Joel Miller made you feel like a teenager again.
Obsessively checking your phone, trying to find any excuse to see him, trying to catch his attention.
He made you feel desperate, and you hated it.
After your encounter in the kitchen, Joel was extremely distant. You'd wondered for days if you'd done something wrong, replaying the last night you'd seen him in your head.
Were you too desperate? Had it turned him off? You thought about that night over and over, trying to remember if he'd acted weird.
You'd spent so many days glued to your phone, waiting for a text, until you decided to text him first.
You clicked on your message thread, reading the last conversation. You typed out a simple "Hey" and pressed send, then nervously tossing your phone to the side.
You plucked a book from your bedside table and relaxed on top of your comforter. You dove into the book, reading the sappy romance about an author who fell in love with her childhood best friend.
The book was sweet, but you couldn't focus on the story. Your mind compared your relationship with Joel to what you were reading. Your heart stung as you imagined a life with Joel.
You imagined him cooking dinner for you, or walking down the street holding your hand, or kissing you in public. You would never be able to do any of those things.
You wondered what would happen if you told your dad. Would he really kill you and Joel? Of course not. But would he allow the two of you to be in a relationship...?
Your phone buzzed beside you, and you slammed you book shut, scrambling to answer it. Joel's name filled your screen.
"Hello?"
There was a pause before he spoke. "Your dad home?" You peeked outside, searching for your dads truck.
"Don't think so, why?" More silence.
"I'm comin' over, be there in a bit." Click.
What the fuck?
You scrambled around you room, throwing the random loose articles of clothes into your hamper, picking up anything that would be embarrassing for a grown man to see. You checked your appearance and ultimately decided to take your hair out of the bun that sat atop your head. Finally, after days of not hearing from Joel, you would get to see him.
And this time, no one would be around.
You did wonder, though, why he chose to come to your house. It seemed to be a very risky option, but you chose not to question his decision. You were still rushing around your room when you heard a faint knock on the front door, stopping you in your tracks.
When you pulled back the door, you were half expecting Joel to rush in and grab you, but instead he wore a frown, his eyes searing into your skin. "Need to talk to you. Can I come in?"
Something was wrong. Had Sara found out what was going on? Had your father? Surely not, because you and Joel were still alive. You could feel a change in the air- Joel was usually a reserved man, but this was different. The look on his eyes, the way he shuffled around the room and awkwardly sat next to you at the kitchen table- he had bad news.
"What's wrong Joel?" Your voice wavered, and your leg subconsciously bounced nervously. Joel pinched the bridge of his nose, hesitating before speaking. He ran his hands through his hair, avoiding eye contact.
"Look, I've been thinkin'.. and this ain't easy.." his voiced trailed off. Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest.
"What, Joel?"
Another heavy sigh. "Don't know how to say this.." he wrung his hands nervously. You'd never seen him this way. Usually a confident man, Joel seemed so unsure of himself, nervous even.
"I don't think we should keep seein' each other."
There it was. His words sucked the wind out of you, and you were sure your heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Panic rose in your chest as your hands started to shake.
"N..no, Joel don't say that." You choked on your words, fighting back tears. His face looked pained as he finally looked into your eyes, and it was clear this was not an easy decision for him. His lips sat in a deep frown, creasing his forehead.
"I know, but we can't keep.. I just... what we're doin' is dangerous. Somebody's gonna find out 'n then I lose you and my best friend. Can't have that."
The tears that welled up in your eyes clouded your vision. You blinked them away, feeling a hot tear streak down your face.
"You're not going lose anybody Joel. Just.. just..." your voice trailed off as he placed his hand on top of yours.
"Look. It's better we break it off now, before anybody catches feelings. We can just go back to how it was before."
A sharp pain pierced your heart.
Of course Joel didn't have feelings for you, you hooked up once and sucked his dick a few times. You were just a casual hookup. Some dumb kid who fawned over him, and moved way too fast.
That was it, you'd scared him off. The tears freely fell now, and you didn't care to brush them away.
"Get out."
The only noise that filled the house was the hum of the dryer and the ticking clock that sat on the wall in the kitchen. You watched the look of confusion on his face as you stood up.
