Which would mean goodbye to his friends and his memories. And also the Chateau. Eden didn't have to go through that when she lost her father.
She passed her hand over her face. "And you thought coming to my house was more. . . Safe?"
He shrugged, tilting his head to the side to see her. "Look at the good point. We're going to Chapel Hill together to look for clues about your father. Or the Royal Merchant. Well, anything that binds treasure."
"I thought that was the bad point, actually." She joked, making him roll her eyes in an exasperating movement. "You must have known that going on an adventure with me was probably the worst idea of your life, Routledge."
"Certainly, Winslow."
Only the drops of heat that flowed from her forehead kept her awake while John B began after ten minutes to slowly fall asleep. She let her eyes trail down his relaxed features and the red light illuminated every muscle on his bare chest.
Although she herself hates being disturbed when she tries to sleep, she always liked asking John B questions when he was about to fall asleep in a deep dream. "Hey, John B, I have another question."
"Ugh, what?"
"Do you. . . Miss your dad? Like, sometimes you just think about him for an hour. Or every time you eat, I don't know. . . Like, apples, it reminds you of him."
He didn't even bother to open his eyes. "Every day."
"Yeah. Same."
"Hey, you know how whales make those deep noises? It's like a. . ." He mimed the noise, which sounded more like a growl.
She smiled, seeing him do it. "Yeah?"
John B plastered a smile on his lips in turn. "That's how. . . Other whales hear each other across the ocean, and I know this sounds really weird, but, uh. . ." A pause appeared between them, while Eden stared at him without judging him. "I can hear him calling to me. . . Like he needs my help."
"Is that why you're here with me today?"
He looked up at her, seeing two stars flying in her eyes. "I want to finish what he started. Like that. . . If he's really dead, well, I managed to impress him one last time."
Sometimes Eden had the impression of seeing her reflection in John B's eyes. There were so many things they had in common, that they had gone through together when they were younger. Eden was just seeing herself when he was talking about his father. Because it was the same for her.
He cleared his throat. "But, uh— no. Actually, I'm sure he's still alive."
"Even if he is or not. . . I'm pretty sure he's proud of you."
John B didn't answer, and just lay there with his eyes closed. She didn't expect answers from him. Eden just wanted to prove to him that she was still there, if he needed to talk. It always has been, but never show it.
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authors note: BIG CONVERSATION!! eden is not really the type to open up to people, she thinks her pain is worth nothing. but I wanted to show that she still has a big heart towards the people who help her. john b helped her, which is why she opened up to him without telling him too much. She just gave her point of view :))
and please, someone help me to stop the sadness with eden. i just give her more & more & more sadness every chapters 😭
anywayyyy, hope you liked it!! ( and I had to cut this chapter in two parts otherwise there would have been like 15k words ) the next chapters gonna be more happier and
funnier <3
love you and take care of yourself !! :)