Dear Diary,
It's been a whole month since I made the difficult decision to leave everything behind. I left the person I thought would always be by my side, and it still hurts so much when I allow myself to dwell on it.
But you know what? I'm learning to live life on my own terms now. I'm no longer dependent on anyone else. However, I can't deny that I miss the warmth and love I used to feel from my loved ones.
Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about going back, but deep down, I know I don't want to get hurt again. I'm just not ready to face anyone, especially my mother. I fear her disappointment, and it breaks my heart to think of letting her down.
It's also been a month since I received the devastating news of losing my precious baby. I never got the chance to hold my child in my arms or even know if it was a boy or a girl. The dream of becoming a mother was taken away from me, and the pain is unbearable. It feels like I could rip the whole world apart, but I'm slowly finding a way to make peace with myself.
Closing my diary today brings a bit of relief to my heart. The pain has eased a little, and I feel a sense of release. I know the hurt won't disappear completely, but I'm starting to believe that I can heal.
Until we meet again, dear diary, I'll continue taking one step at a time on this journey of self-discovery. I'll find my own strength and learn to embrace the person I'm becoming, even in the midst of heartache.
Yours sincerely,
Maria.
.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.
As much as Maria was able to order food for herself in the hotel she stayed at, she still yearned for more. She craved to venture beyond the four walls that enclosed her, to immerse herself in new experiences and embrace a different environment. The desire to explore was overwhelming, urging her to break free from the routine of her solitude.
With each passing day, as Maria picked up her phone, she found herself bombarded by a stream of continuous messages. Notifications, alerts, and reminders competed for her attention, making her feel even more disconnected from the world outside. The constant influx of digital noise served as a stark contrast to her longing for tranquillity and genuine human connection.
Nevertheless, Maria remained determined to break free from the shackles of her past and the seemingly endless distractions of the present. She knew that she needed to create space for herself, to find a balance between the demands of the virtual world and her own personal growth. The messages would have to wait; she needed to prioritize her own well-being.
ᴀ ʏᴇᴀʀ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ
Maria reached for her phone and removed her old SIM card, replacing it with the new one she had acquired moments ago. Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she dialed a number that was etched in her memory, a number she knew all too well.
"Hello, whom am I speaking to?" came the familiar voice on the other end.
"Good afternoon, Mom." Maria managed to speak, her voice filled with emotions. She knew she had to confront this conversation head-on, despite the anxiety coursing through her veins.
"Maria, is that you? Where have you been? Why did you leave like that? Where are you?" Her mother's voice brimmed with concern and urgency, bombarding her with a flurry of questions.
Maria found herself momentarily speechless, tears welling up in her eyes as she realized how much she had missed her mother's presence.
"Hello? Maria, can you hear me? Hello?" her mother's voice trailed off with worry.
"Mom, I can hear you," Maria managed to reply, her voice choked with emotion. She took a moment to gather herself before continuing. "Mom, I've missed you so much. How is everyone?"
There was a pause on the other end of the line, as her mother absorbed Maria's voice. The silence seemed to stretch on, filled with unspoken longing and the ache of separation.
"Everyone is fine, Maria," her mother finally responded, her voice carrying a mixture of relief and concern. "Please come back home. We are all worried about you. John, he's been so sad. He misses you terribly. Please, my dear, come back."
Maria felt her heart twist with a pang of guilt and a surge of longing for the familiar embrace of family. However, she knew deep within herself that returning home was not the right path for her.
"I will not be coming back, Mom," Maria replied, her voice gentle yet firm. "I called today to check on you, to let you know that I'm okay."
Her mother's voice trembled with a mix of desperation and worry. "Why would you do that, Maria? You're a woman, alone, in who knows where. Do you know how dangerous it is? Please, come back home this minute!"
Maria took a moment to steady herself, her voice filled with conviction as she responded, "No, Mom. You can't change my mind. And as for the danger, I can assure you that I am safe. I'm finding my own path, exploring the world, and discovering myself in the process. It's not easy, but I'm determined to follow this journey."
There was a heavy silence on the line, as Maria's words sank in. She knew her mother was concerned, frightened for her safety, and desperately longing for her return. Yet, Maria also knew that she had to honor her own journey, even if it meant facing her mother's worries and disapproval.
"I also called to let you know that I am divorcing John. I no longer wish to be with him. I have made my decision, and nothing can change my mind," Maria declared, her words carrying a mix of resolution and sorrow.