"Get out Joel." Your head was swimming, and a wave of nausea passed over you.
He slowly stood up, opening his mouth to speak. "I-"
"Get the fuck out Joel." Your heart stung as you spat the words at him through clenched teeth. You watched him turn away and walk out the door without looking back.
-
You'd been sad over boys in your life before, but this was a different type of hurt. You'd known Joel for half your life, and while you hadn't always had a romantic connection with him, he'd always been an important person to you.
So when you told him to get the fuck out of your house a month ago, it hurt just as bad as a breakup.
Maybe you'd gotten attached too fast. Maybe the idea of being with him was why you were so hurt.
A whole month passed and you didn't see Joel. Not at your house or his, not at the grocery store, not passing on the street, not even in his front yard. You'd given Sara a bunch of bullshit reasons why you couldn't come over, and you'd only hoped she believed them. You didn't want to lose her too, but you had shut yourself up in your room, not really going anywhere or seeing anyone.
Your father definitely noticed. For the first week, he tried to get information out of you. When that failed, he resorted to trying to get you out of the house. You always turned him down, feeling guilty every time.
By the third week of your self-isolation, you broke. You hadn't spoken to Joel at all, and you couldn't take it anymore.
You
"Can we talk?"
You stared at the text for days after you sent it, and each day that passed with no response, the angrier you got.
You replayed the day Joel broke things off in your head.
"It's better we break it off before anyone catches feelings"
You cursed at yourself for thinking you and Joel could be something serious. Of course you couldn't. But was it so wrong to want to be with him?
After another week of no response from Joel, you sat in bed reading your old texts. Anger being the only emotion you could feel, you texted him again, telling yourself this would be the final time.
You
"Fuck you Joel."
You honestly felt a little better, as if telling him to fuck off was your way of ridding yourself of him. But there was a void that yearned to be filled, and you were only human.
The first time you went out after Joel broke things off actually ended up being fun. You'd gone out with some old friends and gotten pretty wasted, throwing up in some guys car.
You'd gotten home from the bar pretty late, stumbling up the stairs, trying not to wake up your father. You thought about texting Joel, but as you scrolled through your messages, your eyes landed on Thomas' name. The last time he'd texted you was when you were on vacation.
You clicked on his name, bringing up all of the texts you'd ignored for months. Something in the back of your head told you that it was a bad idea, but your pushed it back and texted him anyways.
Your phone rang an hour later. Hoping it was Joel, you dropped what you were doing and ran to answer it. To your surprise, Thomas' name lit up the screen.
"Thomas?"
He let out a sleepy laugh, making your stomach flutter. You missed that laugh.
"You texted me. Took you long enough. What happened, you and your boyfriend broke up?" His tone was playful, but his arrogance reminded you why the two of you broke up.
"No, Thomas, I don't have a boyfriend." You weren't as drunk as you had been earlier in the night, but the liquor still made your head spin.
"Okay, so what's up mama?" There it was. Your heart jumped at the name he used to call you, your face reddening.
You let out a sigh, unsure of what to tell him. "Dunno, guess I figured I should stop ignoring you."
Talking to him again brought back so many memories, both good and bad. He'd been a good boyfriend, but he had a wandering eye that got him into trouble.
"I miss you." His words made your heart wrench. You knew talking to him was a bad idea, but years of happy memories came flooding back, your brain conveniently forgetting everything he'd ever done wrong.
"You're just trying to win me back." Everything in your body told you that you were making a mistake, that this would just end like it had the last time- but you ignored all of the logic.
"Maybe I am. What if I took you on a date?"
Don't do it. Say no, you can tell him no.
"Fine. One date, and if you fuck up, that's it." You could feel him smiling- you'd finally given in.
"All I need is one date."
....................................................................................
Author's Note
I fear you guys will hate me for this chapter 😭
Buuuut I wanted to thank you guys for the love on this story, we're almost at 1k views (which is crazy to me!?!?)
Anyways I just want to talk to you guys more, so tell me who your favorite Pedro character is!! Mine is Javier Peña😋
Much love 🫶🏼🫶🏼