"Maria, have you thought carefully about this? But-" her mother began, her voice filled with a mix of concern and hesitation.
"There are no 'buts,' Mom. I have made up my mind. I decided to share this with you so that you won't be caught off guard when the news spreads," Maria interrupted, her voice resolute yet tinged with a hint of sadness.
Her mother sighed audibly, struggling to find the right words. "I really don't know what to say. In the end, the decision is yours to make. I can only wish you well."
"Thank you, Mom. I'll call when I can, and please don't share my new number with anyone," Maria requested, her voice filled with a mix of gratitudes and caution.
With those final words, Maria ended the call, her heart heavy with the weight of her choices. She knew that her decision to pursue divorce and continue forging her own path would not be easily understood or accepted. However, she remained steadfast, determined to navigate the challenges ahead and find her own happiness, even if it meant braving the unknown alone.
After her conversation with her mother, Maria's heart yearned for the connection she once had with her best friend, Charlotte. It had been a whole year since they last spoke, and Maria couldn't help but feel like a negligent friend. However, deep down, she knew that Charlotte would understand her reasons and not hold onto anger for too long. Gathering her resolve, Maria dialed Charlotte's number, hoping for understanding and forgiveness.
The phone rang for a few tense seconds before Charlotte finally answered the call. "Hello, who is this?" her best friend asked, her voice tinged with a mix of surprise and frustration.
"Um, hi. It's me, Maria," Maria replied, her voice filled with a blend of anticipation and apprehension.
"Maria? Maria, where the fuck have you been? It's been a whole year! I tried your number several times, and it wasn't going through. I even messaged you! Why did you disappear like that?" Charlotte's voice poured out in a torrent of questions, reflecting the worry and frustration that had accumulated over the long silence.
Maria took a moment to collect herself, understanding the depth of Charlotte's emotions. "Charlotte, calm down, will you?" she implored, hoping to ease the tension in their conversation.
"Maria, don't tell me to calm down. You disappeared without a reason and left everyone worried about you. Where the fuck are you?" Charlotte's voice trembled with a mix of frustration and concern.
"Charlotte, please, let me breathe, will you?" Maria requested, her own voice carrying a blend of weariness and vulnerability.
There was a pregnant pause on the line as Charlotte let out a deep breath, seemingly gathering herself. "Sorry for all the questions. But you should understand. How are you? Where are you at?" Charlotte inquired, her voice softer and tinged with genuine worry.
"I am fine, thank you. I am safe. That's all you need to know," Maria reassured her friend, hoping to alleviate some of the anxiety that had built up between them.
"Maria, I am so worried about you. Why did you even leave? Tell me, please," Charlotte pleaded, her voice reflecting her genuine concern.
Maria's mind briefly flickered back to the painful memory of losing her pregnancy, but she swiftly pushed the thought aside. "Um, hello?" Charlotte's voice brought her back to the present.
"I'm here. I just needed a change of scenery, you know? I grew tired of everything and everyone around me," Maria explained, her voice carrying a mix of weariness and longing for something new.
"That's understandable. But you'll still come back, right?" Charlotte asked, her voice filled with a mix of hope and longing.
"I don't know yet. I'll know when the time comes," Maria replied honestly, unsure of what the future held for her.
"Okay. I've missed you so much, Maria," Charlotte expressed, her voice filled with a mixture of relief and longing.
"I have missed you too," Maria responded sincerely, feeling a surge of warmth and familiarity as they reconnected.
From that point on, Maria and Charlotte delved into a deep conversation, catching up on each other's lives and sharing stories. It was a balm for Maria's soul, a reminder of the connection and support she had been missing. For the first time in a while, Maria felt a sense of belonging and authenticity, knowing that her friendship with Charlotte was a cherished bond that would weather any storm.
As they laughed, reminisced, Maria's heart began to mend, and she realized that no matter how far she wandered, there were still those who would welcome her back with open arms. In Charlotte's presence, Maria found solace and comfort. Their conversation flowed effortlessly, as if the year long absence had never occurred.
꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎
I'm looking for suggestions as I'm running out of ideas. Updates will be slow due to school. Your comments are appreciated. Let's engage in an interactive discussion. Thank you for your support.
ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs, ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʀᴇsᴘᴏɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪᴛ.
1. Can you relate to Maria's experiences of starting a new life and leaving everything behind?
2. How have supportive relationships played a role in your own life during challenging times?
3. Share a personal experience where a friend's support made a difference to you.
4. Have you ever felt the need for self-discovery or a change of scenery?